#2.txt

I was possessed to make this at 7:30 AM in the morning in reference to this tweet:

Like, it's so angsty and delicious, just imagining Jay (who will put up with/do like. a hell of a lot. for just crumbs of affection) begging to be loved for the right reasons, but worrying, instead, that the idea of people liking him better dead will be confirmed (that they'll ask him to die, again, again, again, and he'll do it, because maybe this time?)

It's so sad too but I can't help but love it...and it's not even a stretch like?? I feel like the time Bruce took Jay back to the warehouse after Damian's death should count for this, and of course the mess that is gotham war 148...

(148 is. so bad and honestly gotham war in general is not. great. but I appreciate it for the jay whump potential truly. I am literally always down for messed up and evil brujay in a gotham war setting. the implications/subtext? insane. i would love to hear thoughts, if any, that you have about the rest of gw.)

(also all your posts are SO good like...the jay ones/bruce and jay ones are inspired!! love love love it)

no exactly anon!!!!

like, of course he would do it, he'll do anything, but god, having to face the fact that they would ask him? that even the one thing everyone agrees changed bruce irrevocably, the thing that changed everything, could become so commonplace and expected,,, yeah. yeah yeah.

this is my son and his special skill is suicide. he kills himself for me for the rest of my life. would be fucking devastating insane.

i can see him saving their lives (dying in the process) and gaslighting the shit out of them about it, but how easily they believe his lies is its own torture to him, right? because damn, they really did Not Care enough about how he could have been (and WAS) hurt during whatever rescue.

ugh and then if bruce did find out or suspect, would it be worse if he never straight up asked. if it was like 148 and just...implied. and jason threw himself on the pyre for that brief spark of praise??

but 148 was so goddamned awful. not even - i will eat up the angst of the lobotomy, because that i can see in bruce's wheelhouse, man has Control Issues and zur was rocking the helm, right. and,,, the angst my god. no one can tell me anything because it's sooo sexual assault allegory to me. taking away his autonomy, hijacking his very nervous system?? and having it planned,,, like.

plus, selina has just started a gang war. he doesn't do it to her. he never treats his lover rogues the way he treats jason. and he never treats his not-lover rogues the way he treats jason either. it's fucking crazy. i understand the 'his children are extensions of himself' projection thing that occurs often, but/and/also...i am always thinking of "you love me too much" to stop me panel, y'know? and how much of bruce being especially violent and loss of control with jason is a deep resentment of how strongly he feels for him and how he fears it affects his judgement..

but 148 just straight up isn't bruce. like okay i can twist some narratives around to keep it semi in character but i truthfully just want to reject it. bruce will always choose to die over killing someone else. his whole ocd is needing to prevent loss of life in front of himself. etc etc.

i fear ive lost the plot and rambled a lot but just remember. jason hiding immortality because his dying is the one thing he has left to himself. and he can't stand the idea of it being taken and used for the mission without it being his personal decision to do so.

okay wait and also. jason being derided even more for seeming extra reckless, because he IS throwing himself into situations to save people. so even his self sacrifice and heroism is denigrated by his family 😭💀

close enough