#12.6.25

12.6.25

That fucking sucked. I don't even care to get the preamble out of the way I just feel like I wasted my fucking time even watching this episode. Here's the thing I can respect the attempt at changing the formula and extremely cursory googling tells me that Falk was out of contract here such that they thought this might be the last episode ever so that's why it's so different. We don't see the murder happen and it's a little suspect as to why and then a second murder happens killing whom we thought the murderer actually was so it gets to become a whodunnit, and the last like 15 minutes of the episode are a sitting in a room with every possible suspect (including the fucking lawyer who was basically just introduced so no shot he would be the suspect but for whatever reason Columbo still interrogates him because I guess fuck you) or god christ I'm getting angry typing this. But okay that last big scene with the grand whodunnit reveal is something I can respect in theory and I'm not even upset at the fact that it's not very Columbo-like. It's extremely slow and contrived and unfulfilling, but it's different. But god the entire episode up to that point is just so fucking weird and crappy. I spent most of the time wondering who the fuck they got to direct this one because the constant close-ups and weird jump cuts and even just the way Columbo acts are so different but it ended up being fucking Patrick McGoohan like we know him he's good! What happened here? Fuckin characters just sit and repeat dialogue back to each other for so long there's like a 5 minute long scene of Columbo just going on a boat with a guy and learning the boat parts and repeating back what a self steering vane does, normally Columbo learning something about a craft he was previously unfamiliar with is part of the fun for the series but here it was just so fucking dry I couldn't stand it. Columbo appears 15 minutes in which is pretty early but then it takes them until like 50 minutes into the episode to actually start investigating, and Columbo hones in on his guy immediately based on him asking someone the time, which has been done before but better anyway and is also so simple that Columbo holding it up to the guy himself as like "yeah I know you did it" fucking sucks! What happened to cat and mouse! By the way Columbo's such a fuckin weird creep this episode he's so touchy feely with literally every single character at one point he gets so close to kissing this random girl he just stumbles upon and it's like what the fuck are you doing? Or sitting on the murderer's lap and wrapping your arm around his shoulder? Who are you? You're not fucking Columbo. Speaking of who's and why's, what the fuck was Mac there for? Who the fuck was Mac? Sergeant Kramer whom has been a semi-reoccuring character is a permanent fixture this episode alongside new sidekick Mac whom is literally just like fuckin chalk dude he's nothing, he's an absolute waste that doesn't do shit why did he have screentime. Wilson in the last episode has the comedic appeal into an accidental clue to the gotcha which was good! Mac just sits there and breathes! Stop it! I need to bitch about Columbo himself again interrogating the lawyer's alibi was dumb and tricking a girl who lost her father into believing he's back with an impersonator was cruel as fuck and clearly unnecessary because you have your guy anyway and there's a bit that I really fucking hated wherein upon the presumed murderer dying Columbo complains about how he had a nice straight line before, and now it's all messed up, like hey sorry Columbo your moral compass is just you hate murder yeah? And a guy got murdered? And now you're pissed because it makes your job harder? Un-fucking-real dude.

That was fucking awful. Absolute dogshit episode. Look fuckin Short Fuse was probably my least favourite up to this point because it was kinda boring and nothingy and I've had minor enough problems to have some episodes I can't really say I enjoy but I actively hated watching this episode man, I was going through it and begging for it to if not save itself then at least do me the kindness of ending and it never fucking did because this is another 95 minute episode, and for what. The worst episode of the series and just an actively bad episode of television. Fuckin fantastic. Hope it was worth it. For fun here's my notepad as I was watching this episode, it pretty much just repeats what I just wrote here but still.

sanjosesharks: Back to practice.

SJ vs. TUC (12.6.25)