#12dwc

“I can’t believe how big she’s gotten,” Calum’s mother coos from across the table.

Both you and Calum don’t see her as growing. You still see the baby fighting for life in an incubator, your daughter that could fit in one hand. You know she must be growing, getting stronger and smarter and more adept to the world around her. But you don’t see it yet. The changes are so gradual that when you’re with her everyday they slip past your eyes.

“She’s still my little girl,” Luke says and everyone shoots him a look.

“No, she’s my little girl,” Calum corrects around a laugh and shaking head. “Someone needs to get you your own baby before you try to take mine.”

Luke blushes but not in the humbleness of trying to claim Mila. He shrugs and waves a hand through the air to downplay Calum’s suggestion.

“If she’s anybody’s…” Mali says and trails off to look at you with a smile.

That warms your heart though you know it’s only half true. As much as Mila is yours she’s Calum’s too. You both love her with all of your hearts and as far as you can tell she loves you both equally. If she’s not with both of you she’s with one or the other. Calum pulled her first laugh from her but he often reminds you she first smiled at the mention and sight of you. Everyone simmers back into Christmas conversation, asking about presents for Mila and plans for the big day. Calum goes nonchalant and you catch the forced casualty but don’t question it; so much else is already on your mind.

“Sweetheart, you okay?” Calum asks in a whisper pressed to your ear.

You nod, downplaying the fact that you’re not sure about that answer. It amazes you he can pick up on the subtleties in your mood even when you try to mask it with all of your might. You steel yourself, try to shake away the crushing feeling pressing down on you at two empty chairs. You squeeze Calum’s hand and quietly stand to get Mila in your arms.

“I’m gonna go feed her,” you explain and gently take her to you and quietly disappear down the hallway.

Calum sits back in his chair and quietly muses over what to do. He thinks he knows what’s going on, eyes trailing to the same two chairs that were once in your sights. He knows you have Mila and wonders if maybe you want space from the event around you or space from everyone.

“Everything alright?” Ashton asks, his seat diagonal to Calum’s, his ability to pick up on his best friend’s distress a natural talent.

“I’m not sure,” Calum answers honestly and stands to excuse himself and go figure it out. “I’ll be back.”

He roams down the hall quietly but quickly. The door to the nursery is open and the room is empty. He moves past it to your bedroom door that stands shut. He doesn’t hear anything and while it would normally be a sign of relief a little tremble of anxiety slices through him. Usually you’d be murmuring to Mila, giggling with her or if she wasn’t hungry already back out to join the dinner. He taps his knuckles softly against the door and calls out to you to announce that he’s entering.

He stops short as soon as the door is open. You have Mila in your arms but you’re not feeding her. You’re sat on the edge of the bed cradling her against your chest, rocking slightly back and forth as silent tears fall down your face. Calum can feel his heart shatter at the sight and moves on instinct to the two of you. You look up and meet his gaze but don’t say a word, both of you communicating silently; always knowing what’s on the other's mind and in their heart and worries. Calum gently coaxes Mila from your arms to put her in her bassinet by the bed. She seems mostly unbothered, not able to understand anything but the comfort of your arms. She stirs a little bit as she settles in but is okay enough for Calum to seek you out and offer his arms for you to fall into.

“You wanna talk about it?” he asks as he wraps you up in his hold and runs a soothing hand down your back.

“Yes, no, I don’t know,” you answer in a shaking voice. “I just feel so stupid. I should know better by now.”

Calum shakes his head at your words and the fact you genuinely feel that way. It wrenches at him. He knows exactly what you’re talking about and though he wants to defend you to the bottom of the ocean and back he wants you to come to some realizations on your own as well.

“They should do better,” Calum simply mumbles and runs his hands through your hair. He hopes you understand what he means. The struggle you’ve had with your parents being life long. You deserve better than empty promises and last minute cancellations.

“I thought maybe with Christmas and Mila it might be different, I thought they might try a little harder,” you finally manage to get out after a moment of prolonged silence. “It’s okay for them to cancel on me. I’m used to it. Mila deserves more. They haven’t even met her yet.”

Calum can hear the heart break in your words. He knows how heavily their absence in Mila’s life has hung over you. He sees the way you look at his parents interactions with Mila and the way you wish your parents would do the same. So many times you’ve tried to reach out to them and so many times they’ve let you down. He always reminds you that you have him and Mila and his parents and Mali and the guys as family but he understands it’s not quite the same and that a little hollow piece of you still yearns for your parents approval and care.

“You deserve better too,” Calum says and hopes you’ll believe it.

“It stopped bothering me for a while, I accepted they didn’t want to put in effort for me,” you explain around a few sniffles, face firmly planted against Calum’s chest as rogue tears stain his shirt. “It was pretty clear when they didn’t show up to meet you or to our wedding. I thought I was over it. Then we had Mila and almost lost her and it’s like they didn’t even care. Now it’s Christmas and they still don’t care. She’s the sweetest little girl, she deserves grandparents, she deserves everything. It breaks my heart. Why don’t they care?”

