#10.2.20

Like, don’t get me wrong, this person does not exist to validate me and I am so happy they are discovering themselves and realizing what makes them feel like who they are. And, of course, they said their path isn’t everyone’s and, you know, people like me who are afab and and identify as feminine nonbinary are still valid. 

But it’s just like, SO many nonbinary people identify with masc or complete androgyny and I wish I saw people like me. And I think the problem is too that while I currently identify with genderqueer because all i really know is i’m not cis; I don’t experience gender dysphoria being referred to as a woman. 

But I wouldn’t either being referred to as a man or seen as a man. I’d just want to be seen as a cute man. I like being feminine, but as for my gender, I don’t actually have an attachment to any sort of “gender.” So, idk. 

Am i bigender? Idk. Like I said, I don’t feel like I am a man or a woman. If I sit and think about what being a certain binary gender, neither feels right- so how could I be both? But I also don’t mind being seen as a either a man or a woman. I just want to be appreciated for pretty and aesthetically cute or something. So it’s really just a-- I don’t know what’s happening!!! 

My heart

Anyways... things have been very busy lately! I started school this week, and it’s going to end up being more busy than I thought. I ended up having to register for a required class last minute, as it’s the only time I’ll be able to take it if I want to graduate on time. So I’m up to 19 credit hours now. I also ended up taking on more responsibility at RAMA... so I think it’s safe to say that this semester is probably going to be the busiest that I’ve ever been. It’s a good busy... I just need to make sure that I don’t push myself too hard. But golly what a week it’s been!

I don’t really have too much else to share at the moment... I’m quite busy spiritually, but not really with energy/spirit work these days. 

Here are a list of things that I am grateful for in this moment, in no particular order: hot tea at the end of a long day; a comfy bed (especially my Uggs comforter); spiritually bonding with a good friend, who is kind and understanding and generous and overall just a great, genuine person; the cool, sleepy air and energy of Autumn; beautiful sunsets that offer a beautiful Pantone gradient of orange; this moment.

That’s it for now. I hope that everyone has a wonderful rest of their evening, and a good night!