#17writernet

“Today was amazing!” You exclaim, your hands hiding behind your back since you are nervous about expressing about it. You both were quiet with your steps making music on the ground so you decided to thank him for the little date first before you both reach your house. You had a really fun day with him, even though you noticed how he kept getting lost in his thoughts. You didn’t let that bother you as you aren’t looking at Chan and only smile forward shyly, letting you hair fall to one side. He, on the other hand, can’t help but to smile back as he sees your face blooming into flowers. He admires it as he wants to tell you that you’re beautiful, but he resisted because he is also nervous since he promised himself to kiss you for the first time today, meaning, your first kiss together.

You both have been dating for a few weeks already and Chan can’t bring himself to express that kind of affection for you yet, even though you blush whenever he holds your hands or hugs you tightly in his arms. Maybe it’s because he thinks you both are not ready yet but he also figured that both of your times spent together make it possible to be comfortably to do so, so he sighs happily, grabbing a hidden hand of yours and slips your fingers together.

“That’s great because better dates are coming.” Your eyes meet Chan’s and his lips turns onto a smirk.

“Oh, I like that.” You laugh, then you look away, feeling shy again and grinning afterwards. “I will be expecting a lot then.”

When you both reach your house, you are delighted to a long hug from him. You can feel his heart beating so calmly, you makes you feel warm inside. A night after a date always make you feel like that because even after you both aren’t together, you always look forward to seeing him again. The short smiles and admirations of each other lasts a while before you really say your good nights to him as he does too.

That last good night from you leaves him breathless. It looks like the kiss won’t be happening as he sighs, watching you walk away, but he made a promise to himself so he won’t let it get broken. Quickly thinking, he calls your name and when you turn around, he has already caught you, holding your arms as he connects your lips together.

It’s warm, the way his soft lips press against yours. It makes you feel tingly and it makes your face feel hot before you close your eyes as you hold onto his arms too.

When he pulls back, he grins with success brushing over his face, seeing your face turn red. “Good night, for real now.”

“G-good night, Chan.” You stutter, touching your lips with a finger. “Text me when you get back.”

“Okay, I will.” Chan almost giggles, letting all of that kiss anxiety go away. He waves at you before leaving then you watch him make music with his feet, happy music. It makes you smile until he disappears, turning on a corner of the street.

“I think that’s the last of it.”

Jisoo sighs deeply, wiping his brow as he straightens back up after setting the last box down along the wall with all the others. He’ll have to sort through them and decide where the contents of each should go, but right now his legs are screaming at him to take a break. “So what’s for dinner tonight? Takeout or pizza?” he asks as he flops back on the couch and drapes an arm over his eyes. He grunts when he feels a weight on his stomach and tiny hands insistently smacking at his chest. “Pizza, pizza, pizza!” “Alright Channie, I’ll order it in a minute” Jisoo smiles, slightly lifting his arm off his face to see his little brother pouting at him. “Hyung is tired right now.” Chan whines at him, flopping onto his chest. Jisoo chuckles at the pout on his little brother’s face, ruffling Chan’s hair with his other hand. Neither of his roommates are back yet; Jeonghan’s off running an errand with his sister and Seungcheol’s at work. It’s just him and Chan at their shared apartment right now.

He sighs quietly, lightly stroking Chan’s hair as the four year old babbles at him about his favorite pizza. Normally around this time, he’d be coming home from work while Chan would be eating dinner with their--

He swallows, shaking his head. He can’t dwell on that right now, not when Chan’s still with him. He’s gotta stay strong, for him, for both of them. Jisoo ruffles his brother’s hair fondly, stretching his arm out and grabbing his phone before dialing his usual pizza place and making the orders.

“Okay Channie, pizza’s gonna be here in fifteen minutes,” Jisoo says after hanging up, tossing his phone on the table. He grunts when Chan squeals happily, bouncing on his chest. It doesn’t bother him though, he’d do anything to make his little brother smile brightly like he is right now. He scoops the child into his arms, making airplane noises as he runs around the apartment, pretending Chan’s an airplane. “Wheee!” Chan cries happily, laughing brightly as Jisoo hugs him to his chest, patting the older’s cheeks. At the sound of the front door unlocking he grins, telling Chan that Cheol hyung’s back. Chan doesn’t pay attention, demanding for more airplanes.

“Well, it looks like someone’s having fun.” Jisoo turns to the doorway, laughing at the sight of Seungcheol hopping about while trying to toe off his shoes. Chan hides his face in Jisoo’s shoulder, shyly peeking out as his brother goes over to help with Seungcheol with his things. “Heya Channie,” Seungcheol coos, gently pinching his cheek before turning to his roommate. “Did you get settled in yet?”

Jisoo nods, jerking his head in the direction of the boxes as Chan squirms in his arms. “Just gotta unpack the boxes now. We’re having pizza for diner by the way; Chan’s request.”

“Pizza?” Chan asks eagerly, perking up only to pout when Jisoo says it’s not coming yet. That makes Seungcheol laugh and ruffle Chan’s hair before he asks Jisoo if he needs any help unpacking.

“I was gonna leave it for tomorrow actually,” Jisoo says with a quiet laugh as they go over and sit on the couch. “Chan’s bed is already set up in my room and I’ve taken out some of his clothes for tomorrow.”

“Don’t you have work tomorrow?” Jisoo frowns, letting his brother squirm out of his arms and run around the apartment. Seungcheol’s right, he does have work tomorrow and he hasn’t looked up daycares for Chan yet with how busy he was in the aftermath of his parents’ funeral.

“I do,” he says, biting his lip in thought. “I don’t know anyone who can take care of him last minute though. You and Jeonghan work tomorrow too, right?”

“I don’t know about Hannie, but I actually have off tomorrow,” Seungcheol shrugs, chuckling at Chan running around making airplane noises. “I can look after your brother while you’re gone.” Jisoo nods, eyeing him scrutinizingly. Seungcheol shrinks a little awkwardly under his stare, staring back at him slightly bewildered. “Is that not a good idea?”

“Yes and no,” Jisoo says with a shrug, catching Chan before he can run into the coffee table. “I think I’d feel better if Hannie was with you.”

Seungcheol pouts at him, about to protest when they hear the doorbell ring, still pouting even as Jisoo heads to the door, Chan close on his heels.

“PIZZA!”

Jisoo laughs, ruffling his brother’s hair fondly as he opens the door, coming face to face with his other roommate instead of the pizza delivery person. He can’t help but laugh again when Chan eagerly asks if he’s the pizza man.

“Pizza man?” Jeonghan blinks, stepping into the apartment. “Last time I checked, no.”

“Hyung, want pizza!” Chan whines, clinging onto Jisoo’s leg with a pout. Jisoo grins, penguin wobbling out of the way with Chan clinging tightly on him so Jeonghan can toe off his shoes. Jeonghan laughs, bending down to Chan’s height and poking his cheek.

“Are you not happy to see Jeonghan hyung?” he says with a pout, making puppy eyes at the child. Chan immediately shakes his head, stubbornly insisting he wants the pizza man now! Seungcheol cackles at Jeonghan’s put out expression, sticking his tongue out at him before the doorbell rings again.

“Third time’s the charm Channie,” Jisoo smiles, asking Seungcheol to grab his wallet while he opens the door once again. Thankfully it’s actually the pizza man, much to Chan’s delight. Once they’re all settled around the coffee table, they dig in eagerly, occasionally getting scolded by Jeonghan to chew and then swallow by how quickly they were scarfing down the pizza.

“Hannie, do you work tomorrow?” Jisoo asks, carefully wiping leftover sauce around Chan’s mouth. Jeonghan nods in the midst of bickering with Seungcheol over who would be stronger between Superman and Wonder Woman.

“Yeah, but I get off early tomorrow,” he shrugs, jabbing Seungcheol’s ribs. “Why do you wanna know?”

“Cause I’m not sure if I can trust Cheol to look after this lil squirt while I’m at work,” Jisoo says simply, petting Chan’s head as his brother giggles at the other two bickering in front of him. “I didn’t look up any daycares yet with all the stuff that’s been going on and Cheol offered to take care of him.”

Jeonghan nods understandingly; since his parents’ funeral, Jisoo’s been throwing himself into taking care of Chan while dealing with the aftermath of his parents’ death. It’s a surprise he hasn’t broken down yet. He tells his friend he’ll be back in the afternoon, making a little jab at Seungcheol.

“I’m sure he can take care of a kid for a couple hours,” he snickers, flopping over when Seungcheol shoves at him. Jisoo rolls his eyes when they start wrestling, picking Chan up so he can give him a bath.

“Try not to knock over the coffee table again please,” he calls over his shoulder, jostling Chan a little bit on the way to the bathroom. His brother’s eyes are already drooping a little as the child smushes his face against Jisoo’s shoulder. Jisoo laughs softly, making a detour to his room to grab Chan’s pajamas and a spare towel.

Once he’s finished giving Chan a bath and tucking him in bed, he goes back out to the living room where his roommates are curled up on the couch watching some drama (and still bickering). They scoot over a little, making room for him to flop in between them with a tired sigh.

“You sure you can take care of Chan?” Jisoo teases, nudging Seungcheol with his elbow. Seungcheol groans, head knocking back on the back of the sofa while Jeonghan and Jisoo snicker at him.

“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of kids,” he says with a huff, scowling at the two. “Is that really so hard to believe?”

Jisoo doesn’t dignify that with an answer, sticking his tongue out at him instead. Seungcheol grumbles at him, lightly kicking his shins.

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll see how you really do tomorrow,” Jeonghan snorts, flipping through the channels. “I’m betting you’ll call Soo in three hours panicking cause you can’t find Chan.”

“Alright, no fighting you two, you’ll wake him up,” Jisoo laughs, getting comfortable between them. They watch some movie Jeonghan settled on while Jisoo tells Seungcheol everything he needs for tomorrow. When the credits start rolling, Jisoo stands up, stretching his arms as he yawns, telling them he’ll head to bed first and reminding them not to stay up too late. The other two bid him a good night before he disappears into his room with a quiet click of the door behind him.

“Still betting you’ll call him in three hours.”

“Shut up!”

“I left some emergency numbers on the counter if you can’t reach me,” Jisoo says hurriedly as he quickly checks his things, Jeonghan passing him a piece of toast. “But text me after if anything happens, got it?”

Seungcheol nods, yawning a little as he watches them bustle around the kitchen. He would’ve slept in, but Jisoo woke him up, saying he needed to tell him important things about taking care of Chan.

“Really, we’ll be fine Shua,” Seungcheol says reassuringly, snagging a piece of toast for himself. “Promise.”

Jisoo still looks a little unsure, but he nods, dashing out the door after a last reminder to stay out of trouble. Jeonghan leaves shortly after with a lazy wave of his hand, door shutting behind him, leaving Seungcheol alone in the apartment with a still sleeping Chan. Seungcheol yawns, heading back to his room after taking a look at the clock to catch a few more hours of shut eye until Jisoo’s brother wakes up.

“Hyung?”

Seungcheol stirs a little, blinking as he rolls over only to startle when he comes face to face with a wide eyed Chan.

“Uh, Chan, you’re up!” he coughs, sitting up on his bed. “How long have you been awake?”

