#090523

Thank you for bringing sunshine on my cloudy days.

My life has been brighter than ever since the day you came.

It’s so unfair. Everything.

I’ve tried so hard to live my life well. I treat people well and live in a positive manner. But why does life still treat me so badly?

Is this how my three-year relationship is going to end? In nothing? Was all the trouble I went through not enough? Was I not worth a marriage?

I have never, in my recollection, forced a marriage on someone. I do talk about it sometimes, but I never rush. Yes, my goal is to get married in two years—considering I’m not getting any younger—but that doesn’t mean it has to happen the way I set it. I’d wait for as long as he wants; I just want to know that it will end in marriage.

Another thing is, why does he tell me he still wants to have fun now? Why not two years ago? Why not earlier, when I could still reconsider the relationship? It’s been three years—and a half, actually. In three years, I’ve poured so much love into him and tolerated a lot of things I wouldn’t do in a one-year relationship. I’ve been so sure about the person I’m with.

But all those things turn to dust in just a blink of an eye. It’s so unfair. It’s selfish. It’s stupid that I still consider saying I’m okay with all that. I feel like I wasted my time, energy, and love for nothing. I’ve been through a lot of pain for nothing.