Calum has no answer to the shattering question you pose and even if he did he knows nothing—no answer or explanation—will ever justify their absence. He stays silent and holds you. Rocks back and forth with you in his arms almost like you both do with Mila. He can feel with every little motion that you’re trying to pull yourself together but he’s always been the place that you can fall apart. He doesn’t coax you to do anything. Just stays with you, becomes a presence to help fill the void.

“Sweetheart,” he finally mumbles after minutes of quiet. He feels your clutch on him tighten as you slightly shift to meet his gaze. His fingers lightly settle under your chin to keep you with him. “She doesn’t need them. They don’t deserve her or you.”

“What?” you mumble out the one worded question; clearly hearing the words but unable to grasp them fully.

“She doesn’t need them, she has me and you. You give her more love than imaginable,” Calum explains and you nod to show you understand. He lets out a breath and so do you though it shakes. “If they don’t care to try they don’t deserve to have you keep trying. You’re too good for them. So is Mila, look at her,” Calum explains further and coaxes you to raise your head and find your reason for everything. Mila smiles when you meet eyes with her and it’s enough to convince you of Calum’s words.

“I just feel bad she’ll grow up missing part of her family,” you finally admit and maybe it’s more or less about her and you.

“With all of those people out there who love her, she’ll never miss a thing,” Calum says and grins to himself as a thought enters his mind. “And I mean, Luke did walk you down the aisle so that kinda makes him her pseudo grandpa?”

You erupt into laughter and shake your head no. “Don’t even joke about that with him. He’s already vying for favorite uncle. We don’t need him fighting your dad to be the favorite grandfather.”

Calum purses his lips as he contemplates the very real possibility of that before laughing with you. He wipes away remnants of tears on your face and gives you another moment to collect yourself. Once he finds that you’re back together he gives you a little nuzzle. “Ready to get back out there?”

You nod and stand. Mila lights up and lets out a little noise as you bring her back into your arms. You keep her close and Calum stays by your side as you head back out to the dining room where your family waits. They all greet you warmly but don’t comment on or question your disappearance. You keep Mila in your hold instead of putting her back in her high chair. Small talk resumes and eventually Ashton proposes a toast.

“To a good holiday season,” he finishes.

“And to family,” you pitch in and make everyone agree. Glasses clink. “Thanks for being here with us.”

Everyone agrees with the sentiment and says there’s nowhere else they’d rather be. In that moment, gathered with those who love and care for you and your daughter, it’s easy to let go of those who don’t and to appreciate all that you have. When one of Calum’s hands grabs for yours and the other gently holds Mila’s you’re also sure there’s nowhere else you’d rather be.

—

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“Good morning beautiful baby,” he whispers to Mila as you feel a smile grow across your face. You pull your legs up and slowly move across the bed to settle behind Calum. “Merry Christmas,” he adds to her, hair falling in his face as he doesn’t even contemplate looking away from her.

You reach out to gently push hair from his face and catch the grin at the form of contact. He looks up to find you and gives you a good morning kiss.

“G’morning,” you greet, voice still gravelly upon waking. He smiles up at you and then looks back down at Mila, your hands going back to sweeping his hair from his eyes.

“I can’t believe it’s her first Christmas,” Calum says fondly as he gently rocks her in his arms. She’s awake and alert, a tiny smile on her face as her dad looks down at her. “Feels like I was just able to hold her for the first time yesterday.”

Six months have gone by in a breeze. You nod your head in agreement and settle in closer at their sides. Your gaze fleets from Mila and Calum to the wonder of a white world outside. All that Calum has done to make her first Christmas perfect striking you in that moment. You blink back tears and bite your lip, thoughts caught in a drift of presents; a special one entering your mind. It takes all of you to not spring from the bed to race and grab it.

“I’ll feed her, then we can open presents?” you ask, unable to keep the glee and hope from your tone.

“Absolutely,” Calum agrees with a glint in his eyes as he carefully hands her to you.

Mila greets you with a giggle and you’ve never felt such joy on a Christmas morning before. It’s the first time you’ve woken to your family, felt unconditional love and excitement for the day ahead. For so long Calum has been able to ignite wildfires of warmth through you. Now with him and your daughter on Christmas morning you feel infinitely warm and safe.

In no time you’re back in the living room with Mila in your arms, excitement in your heart and a smile on your face. Calum stands in front of the lit up tree, the sun rising slowly behind him through floor to ceiling windows. Everything shines. Wrapping paper, gift bags, ornaments and smiles. Duke’s already curled up on the couch, the old dog no stranger to Christmas mornings.

Watching Mila on her first Christmas is one of the best gifts you could ever be given. She’s taken by the wrapping paper, paying more attention to wiggling scraps of it in the air as they glitter in the sun than the presents beneath the paper. You and Calum take endless photos as the mass of presents is slowly unraveled. When there’s only two left with your name and his on them little nerves spark to life. You went in search of the perfect gift for him, hid it in your drawer and kept it a secret for weeks though your excitement nearly made you spill several times.