Chan frowns, staring at him before padding out of his room. Seungcheol quickly follows him, watching as the child wanders into the living room and the kitchen, calling for his hyung. He opens his mouth, about to say he’s right there before Chan calls for Jisoo hyung, a confused and scared expression on his face.

“Oh, Channie, Jisoo hyung’s at work,” Seungcheol says quickly, jogging over to him. Chan looks up at him, eyes already shiny with tears. Seungcheol panics a little, he’s gotta calm Chan down before he starts crying.

“Work?” Chan asks, clutching his elephant plushie tightly. Seungcheol nods, bending down to his level, explaining that Jisoo will be home before dinner. Silently he prays that’ll be enough for Chan to calm down as the boy pouts at him.

“Hyung come back later?” Chan asks after a few moments, still looking a bit unsure. Seungcheol nods, petting his head as he promises Jisoo will come back.

“Do you want breakfast buddy?” he asks, holding out his hand for Chan to take. Chan hesitates a little before grabbing his hand and nodding, letting Seungcheol help him sit at the table. Seungcheol opens the refrigerator, grabbing the milk and a couple ingredients for their breakfast, pouring the milk in a cup for Chan and setting it in front of him.

“I’ll have breakfast ready soon,” he grins, ruffling Chan’s hair. Chan nods, setting his plushie on the table before drinking the milk and Seungcheol has to hold back an ‘aww’ at how cute Chan looks.

So far, so good. Seungcheol smiles to himself as he starts making eggs; he can totally take care of a child. He’s only met Chan a few times before he came to live with them, and he seems like a pretty mild mannered, if not slightly hyper, kid.

Once he’s done preparing their breakfast, he sets a plate in front of Chan, chuckling as Chan thanks him and eagerly digs in.

“So what do you wanna do today kiddo?” Seungcheol asks, cutting into his pancake. Chan puffs his cheeks in thought, nose scrunching up cutely.

“Park!” he says happily, munching on a yummy pancake. Seungcheol grins, telling him they can go after they finish eating and get dressed. It takes a bit of chasing and playful wrestling after they eat for Seungcheol to get Chan dressed and ready, but soon enough they’re walking to the nearby park, Chan babbling about elephants on the way there.

He lets Chan run off to the playground after taking his backpack and elephant plushie, settling himself on a bench not too far away from the playground. Seungcheol smiles, keeping a watchful eye on Chan as he runs around with the other children there. Jeonghan’s so gonna lose that bet; it’s only been about twoish hours and he still hasn’t called Jisoo. They really didn’t have to worry, he’s more than capable of looking after Chan.

“WAHHHHH!”

Or maybe not. He’s immediately on his feet, eyes darting over the playground looking for Chan only to breathe a sigh of relief after seeing it was someone else’s kid screaming. He sinks back onto the bench trying to calm down a bit as he scans the playground for Chan, finally relaxing when he sees the child on the monkey bars. God, that nearly gave him a heart attack. After that little incident, he keeps a closer eye on Chan making sure he doesn’t get hurt.

Jeonghan yawns, glancing over at the clock on his desk, only to groan when he sees the time. He’s still got quite of bit of time left before he can leave, even though he’s pretty much done with all the work for today. Maybe he should check up on Seungcheol, make sure he isn’t getting into any trouble of anything. Yeah, he’s gonna do that, he’s due for a break anyway. He grabs his phone and mug off his desk, heading to the break room as he dials Seungcheol’s number.

“Hello?” “Yo, Cheol, still alive?” he asks with a snarky grin, filling up his mug with water. He sniggers, he can practically hear Seungcheol scowling at him over the phone as his friend tells him to shut up.

“We’re over at the park right now,” Seungcheol says, sounding a bit out of breath. Jeonghan hums, leaning against the counter.

“Why do you sound like you ran a marathon though?” he asks, taking a sip of water. He smiles when he hears Chan babbling over the phone while Seungcheol tells him he got roped into playing a game of tag with Chan and the other children at the park.

“We’re actually about to go eat something,” Seungcheol adds, making sure Chan has his backpack and plushie with him before they start walking to the bus stop. “You wanna come with?”

“Are you paying?” Jeonghan asks, laughing when Seungcheol gives him an exasperated yes. “Alright, you pick the place and I’ll meet you guys there.”

Jeonghan heads back to his desk after hanging up, making sure to drop by his boss’s office to tell him he’s heading out for lunch soon. He plops into his chair with a sigh, opening up his program and fiddling around some more with it until he gets Seungcheol’s text with the location of a local sandwich shop nearby. With a grin, he grabs his things and heads out of the office. Thankfully it’s actually not that far of a walk, and he can see Jisoo’s brother running around Seungcheol when he gets close to the shop.

“Haven’t called Shua yet?” he asks as he reaches the two, bending down to ruffle Chan’s hair. Seungcheol rolls his eyes, flipping him off as he opens the door for them, ushering them into the shop.

“Nope,” Seungcheol says, holding Chan’s hand to keep him from running off. “Seriously, you two gotta have more faith in me, as you can tell, I’m perfectly fine looking after him.”

“You say that now, but what about later?” Jeonghan teases as they get in line. Seungcheol rolls his eyes, ignoring him in favor of picking up Chan and asking him what kind of sandwich he wants.

As soon as they finish ordering, they grab a table outside on the patio at Chan’s insistence. Jeonghan smiles as Chan eagerly tells him about what he did at the park, laughing when he catches Seungcheol dozing off in the corner of his eye.

“I think you tired out Cheol hyung, Channie,” he says with a grin, nudging Chan to look over at Seungcheol. Chan giggles, reaching over and patting Seungcheol’s cheeks, telling him to wake up. Seungcheol groans, telling him he is awake.

“You have way too much energy kiddo,” he says fondly, patting Chan’s head. Chan just smiles proudly at that, brightening up when he sees a server coming to their table with their sandwiches.

“You’re getting old Cheol,” Jeonghan teases, biting into his sandwich. Seungcheol rolls his eyes, cutting Chan’s sandwich into smaller pieces. They eat in silence for a little bit, hunger taking over socializing for a bit. When they’re halfway through lunch, Jeonghan asks what they’re gonna do next, wiping a bit of sauce from Chan’s mouth.

“Haven’t decided yet,” Seungcheol shrugs, yawning a bit. “I’m down for a nap though. What do you think Chan?”

He frowns when he doesn’t get an answer from the child, looking down to find him staring off at something. He shares a look with Jeonghan, both of them looking in the direction of his gaze to find a family of three nearby laughing and chatting together.

Jeonghan bites his lip, looking down at Chan again, noticing his forlorn expression. He moves to kneel in front of Chan, asking quietly if he’s okay, gently squeezing his hand. Chan swallows, hesitating a little before shaking his head.

“I miss Mama and Appa,” he mumbles, tears beginning to well up in his eyes. Jeonghan nods understandingly, giving Chan’s elephant plushie to him, quietly comforting him. Seungcheol frowns, wondering what he can do before a thought comes to him.

“Do you wanna visit their graves Channie?” Seungcheol asks kindly, pulling out a tissue for him. Chan blinks up at him, nodding his head as he squeezing his plushie to his chest as he climbs off the chair, taking Seungcheol’s hand.

“I have to get back to work,” Jeonghan says quietly to Seungcheol, grabbing his bag. “But I’m gonna see if I can take off so I can go with you guys.”

“You don’t have to-” Seungcheol protests, pausing when Chan tugs at his hand.

“Han hyung come too?” Chan asks, looking between the two. Jeonghan smiles, bending down to his level as he tells him he can if Chan wants him to come. Chan nods at that, saying he wants Jeonghan to come too.

“Okay, Hyung’ll come too,” Jeonghan says with a kind smile, straightening up again before talking to Seungcheol. “Give me a few minutes to talk to my boss and then we can go.”

Seungcheol nods, leading them out of the shop before Jeonghan’s calling up his boss. Chan’s still a little quiet, lightly swinging Seungcheol’s hand back and forth as they wait for Jeonghan. A few minutes later Jeonghan hangs up, telling Seungcheol he got the okay to leave early.

“Do you wanna get something nice for your parents Chan?” Jeonghan asks as they head back to the bus stop. Chan nods before pointing at a nearby flower shop, saying he wants to get flowers for them as he tugs at Seungcheol’s hand.

A few minutes later, Chan’s roaming around the flower shop, frowning as he looks for the perfect flowers to take. Jeonghan keeps an eye on him while Seungcheol answers a text from Jisoo, asking if his little brother’s doing okay.

To: Shua

We’re fine, just ate lunch

To: Shua

Hannie got off early so he’s hanging with us for the rest of the day

From: Shua

Don’t get into any trouble! I gotta head back now but I’ll be home around usual time

From: Shua

Chinese sound good for dinner?

To: Shua

Sounds good to me

“Hyung!”

He looks up, laughing a little at the sight of Chan trying to hold a bouquet of lilies a little too big for him to handle without stumbling. Quickly he tucks his phone away and grabs the bouquet before Chan can fall over, ruffling his hair.

“Ready to go?” he asks as Jeonghan walks over, Chan’s backpack and plushie in his hand. Chan nods, grabbing their hands and tugging them out of the shop, telling them to hurry up. They both laugh at his eagerness before Jeonghan leads them to his car. Soon enough they’re on the way to the cemetery, Chan singing along to the radio.

When they get there, Chan’s quiet again, insisting on carrying the bouquet of lilies as they walk over to his parents’ grave. Seungcheol cleans the area a bit before Chan places the bouquet between the tombstones.

“Hyung, what do I do?” Chan asks, looking unsure of himself. Seungcheol crouches down to his level, suggesting that he tell his parents about what they did today. Jeonghan agrees with him, settling down on Chan’s other side, nudging at him to sit. After he does so, Chan’s quiet for a bit before he hesitantly starts talking, telling his parents about the fun he had with Cheol hyung and Han hyung.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan share a smile as Chan goes on, becoming more animated as time passes. He tells them about living with Soo hyung and all the yummy food he had before he gets quiet again, sniffling a little as he tells them he misses them.

“Soo hyung said heaven’s nice place,” he says, rubbing his eyes. “Said I see you much, much later.”  

Jeonghan gently pats his head as Chan tells the tombstones he’ll be okay and not to worry about him because he has Soo hyung and hyung’s friends!

“I come visit again with Soo hyung too!” Chan says with a bright smile, though Seungcheol can see tear tracks on his cheeks. After bidding them a goodbye, Chan gets up, turning to them and saying they can go now.

“Do you feel a little better buddy?” Seungcheol asks, gently wiping Chan’s cheeks. Chan nods, taking his backpack from Jeonghan before they leave the cemetery. He ends up falling asleep on the drive back, cuddled up in the backseat with his plushie.

“He’s handling their death better than I thought,” Jeonghan says quietly, looking back at the sleeping child. Seungcheol hums, saying that Chan’s got a good support system helping him cope. His friend smiles, agreeing with that as they reach the outskirts of the city before asking Seungcheol to call Jisoo and let him know they’re on the way home.

Jisoo’s just finished setting the takeout on the coffee table when he hears the front door unlock. He jogs over to open it up, smiling at the sight of Chan fast asleep in Jeonghan’s arms as he lets his friends in.

