#0907

i said in a previous ask that something that intrigued me about CJ and Bryce is their real life relationship. they've known each other since middle school; went to neighboring high schools; and stayed close in college even though they were in two separate conferences across the way from each other.

aside from their history, something that i like to explore is their belief in God.

my headcanons consist of

CJ needing to have God in his life as a way to maintain a relationship with his dad

Bryce understanding that he can have both CJ and a personal relationship with God

the misunderstanding on what it would mean to take their relationship further (ie. Bryce knowing CJ would have to unlearn his internal homophobia vs. CJ thinking that means jeapordizing his faith)

(by extension) Bryce knowing what CJ is dealing with and having to let it run its course (without knowing who CJ will be at the end of it)

walk with me...

CJ sees God as an extension of himself. it's part of his identity to be christian and practice his faith, and he's not shy about it.

but he doesn't only see God as an extension of himself. he sees Him as an extension of his dad as well.

he's said that his faith and his love of football comes from his dad, who's been incarcerated since he was a child and is currently serving a life sentence. i imagine he might think of his faith as something passed down from his dad, so he can't open his mind beyond the values etched out in the bible because it would be like losing his dad all over again. God was the last thing his dad gave him before he left forever.

Bryce knows this, because he knows everything about CJ. and, as frustrating as it is, Bryce knows that CJ is not going to renege on his faith, no matter what happens between them (not that Bryce would as him to).

the bible says that all sins are equal, so CJ reasons he can be with Bryce sometimes and as long as he repents everything will be okay, which is how he keeps his faith in check.

on the other hand, Bryce believes in the existence of God, but doesn't let christian values shape his worldview. he knows that the world is a lot bigger than it used to be and a lot has changed, so he can't necessarily base his life on the bible, but he still believes in God. CJ would consider Bryce lukewarm if he knew how unstable his relationship with God actually was.

Bryce also knows:

CJ likes him and wants to be exclusive

CJ is making excuses when he uses God to justify why he keeps Bryce on a string but never pulls him in

it's less about what God would think, and more about the lens CJ sees himself through

CJ's a franchise quarterback, a christian, and an advocate for incarcerated people. what would any of mean if he were to admit he was also gay? how would it be received by his peers? his community? his father?

their relationships with God are the difference between CJ saying he has bible study with Tank every week (which, apparently they do), and Bryce only praying over his food or when someone gets hurt.

the common denominator is that they can't quit each other, no matter how badly it hurts (Bryce for not being able to convince CJ that what they have isn't wrong: CJ for not being able to accept his sexual identity for fear of jeopardizing his relationship with his dad God)

hope this helps 🙏🏾