#2.19.22

krupa_music: Just Hold On.

@louist91 on US leg of world tour.

i feel like i’m wanting too much

trying too hard

seeking too much.

i feel like i need to chill.

i’m not desperate.

at the end of the day,

the timeline is mine.

if i drive myself crazy, this process won’t be fun.

and my life is supposed to be fun.

i wanted to learn a lesson about possession and jealousy.

this shawn thing is a bitch about that.

i have to constantly see her on tasia’s story and i want to barf. i want to be angry.

i want to drop out of this situation entirely because i only like to compete if i know i can win.

but i remember that shawn doesn’t belong to me. i like that about her. and this is supposed to be fun.

lauren showed up at my house on friday and honestly i just about lost my shit.

i felt violated. pissed off. agitated.

and then i remember this is what she does - she picks and picks and picks until i can’t take it any more and then she cries and plays the victim when i finally tell her off. she says something nasty and then does something sweet.

and it’s so unfortunate because i still grieve the loss of loving her. as crazy as she was i knew undoubtedly every day that she was crazy about me. that she loved me. that she would do anything in her physical power (or beyond it) to try to do something for me if i needed it. i miss our constant laughs and the way the jokes were so easy. i miss our love for the animals as well.

i’ll never miss the fighting tho. it was too much and life is supposed to be fun

(2 + 1) / √9 = 2 / 2

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