“How was he?” he asks softly, shutting the door behind them before they sit on the couch.

“Energetic,” Seungcheol laughs, letting out a deep sigh as he sinks onto the couch. “You really didn’t need to worry at all Soo.”

Jisoo rolls his eyes, shoving at him playfully before he takes Chan from Jeonghan, telling them to dig in. While they’re doing just that, he gently pats Chan’s cheeks, murmuring for him to wake up. His brother whines, blinking blearily at him before he focuses, letting out an ecstatic squeal at the sight of his older brother.

“Hi Channie,” Jisoo laughs as Chan hugs him tightly, ruffling his hair. “Food’s ready, wanna eat yet?”

Chan nods eagerly, impatiently squirming as Jisoo fixes a plate for him while he tells his brother about what he did with Cheol and Han hyung today.

“We visited Mama and Appa too,” Chan tells him, digging in once Jisoo sets his plate in front of him. Jisoo frowns, looking at his friends at that.

“He saw a happy family while we were out and missed your parents,” Jeonghan explains with a sad smile. “So Cheol suggested we go visit them.”

Jisoo lets out a quiet ‘ah’ before Chan gets his attention again, telling Jisoo that he told Mama and Appa that they’ll visit again. As they eat dinner, Chan tells him more about today’s adventures, yawning a little when his plate’s nearly empty.

“Sleepy now?” Jisoo asks, wiping Chan’s mouth and smiling fondly when his brother nods. “Alright, bath time and then we’ll get you to bed squirt.”

“We’ll take care of clean up,” Seungcheol tells him, waving him off when Jisoo starts to protest. “You go take care of him.”

Jisoo nods gratefully, scooping Chan up in his arms as he carries him off to the bathroom, leaving Seungcheol and Jeonghan alone in the living room. When he finishes washing Chan up and tucking him in bed, Jisoo finds Seungcheol knocked out on the sofa and Jeonghan cleaning up the leftovers.

“He wasn’t kidding when he said Chan had way too much energy,” Jeonghan laughs. Jisoo rolls his eyes, helping Jeonghan clean up before they take the other couch after draping a blanket over Seungcheol.

“You visited my parents?” Jisoo asks quietly. After a nod from Jeonghan, he asks how Chan was during the visit, biting his lip a little.

“He told them about what we did today,” Jeonghan says with a smile. “And that he’ll be okay because you’re with him.”

He laughs a little at Jisoo’s surprised expression. “Shua, you’re a good brother,” Jeonghan says. “It’s because of you that he’s handling this so well. Have a little more faith in yourself.”

Jisoo smiles sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. “I’ll try,” he says softly, rolling his eyes at Seungcheol’s snoring. “But it’s.. Difficult. Half the time I don’t even know if I’m doing things right and I don’t wanna screw things up with Chan.”

“You don’t need to do this all on your own,” Jeonghan reminds him, patting his shoulder. “Cheol and I are here to help you know. And before you say anything, no you’re not being burdensome, we’re happy to help out whenever you need us to.”

Jisoo sighs, leaning his head on Jeonghan’s shoulder, quietly thanking him. “If I didn’t have you and Cheol, I think I’d be a lot more overwhelmed.” He confesses, smiling fondly at a sleeping Seungcheol.

“That’s what we’re here for,” Jeonghan smiles. “We’re always gonna be here for you Shua, don’t forget that.”

It’s probably the fifth time Jisoo tried to sleep to the point that he can’t tell whether he had fallen asleep or was just listening to Seungcheol’s moves across the living room. The pain in his head has died down a bit and his hair is damped with sweat when he wakes up. Seungcheol has turned off the lights in the living room except the table lamp above him, thankfully the couch is facing the TV so that the kitchen lights won’t bother Jisoo when he slept. His empty porridge bowl is still sitting on the table in front of him and he almost gives a smack from his lips, remembering to tell Seungcheol to take it back after he finished about two hours ago. Speaking of the devil, Seungcheol makes his way to Jisoo from the kitchen in that cute apron and a spatula in his hand. In that kind of look, it makes Jisoo blush though it’s hard to tell when he’s sick. When he sees that bright smile from his love, he can’t help but smile back as it makes him feel as if he’s not in pain anymore, and that also include forgetting about that bowl on the table.

“You’re awake.” Seungcheol whispers even though it’s just them in Jisoo’s apartment. “I’m making more porridge. I’ll feed you after a bath.”

Jisoo hums tiredly and hears Seungcheol walking back to turn off the stove after tasting the porridge. He imagines Seungcheol smiling after it, he bet it’ll taste great even though he can barely taste anything since that morning. Jisoo didn’t think that it was the recent rainy days that made him sick. He just suddenly woke up cold and Seungcheol thought he may be sick. He hasn’t been sick that much anyway as far as he can remember. Whatever caused this, Jisoo guessed it’s okay to be sick once in awhile.

When Seungcheol comes back after taking off his apron, he removes the blanket from Jisoo then he lifts him in bridal style from the couch to take him to the bathroom.

“I can walk.” Jisoo insists, but Seungcheol shakes his head with his eyes closed and a smile on his face.

Jisoo has his clothes off already after Seungcheol tests the water temperature to fill up the tub. Jisoo still feels cold even after sitting in it with a warm helping hand from Seungcheol. The water reaches up to his collarbones as his toes curl on the tub floors. Seungcheol giggles softly, grabbing Jisoo’s hand. It feels strange to Jisoo, not because he doesn’t like it but because he isn’t used to it. Everything that happened today are new to him: being sick for the first time after dating Seungcheol for a long time, getting carried when he’s weak (even though he doesn’t know that Seungcheol carried him many times when he fell asleep in the wrong places in his apartment), and now getting bathed by him. Jisoo has bathed together with Seungcheol before but never alone with him just beside him, and that somehow feels refreshing rather than weird to him. When Seungcheol starts to clean Jisoo’s hand with a warm and wet towel, all Jisoo can do is admire his face. That little touch makes his heart flutter like the time they first kissed, but it’s much softer because Seungcheol left a mark on his lips that didn’t heal until days after.

“How are you feeling now?” Seungcheol asks, still cleaning Jisoo’s hand.

“A little better. My head still hurts though.” Jisoo replies, rubbing his leg under the water.

“That’s a relief.” Seungcheol smiles. “Hopefully, a little more sleep can help.” Jisoo rests his chin on the edge of the tub and looks at Seungcheol for a while again. When Seungcheol finally notices him, he plants his cheek with a soft kiss. “Already tired?” Jisoo nods, then Seungcheol tells him, “I’ll do this quickly.”

Jisoo gets into a warm sleeping outfit before sitting on the bed. Seungcheol comes over and starts to dry his hair with a towel. As Jisoo waits for him to finish, he grabs the blanket to cover himself. “You’re cold?” Seungcheol asks.

“Yeah.” Jisoo’s eyes are closed when Seungcheol finishes drying his hair. He lies himself down on the bed as Seungcheol helps him, fixing the blanket on him.

“Socks.” Seungcheol leaves his side and brings over a pair of ankle socks for Jisoo to wear to sleep. He comes upon his long toenails then his finger starts to play at the tip of them, tickling him as he offers, “Would you like me to trim your toenails? They’re getting long.”

“Tomorrow.” A soft but tired smile, Jisoo shows. Seungcheol nods as Jisoo waits for him to finish putting the socks on him. He finally fixes himself when Seungcheol gets off the bed.

“Are you hungry?” Seungcheol asks, remembering himself cooking not long ago.

“I can eat when I wake up later since I’m already comfy here.”

“Do you need anything else then? Like extra blankets or something to watch, or maybe a plushie to hug to sleep or-”

“Seungcheol,” Jisoo laughs, closing his eyes and cozying up the blanket against his neck. “I just need you to be with me in the silent.”

“Okay.” Seungcheol does what he says then he gets comfy on the bed beside him after walking around it.

Jisoo opens his eyes and gives him a judging look. He asks, “What are you doing?”

“I’ll just be right here.” Seungcheol’s smile is so pure, a part of Jisoo wants the lights to be brighter so the memory can stay in his mind longer.

“You’re gonna get sick if you do.” Jisoo giggles then Seungcheol pulls him into his arms in surprise. “Seungcheol!”

“Just for a minute.” Seungcheol smiles innocently. “I already miss cuddling you.”

“We cuddled this morning.” Jisoo returns the fight after remembering their short cuddle in the morning when he felt cold, but he gives up because he doesn’t have any more energy. He rests on Seungcheol’s chest as they cuddle there in silence, enjoying a moment together in each other’s embrace.

“Jisoo, before we sleep, I wanna say, if you feel any better tomorrow, let’s go eat some ice cream.” Seungcheol’s hand is caressing Jisoo’s head before it rests over Jisoo’s shoulder.

“Isn’t it gonna rain though?” Jisoo asks after thinking for a second.

“Ahhh no?” He sounds like he’s lying as Jisoo laughs. Seungcheol laughs too even though he’s embarrassed for not knowing or even checking beforehand.

“You’re lying.” Jisoo has a habit of checking the weather every morning. He found himself doing that during one of his half-asleep session that afternoon so he’s so sure it is going to rain.

“Then you must be nuts.” Seungcheol plays with Jisoo’s hair, adding onto their lighthearted time together in bed.

“Totally. I know I’m full of almonds.” Jisoo smiles in amusement as he fixes himself out Seungcheol’s arms. He looks at Seungcheol’s laughing face after resting on the other pillow.

Seungcheol then he taps his index finger against his lips and nods, quite understanding where Jisoo is getting at. “Okay, you said you wanted it to be quiet.”

“You started it.” Jisoo chuckles as Seungcheol can tell he has a sore throat. It reminds him to bring him a cup of warm water and some medicine.

“I’m defeated. I’ll go get some medicine for you so you can get some sleep.” He says as he caresses Jisoo’s soft face with his thumb, feeling his hot red cheek before getting up.

“You should too.” Jisoo smiles back at Seungcheol before he leaves the room.

When Seungcheol comes back and Jisoo has eaten his medicine, they go back to cuddling despite Jisoo insisting again that Seungcheol will get sick if they do. At least, at his chest, it’s warm. Jisoo’s cheeks rose, one side hiding at the pressure against Seungcheol’s shirt, then he whispers his name. In response, Seungcheol hums. It vibrates against Jisoo’s face and ear, as if a signal is being sent throughout his body, a signal that waves love and sincerity. There’s so much things that Jisoo wants to tell him, words like that signal. Jisoo is the type that is apologetic, he hates it but he knows that he has so much more to learn from Seungcheol who appreciates rather than be like him. He’s still working hard on it but being with him, he realizes that Seungcheol does that so the person he’s talking can feel better for doing something that someone can be thankful for. So instead of saying “sorry for being sick,” Jisoo tells him, “Thank you for looking after me.”

Seungcheol smiles and hums happily in response then he pulls him closer even though there’s no space left between them. It’s like he’s been waiting for those words to be said. He is relieved as he sighs softly. “Good night, Jisoo.”

Everyday feels like a Monday to Seungkwan.