“You first,” Calum insists as he too realizes the last gifts left are for you two. Mila’s in his lap, still entranced by wrapping paper and smiling at the shine. Calum hands you a small but long box wrapped in gold.

You almost insist he goes first but bite your tongue as you realize you want his reaction to be last so you can hold onto it a little longer. You carefully open the paper to be met with a velvet, the typical jewelry box peaking your curiosity and making your heart race in wonder. Calum’s gifts through the years have always been thoughtful. A favorite book. Pressed petals of your favorite flowers. Saved tickets from a special date. You can’t even fathom a guess as you open the box.

Your breath is fleeting as you’re met with a golden heart and chain. Immediately you know it’s a locket, the heart begging to be opened and loved. With gentle fingers you undo the tiny clasp and feel a visceral response to the photo inside. The first time you held Mila is captured and forever inside your heart. Your eyes glisten and you immediately close the small distance between you and your family.

“You like it?” Calum asks and you hear certainty in his voice, the question not needed as you burrow against his side and let your hand find Mila who wraps a tiny hand around your fingers.

“I love it,” you say without missing a beat. “And you,” you continue but pause to give Calum a kiss. He grins into the affection and you see his pride and happiness at his gift well received. You look down to Mila still in Calum’s lap, rebel in her touch and dip down to kiss her forehead. “And you. And Duke too. Now it’s your turn.”

Calum takes your wrapped gift you’ve been yearning to see his reaction to for weeks. It’s the biggest and most meaningful of the few you’re giving him. You bite your lip in anticipation as he rips open the wrapping paper and smirks at the velvet now in his hands. You reach for Mila and bring her to you as he pops open the box and eyes what’s inside. He says nothing as he pulls a chain out and rests a circular silver charm in the palm of his hand.

“Is that…?” Calum asks as you nod, knowing he knows what it is. “Her little thumb print. Look how tiny,” he says, voice cracking syllables as he runs a delicate finger over the impression of Mila’s thumb print on silver. “So I can always have her with me.”

“Just like my locket,” you say; your thoughts and needs and desires so intertwined you understand each other’s everything without words.

You simmer into a happy silence with the mess of Christmas around you. You’re all just content to be with each other. Even Duke is settled at your sides, the tiny Christmas sweater he wears for the cold not even a bother anymore. Mila drifts and the wrapping paper in her hand falls to the floor. You rest your head against Calum’s shoulder and sigh.

“Merry Christmas, love, thank you for my best one yet,” you say.

Calum dips down to kiss the top of your head and reciprocate your words and for the first time Christmas feels like family.

—

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“What is it?” Calum asks as he scans the item in question with a sweeping gaze. Gold and glitter adorn the ornament and a space in the middle leaves him confused.

“It’s for a family photo,” you inform and toss it into the cart without any further question or information. Calum grins at your antics and takes a peek into the cart you’ve both been mindlessly filling all morning. Everything from garland to window clings of snowflakes to ornaments to endless strings of lights to wall hangings and wreaths are buried amongst each other in the cart. “Are we missing anything?”

“I’m pretty sure we have half the store in our cart,” Calum says around a laugh and takes a small step closer to you as he watches your nose crinkle and eyebrows furrow in thought. You bite your lip for a moment and Calum knows how far gone your thoughts are taking you—to the other half of the store yet to be bought.

“It’s our baby’s first Christmas. I want it to be perfect,” you finally say and close the slight distance between you, Calum and Mila. Your hand reaches up to stroke Mila’s cheek and your eyes soften as she gazes at you with a little smile. “Besides, we’ve never decorated the house before. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

Calum simply nods, knowing how important Mila’s first Christmas is to you, also feeling the same amount of importance in his own heart. You and your daughter are everything to him. Your first Christmas as a family shines in the distance with string lights and glitter filled ornaments. Calum knows all that is in the cart are just accessories to the day, that the most important thing is being together. But the shine of happiness and awe in your eyes at Christmas decor convinces him the rest is worthwhile, even down to the napkin holders and Christmas collar for Duke.

“Should we get anything for the yard?” you ask next as you wander down another aisle with Calum and Mila following. “We could get the inflatable Santa… or is that too tacky?”

Calum huffs out a laugh at the serious contemplation on your face as your eyes scan yard ornaments and lights. “Sweetheart, we’re buying matching pajamas for you, me, Mila and Duke; I think we’re well past tacky.”

“Yeah?” you ask with a light smile and slowly reach for the jolly looking Santa to not so inconspicuously put it among all of the other decorations much to Calum’s amusement. “Stockings!” You blurt out as the looked past but very much needed staple of Christmas enters your thoughts. “We don’t have stockings yet.”

“We can fix that,” Calum promises and bounces Mila slightly as she starts to stir in his arms. “I think there’s one empty spot in there for them.”

