#20f

AIO: My GF (20F) has been ignoring me (21M) and she's making me feel crazy

I feel insane guys please help me. She has bpd so i'm not sure if she's just overwhelmed or something. For a long time now she's been continuously ignoring me. On the rare occasion she does reply to me it's typically just a thumbs up reaction, if that. The last few days she's been extremely dry and unresponsive and hasn't texted me back for the first time until around 3-4pm. Am i the overreacting??

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (71% confidence)

Top comment: “NOR I think your nervous system is reacting appropriately to the distant vibe that's going on here. Is it possible that there was some triggering event outside of the two of you talking that could've initiated the behavior from them? Or is this a common occurrence?”

Notable explanation: “NOR. She’s being aloof. You’re sharing your feelings (that she feels distant) and she flips that into “you’re mad,” which isn’t actually acknowledging what you’re feeling, but instead, reduces those feelings into an dismissive emotional state. She shows no desire to understand your feelings or talk through them towards mutual understanding. Mind you, I don’t know much about BPD, but it seems she doesn’t have the capacity for a relationship right now. That’s valid, especially when it’s due to a mental health issue. However, it’s probably not fair to either of you to continue a relationship when one or both are not ready and/or lack capacity. I say both because - you might not also have the capacity to be with someone with BPD if there’s no resolve. The aloofness may be a result of childhood trauma, or, it could be the BPD, or both. However, if therapy can’t help make things better, or, she has no desire to find a resolve, then it’s better for both of you to cut your losses.”

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sometimes creating a study group with friends could help with motivation? you could possibly try changing where you study / learn as well -- if you’re normally in your room, maybe move into the lounge area instead? sometimes a change in environment can help improve things too. 

something else that could make a difference, is getting dressed each day! even if you’re not allowed to go anywhere due to lockdowns? make an effort to get dressed and act as though you’re heading out of the house for the day, it can help shift you into a better frame of mind. also since you’re now dressed, get out of the house and stretch your legs, get a bit of exercise if you can. even if it’s just a 10 minute walk has a lot of benefits for your mental as well as physical health. 

if it’s possible, I’d also reach out to your teachers at school as well. even if they can’t do too much to help just now, just letting them know what’s going on can feel a lot better and make you feel not so alone and isolated. plus, you might be surprised at what tips or resources your teachers might have for you 0: there’s a lot of people struggling with online learning at the moment when we’re in the middle of a pandemic, your teachers might have helped others with this and know some things that can help. 

talking about this might feel a little intimidating at first but it’s worth it. low levels of motivation or mental health thrive on isolation, the best thing you can do to fight against it is to let others know what’s going on and ask for help. take care xxx

🥳🥳🥳 JUST HIT 20 FOLLOWERS!!!!!!

THANK YOU🎉🎉🎉🎉

It might not seem like much for everyone, but I wasn’t sure if this would even make it past 10 followers so I am REEEEEAAAALLLLLYYYYY grateful and excited! 

you mentioned that you really love this male friend, why? what kind of love is it? is it a romantic love, do you have feelings for him, do you have any kind of romantic or sexual attraction to him? or do you really just love him as a friend, you have no desire to date him or have a relationship, you’re just not attracted to him in that way?

I mean it’s definitely possible to be platonically jealous? jealousy can arise for all kinds of reasons, it’s not just always about love and romance. jealousy can come about due to feeling insecure, feeling left out and neglected, a lack of trust? but if you say that you really love this friend and you can identify that there’s romantic feelings for him, then I’d say that there’s “something more” as in feelings as a reason for the jealousy. <3