#112720

I’ve been disconnected from the world for a little over a week now and my little brother messaged me yesterday for Thanksgiving... I didn’t expect it, but a part of me knew he might, weird how things like that happen. He asked me why I wasn’t texting and though I didn’t get into it, I told him something was wrong with me and that I wasn’t ok, but that I was gonna get help for it. I let him know it wasn’t anxiety, but I couldn’t call it depression because I don’t know if that’s what this is. We messaged back & forth for a while and it ended with him asking me to move to San Diego... I told him I’d pray about it and I did and I’ll continue to do so, because yeah it does sound appealing I’ve wanted to leave this state for so long and it was always one thing or another holding me back, not letting me leave. I asked for a sign a really obvious yes/no sign and now I wait... The guy that currently has my heart will be the last guy I cry for in this state. I don’t want to hurt anymore in this state. I can’t afford to think about how me moving would affect my parents and my sister and the family, no I’ll have to do it for me. Arkansas showed me the best it has to offer and I’ve seen enough, I’m not staying to settle, because if I stay without this piece, that’s what I’d be doing... settling. Maybe California is what I need and maybe my little brother is also what I need.