#sebeuntin

He's gotten so much practice over the years, in fact, that people have started to find it hard to tell whether he's reached his limit or not. How could they, when on hour 28 of no sleep, he's cracking jokes and doing impressions of Lee Sora like he just woke up after getting 10 hours the nigt before?

But you can always tell when he's starting to get sleepy. Seungkwan can't figure out why you can do this for the life of him, calling it your secret superpower, but to you, it's quite obvious, even from his texts alone.

"Lovie, I'll be home in an hour, okay?"

"Sorry baby, they're keeping us here for 2 more :("

"Leaving now! Can't wait to see you honey!!!!!!"

In case you didn't notice, Seungkwan, who normally sticks to pet names like "babe", or adding "ie" to the end of your name, suddenly starts dropping the sweetest pet names in every other sentence that comes out of his mouth as if he's trying to make you get diabetes.

You suspect it's because his tired brain needs to feel closer to an anchor of comfort, and he's trying to close the distance between you two, despite being miles apart.

You don't mind it, though.

Vernon:

If Vernon has the tendency to disappear into his own head sometimes (a lot of the time), then sleepy Vernon has the special ability to just... disappear. Literally.

You could both be watching a movie (his pick, of course) on the couch after a long day at work for both of you, and you would get up to do the dishes that you had been putting off since dinner. Since it was just the two of you, the dishes didn't take that long at all, but by the time you returned to the living room 10 minutes later, Vernon was nowhere to be found.

The first few times this happened, you were rightfully worried, wondering how an entire person could just disappear like that. Surely he would've told you if he was leaving to pick up snacks from the convience store, or had to leave the house? You don't think you heard the front door open, either.

But now that it's happened enough for you to coin it a semi-regular occurrence, you simply go to turn off the television, knowing you're both done with the movie for tonight, and make your way to the bedroom.

Sure enough, your boyfriend is there, peacefully sleeping on the bed, completely unmoving.

He doesn't stir, not even when you make your way to your side of the bed, pulling off the covers and sliding beneath them.

Your boyfriend isn't one to initiate cuddles while sleeping, but you are, and if it makes him happy, he's told you on multiple occasions to do whatever you want when he sleeps, since he wouldn't wake up to it anyway.

This is why you take it upon yourself to insert yourself in between his arms, wriggling your body and positioning his arm until your head is resting on his arm as a pillow.

In his sleep, Vernon turns around to face you, so that one arm is now wrapped around your waist.

You freeze. Vernon, notorious back-sleeper, has never initiated cuddling with you. Yet, here he is, his soft breathing hitting the base of your neck.

Realistically, you could move however much you wanted and he wouldn't wake up, but you still freeze, not wanting him to accidentally stir. You're not complaining, though. You could stay here for 24 more hours if it meant more cuddling time with him.

Chan:

Chan's the personification of "you came" "you called". Even after his busy schedule, he always makes time to show up at your workplace to wait for you, just so you can go home together after you told him once about how walking alone at night makes you feel uncomfortable sometimes.

He's been here for so long your co-workers have made a space reserved just for him to wait for you. As per your request, he has a perfect view of you, but you can't see him, since you were scared you would be too distracted.

And so he would sit there, sometimes coming over to give you a quick pick-me-up, but often just waiting quietly until you were ready to leave.

But on the days where his own schedule takes too much of a toll on him, you would finally log off work at ungodly hours of the night, walking over to his designated seat to see him hunched in his chair, legs drawn up to his chest and neck resting uncomfortably on his knees.

Your heart would crack a little at the sight as you made your way over to him, gently pushing his hair out of his face.

He stirs, letting out a soft whimper.

"Channie, let's go," you gently whisper, hand moving down to stroke his shoulder.

He looks up groggily, eyes hazy until they find yours. "You finished? I'm okay, I can wait for you..."

You can see the tiredness etched all over his face, but here he is, offering to stay even longer just for you.

"I'm done, Channie. Let's go home and sleep, okay?"

"Mmh... Okay..."

(inspired by how Dino always seems to visit the members' solo/unit filiming sites ❤️‍🩹 )

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Your mother had mentioned that she was sending you a few boxes from your days at school, mementos she had kept for the sake of remembering days of your sunny youth. But, with the move she was planning to make to the countryside, maybe it was best for you to finally open Pandora's box and relive what it was like to be 18, graduating high school, and dipping your feet into the real world of grown-ups you were now, so well accustomed to. 

June 4th, 1999, Friday

You, Soonyoung, and Jihoon were walking back to your respective homes. School was finally over for the day. It was a late night with the sounds of cars honking over your silent conversations. 

