#2.13.20

I just had the shittiest day and the night ended up getting worse. I felt alone... I went and laid in bed... I was on my phone, scrolling... it felt empty... I had this urge to just listen to some music, so I did. I put on my headphones, turned on some music, and turned off the lights

My consciousness immediately rose up to the astral level...

I stumbled through the doors and then I collapsed onto the ground. Then I curled up into a ball on the ground. I felt so terrible, so alone, so... scared. I realized I felt scared. Something I hadn't felt, or acknowledged that I felt, in a while. My astral self wept, I teared up irl. I noticed that my astral self was small. I felt small, and I was; I was like a child. Small and vulnerable.

Anyways. As I laid on the ground and wept... I felt a presence approach. I thought it was one of my guides, and I called out their name... the next thing I know, this figure bends down and picks me up, cradling me in their arms and I quickly realize, surprised, that it isn't any of my guides, but an unfamiliar entity.

I couldn't see the figure. All I could see was a blurry outline of their form... they're massive. They're a large, hulking body with large arms and hands. Their figure is also blocky. It kind of reminded me or Ralph from Wreck-It-Ralph.

Despite being so large, they were soo gentle... I felt so safe and cared for in their arms... they carried me to like some kind of well-lit room and laid me down on like a sofa. The room had autumny colors; oranges and yellows and golds... there was a golden light shining above me and down onto me... I could feel a healing aura...

I sat there for a moment... I asked who they were and I didn't really get a response...

Then the scene changed and I found myself alone again... I was sitting somewhere, my knees in my arms, and it was raining, and it was cold, and I felt terrible. Then I felt them behind me again, and they scooped me back up in their arms, and they carried me again.

They carried me into a more dim room this time, and they placed me into a large bathtub, the water glowing golden. I realized that my astral self was a girl; I also remember briefly noticing earlier that I was wearing a dress. I realized it  kind of makes me uncomfortable... not because I’m uncomfortable with my astral self being a girl, when it happens it feels 100% natural. It makes me uncomfortable only because it doesn't happen very often, and I'm just not used to it, and more importantly, I don’t understand why it happens.

Anyways, they turned on a light that appeared above me again. I laid there for a moment, trying to figure out who they were and what was going on and I had the feeling pop into my mind to "stop trying and just rest." So I did. I just laid there. The water got cold, and they added some warm water and it felt wonderful.

The scene changed again. This time I was just like in some kind of void space, in the middle, alone. I sat down on the floor, looking at my feet. They approached in front of me. I looked up at them, and then held up my arms as they scooped me up into theirs, and carried me off.

This time I was in another bright room. They carried me to a floating golden, glowing bed and placed me on it. I had the feeling pop into my head to lie down and be still. So I did. The golden healing light appeared above me again.

This time, though, they stood over me, and I felt them manipulating my energy. I kind of caught some glimpses of them doing it, moving some stuff around, pulling out some threads of bad energy, but not really much else. Again, they're big and blocky, but their hands are so precise and skilled.

This carried on for a little while.

Then I floated up, and then sat up and then got off the table. We walked into the room some more, and I held their hand as we did. They picked me up.

The scene changed to a walkway, with trees on either side. It was Autumn, and the leaves on the trees were brilliant yellows and oranges and golds and deep reds. I stared up, marveling at the intense colors. Some leaves began to fall, only a few, and then many, until it was almost snowing leaves. I was entranced as we were in the middle of this brilliant, colorful rain.

Then the scene changed again... we were in like this void space, it was dark. But there were these golden flecks/tiny orbs floating around that gave off some light. It reminded me of fireflies.

I watched and marveled at them as I stood beside them, and they're kneeling. Again, I'm soo small and vulnerable. But with them, I felt so safe and knew that it was going to be okay.

I realize that our time is beginning to come to a close. I ask who they are. I don't really get a response. I try and visualize them, see if I can get a better look at them, but I don't succeed, and they tell me to stop trying. I ask if I'll see them again. I don't get a for sure response.

The scene changes again, back to another Autumn landscape, this time it's on a mountainside. The trees are more sparse, but it's still lovely. We sit there in silence for a moment. Then I hug them, and then they pick me up and pull me in for a deep embrace. I felt so... loved, protected, cared for. I thanked them, and told them that I hope to see them again soon, and that we might be able to meet formally. I forget the context but I mentioned "Gentle Giant" and it felt fitting, and kind of right. But I definitely don't think that's their name.

Then they carried me out as the scene faded behind us. They carried me to the doors, set me down, and I waved as they shut the doors behind me.

And then when I left the astral and opened my eyes, I checked my phone and the time was 11:11...

It was a crazy experience. As soon as I closed my eyes, my consciousness just like shot up to the astral, and I was more present in the astral than I was in the physical world, which was interesting. Also, everything was totally unexpected. I wanted to talk to my guides, but I wasn’t expecting to meet a new one...

I’m not 100% sure that they are a spirit guide, but I think it’s likely. I also don’t really know anything about them. All I know is that they are very large, and also very wide, with blocky features, and big hands. They are also very soft and gentle. The only other thing I know about them is Autumn... it was very clear to me that all of the beautiful Autumn scenery was linked to them.

I’m thankful for them. Last night, I was able to fall asleep without meds for the first time in a week. And I’m still sick, but I feel a little bit more at ease. 

I hope that I get to see them again soon, and to meet them formally. I want to thank them. 

Welp. That’s it for now. I have a big day ahead of me. I hope that everyone has a good day.

"Leafy Greens"

Defenceless

Habit