#12.4.2023

even so, there's still a part of me that wants to be filial to my family. that wishes I could give my parents grandchildren. that wishes I could invite even one of my parents to live with me one day. that wants to give to them and help them, and wishes giving wasn't a one-way street with my family members.

the me in my thirties can't reconcile my desire to be there for them with the way they've rarely been there for me. with how giving to my parents has felt like a bottomless pit, while receiving from my parents has felt like a well run dry.