Jihoon was the one who was mainly speaking, talking about how the Physics teacher, Mr. Lee, was being way too harsh, enforcing study hours earlier than other classes, and somehow still leaving at the same time as everyone else. 

You and Soonyoung were listening silently, feeling a bit awkward with one another, with Jihoon sandwiched between the two of you, which was uncommon. 

The two of you were caught sending notes to one another, and had to deal with the ‘oohs and ahhs’ of your stupid classmates, as your teacher scolded you on about the failures that the two of you would end up becoming if you two stuck to one another so closely. 

When you had planned to retort, you had felt Soonyoung's sheepish hands on yours, only further strengthening the teasing of your classmates. You couldn't look him in the eyes for a good two hours. 

The relationship between the two of you was loving and delicate. Soonyoung cared for you, as did you for him. You would defend him if it meant hearing the curses of your teachers and anyone in the way, but Soonyoung wouldn't let you. He wouldn't want you to do that, especially not for someone like him. You would disagree.

You shook your head as the memories of the day came back to you. 

"I have to go buy some groceries on the way back. I'll see you guys tomorrow, though." Jihoon waved at the two of you, not even bothering to look back at you. 

When it was just the two of you left, what remained was silence. It was rare, with you and Soonyoung usually coming up to no good, but left without vices and excuses to lean on, what lay was a foundation of honesty that was always hidden. 

"Soonyoung, My Hoshi," You had started off, not looking into his eyes as the two of you wandered down the street. The night made it easier to ignore his gaze. 

"You're not going to be a failure. I know it for sure. You're going to kick these exams in their asses, and old man Lee won't know what's gonna hit him." You stopped, finally meeting his gaze. 

He looked at you, finally coming to his senses. 

“You still up for the arcade?” 

-

After a 10,000 Won note was well spent, the two of you were back in your regular rhythm. Competitive, teasing, and upbeat. This was what you preferred. 

“Hosha, pass me the raspberry,” you had told him, without taking your eyes off the screen, which played overwhelming music and obnoxious sounds of shooting and victory voice notes. 

He had passed you his raspberry-ade without much thought, you’d taken a sip, complained, and proceeded to take another sip. Both of your tongues had been dyed a bright, toxic blue by the end of the night. Typical for Class 3’s tedious twos. That was what your English Teacher had come up with three years ago, when Soonyoung had first started talking to you. Back when you were still just another student in his eyes, until, of course, you weren’t. 

The two of you were mashing the buttons of the Tekken 3 machine. The owner’s son watched the clock, waiting for when he could kick you guys out. 

As the minute hand stepped closer to 10PM, Jeonghan would be free to drop back home and relish in kicking the two annoying high schoolers out of his shop. He couldn’t wait for mischief to arrive.

“Alright, pack it up, idiots,” He clapped his hands incredibly close to your ears. You didn’t flinch, used to his annoying presence. 

“Oi, I need her for backup, don’t annoy us, uncle!” Soonyoung came to your defense. You enjoyed it, somehow. 

Jeonghan backed up, guffawed at the occurrence of being renamed an uncle, and flicked the lights in one go. 

The sound of the arcade machine dying caused you and Soonyoung to deflate in real time. With the clock striking closer to curfew, you couldn't help but flip Jeonghan the finger. He couldn't help but laugh at your profession of anger in return. 

You carried your school bag on hunched shoulders, while Soonyoung finished the last of his drink, pausing when the brain freeze finally ended up phasing past him. When the arcade shutters were placed, you and Soonyoung couldn't help but give each other a glance as the lone gacha vending machines lay outside, unguarded. 

If any passerby were to be interviewed, they would've mentioned seeing two arguing idiots squatting on the floor, fighting for the cuter keychain. Soonyoung, of course, ended up relenting, and you became the owner of a very special edition star keychain. 

Looking back, it was stupid: all of it.

The star keychain felt smaller in your hand now, yet the banter and late nights made up for it. 

June 15th, 1999, Tuesday

Birthdays were usually a quaint affair for your friend group. Unfortunately, the two of you were studying for a big exam. Soonyoung had sat next to you for all three years of high school, something that had shocked you on the first day when he had walked in and slammed his bag next to yours. Initially, you were scared. Was he a gangster? With his unnerving walk, he seemed a bit off. 

You assumed he'd change seats next period after the teacher left. It made sense when you thought about it. He'd taken the only free seat at the back. 

You were shocked when he remained your trustworthy seat-mate, even after years of changing classrooms and teachers, and ages. 

