#11.13

First, the episode opens with a wife (Melissa) and husband (Dan) going out for an apparent romantic Valentine's Day dinner. They appear deeply in love at first... but then we find out Dan is schtupping the babysitter, Stacy.

Second, while Melissa is out of the room, Stacy and Dan kiss, and Stacy says, "Ew I can taste her mom lipstick…" only to compliment Melissa's lipstick and act like she loves Melissa when Melissa comes back into the room. Stacy also urges Dan to tell Melissa tonight that he's with her now. Dan calls it heartless to do that on Valentine's day, and says he needs time.

Third, while it isn't caught in the transcript, I noticed when I was watching the episode, in the scene where Stacy is at the house alone, flipping through channels on the TV, we catch a snippet of "Rick and Morty" just as the Qareen, in Dan's shape, comes inside the house to kill Stacy.

Rick: You say it is is how it is, but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed. Morty: Come on, Rick! Don't talk about my parents like that! Rick: Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slow fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty.

Fourth, there's the question of who Dan even actually loves. Does he love Melissa, or Stacy, or neither of them? The Qareen takes Stacy's shape to kill him, which suggests he loves the babysitter, but he's also giving the babysitter the runaround and doesn't necessarily seem willing to commit to her. It seems more like he wants to have his cake in eat it too—get the benefits of his long-term relationship and life together with Melissa, while embroiling himself in a sex-filled affair with someone young and attractive, but who really doesn't come off as long-term partner material (thus our indications of his attempts to stall breaking up with Melissa). He also just... doesn't seem that broken up about Stacy's death.

Fifth, there's Melissa herself, who actually knows about Dan's affair but has kept quiet about it. The Qareen takes the shape of Dan to kill her, because her deepest darkest desire is for Dan to love her back. The Qareen itself is only appearing to all of them because, in a lovesick state, Melissa took a "love spell" from a witch that turned sour (the witch despises women who won't simply leave their cheating husbands, and devised the spell to punish the cheaters and the women who run back to them only for them to cheat again). Melissa wanted to make Dan love her again. But that also... makes me question if she actually loves Dan, or whether she just wants him. If you truly love someone, would you be willing to violate their consent like that—by forcing them to love you back when you believe they've fallen out of love with you?

What I'm saying is... I'm not sure anyone is actually seeing who they truly love. I don't think the Qareen can actually see who people really truly love. It only shows them their "deepest, darkest, desire". It shows them what they want at that exact moment in time—a fall into an illicit affair, a desire to force someone to love you back, or in the case of Amara, escape from captivity—from the prison your loved ones have trapped you inside. The Quareen captures—as Rick tells us—something fleeting and primal—just enough to lower the victim's defenses so it can rip out their heart.

Further, Dean himself vehemently rejects the idea that he loves Amara at the end of the episode, and there's a couple of things I'd like to touch on in this dialogue:

Dean: Honestly? You seriously think the sister of God is my deepest darkest desire? Sam: She isn’t? Dean: No! She can’t be! Sam: Why not? Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I’m… Sam: Means you’re what? Complicit? Weak? Evil? Dean: For starters, yeah. Sam: Dean. Do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She’s the sister of God, and for some reason she picked you and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you…I’m not. Dean: You know that I want her ass dead. Sam: Yes. Of course. And I know you’ve also probably beaten yourself up a hundred times over it, but where has that gotten us? (Long silence) Just how bad is it? Dean: Standing here right now, every bone in my body wants to run her through. Send her back to that hole she crawled out of. But when I’m near her, I don’t know. Something happens and I can’t explain it, but to call it desire or love…it’s not that. I’m screwed man. We wanna kill the darkness. We need to kill the darkness. And I don’t think I can. I’m sorry to do that to you, ya know, but when it comes right down to it…

First, note the sign blinking "Non-Consensual" through this conversation. What Dean wants to do and his actions when he's actually in Amara's proximity are two very different things. This scares Dean, and it invokes the the memory of Melissa's love spell—her trying to force Dan to love her. Sam points to a severe power imbalance existing between Dean and Amara—implies that anything Amara wants Dean to do, she can likely make him do, and emphasizes that this isn't Dean'a fault or his choice. We get other nods toward the non-consensual element of Dean's connection to Amara in 11.06—how Amara seems able to resist how enthralled she is with Dean and still blast him into walls, but Dean can't lay a hand on her. In 11.13, I think we also get a subtle nod to the non-con angle with Dean going out looking to hook up the first day they're in town for the case, even though he just got lucky the night before and it was clearly a rough night. Sam points out this is unusual for Dean. Imo, this points to Dean trying to reassert control over who he is attracted to and who he shows desire toward.

So consider: "When it comes to this [your attraction to me], you can’t help yourself, so why fight it. Just give in."

Second, notice that Dean is ashamed. This also isn't the first time we've seen this. Dean tried to kill Amara in 11.06 and couldn't. He deflected then hid it when Cas pressed him on Amara getting away. He reiterates the shame he feels here by insisting it can't be true that he desires Amara because that would make him complicit, weak, and evil just for starters. I'm reminded of Dan hiding the nanny cam, only to show Dean the footage of him punching a hole through Stacy's chest, pleading with Dean to believe that it wasn't him when it's someone who looks exactly like him. Dean can't control what happens around Amara, but he feels implicated anyway—he hides in shame.