#072918

Ayoko na talagang mag stay pa sa bahay namin.

Nasa bahay lang ako, wala namang ginawa pero pagod na pagod ung puso at isip. 😢😢😢

So earlier today I got an OBVIOUS scam check in the mail, an unexpected amount of money SUPPOSEDLY from a reliable source, but no letter of explanation, a few questionable appearances on the ‘check’, but I am slightly too stupid to just throw it away- so now I get to embarrass myself at the bank this week.

 I looked into it online. If it’s a REAL check it could be a refund agreed upon in small print that I just never noticed, it could be the scam I read about where you cash it, spend the money, and three weeks later the bank says it’s a bounce and then you’re screwed and also the scammer (somehow) has your info? I dunno. If I just toss it, hey, it’s money I wasn’t thinking about. It is a check made out to me with the name an elderly relative called me when they were in prison for yolk fraud. The ink smears and it looks like the ‘security pattern’ is the Nabisco logo but referencing drugs. It is for $12 thousand currency dollars. That is a shameful amount of money to get from an Erotic Postage Stamp company, I will admit.

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Trying to determine if my toilet is actually leaking this time (a mutli-year wonder) or if my sloppy shower departure caused an under-tile oozing. Procrastination and ‘god i hope not’ convinces me to just OBSERVE until it stops.

I’m concerned about suddenly dying because of a sinkhole made by a decade of ignoring a possible leak, the idea of having people in my home when I’m not here, and also the idea of having people in my home when I’m not here. God damn fuck I just want to be a hermit OK? At least in relation to nobody coming in here.

Now, I know on HOARDERS one of the signs of ‘it’s bad’ is when someone has a broken toilet, they just shut off the water and begin peeing/pooping in bags and then leave the bags in the kitchen sink. I’m not __REALLY__ that bad off but every time I split-second consider it an option, I worry about myself.

I mean I’d THROW OUT the waste.       ...

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Then I went and read a damn medicine article and been thinking about medicine-death again. It was a total click-bait headline that got me too. “America’s highways are clogged with piles of the dead every year because of Tylenol! One pile of the dead is bigger than Reno NV, but they covered it up! You moron!”

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It’s been 3 hours now, where I was trying to do Something Not Online and I’ve squandered away another evening. Bah.

Ako ung madamot, ako ung pinakawalang kwentang anak.

Lagi na lang. Kaya mas nakakawalang ganang mabuhay pa e. Kasi kahit ung sarili mong nanay hindi ka naaappreciate. Na para bang wala ka talagang kwenta, na para bang never akong nagbigay ng pera sa kanya. Akala nya ba ung inipon kong pera na un ay pinulot ko lang? Peste sya. Mas lalo nya lang talagang pinalayo ung loob ko sa kanya. Mas ginugusto ko na talaga ngayong umalis sa puder nya.