"This is another way we can write non-real numbers, using Euler's number. Don't forget it. Also, focus on trigonometry. I heard they asked it a lot in Jeonghan's paper, last year," you explained. You tried your best to remain as quiet as you could, not wanting to distract anyone during self-study. 

"Jeonghan? When did you talk with him?"

"Hoshi! Not relevant, and let's focus on maths, okay?" You tapped his forehead as he rubbed on, pouting as he grabbed the pen that was lying nearest him.

"Don't hit me on my birthday,"

"Sorry, Birthday boy." You couldn't help but give him a silly face as you watched him work on a few problems. Guess he was listening. He had no problem rushing through the questions. 

Your stomach was rumbling. Your stomach was grumbling rather loudly. Perhaps it was the combined hunger and anxiety, but this had become your new normal, unfortunately. You had told Jihoon to keep Soonyoung's cake at his house, being closer, but you didn't know how much longer you could wait for dinner. 

Soonyoung poked your shoulder, and you couldn't help but glare back, unintentionally. You immediately apologised and rubbed his shoulder. Thankfully, there were only about thirty minutes left until the self-study session was over. 

You looked at Soonyoung lovingly. Your friend whom you'd always relied on. He was your rock, but also your feather, if that made sense. He was there for you when you fell during PE, but was also there to cheer you on when you would supply stupid ideas that would get you pelted on by other friends. It all worked out in the end. Now, you and Soonyoung were off to university together, too! 

You patted his shoulders when the bell finally rang. It was time to get out of this place, stinking with teenage fumes. 

-

You stared on as the two unfamiliar strangers were sitting across from you and Soonyoung, singing off-tune to a very lacklustre happy birthday melody (or what it was supposed to be). 

You helped set up the cake with Jihoon, leaving Soonyoung to be left with the two unfamiliar batch mates. You couldn't help but hurry and stuffed the ribbon wrapping the birthday cake box into your pockets, snagging the corners and presenting the cake to a waiting Soonyoung. Jihoon followed with the candles. 

"So, Wonho, how is the preparation for English going?" Soonyoung had mentioned, with cake eventually running down his cheeks. 

"Uh, it's Wonwoo, and I'd say it's going good. It could be better," the spectacle-wearing guy had answered. 

Soonyoung shifted in his seat, clearly embarrassed for not knowing his batch mates, despite being the self-proclaimed popular guy of the 1999 batch. No issue, he would just talk to the other guy instead. 

"What about you, Junho? How's Chemistry?"

"I'm having a hard time remembering the reagents. But I'm enjoying it anyway. Oh, it's Junhui, by the way," The other guy corrected, kindly. You couldn't take your eyes off the way Soonyoung seemed to melt further into the cushion of Jihoon's living room. He was adorable, now that you looked closely. 

The conversation flowed into the room, eventually, thanks to your help. You tried to flow the conversation between the other four, who were awkward teenage boys who seemed to be meeting for the first time. Even Soonyoung was rather quiet. It was rare, especially when you considered the fact that it was his birthday and he never really got shy around strangers. He even talked back to Jeonghan when you guys first landed at the arcade three years earlier. 

Jihoon had finally mentioned that his mom had offered cake to their next-door neighbours, leading to Wonwoo entering your party of three, and inviting his friend Junhui along. It wasn't that bad with them, in hindsight. Wonwoo ate in silence, while Junhui nodded along to everything you and Jihoon said. It was a mundane conversation, yet the excitement of Soonyoung's birthday eventually got to all of you. You left Jihoon's at almost eleven at night. Soonyoung offered to walk you home. Bright, rose-like ribbon was spilling out of your pants pocket. You couldn't help but push it further into your pocket as Soonyoung talked about his worries for the future. He would be okay, you thought. 

Looking at the frayed ribbon now, you wonder why you held on to it, so many years later. You remembered the bright flash of crimson that wrapped the box, but all that remained was an aged, frayed, and dirty ribbon. 

June 27th, 1999, Sunday

You'd find Junhui crying after one of his exams. You didn't know what to say, but you patted his shoulders and let him cry for a good two minutes while looking out the window, giving him some sort of pseudo-privacy. He'd given you a smile down the hallways a few days later. Soonyoung looked on disapprovingly. You brushed the boy off. 

You and Soonyoung finally finished a few of the more challenging examinations. You'd get a week off before the exams begin again. The pressure of everything was hitting you hard. You'd be stepping into a new world. New people, new environment, A whole new city. This would be something you'd put off for years, but it was getting closer to graduation every day you woke up. Would it be possible to stop time and enjoy the summery days before adulting became real? You didn't want to leave the comfort of your childhood, the comfort of having your closest friends by your side, the taste of your mom's food, the treats your dad would bring back after a long day of work. It was becoming realer by the second, and you couldn't help but be blue as every day grew closer to graduation. Your world might as well just end. 

