#1t1

The fact that we're just expected to get over this. Like, I don't know if anyone knows or realizes, but it hasn't even been 48 hours since everything's gone down. I just found out yesterday morning that I lost one of the people who at one point meant the most to me in this world. Rich meant a lot to all of us. We have a right to be hurt. We have a right to be pissed. We have a right to have questions. We have a fucking right to mourn. People are judging him and saying all of this shit. We are allowed to be angry. We're going to defend his honor.

I work at GSP, and the things I heard today....it literally broke my heart. So much so, that I ended up breaking down and having to leave work early. I need this to reach people so they can understand that Richard Ryan Shoop was one of the greatest friends I've ever had. He was passionate, understanding, caring, sweet, generous, genuine, hilarious, rebellious, and a total badass. He had a breathtakingly warm smile, one that you instantly smiled back at, because it made you feel safe. He always cared about how everyone else was doing. He was the sweetest guy I've ever known. 

So many people are hurt by his passing, and so many people, myself included, aren't just going to be able to "get over it" or "stop being mad at the world" when it hasn't even been two full days yet. Let us grieve, let us mourn, let us work on becoming ourselves again in our own time.

I haven't been the same since Monday. Everyone tells me I even look different. It's because I know I won't see him again. I know that he broke his pinky promise of us hanging out soon. He never once broke a pinky promise to me. 

I wish I was one of those people he talked to that night, when he was saying that he wasn't going to hurt anyone. Because I would have known his voice. And I would have tried my damndest to stop him. To talk to him. To listen to him. All he wanted was someone to listen. But now that they're listening, it's too late.

I have this one memory sticking out in my head, every night now. It was like 10pm, and I was in Florida for the summer. And every night that summer, me and Rich would be IMing on AIM. And every night, like clockwork, he'd sign on, and he would IM me. And we would talk about everything and anything. And every night, we wouldn't go to sleep until like 3,4 am. And on this particular night, I just remember him just venting about a lot of stuff, and us just talking about things and me giving him advice. And at the end of it all, he took a second, and went "Thanks, Tejh. This really meant a lot to me." And I felt happy that for once, I helped him out, instead of the other way around.

Yung mga naliligaw jan at naghahanap ng kablock sa 1T1, ayan na yung group.

Kung di ka pa nakakajoin, jumoin ka na... TARA! :)))