In the aspect that Monday meant the dread of waking up from such a nice, relaxing Sunday off from work and a slap back into the reality of constant routines that consisted of getting ready for work, working, and getting off from work. He was in no rush when his alarm rang at the side of his bed on the desktop he would eventually clean. The annoying and constant beep were what motivated him to turn it off and sit up in bed.

Seungkwan left the coffee machine on with the mug his best friend, Choi Hansol, gifted him for his birthday as he was humming to himself in the shower. After the quick rinse, he dressed up in his usual work attire—white dress shirt, black dress pants, Oxfords (with brogues), and his messenger bag. With his coffee mug finished and in the sink, he headed out from his quiet, little abode to the loud, large city that surrounded him.

He took his usual route as he checked his phone with his left hand as his right one was shoved into his pocket. Jihoon emailed him that there was a meeting this morning at ten o’clock sharp, making the Jeju boy grimace as he quickened his pace a bit. He wasn’t used to cities and their fast pace, they were nothing like his hometown. Seungkwan couldn’t do anything about it though, there was no point in complaining. He had no time to complain anyway.

With his foot through the meeting room of his company building in the nick of time, Jihoon nodded as he motioned Seungkwan to sit down while he started his presentation.

He sat down next to Hansol as he shuffled quickly to open his laptop to the page of notes that he had made—bullshitted— the night before about the last customers with the problems and solutions he had encountered.

“You’re usually not this late,” Hansol whispered as he kept his eyes on his own laptop while he was typing what Jihoon was saying. “Subway jam?”

“Backed up more than usual,” Seungkwan sighed quietly as he began typing as well. “How were your clients last week?”

“They were alright,” Hansol shrugged. “I had to reboot this one therapist’s whole hard drive and that took me the whole day on Wednesday.”

“Yikes.”

“It wasn’t too bad. He paid for my lunch and even offered to buy me dinner, which, of course, I gladly accepted. I can’t deny free food.”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes.

“Oh, shush. It wasn’t a date. You know I’m not into that scene.”

With Jihoon quickly wrapping up his presentation—which was surprisingly only twenty slides compared to his usual thirty—he assigned his employees their clients for the week. Seungkwan left to go to his desk as Lee Chan, one of their newer employees, complained about one of the clients. Jihoon sighed and nodded before patting Seungkwan’s back at a job well done for last week’s performance.

“Keep it up,” Jihoon whispered with a smile before he continued to walk.

Seungkwan sat at his desk and looked at his client’s name for a moment of silence before pulling up his email and proceeded typing up an introduction before listing the appointment times.

Kim Mingyu Cookbook Developer

Surprisingly, the client replied to the email within the next ten minutes. (Seungkwan’s previous client was rather bad at responding to emails, hence his need to call them to realize that they were unable to attend to their emails because of their computer. He made sure to attend to the client immediately.)

They scheduled for an appointment the day after tomorrow, giving Seungkwan enough time to ready himself as he began scheduling two other appointments following it. They were minor problems since he could access the computers’ remotely, but he preferred to do it days apart and one at a time.

Mingyu’s problem seemed more severe than usual, a case of a virus that infiltrated the user’s hard drive and deleted all the files. Though it was not uncommon, Seungkwan rarely had such cases.

He whined when Hansol threw a piece of paper at him over the cubicle. He pouted and threw it back over as he stood up to look at Hansol. “First of all, that’s rude,” Seungkwan scrunched his nose. “Second of all, why?”

“One, I’m your best friend, I do this all the time.” Hansol grinned as the other rolled his eyes. “Two, this client just emailed me again asking if I wanted to join him for lunch—what do I do?”

“Don’t you always accept free food?”

“When there’s nothing attached.” Hansol stood up as he watched Seungkwan sit back down at his seat. He leaned over and watched his friend type away, still waiting for a solution.

“You’re basically friends with benefits but the benefit is a meal.”

“True, that sounds very accurate. But… I feel bad making him pay again... especially since I know that it’s not because I just rebooted his driver.”

“Well,” Seungkwan stopped typing to look at his dumbfounded co-worker, “let’s just discuss this over lunch.”

“So you two already did it…” Seungkwan glared at Hansol as the spoon fell from his right hand and slipped into his bowl of soup. He grumbled as Hansol just rubbed the back of his neck and tried to reason it out while trying to grab the spoon out of the broth.

“It… just one thing led to another—”

“I really thought you just got food and then he fell for you. But, no, you made things more complicated by actually sleeping with him? Hansol Vernon Choi—”

Hansol whined as he picked his bowl up and slurped it loudly as an attempt to tune out Seungkwan’s lecture. There was no use though since Seungkwan paused and continued when Hansol put the bowl down. “I just wanted to vent, I didn’t want a lecture…”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes as he continued to swirl around the noodles in his bowl that was reaching room temperature. “You need a lecture, you dumbass.”

“Well, what do I do then?”

“Do you like him?”

“I don’t know.”

“What did you say to him in the email?”

Hansol blinked. “Huh?”

“You replied back to the lunch email… right?” The silence and blank expression on Hansol’s face was enough for Seungkwan to stand up and flick his friend’s forehead across the table. “You really are an ass. You should make it up to him.”

Hansol grumbled as he rubbed his forehead and nodded. “Fine, fine. I’ll see if we can do dinner tonight… what about you, Boo?”

“What about me?”

“Anything going on in that part of your life?”

“My love life is dryer than the stale bread I found under your couch last Saturday.” Hansol snickered even though that was a direct attack at him and Seungkwan shrugged. “Guess it’s not my time yet?”

Hansol shrugged back. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll have a thing with your client too.”

-

Seungkwan arrived at the client’s address the next day five ‘til noon. Walking in quietly, he was surprised by how brightly lit the hallway and foyer were, compared to what he was used to with his dimly lit apartment and office. The assistant at the desk led him down the hallway filled with various pictures of whom appeared the be his client with chefs.

He eventually was on his own after the assistant knocked on the door and left, leaving Seungkwan a bit uneasy being so deep in a building he was unfamiliar with. His body jolted when he heard the gears of the doorknob turn and it opened as a man about the same stature as him stood before him and pushed up his glasses over the bridge of his nose.

They greeted each other formally with a polite bow and handshake before Seungkwan was invited into Mingyu’s workspace. Just as the rest of the building, it was brightly lit, something Seungkwan was beginning to envy. The natural light from the window that stretched from the ceiling to the floor lit the books sprawled over Mingyu’s desk as he unlocked his desktop for Seungkwan to see the problem.

“I haven’t been able to access my files since three days ago,” Mingyu ruffled his hair before coughing and fixing his glasses once more. “It’s a good thing the book draft isn’t due anytime soon but, y’know, the sooner the files can be recovered, the better.”

Seungkwan nodded as Mingyu stood up from his seat and Seungkwan sat down, scooting the chair much closer than originally. Mingyu leaned in with his left hand on the desk as Seungkwan placed a thumbdrive into the monitor and began installing the company’s software. Mingyu nodded as Seungkwan explained what the software does with its algorithms that look into every piece of information left on the hard drive to see where the files were physically stored.

But he wasn’t paying much attention to that. His eyes were caught by how the sun that filtered into the room lit Seungkwan’s hair to a soft beige, much like latte photos he shot last week. The way the worker’s hair swirled reminded him of the caramel swirl that was also prevalent in the photoshoot. It was a habit that only photographers in his field could relate to, but Mingyu’s comparisons had him entranced to Seungkwan.

“So, what exactly do you do?” Seungkwan coughed as he kept scrolling through the coding on the screen in front of him to break the awkward silence.

Mingyu shook his head to fall back into reality as he coughed in reply. “Oh, I’m a cookbook developer.”

Seungkwan glanced over and blinked in confusion, the two of them sharing a quick glance, before he quickly looked back at the screen. “So… you take pictures?”

“Not only that. I work with chefs, try their food, and watch them create their recipes step-by-step in order to make it easy to follow for average kitchen experimenters.”

“You sound like you’ve answered that question before,” Seungkwan snickered as Mingyu smiled back and joined in. “That sounds pretty cool though.”

“Yeah, it’s not a common job to have. But it is pretty nice.”

“Seems nicer than my job,” Seungkwan sighed.

“But you make a good amount of money, right? I bet you have a lot of clients as well since you guys are a software company.”

“I suppose. It puts bread on the table, but it isn’t anything exciting.”

Mingyu tapped the pads of his fingers on his thigh as he leaned over a bit more, close enough to properly observe the monitor and computer technician but far enough to keep a respectable distance. He wasn’t really sure why, but there was a comforting aura that Seungkwan emitted that filled Mingyu’s office space with something undeniably yet unknowingly serene.

Seungkwan leaned back in the seat as he watched the monitor restart and Mingyu gasped in excitement as he saw his desktop appear back to normal with the files present as if they were never deleted.

“Wow, thank you so much!” Mingyu gasped in relief as they traded spots again, Mingyu scrolling through, making sure every single file he needed was located. Seungkwan nodded as he pulled his jacket from the back of the chair and began putting his arms through his sleeves.

Mingyu smiled to fill the awkward silence as he led Seungkwan out of the room towards the exit. They walked somewhat side by side, Mingyu a step ahead as he was the one who mastered maneuvering through his building with Seungkwan following him. As Mingyu glanced back, Seungkwan’s gaze was glued to his phone as he looked up slightly to follow Mingyu’s shoes against the hardwood.

“Am I your only client today?” Mingyu asked, an attempt to start a conversation.

Seungkwan looked up and nodded. “Well, the only client who scheduled an appointment. I might be assigned someone else when I get back.”

“Why don’t I treat you out to lunch?” Mingyu offered. Seungkwan looked up and the two made eye contact, the younger holding a surprised facial expression.

“Oh, you don’t really need to, I can just grab a bite to eat nearby.”

“No, please, let me. It’s the least I could do for what you did for me. Plus, I know a great restaurant. Believe me, I personally know the chef.”

He knows better, Seungkwan definitely knows better since this is how Hansol’s love life ignited. He kept his eye contact duration at a minimum as he did not want to spark any interest in Mingyu. But it was free food, he would be a fool to throw that offer out the window.

It was one lunch date with a client. It was barely a date, it was just an outing. A professional outing with a purpose of gratitude. Surely this couldn’t lead to anything more serious to Seungkwan.

But surely, Seungkwan was wrong.

The following week, Seungkwan had Thursday off and decided to pay a visit to Soonyoung who relocated to Mapo for a job promotion. He knew he could trust him with these thoughts of Mingyu that raced through his head, especially since he had too much pride to admit to Hansol that they were in a similar situation. It has only been less than a week and yet Seungkwan can’t get the lunch date—he admits it being a date now— with Mingyu out of his mind.

During the lunch date with Mingyu, Seungkwan made a promise to himself not to allude to any future meetings with each other, which was quickly broken when him and Mingyu started to talk about themselves.

Seungkwan was surprised that Mingyu opened up to him—a data recovery employee he had just met a few hours ago. “I really love to cook,” Mingyu smiles as the two of them were waiting for their food to arrive at their table. “I’ve always been interested by it, it’s fascinating how I could combine a few ingredients together to create something new—a totally new creation.”

Mingyu grinned and Seungkwan couldn’t help but smile back. “Sounds like you’re really passionate… but, then, if you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t you become a chef?”