Soonyoung shook your shoulder gently. You turned to look at him, but looked away almost immediately. He held a small flashlight between his teeth, trying to find a pen you had dropped in the PE field. The grass was growing, untended, as the summer days grew closer and the holidays were inching further towards you. He had grunted back then, his way of asking where you went for a second. If only Soonyoung knew half of your worries. You didn't wanna grow up, not ever. 

Soonyoung offered something in his palm. You grew excited, finally finding your precious pen, but only finding a small leaf in the small of his palm. You grabbed it from him, finding a small four-leaf clover. He smiled at you, his face scrunching up, and the warm wind placed apples of roses on his cheeks. You couldn't help but grab and squish his cheeks in appreciation. What a thoughtful boy, you had thought back then. 

You didn't end up finding the pen, unfortunately, which left you further in the trenches. Soonyoung had given it to you as an olive branch of friendship on your second week as seatmates, and you'd been buying refills of said pen for a good while. 

"Hey, I can always buy you another one. Plus, that pen was on its last run; it's better this way anyway," Soonyoung suggested, lollipop in his cheek. 

He didn't understand. This was another thing that was changing and was out of your control. You felt a bit frantic. Seven exams had finished. You had four more to go. Four more until everything would change. 

The clover was now barely green. You'd remember pressing it flat against a textbook once you'd reached home. You never remember it being still in one piece after so many years apart. 

July 13th, 1999, Tuesday

Jihoon couldn't believe that all his exams were over. All of these exams he'd been studying for were finally over. He was in some sort of daze, feeling a bit under the weather. He pushed his rice around in his bowl, letting his sighs become more and more evident as the afternoon passed on. 

You nudged Soonyoung, gesturing for him to look at Jihoon. The two of you shared a concerned look. Your own plate was rather empty, but Soonyoung was still scarfing his meal down. You tried to bring up conversation, but Jihoon would only hum or nod in response. Soonyoung was growing rather restless, too. 

You couldn't believe how fast things were going downhill. Could you stay cocooned at this lunch table where you'd heard chatter from friends and foes alike, the sound of cutlery being carelessly thrown around, and the sound of high pitched laughters from all four corners? It was impossible, but you looked on at Jihoon, who was now beginning to mirror the storm in your head. The worries of University, work, love, and the future were going to weaken you at the knees. It hurt even more, seeing your friend Jihoon going through something similar. 

Soonyoung watched your face drop as you took in Jihoon's mannerisms. It seemed that the two of you were in deep worry. Usually, you and Soonyoung would come up with something to make Jihoon snap out of it or offer some deep advice. But it didn't work the same way when half of the gag duo was in the same boat as Jihoon. 

Although Soonyoung's face didn't express it, he was going through painful turmoil inside his skin. But how could he express it through words when the two of you lay in front of him, faces all sullen?

Soonyoung pulled out strips of coloured paper and folded them in on themselves, forming three pentagons before tucking the ends of the paper into a small crevice. He pinched with his nails (that you had painted clear the night before), gently on each of the vertices. Soonyoung did this mindlessly, not thinking much. He couldn't let the building migraine take away from what he was attempting to do. When the three mini stars had been made, he placed them on his sweaty palm, offering it between the three of you. 

Jihoon looked on, distracted, but he let out a soft smile that seemed to take away the age of his crinkled eyebrows. He picked the soft pink star. 

You watched lovingly, admiring Soonyoung. He was a good listener and friend, despite what the teachers had warned you against. How could you hate such a thoughtful friend, who knew how to brighten your days without a thought? 

You picked the tiny, bright blue star from his palm and carefully pocketed it into your breast pocket, safe and sound. 

Later, when the two of you were walking home at three in the afternoon, your palm brushed against Soonyoung's. He didn't pull his hand away when you clasped onto his thumb. 

The pinched points of the star were now squashed flat, almost returning to the folded pentagon it once was. No matter how much you tried to pinch it back, it wouldn't budge.

July 30th, 1999, Friday

Graduation. When you first walked into the tall walls of your high school, it seemed as if the day would never come. Your parents smiled on proudly as you dressed in your finest and brought their cameras along to document every moment. They had even saved up for one of those famous Polaroid cameras you had wanted as a birthday gift two years earlier. 

Jihoon smiled as he received flowers from a girl he didn't quite know, and you and Soonyoung stuck to one another. He'd held on to your camera, the strap pressed close to his chest while you fixed his hair that was tucked under the graduation cap. 

