#11.7.2018

Growing up in south Louisiana, winter was always a splendid respite from the heat. I savoured the ache in my body on those cold, wet days at faire, wrapped up in my cloak, wandering from fire to fire. And quite frankly, the snow is beautiful. It’s desolate and quiet. There’s a peace that can’t be achieved in any other climate.

So... my first day really back on CopperHead profile, and it's a seriously fucked up day. Work was stressful with people and their God complexes and the realization that my job just got a lot more fucking difficult with the addition of emergencies that involve funding. I've realized that I've been far to stressed and stretched thin for months, and thus have decided to start drawing again to release that stress. Now I realize that my drawings won't make much sense but it's mostly just my day coming out in colors and lines. I might draw pretty things eventually, but for now, this is my stress journal.

July 11, 2018 - Day 22

35 minutes at bedtime

Duration seems to come before quality ! Allow me to explain. It was easy to meditate for 35 minutes last night because my mind was restless and I was committed to calmness. So, I kept meditating past my 25 minute reminder bell.

The restlessness was keeping my mind in the conscious. My mind wasn’t allowing me the freedom to dive into the subconscious. Meditation was causing just enough calmness to allow all recently collected memories to play themselves out before my attention. These memories were stubbornly seeking attention.

I wasn’t going to give in. That’s the advantage of meditating regularly for years. There are some battles you can choose to fight a little longer than when you chose meditation 🧘‍♀️ as a habit to be added. With diligent practice, one learns enough about the way one’s own mind works. Choosing battles becomes easy.