“Money,” Mingyu sighed. Seungkwan nodded in understanding. The taller one sipped his water and placed it on the table gently, sliding it back to its original position as he pulled his hand back and rubbed it on his thigh. “Plus, I lived with my grandma when I was younger so she couldn’t really afford to pay for culinary school… but I enjoyed my time cooking with her when she was alive.”

Seungkwan pouted. “Condolences.”

“Thank you, but she’s in a better place.” Mingyu smiled. “I got a communications degree at university and somehow ended up being hired by a company that develops cookbooks.” He chuckled a bit. “It’s pretty ironic, isn’t it?” The two nodded before Mingyu blinked and shook his head. “Oh, gosh, sorry. I’m talking too much about myself— what about you?”

“Me?” Seungkwan blinked. He shrugged before putting his water down. “I… there isn’t much really. I like computers and went to university with my best friend for it and now we work for a software company.”

“That’s pretty exciting,” Mingyu nodded. “I’m pretty bad at computers… hence, why we came into contact in the first place.” They shared a laugh before their waitress came over with their plates of food. Seungkwan oohed at how ornamented the food was displayed when it was set down on the placemats. They thanked her before Seungkwan grabbed his fork excitedly. “Wait!” Mingyu gasped.

Seungkwan blinked up and froze in his position and watched as Mingyu took out his phone while standing up before reorganizing their plates as he began shooting photos. “Um…” Seungkwan coughed, still in position, “what are you doing?”

“Oh, sorry,” Mingyu hummed as he walked around the table for a better photo angle, “this is something I do a lot… I appreciate the aesthetics of food as much as the creation of it.”

As intriguing as it sounded and as attractive as Mingyu looked while he was passionately taking photos of Seungkwan’s pasta, Seungkwan’s stomach had a mind of its own as it kept rumbling. He continuously rubbed it before Mingyu sat down and they could proceed eating. Sighing in relief, the younger one started eating and his eyes widened at how delicious the dish he ordered satisfied his taste buds.

Seeing the reaction, Mingyu grinned as he began eating his own food. “Good, huh?”

“Really good!” Seungkwan exclaimed with a mouth full of food. Mingyu snickered, Seungkwan blushing in embarrassment but also from Mingyu’s adorable expressions—which he didn’t admit until hours later.

The second Seungkwan stepped back into his apartment, it quickly dawned upon him that his routine had been broken. The Monday vibes that followed him throughout the week came to a halt when he finally realized it was only Wednesday afternoon and he had just came back from a lunch date with his client.

“It wasn’t a date,” he kept mumbling to himself as he set his bag down in its usual spot as he walked to his closet to change into more comfortable clothes. He came out in jogging pants as he went back to the kitchen, catching himself off-guard when he searched on his phone for pasta recipes for tonight’s dinner. He knew his usual routine of ordering jajjangmyeon is unhealthy but it was his routine. Cooking was not his routine. Neither was thinking of someone—whom he just met that day—the entire day.

Mingyu was not part of his routine.

But he could be.

When Soonyoung heard about his younger friend’s intuitive thoughts he gasped happily and hugged him tightly. “A-ah, hyung—” Seungkwan heaved as he felt the oxygen being squeezed out of him.

“Sorry, sorry!” Soonyoung giggled as he pulled back and fixed Seungkwan’s shirt. “I’m just really happy for you.” They continued their conversation at a nearby cafe as Soonyoung was on an hour break anyway. “You should stay the night,” Soonyoung hummed as he offered a spoonful of the bingsoo to his friend. “The subway ride isn’t that bad here, right?”

“It’s only an hour.” Seungkwan nodded as he opened his mouth and let his hyung feed him.

“Perfect! I’ll pull out the couch for you. So this guy, Mingyu, right?”

“Y-yeah that’s his name… Hyung, it’s weird though… I shouldn’t fall for someone so fast, right? Shouldn’t it take some time?”

Soonyoung paused with the spoon hovering over his tongue as he smiled cheekily. “So you admit you fell for him?”

Realizing the words that had just escaped his mouth, Seungkwan dropped his own spoon on the table and rubbed his cheeks. “Shit… Hyung, I’m really new to this.”

“I can tell. Do you want to talk to Junnie about it? He’s better at this sort of thing than me.”

Seungkwan shrugged. “Ah, maybe… but I’d rather just keep it between us. I don’t really want anyone else to know. Hansol doesn’t even know.”

Gasping, Soonyoung held his shirt dramatically as his chair scooted back a bit. “Really? I know before your best friend?” He pretended to sniffle and dabbed the napkin over his eyes. “I’m so touched, I really am your favourite hyung.”

“You’re about to me second after Jihoon hyung,” Seungkwan grumbled as he picked his spoon back up and kept eating. “Should I ask for a second date?”

“Do you have his number?”

“I have… his email.”

“That’s a bit weird, don’t you think? Shouldn’t emails be, y’know, professional?”

“It’s all I have.” Seungkwan pouted. “What? Should I personally ask him at his work building?”

“That’s a good idea!”

“Wha— no, Hyung that’s a terrible idea! And I’ll tell you why!”

“I’m listening,” Soonyoung leaned over and grinned to tease Seungkwan. Seungkwan pouted in response. Before looking down and silently admitting defeat. “I know you’re shy and emailing seems like the best way to handle this, but maybe you should do it in person. It shows you’re more interested too.”

Seungkwan never really believed in pep talks, especially ones to himself, but he constantly gave himself pep talks the whole way back to Gangnam. From his subway stop to the next subway line towards Mingyu’s building, with the five minute walk in between before reaching the actual address. He stood in front of the door, just like the first time he had, and took a deep breath before marching in with the plan of walking straight to Mingyu’s office.

He forgot about the front desk as soon as he stepped in and sheepishly walked over to her to ask for Mingyu. She replied that he was out of the office and at a restaurant working with a chef at their restaurant as they currently speak. A bit discouraged, Seungkwan was about to give up but he boldly asked for the location address, which she kindly gave to him.

It took another forty-five minute subway ride as Seungkwan attempted to casually walk by the restaurant before he almost lost his balance when he saw Mingyu through the window plating a dish with cameras and lighting surrounding the table. Thankfully, Mingyu spotted him and waved him to come inside so Seungkwan wouldn’t make a fool of himself.

The hug—the warm and secure hug—that Mingyu greeted Seungkwan with was surprisingly pleasant and left him dazed as Mingyu pulled back. “Funny seeing you here, I’m just getting ready this plate of food ready for its shoot.”

“I thought you just write cookbooks.”

Mingyu shook his head before shrugging. “Well, I do do that, but I also do this on the side for another company. Funny, my whole life revolves around food,” he chuckled. Seungkwan blushed a bit and nodded.

He took a deep breath before sighing. “Actually, I was wondering… are you… when… um… I… what are you doing after this?”

“Um… probably going to just head back to my place and edit these pictures… why, do you have plans?”

Seungkwan shook his head. “I… do you want to go to dinner? I mean— out to dinner? Or maybe into dinner? If we decide to go to my place… oh gosh—” he turned his head and coughed as Mingyu smiled.

“I’d love to have dinner with you. Actually, maybe I can cook something for you and bring it over? I love cooking for people.”

“I love eating other people’s cooking,” Seungkwan joked, smiling when Mingyu laughed at his at attempt of a corny joke. They exchanged numbers and Seungkwan sent him his address before he waved at Mingyu to leave him to his business. “I’ll see you at seven?”

“Seven’s good for me,” Mingyu grinned.

-

“You usually don’t call this early,” Junhui snickered into the receiver as Seungkwan grasped on the other line. “Soonyoung’s still asleep and he left his phone in the kitchen to charge.”

“Ah… Hyung… I was just—”

“Dont worry, he told me everything. You know your Hyung.” Seungkwan groaned but accepted it as Junhui hummed. “So? How was your home dinner with Mingyu, was it?”

“Yeah, his name is Mingyu,” Seungkwan nodded before sighing. “Hyung, I think he’s too perfect for me.”

“What do you mean?” Junhui asked as he unplugged the phone and walked back to the bedroom and smiled when he saw Soonyoung sprawled across their bed. “I don’t think anyone can be too perfect, Seungkwan.”

“Hyung, you haven’t met Kim Mingyu. He can cook, he can clean, he’s tall, he’s handsome, he’s—everything.”

Junhui chuckled. “I don’t think that’s everything, Seungkwan,” he replied as he fixed the blanket and pulled it up to Soonyoung’s shoulder as he sat down next to him. “But it seems like you really like him.”

Seungkwan whined as he lied back down on his own mattress as he turned his head to look at the kitchen where he remembered when Mingyu taught him how to cut tomatoes properly the night before. “I just… maybe I need to slow my roll.”

“Did he spend the night?”

“No, he has another restaurant photoshoot thing in the morning. I would have let him stay though otherwise. Or is that moving things too soon? Oh my gosh, Hyung, this is so hard.”

“Just breathe, Seungkwan,” Junhui suggested as he continued to stroke Soonyoung’s head as he scooted closer to Junhui on the mattress. “Are you guys official yet?”

“What does that mean?”

“Y’know, you’re actually dating? An official couple? Though, I take it from that question that you two aren’t.”

“We… aren’t.” Seungkwan sighed.

“Do you want to be official?”

“I don’t know, Hyung. I just… don’t know.”

“Still no response?” Seokmin asked, pouring a cup of tea in the kitchen as Mingyu leaned back against the couch and sighed before locking his phone.

“Nothing. Won’t even respond to my texts even though I know he read them.”

Seokmin walked over with the two mugs to accompany his friend. Mingyu pulled out the coasters before Seokmin set them down on the table. “Maybe he’s busy?”

“I don’t think it’s possible to be busy enough to ignore someone’s messages and phone calls for practically a month.” Mingyu sighed and blew on the tea before sipping it carefully, feeling the warmth distribute throughout his entire body. “I think… he got over me.”

“Mingyu, don’t say that,” Seokmin frowned as he held his own cup of tea, keeping his palms warm. “I’m sure there’s more to this than you think.”

Sitting up and placing the mug back on the coaster, Mingyu shook his head. “You’re giving him too much benefit of the doubt, Seok. I wanted to tell him so much, I thought we… I thought we clicked really well, but I guess the feelings died down on his end.”

“Well,” Seokmin sighed as he rubbed the taller one’s back, “what about that job interview you have next week? What if you get it?”

“It’s my dream job. I want it more than anything,” Mingyu exhaled before turning his head to look  over at his friend’s sympathetic expression before smiling. “If I get it, it’s surely meant to be. But… I just wish that I’d get his opinion on it. It would mean a lot to me.”

“You don’t have to be strapped down for someone, you know that.”

“I know that. I definitely know that. But… I just… Seok, I would stay for him.”

“Wow, this is really something, huh?” Seokmin asked, smiling when Mingyu shyly nodded before rubbing the back of his neck. “You know normally, I would have texted Minghao to come over and smack sense into you, but I think he would be behind me when I say that if you really like him, then let’s see what happens then.”

“You mean—?”

“I mean, if you get the job and he answers your call and convinces you to stay, then we won’t stop you from staying for him.”

“—and for you guys—”

“No, you know we’d always stay in contact with you,” Seokmin grinned. “If you and Seungkwan are meant to be, then let’s wait until after that interview.”