You smirk around a giggle at Calum’s slight teasing and lead your family down a few more aisles to find a wall of stockings to choose from. Mila calms as Calum continues to soothe her and sway where you both stand in inspection of the different designs. Your hand holds one of Mila’s, your voice coos to her as she settles and you ask her opinion on any stocking that catches your eye.

“Do you like this one, lovebug?” you ask with a white knit one in hand. When Mila doesn’t respond you shake your head. “Me either.” You place it back with the others and keep searching.

“Up there,” Calum says and gestures with a nod of his head. The ones he points out are too high up for you to grab. You give him a pointed look and reach out for Mila instead of stockings. He laughs and reluctantly hands her to you; the only disagreements you get in lately over who gets to hold her. For being five months she’s still small and having her in your arms reminds you of that fact. She fits so perfectly into your hold that anytime she’s in your arms it takes your breath away for just a moment. She’s been growing, the difference between her days in the incubator to being three months and now five still strike you. But she remains tiny and precious in your hold. A rush of people pass you, your back turning to them to keep Mila from being in the fray as Calum reaches up to grab the stockings he pointed out. He brings them down to your eye level with a proud smirk and tilts his head as he awaits your approval.

You immediately smile at the stockings in his hand and bounce with Mila in your arms to make her adjustment to your hold to her liking. She lets out a small little noise as she settles and the people pass by without incident. You give the stockings another once over and watch as Calum shuffles his feet and his cheeks grow pink.

“Little bears?” you ask with fondness in your tone, the stockings fuzzy with little ears on the top and cute little faces on the upper third.

“For momma bear, papa bear and baby bear,” he explains with a little giggle that makes your chest grow with warmth. His bashful explanation makes your heart flutter and heat creep through you; the world of parenting still relatively new, the small quirks and new titles not losing their allure. Calum’s eyes grow wide for a second and he quickly turns to grab another off the wall. “And dog bear,” he quickly adds on so as to make sure the entire family is included.

“They’re perfect,” you praise and give Calum a chaste kiss on the cheek as Mila makes a small noise that you both take as approval and a plea to go home.

Once you do get home, Mila is put in her bassinet for a nap and you’re both faced with endless bags of decorations you turn to Calum.

“Are sure it’s enough?”

Calum laughs. “I think we’ll make do.”

“You think her first Christmas will be perfect?”

“Of course,” he says and pulls you to him, hands running up and down your arms to soothe you. “She’s got you. Can’t get any better than that.”

You giggle at Calum’s cheesy but heartfelt statement and settle into his arms, laying your head against his chest just like Mila does. “Now all we have to do is decorate, get presents, wrap the presents, make sure she watches all the classic Christmas movies”—Calum cuts off your rambling list by running his fingers through your hair and easing the perfectionism in you.

“What’s this really about?” Calum asks, knowing that there’s an underlying reason for seeking perfection.

You feel caught, your husband’s innate ability to see through you like stained glass never failing to catch up. You sigh and pull back so you can look him in the eyes.

“My parents never cared enough to have a good Christmas. I just want Mila to have better.”

Calum nods his understanding, eyes gone glossy and soft as he gazes at you. “I promise she will. And I promise that you will have the best Christmas too.”

With Calum’s promise and the rationale that just being with your family will make the day perfect you settle back into his arms and hold onto his words and love.

<< >>

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Fake snow litters the cobblestone and half alive bushes also strung with lights. It’s not cold enough for real snow but the bite in the breeze is enough to stay close together and have Mila bundled up. She wears a knit hat, a warm onesie, little booties and a tiny jacket to keep her warm, Calum’s hold on her aiding the endeavor.

Mila gazes at the lights and they reflect off her eyes and mingle with bright stars. She smiles as Calum points out all of the different colors and coos. You revel in listening to him speak to her, it’s one of your favorite things—you often find yourself lost in the words he shares with Mila, soft and safe in the world you share with the two of them. Mila’s hand wiggles at her side and a tiny sound of awe and glee falls from her. Calum grins, a small laugh leaving him at the simple pleasure of Mila’s happiness. Your own smile follows as you press closer into his side, thankful for the surprise trip down memory lane, thankful for the vow that visits like this will come at least once a year.

“This is where your mommy and I had our first date and got married,” Calum explains as you wind down the cobblestone path to familiar territory.

Once it had a bench and years later a wedding arch. Now lights take their place and a baby giggles and a reality you once could only wish for brings tears to your eyes. You blink them back, thankful for the breeze as a good cover up though Calum probably wouldn’t believe it in any sense; he knows you too well.

“I was falling in love with mommy right here,” Calum continues his story and you can’t help but look up at him with soft eyes and a slightly pouted lip.

“It wasn’t love at first sight?” you chide lightly and watch as his already cold and rosy cheeks blush to an even deeper shade of red.