Watching him felt like a victory. It was a slap across the face to all the judgmental teachers who had judged Soonyoung based on baseless rumours when he had first transferred into your high school years prior. Soonyoung had a glint in his eyes as you watched the Teachers relaying their final wishes to your graduating batch. It was heartwarming, especially for the teachers who had been nothing but nice to you and Soonyoung. 

When it was all over, Jihoon had walked over to the entrance of your class, one final time, where you and Soonyoung were carving your initials on your desks at the back of the classroom. A way of leaving your mark on this little corner of the world you had grown up in. You used a compass while Soonyoung waited on you, patiently. 

Your tables were now engraved in an amalgamation of disfigured initials. Yours, neatly placed alongside a messy scrawl of "+ K.S.Y".

Jihoon watched on with a smirk, his own graduation cap slipping off. Your classroom was now empty, with the sun sinking further into the horizon. You watched as Jihoon turned a chair towards your desk one last time, and Soonyoung gave Jihoon one last head pat before everything became real. 

You had laughed, your book bag heavy with departing gifts. 

"Hey, let's take a photo, just us," Soonyoung begged. 

"Hosh, you have the camera. You really don't have to pout," You had laughed. 

Jihoon took the camera from Soonyoung's outstretched hands and asked the two of you to pose. 

You smiled, meekly, suddenly aware of the proximity between you and Soonyoung. This was the seat where the two of you reigned at the back of the classroom. Where the two of you tossed stupid notes despite having the ability to whisper. Where you had tutored him thirty minutes before the maths midterm. Where you had expressed your fears of failure. 

But this was now where you were, smiling, with the sun rays falling on your cheeks as you posed alongside your friend, suddenly shy. 

Jihoon snapped, and the photo developed. 

"Hey! One more for me to take home!"

Jihoon rolled his eyes, muttering something about the price of film. 

You pressed your head against his shoulder, feeling tired and slightly nostalgic for the moment you were currently in. 

"Yah! another one!"

In this one, Soonyoung pressed a wet peck against your smiling cheek. You didn't know how to react when he pulled away, and only nodded on as he pocketed the two pictures. 

Jihoon watched on, amused, but he didn't say anything. He knew the two of you would cross the bridge eventually. 

At the end of the day, when you walked home with Soonyoung, he had pressed a book into your hand. It was an English book that you never really got to finishing. The cover was hardback, so you knew it was going to be crazy expensive. When Soonyoung handed it to you before heading home, you had smacked his bicep in appreciation. He held on to your shoulders for a second, remembering your face and etching it into his eyelids. You understood this feeling of longing, somehow. 

"Yah! See you over the summer!" You called out as he walked away.

"Definitely!" His voice cracked as he replied. 

When Soonyoung turned around the corner of your street, you waited for him to turn back. He hadn't.

That was the last time you ever saw Soonyoung. 

Present day, July 30th

You hadn't thought of Soonyoung in a long, long time. It was too painful to think about him and the days you spent together without a thought. When he first disappeared, you had asked around his neighbourhood, only finding out he had moved right after graduation. He left no trace, no clue, nothing. Jihoon had held your sobbing figure on your first birthday after his disappearance, muttering words of courage while his own tears slipped away. 

Your days at the university were promised with Soonyoung, but he'd betrayed you terribly. If you were to see him again, you'd never forgive him. Oh, but you would, that too, with open arms. 

Years later, when you had married Jun, you had felt his lack of presence the hardest. You had mailed an invitation to his old address, only to receive it weeks later, rejected by the mail office. That was when it had finally hit you, your best friend and first love was officially missing. 

Your hands shook as you opened the book slowly, its spine cracking after years of neglect. 

A picture, long forgotten, had slipped out. 

It was a picture from graduation, with Soonyoung pecking your cheek affectionately. You were so young, and he looked so content. Sometimes you wondered if he was happy out there somewhere, and you once hoped he remembered you. You had almost forgotten what he'd looked like. But with the passing of time and your own maturing, you left it as an unfinished chapter in your life. 

The polaroid was as it was the day Jihoon took it, pristine, untouched, and frozen in that forsaken summer. 

You had flipped it, ready to place it back within the book it had been encased in.

In his messy scrawl, he left words that flickered a sudden freezing warmth at the pit of your chest. 

I love you, always. 

from soonyoung. 

end ˎˊ˗

an: thank you for reading. this one hurt to write. also, I don't think there will be a part two to this. this is where soonyoung and mc's story ends <3 . I would like to add that mc got with jun after getting over soonyoung. thank you for reading once again! reblog and comments are very much appreciated.

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