#23f

are there any cis males out there who ship tododeku and/or bakudeku from my hero academia.

23/f This is just going to a pointless rant, if you don’t mind. I think I messed up. The problem isn’t that I messed up, but the fact that idk how to fix it or what to do next. I had an argument with my boyfriend over something REALLY dumb and decided to be petty and stay mad. I became very cold. He tried to reason with me but I didn’t budge. Worst part is that idek why I am upset in the first place. It was completely an irrational feeling I acted on. And I think it’s one of my toxic traits, just being stubborn and not acting on my emotions without completely understanding them an just being very immature sometimes. There are times when I really can’t help it, but this time I could, I was self aware enough. For context, my friend and I were arguing(casually) about this character from a show we both obsess over, we both “wanted” him. Then she brought my boyfriend in to settle the score because he’s really a fair person. He suggested a coin toss and she won. Well I won’t say that’s the reason I’m THIS upset but it definitely was a trigger. I know I’m being really irrational rn. I think I’m just being a sore loser. Well yea, I got very mad at my boyfriend, I guess for being fair. Idk? I’m not sure what I’m upset about. It took a while for him to figure out how mad I actually am, and it kind of annoyed him, obviously. Idk what I want! Why am I so upset? It’s not like I want to actually be with a fictional character, I’m not that obsessed? Plus, it’s not even like I’ve been obsessed with the character for years or anything, literally just a few weeks?  And either the argument wasn’t even a serious one, we’re just fooling around. But for some reason, when I think of my boyfriend now, I just get upset. Am I that much of a sore loser? But I’m not mad at my friend. What am I sad about?! And I’ve done stuff like this before, that’s why he’s annoyed. I get that it can be exhausting. I haven’t been so immature in a while so I thought I’ve gotten better :/ Do I want special treatment? Well I get enough special treatment from him otherwise, can’t expect it all the time. Lol, I literally feel like the devil and the angel in me are arguing rn. God, I just don’t know how to fix this, I’m contradicting myself. How do I get out this constant irrationality? 

hey friend <3 I’ve done this a few times, not with my partner but with friends/family so I can relate a bit! it’s a pretty conflicting and contradictory way to feel, I agree. on the surface it may have felt like pettiness, possibly on a deeper subconscious level it felt a little like betrayal? hence reacting the way you did. it’s all connected with pride and the ego though, and it’s something start to learn to let go of. 

I know I’m answering this a while after you sent it, so I hope things are ok between you and your boyfriend now :* for the future though, if this happens again? say to your boyfriend that you love him lots but you just need a few hrs space to work through the anger. let him know that it’s not about him, that he truly hasn’t done anything wrong, you just need a bit of time to process emotions and to let go of them. communication is key!! and if he knows why you need space and not that you’re not randomly ignoring him, and if he knows that you’re working on overcoming this, then there’s less likely to be friction and tension between the two of you. 

as for how to work on this? sometimes reminding yourself of facts and reality can help you snap out of things. so remind yourself that your boyfriend loves you, pays attention to you, gives you special treatment haha, and cares about you! and that him not agreeing you on something isn’t a sign of betrayal. writing it down on paper can help? that way you have a visual reminder of it all, keep it close by and repeat it out loud 2, 3, 15 times if that’s what it takes for you to believe it. at other times? sometimes not thinking about the situation can help more haha. so maybe that means taking time to meditate, go on a long walk (maybe have a goal to reach 10k steps for the day) and listen to a podcast? something that helps to relax your mind, something that actively calms your emotions, and something that’s a little more engaging than relaxing by watching netflix haha.

it’s not a failure to have toxic personality traits, we all have them?! none of us are perfect, and what’s important is that you’ve acknowledged yours and that you want to work on it. like with most things, this is going to take some time to shift, so try to be patient with yourself. let us know how things go, all the best <33