“Of course it was,” he whispers, caught in the memories of meeting. “But I realized—I knew—it was, right here, the first time you laughed at one of my jokes,” he corrects with a fond smirk and slight bounce in his step that amuses Mila.

“Well I didn’t know until you made me laugh,” you joke, both of you knowing that is utterly untrue. Love at first sight, affirmation on the first date being both of your stories.

“Are my jokes the only reason we’re together?” Calum teases back with pouted lips and a shaking head, he looks at Mila with fake disdain and gives an exaggerated sigh that plumes into the cool air.

“You think I married you for any other reason?” you question with a smirk and good humor sparkling your eyes.

“Well I thought my dashing good looks, sharp wit, extraordinary talent and dazzling charm were among the reasons,” Calum says so casually it elicits a giggle reminiscent of the first one you gave him. It doesn’t surpass him that your laugh is identical to the one on your minds and forever in your hearts.

You keep walking through the lighthearted banter, the lights immaculate and soft Christmas music following your every step. You make it to the end of the path and wind back around, taking one last look at all of the lights. You get back to the place you can easily think of as yours and Calum stops you once more.

“Hold her?” he asks and you don’t hesitate to comply, always wanting either him or her in your arms, both if they can fit.

Mila transitions into your arms easily and you take up the role of cooing to her and pointing out lights she’s already seen. You whisper your own stories about loving Calum to her and finally look up when the confusion of stopping and the switch ensues. Calum stands with his phone out, snapping photos and recording you talking to her and it all makes sense. You shake your head adoringly at him and motion for him to join you and for the camera to be flipped so it can capture all of you. He stands beside you so Mila is in the middle.

“Smile,” Calum instructs though you and Mila already are.

A few photos are snapped and then Calum dips down to kiss Mila’s cheek and you follow suit, planting a kiss on her other cheek as she’s gleefully smushed between the two of your kisses. More photos are taken and whether or not they come out well you don’t know, all your focus is on Mila and Calum and the special night of memories and new ones to come. You’re sure you’ll look back on the photos at home, already have a frame in mind and a spot on the nightstand for whichever comes out clearest.

You head home after the photos are snapped. Mila falls asleep in her car seat and Calum carries her inside to sleep in her bassinet. You both climb in bed and into each other’s arms.

“We’ll go back next year?” you ask for reassurance.

“Every year,” Calum promises once more. “It’s our first tradition,” he says as he knows family time is all that you crave for the holidays after lacking it in your own upbringing. It’s what you want for Mila, for you and Calum and the future. The garden, the lights, the allure of holiday activities all come second to your family.

—

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Mila lays in his lap while one arm is wrapped around her for support. Calum looks down at her with a grin and discards the tape recorder on the couch cushion next to him. His free hand goes to her, fingertip lightly touching the tip of her nose to elicit the sweetest smile he’ll never tire of. It reminds him of you. For as much as she looks like him, he sees nothing but remnants of you from the inside out in her. Her smiles, the joy she radiates and the strength she has. Calum taps her nose again, watches as her smile grows and feels his own do the same.

“That’s mommy’s smile isn’t it?” he asks as she wiggles a hand and lets out a noise as if to confirm Calum’s statement. “Yeah it is,” he coos and catches her small hand in his, another little noise escaping her as he leans down to kiss the tip of her nose and forehead. “I bet your laugh is going to be just like mommy’s too.”

Mila wiggles again, hand moving in Calum’s delicate hold. Her feet kick just slightly and though Calum doesn’t want time to move so fast he can already envision her walking. She doesn’t even crawl yet, can’t even rock back and forth on hands and knees as a building block to crawling. All of her doctors warned Calum and you that premature babies often need extra time for the fundamentals but with her hand in his and feet kicking he can see it all play out before his eyes. Crawling, walking, talking, growing up.

Calum gives her tummy a light little tickle and her feet kick a little more. Her Christmas pajamas make the ordeal even cuter, printed little reindeer moving with her every motion. He wants to call you out to the living room to see this, to enjoy her while she’s awake but you’re resting in the bedroom after a night without sleep. You still worry about her during nights, the habit nearly broken but coming back together in times of stress. You thought she felt warm, almost feverish, worried she was getting sick, stayed up with her all night and by morning realized she was just fine. So Calum leaves you to your sleep and continues to entertain Mila.

“You know we have another surprise for mommy tomorrow,” Calum tells her, finding that he has casual conversation with her just as much as he would with you or Duke. “Don’t tell, but…” Calum continues and whispers plans for tomorrow to Mila as she continues to grin at the sound of his voice and the compliance of his hand holding her wiggling one. “You two are going to have the best Christmas season ever.”

Once his plans are laid out he dips back down and scoops her up so she rests fully in his arms and it’s not such a long descent to give her full cheeks little kisses. He’s not sure if he’s only convinced himself of it or if she truly does respond with noises and motions to affections. Wrinkling nose, tiny coos and kicking feet. With her in his arms and happy as can be he starts talking to her again, the tape recorder detailing all of the words he tells her for a time she can listen to them again and remember. Amidst the words Calum gives her kisses and tickles and makes funny faces, always chasing a happy reaction from her.

