#1.1.2019

I walked to market yesterday and damn, there was so much new snow, IHIHIHIHII! <3 It had snowed whole night and whole day and it was still heavily snowing (with small flakes). Walking paths hadn’t been cleaned yet and there was snow over your ankle so walking was slow and a bit difficult, and yet so wonderful, ahah! I truly enjoyed it :D

So, I hate the term ‘New Years resolutions’ because they’re usually fixed goals that’ll make you feel guilty when you inevitably fail within two months of the year,,, sooo these are smaller, more attainable ‘to do more of’s which will probably last until at least may!

I’m turning this into a sort-of tag game but I have no clue if it’ll work! Please write 10-ish small things you want to do in 2019!

@north-apologist @the-painters-daughter @sebbysstangirl @the-sunshine-in-the-dark @skvrsgards

Try and be more organised/structured

Be more accepting of my own limits and put myself first occasionally

Try to prioritise school work over scrolling

Eat less meat/ make more ethical choices

Keep some damn houseplants alive

Write more lists (already starting this one!)

Stick to a skincare routine and do more face-masks

Play the piano and saxophone more

Practice my hand-lettering/calligraphy

Take the pupper on more walks

Get back into reading books again

I now realized they most surely have a message for me so I did some research and found the answer! I earlier got a card from Archangel Michael with same message; Self-love. Learn to love yourself. So I assume year 2019 will be a year for me to learn to love myself in all possible ways unconditionally. I need to stop belittling myself and my arts, talking and thinking bad about myself and my works and so on.

January 1, 2019 - Day 196

I’m convinced that fwb is the IRL equivalent of a high school anime love interest. I know how that sounds, but the boy is pretty and aloof and does that tender head pet/cheek caress thing. 

I miss him. I miss having someone I could go on adventures with, and he and I are very compatible in that aspect. Maybe I’ll see him next summer when he comes back up north.

With his absence, my brain has shifted priorities of its own volition. It’s time to buckle down, research colleges in Idaho Falls, look at job opportunities and scholarships. My mother is driving me nuts and I need to be able to save up as much money as possible while acquiring my degree. Being out of the house, having a job, learning new things, and meeting new people will help my endurance when it comes to living with my mother.

My next two financial goals are getting a laptop and a car. I’ve been using my sister’s laptop, and at one point she told me I could keep it, but circumstances have changed and that doesn’t seem to be a long-term arrangement anymore. Getting these two things will reaffirm my independence. I’m tired of relying on other people for my personal freedom. I hate asking permission to leave the house, particularly at nearly 24. It’s ridiculous.

This past summer showed me that I am capable of saving a shit ton of money (comparatively speaking) in just a few months. I’ve since blown through all of my savings, but I have no regrets. It’s helped me recover from the crippling anxiety of being poor. And it’s nice to know that I can plan to do fun things too without feeling as guilty.