“You’re awfully quiet these days during lunch, even for you,” Hansol observed as he nudged Seungkwan by kicking his ankle under the table. Seungkwan shook out of his train of thought and shrugged as he went back to eating his food. “And you don’t really eat anything except salads either… Are you… okay?”

“I’m peachy,” Seungkwan responded with a mouth full of lettuce in his mouth.

Hansol snickered and offered a napkin when part of the dressing dripped from Seungkwan’s fork. He watched his friend wipe it before he pouted a bit. “You’re not telling me something.”

“I tell you everything.”

“Except whatever’s on your mind right now, apparently.”

“There’s nothing on my mind now.”

“You ignored my whole spiel of how Seungcheol Hyung and I are official.” Hansol pouted before jumping when Seungkwan dropped his fork on the floor and his eye twitched. “Something’s definitely going through your mind, Boo.” He offered to help clean up but frowned when Seungkwan nudged him not to as he cleaned up the spill and fork off the floor. “Seungkwan…”

“I fell in love with a client too,” Seungkwan confessed.

Hansol blinked. “Oh, you did? That one you had like two months ago?”

“Yeah, that’s the guy. Kim Mingyu. Mr. Perfect. He’s so perfect, Hansol, oh my gosh—”

Processing the information, Hansol gradually smiled. “Well, I’m happy for you—”

“We haven’t talked in three weeks,” the other sighed. He began eating his salad once again as Hansol pushed his plate of pasta on the side before leaning his elbows on the table.

“Why?”

“Did you not hear what I said? He’s so perfect… I can’t fall in love with someone like that. Not someone like me.”

“Whoa whoa, slow down,” Hansol leaned in closer and patted his best friend’s arm. “Nobody said anything about falling in love yet. Just if you like him and he likes you back.”

“That’s the problem… I think we like each other but I don’t think we should fall in love with each other.”

It was silent for the rest of the lunch break. Hansol didn’t want to push Seungkwan too far with questions and Seungkwan didn’t want to vent that much about the subject. This was new to them, being quiet to each other, but they began to open up into conversation again as they headed back to the office.

“Has he been trying to talk to you?”

“I’ve been ignoring his texts and calls…”

“Seungkwan… that’s not how relationships work.”

“I know—no, actually no. I don’t know how relationships work. I don’t know how any of this shit works!” Seungkwan ruffled his hair as Hansol patted his back. He sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you earlier but… it might be too late now.”

“You know it’s never too late to fix this, right? And, who knows— maybe he feels the same way about you.”

He took a long and thoughtful look at his best friend before Seungkwan shook his head back to reality. “I’m sorry, I’m just surprised that you actually gave me good and legitimate advice.”

“Oh, fuck you too,” Hansol grunted before the two of them laughed together. “Let me stay over, it’s been awhile since I have and I want to be there for you when you talk to Mingyu.” Seungkwan raised an eyebrow at Hansol’s kind gesture before his friend sighed. “Yeah, okay, Seungcheol might be out of town for the weekend and I might need company so—” Seungkwan snickered as Hansol’s cheeks turned red out of embarrassment before smiling when Seungkwan offered his place.

“That’s strange,” Seungkwan grumbled as he was brushing his teeth in the bathroom while pulling the phone away from his left ear.

“What strange?” Hansol asked loudly from the living room, causing Seungkwan to jump surprised.

“He isn’t picking up. His phone leads straight to voicemail.”

“Why would you call him while brushing your teeth?” Hansol laughed. “Were you really going to talk to him with all that foam in your mouth?”

Seungkwan spit out the toothpaste in his mouth before rinsing and walking out with a pout towards the couch where his best friend was settled with a blanket and extra pillow. He sat down and whined. “I can just spit out the foam, you know…” He sighed. “He really didn’t pick up though.”

“Well, maybe his phone died,” suggested Hansol. Seungkwan sighed and nodded, mumbling how he’ll call in the morning before Hansol looked over and saw the voicemail icon on the status bar. “Have you not checked your voicemail.”

“You know I never check my voicemail.”

“Do you see how much voicemail you have?” Hansol gasped as he picked up Seungkwan’s phone. “There’s so many! These are all probably Mingyu Hyung too, I think you should listen to them. He probably wanted to tell you a lot… It would also be polite to when he picks up the phone tomorrow morning.”

“Y-yeah… I guess that’s fair,” Seungkwan nodded as he picked up his phone and put it to his ear to hear the messages. He felt his heart melt at the sound of Mingyu’s voice, but that smile began to fade with every message he heard.

“Hey, Kwannie. I had a really fun night cooking for you at your place last week. I’m really sorry I couldn’t stay over. I would have loved to. Maybe we could do it again? I was thinking this weekend. Let me know!”

“You’re pretty bad at responding these days,” Mingyu chuckled. “I hope you’re doing well. Anyway, I was really inspired by all of the encouragement you gave me the other night and, well, I decided that I was going to pursue cooking again. Not only for my grandma, but for you as well. I’ve been talking to the chefs I work with to help me see what I can do. Ah, I just wanted to thank you again for that. I hope I can repay you for this.”

“Are you doing okay? I don’t really hear from you as much. Or at all,” Mingyu mumbled. “Anyway, I have an interview in two days and, well, it would mean a lot if I could get your opinion on it? The job, I mean. It’s just that, if I get it then it means that I would leave the country to pursue culinary school. The chefs put in a good word for me too, so I might actually have a chance but I don’t want to make a decision before I hear your input because, well, it means a lot to me. I hope you call me back.”

Seungkwan never bothered hearing the last message in his inbox as he threw his phone onto the loveseat adjacent to the couch, making Hansol squeal at the action before he saw Seungkwan sniffling, tears dripping onto his thighs.

“Kwan?” Hansol softly called out as he frowned and saw Seungkwan burst into tears. He quickly scooted over and threw the blanket over the crying one’s shoulders and pulled him closer. He rubbed his shoulders and let Seungkwan lean on his own. “Kwan, what happened?”

“I’m such a dumbass… he… he really felt the same way.”

He couldn’t stand seeing his friend like this. “Then, l-let’s camp out of his company building tonight!” Seungkwan looked up, shocked, while wiping the continuous tears rolling down his cheek. “I’m serious! Since you don’t know where he lives, at least you know where he works, right? We’ll just wait there until he comes to work! And then— then, you two can work things out, okay?” Seungkwan couldn’t speak but just nodded as Hansol stood up and pulled the blanket off the two of them and went to get their shoes. “We’ll make it work, Kwan.”

Seungkwan was surprised to wake up to the front desk worker nudging him as he leaned against the building, sitting on the concrete floor covered in a blanket with Hansol sleeping on his shoulder. “Oh good,” she sighed in relief. “I just came to open up and— are you looking for Mingyu?” Seungkwan’s eyes quickly widened after he rubbed his eyes to adjust to the bright atmosphere before he felt his heart drop as her smile changed. “He doesn’t work here anymore.”

“W-what?” Seungkwan asked in disbelief. “B-but— w-what happened?”

“Did he not tell you?” she pouted as she kneeled down to his eye-level. “He got a new job—his dream job—so he resigned here and moved just this morning.”

From the conversation, Hansol woke up and was also surprised to see the worker in front of them. He pouted when he looked over at Seungkwan and saw how much his hands were shaking while gripping his legs tightly close to his chest.

“W-where did he move?”

“Paris.”

Hansol blinked. “Mingyu moved to Paris?”

“That’s right. One of the chefs here gave a recommendation to his alma mater about Mingyu and they accepted him just two days ago.” Before Seungkwan could ask where Mingyu went, she stood up when her alarm went off as she bid the two farewell and entered the building. Seungkwan sat completely still, processing what had just happened before he frantically pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Mingyu’s number.

The number you have reached is unavailable as it is no longer in service.

“Fuck, no,” Seungkwan’s voice trembled. He redialed at least four times, persistently hearing the same message before Hansol grabbed the phone out of his hands. Seungkwan covered his face and began to sob. “I’m… too late…”

“No, no don’t say that. We’ll find a way, Kwan—”

“I don’t think... there are anymore... ways around this, Sol,” Seungkwan shook his head while still covering his face, both of them paying no attention to the increasing number of bystanders that kept glancing at them as the morning rush came around. “We really weren’t meant to be…”

Hansol frowned before gripping onto Seungkwan’s shoulders and shaking him. “Kwan, listen to yourself, you sound like a complete fool!”

“I am a fool!” Seungkwan wailed. “A fool who was in love and a fool who let that all slip away from such stupid and foolish thoughts!” Hansol let Seungkwan cry on his shoulder, rubbing his back as an affectionate sign of solace—the only thing he could offer at this time. The two headed back to Seungkwan’s apartment, thankful that they both had the day off.

Looking over, seeing his friend mumbling to himself—of probably negative thoughts—Hansol nudged him. “Seungkwan…” the other looked up as Hansol sighed. “We’ll find a way, okay?”

“Okay…” Seungkwan replied hopelessly.

“Hey… if you two were really meant to be, it’ll happen. It was just the wrong time.”

Seungkwan sighed. “Sol, I told you before. I don’t think we’re meant to be together.”

“Yes, Hyung, I heard you loud and clear,” Seungkwan rolled his eyes as he was filing through paperwork on his desk that Jihoon handed him just this morning. “I’m almost done with this and then I’ll go grab the other files from the third floor after lunch.” After Jihoon gave more instructions, Seungkwan sighed in relief as he hung up his phone. He checked his watch and grumbled how he had to meet Hansol downstairs in a few minutes for lunch.

He rushed down after going through all the papers, thankful that Chan was his assistant now so that he could finish the job for him. After being promoted two ranks, Seungkwan’s focus from work transitioned from client work to paperwork. He didn’t mind though, he didn’t have to run in and out of the building every other day, but he shifted between the third and fourth floor constantly. It was less of a demanding task to his mind and body though.

Seungkwan managed to walk out of the building just in time as Hansol showed up outside the door. “Hey, wow, look at you with your cool pin Jihoon hyung gave you,” Hansol snickered as Seungkwan pushed his face away.

The two walked to the new restaurant that had just opened last week that became a local favourite to their little pocket of town. Hansol managed to squeeze a reservation last minute thanks to Seungcheol for knowing the management. They both oohed at the sight of the building’s interior as the host led them to their table.

“Shit,” Seungkwan whispered, “the food here must be really expensive then.”

“Good think you’re paying then, huh?” Hansol snickered as they both sat down. After looking over at the menu and ordering their food, they began catching up as Hansol was complaining about graduate school. “Yeah, it’s been rough,” Hansol sighed as he rubbed his neck, “but Cheol hyung has been a really good support line… I mean, you know, besides my best friend.”

“Yeah, you better not forget about me!” Seungkwan rolled his eyes. “Leaving me and going back to school to pursue a master’s degree? I mean, who does that?” Hansol raised his hand and laughed when Seungkwan kicked his leg under the table before sighing. “I’m happy for you though, Sol. You two seem serious too, huh?”

“Thank you,” Hansol smiled. “Yeah, Hyung and I moved in together just last month. It was a big step for the two of us but… we’re happy. I’m happy for you too. You’ve been doing alright, right?”