He stops short and falls silent after a sentence and a tap on the nose. Much more than a small noise comes from her, tiny little giggles play Calum’s heartstrings like a symphony. Her laughter is light and delighted, the smile on her face bright and full. The giggles stop after just a moment and Calum has to shake himself to pull himself back to reality and the newfound quiet. For a moment he doesn’t believe what he just heard.

“Did you just laugh?” he asks with furrowed brows. “Was that a real laugh for the first time? Mila! You giggled,” Calum adds on in a breath of enchanted disbelief. A puff of air escapes him and his arms tighten around her to bring her closer to him, to cradle her against his chest and get on the move to find you.

He goes down the hallway without a thought, Mila back to being quiet. The bedroom door is still shut but he opens it to find you sleeping. He hesitates for only a moment; deciding you’d want to be woken for this moment, for this beautiful and heartwarming noise and milestone.

“Sweetheart,” he prods in a gentle voice to rouse you peacefully, though it doesn’t stop you from waking suddenly and startled. He sees the panic on your face immediately and hopes his smile clues you into the fact that nothing bad has happened. Something good. Something worth waking for. “Mila just laughed.”

You rub your eyes and the tiredness away as the news slowly sinks in. “She laughed? Like… laughed laughed?”

“Downright giggled,” Calum answers and steps closer to the bed with a still cheery Mila. “It was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Your eyes go wide in shock and then soften to a sadness, Calum realizing you’re upset you missed it. You motion for him to sit with you and ask with your eyes and outstretched arms for Mila to be with you.

“How? Why? What happened?” you ask as he hands you Mila and she gets settled in your hold.

Calum relays the previous events and sidles up to your side so he can face Mila as well. He tickles her tummy and taps her nose and watches you light up with awe as another giggle comes from her. Your smile stretches across your entire face and reaches your eyes with glinting happiness. Calum feels warm from the inside out, heart about ready to burst as he does it all again and another round of giggles comes from her.

“My turn,” you say and Calum watches as you make your baby laugh. Her giggles make you laugh and yours make Calum chuckle. “I didn’t expect her to be laughing like this so soon.”

“It’s all because of you,” Calum responds.

“I’m not the one who got her to.”

“Yes you did. Can’t you hear it? That’s your giggle and she giggles for the same reasons as you,” Calum explains with a growing grin. He reaches for you, fingers lightly tickling you as you laugh. “She got it from you.”

He leaves you with an overjoyed Mila, knowing there’s no way you’ll let her go for at least a while and heads back to the living room. He finds the tape recorder on the couch and realizes it’s still on. Her first laugh is immortalized on tape. He hopes one day that you can all listen to it and laugh again.

—

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“How was your day?” you ask as you lightly rub Mila’s back and give her a kiss on the head, the little affections coming often and easily. “Did you get any writing done?”

“Good. I did,” Calum answers, keeping it short and simple. He went to Ashton’s to write—the next album still up in the air as Calum finds himself undecided on how a tour will work; there’s no way he’ll leave either you or Mila behind. But the band and tour aren’t what ate up most of his time away. The gift bag behind his back crinkles as he shifts and it catches your attention as he knew it would.

“What’s that?” you ask with a shy grin and eyes wandering, trying to catch a glimpse of what’s concealed behind his back. “Another present?”

“We forgot to get something when we went decoration shopping,” he explains with a knowing smirk. He watches your eyes go wide in shock; the full cart leaving little room for missing anything. He brings the gift bag from behind his back and presents it to you, smiling and anxious to see your reaction.

Your hold on Mila shifts so she rests in one arm and your free hand can reach into the gold and glittery gift bag stuffed with white tissue paper. You search, reaching farther and farther down in an attempt to retrieve what’s missing. In a moment your fingers feel something cool and smooth. Baffled, you grab it and bring it out of the mass of wrappings. Mila is still and content in your one armed hold and Calum waits with an anxious and timid smile as you pull the missing piece out. Immediately your eyes go wide and your mouth parts, a soft and sighed out oh leaving you at the sight of the gift in your hands.

“Her first Christmas ornament,” you whisper in awe and twirl the decoration from the ribbon between thumb and index finger.

The ornament is flat, white with a shine under the glare of the moon. A small koala much in the likeness of the stuffed one in her crib is hand painted on the front. Mila Ashe’s First Christmas loops in an elegant cursive around the ornament along with the year. Every little detail is perfect and striking. It’s exactly what Mila deserves and what was missing from the cart the day decorations were bought.

“Do you like it?” Calum asks after a moment of silent awe, he knows you do, can tell by the gleam in your eyes and your wavering lip fighting back happy cries. But he wants to hear you say it, wants to be reassured his present is well received.

