#20210207

“It’s a bad word,” was her swift reply. “Don’t ever say it.”

“Oh, okay.”

Your mother paused and knelt down to meet your eye. “Did someone say that to you?”

You shook your head and decided not to tell her. She would probably tell your teacher, and then everyone would call you a tattletale. “No. I just heard it on the playground.”

“Don’t ever say it,” she reminded you. “It’s a bad word.”

“Okay.”

Of course, as a five-year-old, you immediately told your best friend during recess. You dragged him to one of the plastic tunnels connecting the play structures and glanced around to make sure no one was listening.

“Do you wanna know a bad word?” you conspiratorially whispered once the coast was clear.

“No? Can we play tag now?”

Too eager to share, you ignored him and told him, “Sanghyeok said it to me yesterday. The s word.” When he just blinked back at you, you said in an even lower tone, “Shut up.”

Jeongin did not look impressed. “But ‘shut’ and ‘up’ aren’t bad words.”

“Well, my mom said it was so it has to be one!”

“Okay, I guess.” He tapped you on the arm and scrambled out of the tunnel. “You’re It now!”

You crawled after him, yelling at him to come back and how that wasn’t fair, the words ‘shut up’ no longer important…

… until six months later at a family gathering when you screamed them at your older cousin who wouldn’t stop poking your sides and calling you a ticklish baby when you squirmed around.

You then started to cry because it was wrong and you were going to be in trouble and oh no, one of the aunties was coming over now.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you wailed, trying to stop the tears from falling. You felt her hug you and heard her chuckling. “I’m sorry. I know it was a bad word.”

“It’s not a bad word,” she said, smoothing your hair. “Your mom just told you that because she didn’t want you to say it. It’s just a mean way of saying ‘be quiet.’ It’s okay, little one.”

A mixture of relief and anger washed over you. Jeongin was right, and your mom was kind of a liar. You stopped sobbing and meekly apologized to your cousin.

When you told Jeongin about this the next day at recess, his eyes went wide. “I can’t believe you said it.”

“It’s not a bad word, so we can say it now.” You smiled at him and said, “Shut up.”

“Shut up,” he grinned back.

“Shut up!”

“No, you shut up!”

Recess ended with you and Jeongin in a fit of giggles and a new insult to use.

the second s word

You already knew it was going to be bad when your math teacher flipped the test over before placing it on your desk. The red pen marks bled through the backside, and a lump started to form in your throat. You tried to tuck the paper into your folder as quickly as possible, but the girl next to you caught a glimpse of your score at the top.

“You’re so stupid,” she giggled as she flashed her perfect 20/20 at you. “That test was easy.”

“Shut up,” you whispered, too upset to even make it sound mean.

“Minusing big numbers is easy,” she continued. She turned to the boy on the other side of her. “You know Y/N got 11/20 on the test? She’s so stupid!”

You shoved your folder into your desk and made yourself as small as you could. First grade was harder than kindergarten, and math wasn’t just counting shapes and adding little numbers anymore. Jimin didn’t have to be so mean and snobby about being smart though.

Jimin always got in trouble for name calling, but this was the first time she ever said anything mean about you. You wiped away the remaining tears, but when Jeongin asked how you did at recess, you found yourself feeling sad again. You pulled yourself up to sit on top of the monkey bars, and he joined you.

“Jimin called me stupid, so I guess I did bad,” you said, pretending you didn’t care. “I got nine wrong.”

He patted your shoulder. “It’s okay. At least you didn’t get ten wrong like Seunghoon.”

Nine was really close to ten, but you didn’t say anything. Jeongin was just trying to make you feel better. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Isn’t ‘stupid’ a bad word? My reading buddy said it was, and he’s in sixth grade, so he should know.”

“Well, my mom’s old, and she said it was too, but she also said ‘shut up’ was a bad word.” You shrugged and hung upside on the bars. “Can you do this?”

He easily did it and stuck his tongue while inverted. “Easy. Hey, I’ll ask my mom about it tonight and tell you tomorrow. Then we’ll know for sure.”

As promised, Jeongin very quietly told you the next day that ‘stupid’ was a bad word. Story time, however, proved that to be false as ‘stupid’ was in the chapter book your teacher read out loud the next week.

the third s word

In the summer before fifth grade, you and Jeongin came across your first real swear.

The two of you were walking through the park, trying to find a shady spot to eat the ice cream cones you had just bought. Someone on a skateboard passed by, and you and Jeongin watched with wide eyes as he tripped over a raised section of the path.

“Sh—!” he shouted. He sat up, noticed you and Jeongin, and he swore again. “Uh, my bad! Sorry kids! You didn’t hear anything!”

You quickly nodded and let Jeongin pull you to an empty park bench. When the skater finally left, the two of you turned to each other.

“Did you—”

“Yeah! Did he actually—”

“Oh my gosh!”

“That was a real one!” Jeongin exclaimed, far too excited for the situation. “Y/N, that was an actual swear!”

“I know!”

Your mother didn’t warn you against this one, and the skateboarding guy also apologized, so it actually had to be a real one. You were buzzing with excitement, and Jeongin was the same. When you looked over at him, he was mouthing the word, trying the feel of it on his tongue.  

You poked his arm. “Say it. I dare you.”

He nonchalantly shrugged and parted his lips, but no sound came out. You waited for another five seconds before he finally said, “No. You say it.”

You shook your head. “Don’t make me double dog dare you.”

“Y/N…”

You felt a little bad, but you wanted to hear him say the word out loud, especially since you knew you were too chicken to do it yourself. You licked your ice cream and shook your head again. “I saw you try it earlier too. I know you want to say it.”

“Okay, but we have to say it together. Okay?”

“Fine,” you pretended to concede. “3… 2… 1!”

Silence.

The two of you stared each other down, waiting for the other to make the first move. Several seconds passed before you confessed that you couldn’t do it. Jeongin admitted it as well.

“It’s too scary!” he exclaimed. “I feel like my mom’s gonna find out somehow, and then she’ll ground me or something!”

“Me too,” you sighed. You mournfully started chewing on your cone. “Maybe I won’t swear. Ever.”

“Yeah, me too.”

However, that fragile promise was broken for you in two months' time when you accidentally broke a plate while washing the dishes. For Jeongin, it happened a week after that when he realized he forgot to finish his book report.

It would have been nice if these incidents were one-time exceptions, but this only started you and your friend’s beginnings of swearing. And when the two of you discovered the f-word…

Let’s just say your parents weren’t pleased.

~ ad.gray