Seungkwan shrugged, eyeing the food coming over to their table before smiling. “Yeah, more or less. Same old, same old.” Before eating, Seungkwan told Hansol to freeze, causing him to squeal, only to sigh and chuckle when he watched Seungkwan take his phone out and stand up, rearranging the plates before taking multiple pictures.

“Wow, you still do this?” Hansol snickered.

“Old habits, I guess,” Seungkwan hummed before he sat back down and Hansol started scarfing down his food. Just by the mere smell of the food, Seungkwan felt a sense of comfort, a sense of familiarity, a sense of love. Then again, he was probably just hungry. With that first bite, he paused. Hansol looked over while wiping his mouth and blinked at his friend’s blank expression. Seungkwan, shaking out of his trance, called over their waiter. “C-can you send my compliments to the chef? Or can I… possibly see the chef?”

“Well,” the waiter hummed, “since this is still considered opening week, let me call him out for you.” Seungkwan smiled thankfully as the waiter left, leaving Hansol puzzled.

“If you’re Wonwoo, then...yeah.” You weren’t really sure how to talk to him; you knew of him, but you didn’t really KNOW him. He simply nodded and motioned you to follow him, which you obliged.

“So, just a heads up, I’m not sure if you’re a straight A student or what, but um-” He nervously looked around, remembering that he wasn’t a very talkative person and wondered what had triggered him to suddenly burst out sentences so confidently. “I’m not exactly smart, and so I’m apologizing in advance if my participation in this project brings our grade down.” He looked down, slightly embarrassed and slightly hopeful that you would be forgiving. You simply looked at him confused, wondering what aspect of you made him think you were a straight A student.

 “Wonwoo, I’m literally nowhere from a straight A student; I have no idea what you’re talking about!” He looked up immediately, relief evident in his eyes.

“Oh, okay...that’s good…” He whispered, the introvert inside him suddenly swallowing him up again after a short burst of confidence.

 And that’s how your and Wonwoo’s partnership continued for the next week. Him showing up at your house an hour after school ended, silently walking into the kitchen and shaking his head when you offered him water, and just dead silence as both of you worked separately on two different computers, two different sections, two different worlds.

 That is, until one day when it was finally time to construct the main poster, the poster which you had to present and the only part of the project that you dreaded most. You weren’t sure how you were going to stand in front of a class of 20 people and explain to them why the Ancient Greeks were important to the modern society. You were even more unsure how Wonwoo was going to even talk, at all.

 Shaking your head to get the thoughts out of your mind, you turned around to get a piece of construction paper, but instead of feeling the rough surface of the colored paper, you felt soft skin. Soft skin that was warm and sent tingles up your arm, forming goosebumps and a happy feeling inside your head. You looked up and saw Wonwoo looking straight at you, a special glint in his eyes and a soft smile creeping up.

 From that day on, every bit of silence, awkwardness, and peace disappeared. Sounds of laughter, lectures, explanations, jokes, stories, and small arguments filled in the silence, while the warm friendliness and close friendship replaced the awkwardness that was present before.

 Before you both knew it, doomsday had finally arrived: the day you and Wonwoo had to present your poster that you both had spent countless hours working on. Sitting next to each other in the classroom, you and Wonwoo exchanged nervous looks, each explanation running through both your heads.

 One presentation went by. Then another. Then another. Then another.

 “Wonwoo and (Y/N)?” the teacher asked, looking around the classroom. The moment you heard your name, a small shiver went through you, which Wonwoo noticed. As you both stood up to walk in front of the classroom, Wonwoo rubbed your arm to give your strength, warmth, and the assurance of a friend. Nevertheless, each step you took was like stepping in sticky cement, as if your feet would stay stuck to the ground and suck up all of your energy. After what felt like a thousand years, you were facing the class of 25, alongside with Wonwoo who was visibly trembling from fear.

 You looked over at him the same moment he looked over at you, and a mutual feeling of security and hope grew inside you both. Suddenly smiling, you and Wonwoo, in harmony, presented the project together, with no mistakes, no hesitations, and no fear.

 It wasn’t only 6 days later that you both felt the same fear in your hearts. The familiar thump, thump, thump of the heart, the increase in the rate of breathing, and the dilation of your caramel colored eyes. Sitting together, you reached your hand out and placed it in his larger hand, wanting someone to comfort your nervousness and fear. He flinched slightly at your sudden touch, a smile trying not to creep onto his face.

 The teacher walked by, dropped the white computer paper onto your table face down. You bent down, lifted the bottom left corner of the report, and in bright, red pen markings, a big fat:

 A

 You eyes and mouth opened so wide a fly could have flown in and made a nice home. Dropping the corner, you practically leaped across the aisle and flung your arms around his neck, breathing in the scent of his cologne and smiling widely.

 “Wha-um I uh-what-” Wonwoo stammered uncontrollably, not knowing what was going on. The wind from your movements had caused the paper to slowly float to the ground, showing a bright red “A.”

 His eyes opened wide, like big saucers, and grabbed you by your shoulders, pulled you off him, and said,

 “Oh my god, (Y/N), I really love you.” Upon realizing what he just confessed, he released you from his grips and ran off, his heart beating fast and his mind going crazy with scoldings.

Two weeks had passed by in a blink and during that short time, Vernon had found interest in the little things, like the rare laugh that she’d utter every time he attempted to be funny. She, in return, appreciated his efforts and enjoyed their conversations. She loved the way they could sit in complete silence sometimes; the way he didn’t have to fill it. Most of all, she loved his smile. It was too contagious, and even she couldn’t resist it.

Somewhere along those days, Seungcheol decided to take Vernon and her out to a karaoke bar, of all places. He said it was to celebrate the “growth in female customers thanks to their prodigy,” a sentence that made her roll her eyes.

She’d put on her favorite pair of out-of-work-skinny-jeans and a striped black sweater. Her ivory coat and scarf kept her warm.

Vernon rarely wore his snapback, but the bomber jacket was still very much attached to him. She always told him how he should’ve gotten a warmer jacket by now, or gloves for that matter, but no, Vernon was always finding unconvincing excuses not to dress warmly.

The bar was surprisingly empty, even though it was two days before New Year's Eve. The three of them settled down at a table in the corner, next to the single small stage. One of the waitresses took their orders and a few drinks later, Seungcheol was attempting to sing the chorus to a somewhat familiar song.

Vernon’s grin spread across his entire face. He furrowed his brows with amusement every time Seungcheol strove to hit a high note and then proceeded to clap joyfully when he managed it.

The two boys got along as if they had known each other for years. They were able to be simply boys, something she had never been able to be for Seungcheol. It was always fun to watch and even more fun being part of it. A little happiness along the usual monotonous days was much needed, as Seungcheol would say.

Somewhere along the fits of laughter, high notes, and Vernon’s claps, Seungcheol decided to ask her to sing.

“Your turn,” he gleamed.

Her brows shot up and she shook her head a couple of times while waving her hands around in denial, “Nooooo. No way. I can’t sing.”

Seungcheol moved over to Vernon’s side, placing both hands on his shoulders, “She’s lyiiiing,” he teased, with his eyes fixated on hers,“She can totally sing. In fact...”

He shifted his body over to her this time, placing his hands on her shoulders and squeezing lightly, “...She’s the best singer I know. Top of her class.”

She shook her head, switching gazes between Vernon and Seungcheol. “Stop bragging about me,” she complained, her voice soft and squeaky. She didn’t want to dig back into her college days.

Seungcheol pouted and she could see Vernon’s little smile vanish. She perceived that he had a glint of interest in his eyes, a kind of hope and expectation. He was curious, wanting to hear her sing, wanting to know more about the mysterious “ice queen.”

They locked their eyes together for a moment. A string of silence between them was interrupted by yet another plead from Seungcheol, “C’moooon. Please? Pretty please?”

She held Vernon’s expectant gaze and got up stubbornly, “Fine.”

While she walked over to the stage, Seungcheol cheered her on a little too loudly. She shot him a sharp gaze and he sat down silently. Vernon was almost on the edge of his seat at this point, his eyes glued to her face.

“Which song, though?” she asked. Looking around, she realized that she had zero clues as to what she could sing.

“How about the one you’d always play last summer?” Seungcheol suggested.

“Fine?”

“Yeah that one!” he said excitedly, flipping through the songs catalog until he found the one. “Got it,” he said and sat back down before pressing the play button.

She nodded, shuffling her feet in place and looking down at them. The first few notes played and her eyes met Vernon’s; goose bumps ran up her arms. An unexpected feeling. It had been long since she sang. She took a deep breath and she started.

Between the meaningless jokes, back-and-forth conversations And all the people, I look like I’m fine I pretend to be numb and I try to smile I try to turn around from your shadow but...

Her voice was a little shaky and unpracticed but pleasant to the ears. Seungcheol’s smile spread wide across his face. He remembered how she used to sing to herself in her apartment, dancing in place with a smile as wide as it could get. If only she could go back to being her old self.

Vernon sat in silence, taking in her every move and every sound with his lips slightly parted in awe. The way she carried herself on stage was beautiful. It was like she was engulfed in the rhythm and lyrics, blocking out the world around her. 

She heard herself singing the words as if she was somewhere outside of herself. It felt like she was choking on the lyrics that felt too raw, too personal, too real -- just like the memories that she so desperately tried to obliterate.

...I keep thinking About our last moment A calm goodbye with the words “take care”  “Not yet” I tell myself, like a fool...

She didn’t realize how much the song would hurt her. She was a fool indeed. A fool to love Jeonghan and a fool to come here with Seungcheol and Vernon. She regretted singing, let alone singing in front of them. She pretended so well, hiding her pain from Seungcheol, hiding it from herself and everyone around her. 

With the last few verses, she felt the tears crawling down her cheeks and the lump that grew in her throat didn’t make it any easier. Instead of stopping, she continued, with a voice more powerful than ever. The words came through her tears, her voice cracking at the very end.

...I can’t swallow the words that linger in my mouth It’s not fine Ah ah ah it’s not fine oh Ah ah ah it’s not fine

With her last shaky breath, she lowered her head in an attempt to hide the tears that were already apparent. She let out another, steadier breath but it was too late to hide anything. Her voice had made her into a mirror, reflecting her true, broken self in front of them.

She saw Seungcheol’s smile drop instantly. He understood immediately that she was anything but fine and that all this time she just pretended. He thought she’d gotten better over the year, but unfortunately, he was wrong.

Vernon, on the other hand, had a million thoughts running through his head, trying to piece together a puzzle of the story that no one told him. How bad was this break-up? What did that guy do to hurt her so bad? Bad enough for her to hide all good things inside herself, bad enough for her to cry unconscious tears while singing a song that seemed somehow familiar to her?

Before anyone could endure any more of the awkward silence, she placed the microphone down and made her way off the stage.

“I should get going,” she mumbled under her breath, trying to steady herself yet again. Raising her head, she flashed a fake smile to both of them, her glassy eyes not able to fool anyone.

Cheol

10:43 A.M.

Do you want to talk about what happened last night?

11:22 A.M.

You’re clearly not “fine”, so please talk to your best friend at least.

12:00 P.M.

:(

12:32 P.M.

Okay, at least promise me you’re coming to the New Year’s Eve Party. You’re in charge after all. You can’t not come...

