#1.12.18

So, before the break I mentioned to my nutritionist that I wanted to start swimming, and she said she wanted me to wait until after the break since I'd said I struggle over the break.

So yesterday I had my nutrition appointment, and I brought it up again, and she said she didn't want me to swim yet. At the time I didn't really think about it I was just like OK, but then later, I told S, and he was like "what where her concerns?" and then it sorta hit me that I was advised not to swim because I'm not doing something right. And I started processing then. and it feels like a step backwards. Her concerns were that I'm not eating consistently enough, and I'm skipping too many meals (not really on purpose, but Tuesday and Wednesday were sorta rough).

And ugh. so now I've got thoughts slipping into my mind like, oh i guess since I fucked up I should keep fucking up??