#13.8.26

results day!! i was so anxious during the night, i kept waking up and having dreams and nightmares about my grades, including one where i got a W. just before i woke up i had a dream where i got A*A*A. the website to view the grades was broken at first so i just opened ucas and i got accepted!! my grades were decent as well, ABC (i was 2 marks off a B 😭). somehow an A in bio, i have no clue how, and my psych grade was a lot lower than i thought. there was an event at my school that i went to around noon, they had some snacks, prosecco, the principal gave a speech, and i said hi to some of my classmates + some friends were there. my music teacher was also there i said hi to her as well. me and my friends went to town, getting free food they give students and i got some stuff my mum wanted as well. we got free chicken tenders, gyoza, realy weird matcha (tasted like the aromatics in chili oil)(also i had an argument over the pronounciation of matcha)(it was weirdly heated), and we went to a bar thing that one of my friends knew the owner and had some discounted drinks. i just had lemonade i didnt want anything. they were playing deeply lesbian music in that place i loved it. i alsos had a mental health appointment THERE IS A FOX SCREAMING RN ITS SO LOUD SHUT UPPPP during the hangout, it was a call i just answered it in the toilets, i thought it was at 3 but it was at 2, but they couldnt offer me anything because im moving idk why i even got referred. mental health appointments and everything make me a bit mad so i ended up being really weird and bad at socialising after because i spent a lot of mental energy trying not to be mad. blegh i was so cringe today... some of my friends joked about leaving me in there which was mean as well. after that we just went around town i got more things for my mother and we went home, i got more and more out of it and was so dissociated on the bus. also it was sooo hot aagh. after i got home, idk what i did. oh i was very very tired but got myself to put some things in the scrapbook from my room so i can bring it with me when i move. and i made apple fritters they were just ok. and i started packing stuff for the philippines, then played some genshin until late im having so much fun with odette!! i also played with dog a lot i will miss him 😔

oh yeah one of my friends is having a really bad time wow she got rejected from 10+ unis in clearing. i hope shes ok that really sucks

but yeah today was a good and important day! im so tired idk why im up this late. despite all the positive things i dont feel that great, maybe its because i kept drinking the odd matcha with the lemonade, and also i was dissociating a lot and feeling so many symptoms today :(. i have been so annoyed with everyone around me as well, including my friends its probably the temperature

also everyone keeps asking about my goals and ambitions after uni, i never thought of it because i never planned that far. i dont have any big dreams really. the only thing i really want is to heal and for my health to not get worse, and also to make some music i guess