12:33 P.M.

And besides, it wouldn’t feel the same without you.

12:34 P.M.

Plus, Vernon’s gonna perform a new song that he wrote! I know you wanna hear it.

12:35 P.M.

You totally wanna hear it, don’t you?

Her phone kept beeping throughout the rest of the day, but she couldn’t handle talking to Seungcheol, not yet. Now that he could see how unhappy she really was, he would find any excuse to stay, but she couldn’t let that happen. She was too much of a burden to him already.

Then there was Vernon too, who looked at her last night with so much curiosity and sincerity in his eyes. She couldn’t begin to imagine what had been running through his mind and the questions he’d probably asked Seungcheol. Eventually, he would ask her, but she hadn’t yet decided if she was going to answer those questions. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to face him just yet. To her relief, the New Year’s Eve Party wasn’t until tomorrow.

The dance floor was already bustling with the crowds of different people. Tonight, everything looked like a blur of glitter and color, only she was on the less sparkly side. A full-length black dress with a v cut hugged her curves. The lack of sleeves compensated for the lack of sparkle. Her perfectly straightened hair was swept to the side, revealing a silver dangling earring. She looked nothing like the girl who choked up over a song. Once again, she put on her polished mask. The mask that seemed to fool everyone, even Seungcheol himself.

She hid her sadness so well that her best friend didn’t even notice, and he usually noticed everything. Well, almost everything, Seungcheol thought as she finally walked up to him.

“…Are you really okay?” he asked carefully after a while of small talk and exchanged hellos. Noticing how she furrowed her brows, he quickly added, “I mean, I know you’re not but…”

She sighed, “Let’s not. At least not tonight, okay?”

He nodded, pursing his lips. He knew better than to pressure her and besides, it was New Year’s Eve. At least she tried being happy and he wanted to make sure she stayed that way even when he was gone. If he could leave her, that was.

Her expression softened, a smile appearing on her face and she added, “I like your suit by the way. Very sleek.”

It was a simple black one, with a white button up underneath his jacket. No tie, typical Seungcheol.

“Then you’ll love Vernon’s suit,” he smirked. “He’s backstage,” he added, taking note on how she automatically turned her head towards the stage at the mention of Vernon’s name.

She shot him a glare, unable to wipe a small smile off her face and made her way towards what they called a “backstage.” It was more of a tiny storage room behind the one big curtain.

As she approached the door, reaching out for the handle, Vernon burst out of the room coming face to face with her.

“Hey! You’re here!” he exclaimed excitedly. His face lighting up at the mere sight of her, as he was afraid he wouldn’t see her again. He quickly brushed the ridiculous thought off, replacing it with a thought of her smile instead.

He wore a black men's dress shirt that was embellished with silver along the seams and a matching black tie. His hair was an utter mess, as usual. His hands were always fidgeting with his bangs and no matter how many times he pushed them away, they always seemed to fall back into place.

She almost stumbled back on her heels when he swung open that door, but regained her balance coolly, brushing her hair to the side.

“I’m here,” she smiled softly. She noticed the way his tie was sitting and suppressed a small laugh, shaking her head instead.

“C’mere,” she beckoned, pulling him gently by the hem of his collar.

Even though a little stunned by her bold action, he obeyed and shifted his body weight towards her. Her hands reached over his head, lifting up his collar. She put her delicate fingers around his tie, folding it as easily as she’d wrap a band-aid around her finger.

He watched her, not her hands, but her eyelashes and the way she’d curl her lip with every fold of the tie. He couldn’t help but think of the streaks of tears that ran down those pink cheeks last night. Despite wanting to know more and ask her endless questions, he kept quiet. This wasn’t the night to bring it up. Let her smile, he thought.

“There,” she patted him on the chest, “Looks perfect now,” she said, looking up at him through her lashes.

He held her gaze, smiling softly. A private smile that she liked to think was just for her.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“You’re welcome,” she whispered back.

The wave of excited screams broke their muffled silence. The screams of young girls weren’t anything new, but today it sounded twice as grand. Everyone waited for Vernon to take the stage, to perform those couple of songs before the clock would strike twelve. Then, everyone would get back to dancing and drinking, wishing each other a happy new year. She would most likely be at her table in the far back, admiring him as usual and singing along to his lyrics.

“They’re waiting,” she whispered, and distantly knew that the cheering had grown louder, but all she could feel was her heart beating and his electric breath on her face.

“Vernon, man! Get out there sometime BEFORE midnight,” one of the stage crew yelled.

He nodded slowly as if coming out of a dream. He forced his eyes away from her with an effort that was visible to everyone but her. He grinned, “I’ll come find you later. Hope you enjoy the show!”

And he opened the curtains and ran out to the screams. She was blinded by the stage lights, outlining only his figure, which was shining like the most brilliant of diamonds.

She says she loves my rap “Men that make music have a cool vibe” I say without thinking that it's nothing And then she said, are you always going to front like this? And then she like, where are we going? How about the Han river until the late night? With the river next to the cool wind Forget everything while talking Rest your head on my shoulders next And look up at me slightly from there, yeah I try to play it cool But eventually, you make me laugh. Yeah, that’s you...

...And the crowd went wild. Several pairs of hands clapped cheerfully. There were men in suits and ladies in miniskirts. Not a single person hesitated to clap or cheer Vernon on, especially not her and Seungcheol.

Vernon stood on stage, waving to every single corner of the crowd and bowing humbly in the process.  He seemed happy and unphased by anything else and that’s when she realized: amongst all those people she was but a speck of dust in his rapidly expanding universe.

“You’re leaving?!” Seungcheol gasped as she got up and threw her coat over her shoulders. “It’s almost midnight!”

She shook her head in denial, “Not leaving, just getting away from all the noise.”

He knew exactly where she was going: the balcony upstairs. It was the one place in the club where she could be at peace and no one knew about it but her and Seungcheol.

He frowned, “You sure you wanna spend the last few minutes of this year alone?”

"I'm a strong and independent woman, I can handle my own bar fights and everything," she squeezed his shoulder for emphasis, trying to convince them both.

She walked off, unable to resist stealing a few glances at Vernon, who had left the stage to be in the midst of the dancing crowd.

The air was cold, and yet there was no snow. Another disappointment. The clear sky was filled with tiny specks of stars, sparkling in the distance. Only a few minutes remained until midnight and she stood there alone. She tried to ignore the feeling of loneliness, but she couldn’t. She scolded herself for being like this. It’s not like Seungcheol didn’t want her down there. He was her best friend after all, but then again, it wasn’t Seungcheol’s attention that she craved in that moment.

But to her, it didn’t seem like Vernon was very eager to find her. He’d lost himself in the crowd, probably enjoying every moment of it. Those toxic thoughts crept into her mind as she stood there, hugging herself.

“Uuuugh, get it together!” she suddenly snapped. “You don’t like him. You don’t need to like him and he most definitely doesn’t like you.”

“Who doesn’t like you?”

Her head snapped back to meet eyes with Vernon, who stood there dumbfounded (without a jacket) by her one-on-one conversation with herself. She’d hoped he didn’t hear the first part. How did he even know how to get up here? She asked herself but then quickly realized it was the work of Seungcheol.

“Vernon?” she furrowed her brows, “What’re you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be downstairs celebrating? It’s almost midnight.”

“I could ask you the same question,” he teased and then scrunched his nose and shrugged, “I was looking for you. Seungcheol pointed the way.”

She chuckled, avoiding his gaze, unaware of the tingling sensation in her stomach. Smooth, she thought.

“Did you like the song?” he asked, in an attempt to lighten the mood even more. He stepped closer and leaned against the railing and their shoulders brushed as he shifted even closer.

“I loved the song,” she replied and met his gaze, “Han river, though? Not Hudson? Hudson’s jealous,” she teased with a chuckle.

He laughed. His eyes, being the color of burnt honey, sparkled even in the midst of the night. The tingling feeling in her stomach grew when his smile stretched so wide that it threatened to swallow her whole and she found hers answering his.

“I’m sorry, Hudson,” he joked, with a dramatic pout, “but I’m glad you loved the song.” He looked like a kid who’d just received an A+ for his homework. It was heart warming.

Once again, he’d tossed all her concerns out the window. Somehow, he never seemed to fail. It hadn’t been too long since they’d met and she was more than used to seeing him almost every day. The thoughts of him eventually leaving and living his dream threatened to break through again, but she pushed them back, focusing on his contagious smile.

“Oh!” she gasped as if remembering something and turned to walk back inside, “Wait here.”

She reappeared in a couple of moments, holding a large packet wrapped with shiny gift wrapping paper.

“Consider it a late Christmas gift,” she said as she handed him the packet.

He unwrapped it as carefully as he could to reveal a black puffy winter jacket.

“Oh my God. You didn’t have to! Thank you,” He smiled and immediately put it on, struggling with the zipper.

She shook her head comically. “You’re welcome and that’s not how you work a zipper,” she said, pulling him closer (a second time this night) by the hem of the jacket. She zipped up the jacket and reached behind his neck for the hood, pulling it over his head.

“There,” she smiled, tugging at the edges of the hood, “Now you won’t freeze to death in that snapback and bomber jacket of yours.”

“Thank you,” he breathed, looking into her eyes with a smile as wide as it could get.

The strike of a clock somewhere in the distance broke their silence and the muffled cheering of people was coming from downstairs. The countdown began.

“Already? Oh my God,” she gasped, looking at her watch.

“Sounds like it!” Vernon said cheerfully, not looking anywhere but her face.

Both of them started counting down as well, loud enough just for the two of them to hear. The distance between them seemed to be shrinking with every uttered number until they both said, “One.”

More distant cheering came from downstairs, signaling the beginning of a New Year.

Vernon and she just stood there. Her hands for some reason still held onto the hem of his jacket, while his own were tucked in the oversized pockets.

“Happy New Year,” he said.

“Happy New Year,” she replied.

Then more silence. It was a peaceful silence, not awkward in any way, almost like they were the only ones in this world. Somewhere along those tiny moments, Vernon’s hand reached for hers and when he touched her, countless little tingles danced along her arms. Despite the cold air, Vernon radiated only warmth.

His heart raced a million beats per second, along with her own while he held onto her hand. She looked down at their palms, fitting so perfectly into each other and thought of all the good things that had happened since she met him.

For some reason, her eyes had filled with tears and a lump forming in her throat that made it hard to even breathe. She refused to bring her head up, knowing Vernon had already noticed her tears. Instead of throwing any unnecessary questions at her, he pulled her into his embrace, wrapping his arms around her. She breathed out into his new jacket, hoping not to get any lipstick stains on it and they stood there in complete silence.

With him, she felt at peace and her heartbeat steadying, but once again, like the devil, dreadful assumptions flooded her mind. In a moment something clicked inside her and she wiggled out of his grasp.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, blinking her apparent tears away and rushed back downstairs before he could say anything to stop her.

She didn’t come to work the next day, or the day after that, leaving both Vernon and Seungcheol mildly confused and utterly worried. No matter how many calls or texts she got, there was no answer. Both boys debated whether or not to go see her but always ended up with an excuse not to.

Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong? Vernon kept asking himself as he held a velvety box in his hands: the present he never got to give her.