#0725

I needed time for it to land, to understand what was really happening. The first time I addressed it, he promised to adjust his language, tone down his desires. But something still didn’t sit right. I couldn’t name it then, but I felt it in my body. There was this wrongness that lingered despite his reassurances. It took me three tries over a month to cut him off completely.

Maybe I stayed because there were other qualities I liked, and tried to focus on those instead. But even those got overshadowed once I started seeing his deeper issues. The lack of self-awareness, the unwillingness to examine his own reactions. I’d try to bring things up, create space for real conversation, but he’d shut down or deflect. No curiosity about his own soul, no depth to understand what drove these impulses.

When I look at myself, I see love in the way I care, reflect, and seek meaning even in pain. I see intelligence that goes beyond being mentally sharp into emotional wisdom, always exploring the why beneath the surface. There’s beauty in my spirit, my vulnerability, my words, and the way I keep showing up even when it’s hard. There’s innocence too, not naive but pure in my hopes and belief in healing and soul connection. And depth in how I feel, observe, intuit, and write. I’m not afraid to dive into the dark to find the light. I see resilience even when I doubt it, bravery in choosing self-awareness over denial, elegance even when I fall apart. I’m always becoming, always evolving, even when I feel stuck. These qualities deserve to be cherished, not torn down.

This is who I am, who I’ve worked to become. So why would I let someone fantasize about tearing that down? I get that we all have shadows, but there’s something fundamentally different between wanting to elevate someone and wanting to humiliate them.

That experience taught me something crucial about my boundaries. I will never allow myself to be seen through that lens again. I refuse to be someone’s fantasy of degradation. I want to be loved deeply, honored completely, cherished for the light I carry. The right person will see all of this in me and want to add to it, not extinguish it.