#04x23

Grissom's other problem is that he has a cause and effect disconnect where Sara is concerned, which segues into No More Bets. When he decided to pick Nick over Sara, he thought he was doing the right thing, because he knew deep down he couldn't be objective. By choosing Nick, neither he nor anyone else (Catherine) could ever question his motives. (Interesting that the whole promotion thing comes to a head in an episode in which Grissom forces Catherine to go home so there won't be a hint of impropriety…exactly what Grissom was trying to avoid by choosing Nick, even if only in his own mind.)

What Grissom is totally unable to anticipate is that, to Sara, not getting the promotion isn't just a work disappointment but a personal rejection all over again. She can't help but think he is punishing her for daring to want more from their relationship. In an instant, all of the seeming simpatico of TOTS disappears; in an epiphanic moment, he suddenly recognizes he has actually hurt her. The little wince in the limo when she says it's a stupid reason betokens both realization and regret. But in this scenario there is no going back.

So…with all things GSR, we have one step forward and several steps back.

Taken together, these two episodes epitomize the emotional convolutions of the entire season. When there is no “baggage” getting in the way, as in TOTS, they obviously enjoy one another’s company and operate absolutely in synch, an aspect to their relationship as natural as breathing…when they aren’t thinking about it. Then NMB and all of the unspoken issues between them brings all of the hurt and disappointment back into play, and the chasm between them is as deep as it ever was.

Bloodlines presents us with a Sara who is hard to get a handle on. On the one hand, the fact that she doesn’t want to take the victim statement seems to be a red flag for Catherine, and she reports to Grissom. Since we don’t actually see the tone of her report, we aren’t sure whether she is concerned or aggravated by Sara’s decision. Obviously, for Grissom, it raises a concern, and he suggests she could probably use a vacation. Again, we are not given entree into whether or not he thinks her disappointment in re the promotion plays a part or whether he simply sees her not taking the statement as a symptom of potential burnout.

What dots he does not connect go back to Butterflied. He has no idea that Sara saw his confession, so he has no idea that she knows he cares for her but just not enough…..Given what he knows, he can only surmise that she’s smarting from the promotion thing but, apparently, he also begins to suspect that something else is wrong with her, and burnout is the most logical choice. In their conversations about vacations, she more or less reminds him how alike they are, since he has never taken a vacation either.

Sara’s next actions only serve to dispel any of Grissom’s immediate fears that something could be off with her. She works up the Coombs’ family tree and goes out to the “residence” of the anti-social brother, discovering the missing Pontiac from the earlier rape/murder case in the process. As far as Grissom can tell, she is back on track as far as job performance goes.

The beauty of the ending to Bloodlines is how it ties all of the elements of the past 2 episodes–and of the whole season–together. Most of BL gives the impression that Sara’s hurt from the promotion is no longer in play…until the scene with Nick where she congratulates him, and he teasingly says that was hard for her. And she admits it was. As per usual with the team, Nick has no idea how deep the hurt goes. He assumes it’s more sibling rivalry/team competition than part of a deep and abiding hurt inside her: that no matter what, Grissom will always reject her, one way or another. 

In many ways, Season 4 can be seen as Grissom and Sara on a parallel journey, as each tries to navigate the terms of their relationship post Play With Fire. Each tries to find a way to exist with the other on purely professional terms. Still, within the season, there are these moments that compromise that attempt, none more so than Butterflied, when Grissom is forced to confront his own regret in turning down a life with Sara. Unbeknownst to him, she overhears him and learns he "couldn't do it:" he couldn't put his feelings for her over all that he had worked for in his career. To her, as she tells Warrick a few episodes later, "Losing's losing."

In that same episode, the possibility that Sara could have a drinking problem is teased. Unlike so many other shows, it is just dropped into the narrative, but there is no continuing follow-up. Instead, we see a Sara becoming more and more withdrawn into herself. In fact, the only times she seems like her old self is when she works with Grissom in Bad Words and more obviously in Turn of the Screws. 

Then No More Bets pulls the rug out from any hope she may have had that Grissom valued her professionally, even if he couldn't cross the line into the personal. Where he's concerned, she receives no "validation" whatsoever. After she admits to Nick how hard it was for her to congratulate him on his almost promotion, we see her wander off…possibly into a bar where she tries to drown her sorrows.

The phone call to Grissom is so telling. Instead of being angry or befuddled that his employee could have been caught doing something so heinous as to risk her career–and to reflect badly on him–his only (anxious) question is “Is she all right?” Clearly, that is his overriding concern–that she be all right. Despite everything, he is still in love with her, and were anything to happen to her, his world would be shattered.

When he walks into the police station and sees her so humiliated, he is overcome with both relief and tenderness. Grissom then takes her hand, which to my mind is his way of saying, "It's okay. I love you." 

I have always believed that it is in those moments that he decides he is going to allow himself to love her without reservation, even if she is no longer able to love him back. If nothing else, he is going to be her friend and be there for her.