“It’s perfect,” you finally say in a breathy whisper. “I didn’t even think of this for her,” you add on in an appreciative nod to Calum and his thoughtfulness. Mila has fallen asleep in your arms by the time Calum stands from his crouched position and offers you a hand to help you and your daughter up after placing the ornament back in the gift bag.

“I have one more surprise for you,” Calum confesses as he walks with you and Mila to your room and reaches out for her, missing having her in his arms during his time away. You arch an eyebrow as you gently hand her to him with one last kiss to her cheek in parting.

“Yeah?” you question with a lilt in your voice, completely unaware of all the night is bringing.

Calum nods and motions towards the nightstand where another gift bag sits. You slowly turn toward it after watching Mila settle into his arms and Calum greet her with kisses and whispered words so as not to wake her but to tell her missed her and loves her. You head for the other gift bag, it’s the same size as the first but in place of gold and glitter it’s silver and sparkles. You reach into gray tissue paper and have a familiar feel on your fingers in an instant. Another ornament is pulled from the bag and it melts your heart and warms your cheeks instantly.

It matches the one for Mila but instead of one koala there’s three. Instead of her name it says Our first Christmas as parents and Calum’s promise that you’ll have the best Christmas ever is already seemingly coming true. You clutch the ornament in your hand and tell him they’re both going front and center on the tree.

You move to your husband, settle into the side Mila isn’t on and wrap your arms around him slowly, letting out small thank yous as you do so. You can tell Calum is smiling though you can’t see his face, you can feel his happiness and pride and excitement for making this Christmas season the best one yet. You tell him as much, thank him for everything, and remind him that just being with him and Mila makes everything perfect.

—

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“I think we have enough to decorate the entire neighborhood,” Calum says with a wry smile as your gaze sweeps the mass amount of glitter and decor.

“We can give some to Ashton,” you suggest. “He could decorate his lemon tree.”

Calum snaps out a laugh at your teasing of his best friend and trades tinsel in his hand for Mila in yours. She was just fed and burped and for all of those minutes she was gone Calum missed her. He kisses her forehead as soon as she’s in his arms and he’s greeted with a smile that turns to a small giggle and then pouty lips. Mila’s eyes are heavy, already tired after being fed, and Calum knows she won’t stay awake for the entire decorating process. The little yawn she lets out after her joy of being in Calum’s hold also speaks to that fact.

“I don’t know where to start,” Calum admits as he starts to gently sway so Mila will be peacefully coaxed into sleep.

“The tree?” you ask and bite your lip. “I don’t know either. I’ve never decorated before.”

Calum feels a tug in his chest at your admission, already well aware of the fact that your parents never tried during the holidays. And though you’ve been together for years it’s the first year you’re doing more than just a small exchanging of gifts under a fake tree. “Whatever you want,” he promises with a small smile that he knows you’ll understand the meaning of. Your eyes shine as you gaze back at him.

Calum readjust Mila in his hold as she starts to drift. He can barely find her rocking infant seat that she loves to sleep in while you’re both preoccupied in the living room. He’s nearly certain it’s somewhere under a garland or mass amount of tinsel. Duke pads his way over to Calum and looks up at Mila, his favorite snuggle buddy too high up to reach. Calum grins down at him and promises they can snuggle soon. He gives a little bark and goes on his way, getting lost among the decorations.

The tree goes up and the ornaments go on all while Mila stays in Calum’s arms, the infant seat still lost to the cause of decor. He lets you hang the first Christmas ornaments and watches with adoration as your happiness glows brighter than the lights strung around the trees. You place them on branches right in the front, stagger them so Mila’s hangs one higher than yours. And then all that’s left is the tree topper.

“Next year when you’re bigger maybe you can do it,” Calum tells Mila who’s half asleep, tiny hands curled up against his chest. “These little hands are too small, so we’ll let mommy do it this year.”

You laugh at Calum’s explanation to Mila and place the golden and glowing star on top as Calum gives an appreciative and admiring nod to the completed tree. You move on to garland and finally find Mila’s seat under a strand of it; Calum places her in gently and lets the rocking motion lull her into a deeper sleep as Duke trots over to take up his usual position right beside her. The rest of the house comes together quickly but you take breaks to have fun, throwing tinsel and glitter at each other, laughing and putting decor in ridiculous places. The elf on the shelf ends up in the vegetable crisper in the fridge for a giggle, little things end up hidden from each other to find as surprises. By the time you’re nearly done Mila wakes with a small cry and Calum rushes to her.

“It’s alright, lovebug, I’ve got you,” he soothes as he reaches down to get her. Duke stands at attention as he does so, protective instincts always intact when it comes to the baby. All she needs to calm down is Calum’s hold and voice. You’ve both noticed over the months that when she wakes she needs instant attention.

You come over to them with stockings yet to be hung in hand and Calum gazes down at them as he continues to soothe Mila. Her cries are gone but she’s restless in his hold and the small noises she makes are not exactly content. All Calum wants is to make her smile and giggle. He shifts her in his hold so you can see her, so she can see you and the silly faces you make at her and the display of stockings in your hands.

“Look Mila, that one’s yours,” Calum says as you hold up the baby bear stocking. “You’re so tiny you could fit right inside it,” he says and gives her tummy a little tickle as he knows it will make her laugh.

“She could,” you say with a pouted lip and glossy eyes. “Remember when she fit in just one hand?”

Calum nods fondly, recalling peeking into her incubator and making the observation and being able to hold her for the first time, the palm of his hand plenty big to make her a home.

“Maybe I’ll just put you in mommy’s stocking on Christmas morning,” Calum jokes and scrunches up his nose as Mila kicks at the words he says. “Put a little bow in your hair. You’d be the cutest present ever.”

You laugh at the plans Calum can only imagine.

“You better wrap yourself up too. You two are my favorite presents I’ll ever have.”

—

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The cabin is cozy when you step into it. A small fire crackles in the living room, exposed brick creating a mantle that glows with the flames. The couch is cushy and blankets pile atop it to offer extra warmth and comfort. Mila lets out an interested noise at the new scenery. Duke trots in behind you all, little paws coated in snow leaving a trail in his wake. Calum heads back out to the car to grab bags and stockings and gifts. For a moment you hesitate. Your Christmas tree is at home. The sentimental ornaments of Mila’s first Christmas and your first Christmas as parents hung on its branches. There’s a small tree in the corner of the cabin, decorated generically. Your heart sinks but Calum comes back in and notes the downtrodden expression immediately.

“Somethin’ wrong, sweetheart?” he asks, eyebrows furrowing with his concern.

“No, no, it’s all perfect. More than I could’ve imagined,” you respond immediately and shift from foot to foot in a rhythmic way that Mila likes.

“But?” Calum insists, knowing that there’s more to the story than you’re letting on.

“But our tree… our ornaments…”

“Are packed and ready to be hung up again,” Calum says with a fond smile and step towards you. He plants a kiss on your forehead and then delivers one to Mila’s cheek. “I wouldn’t leave them behind. I know how important her first Christmas is to you.”

You soften and your worries ease with Calum’s explanation. He truly does know you better than you know yourself at times. He digs through the bags to procure the ornaments and offers you one to hang and solidify that this is more than even a dream could offer you.

Once they’re hung up and the cabin feels a little bit more like home, Calum gives you a coy grin and settles on the plush couch with open arms. Night settles around the cabin, darkness contrasting the glow of the fire and the twinkle of lights strung around the tree and house. Everything shimmers as you settle into Calum’s arms with Mila still in yours. It’s your favorite position to be in. To be held by love and to hold love. Duke pops up and curls in at your side, or rather, at Mila’s side.

“I’ve got another surprise for you two,” Calum announces once you’re all comfortable.

“Cal, you’ve done so much,” you say but he shakes his head to downplay it and gives another grin as he reaches into his pocket for his phone.

“It’s just a little something,” he promises and opens the phone to head for an app. Soon enough you’re met with the sight of a children’s book cover opening on the screen. “A Christmas Eve tradition,” he offers as you read the text of Twas the Night Before Christmas and immediately melt at the sentimental thought. “Thought we could read it to her every year.”

“I think that’s a great idea,” you praise in a soft tone as your heart flutters at the thought.

Calum begins to read the story off of the phone as the text scrolls by. Mila is half asleep so he keeps his voice low and soothing. You rub her back and listen to your husband’s voice coated with adoration. The way he speaks to Mila, reads to her and sings to her will always warm your heart. Even when snow falls outside and ice slicks the world. She’s asleep by the time the last sentence is read and you’re content enough to do the same. After a few moments of bliss you get up to put Mila in her portable bassinet for the night.

“Should we put the presents out now?” you ask as you scan the seemingly endless hoard of presents; most of which are meant for Mila and Duke.

“Don’t worry about it,” Calum says and gives a smirk as he closes the distance between you. “Santa will do it.”

You laugh at the little jest and wrap your arms around him, rest your head against his chest and sigh peacefully.

“Thank you, love, for everything, you’ve made this Christmas perfect.”

You feel his fingers run through your hair and hear the excited beat and skip of his heart at your gratitude.

“It’s not Christmas yet,” he says fondly. “Tomorrow will be even better,” he promises and you’re apt to believe him. “Get some sleep. I’ll join you in a bit.”

You nod, give him a parting kiss and head for the small bedroom where Mila already lays asleep. You hear him rustling around in the living room as you get ready for bed and settle into the comfy mattress. It doesn’t take long for your eyes to get heavy and though you want to wait for him to join you you feel the tug of sleep and give in. You don’t know how long you’ve been asleep, how long it’s taken Calum to set up all of the presents and play the role of Santa but you do slightly wake when he slips into bed beside you. You feel a kiss to your cheek and the promise of tomorrow in your heart. For the first year in your life, you can’t wait for Christmas.

—

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