#0447

a while ago @manadyne made a pancake that had little teeny bits hanging off it that looked like a chonky puppy. so now he is a puppy. his name is Pancake. they are friends.

Hi, @yjttdc!

From the way the obituary is written, it’s clear the Daily Punctillo has journalistic standards whatsoever. It’s entirely possible they published claims that Lemony was possibly dead years before this and are only now just “confirming” the death. They do say they have no idea when he died, so this “fictional death” could have been a media sensation years before that:

As no one seems to know when, where, how and why he died, there will be no funeral services. A burial may be scheduled later this year.[The un-AUthorized Autobiography, p.3]

There are, interestingly, two versions of the article going around. The one on page 3 ends with the curious announcement of a burial even though no funeral services are planned. The second one is on the back cover and features an erratum (which Lemony covers with a post-it note). Lemony says that the only true sentence in the article is the last one, but which version of the article is he actually talking about? The old one or the revised one?

According to Lemony, the entire article is based on lies so it’s possible the Daily Punctillo is lying about the entire chronology of Lemony’s fictional death too. A handful of such “obituaries” were likely published over the years.

We do not know why Beatrice thought Lemony was dead while she was on the island. Some say it’s because of the article Captain Widdershins showed her, but the chronology does seem a little off.

Captain Widdershinswas wrong to trust his stepson for so many years, and wrong to participate inthe destruction of Anwhistle Aquatics, and he was wrong to insist, as he did somany years ago, that a story in The Daily Punctilio was completely true, and toshow this article to so many volunteers, including the Baudelaire parents, theSnicket siblings, and the woman I happened to love.[The Grim Grotto, Chapter Thirteen]

It’s also possible she thought Lemony was dead because he didn’t send her a lot of letters. In “The Beatrice Letters”, his answer to her 200-pages break-up letter makes a point of telling her he won’t be able to contact her for a very, very long time. The next (and last) letter he ever sent her mentions Beatrice’s “pregnancy”, which means she probably received it after she left the island and married Bertrand. Plus, Jacques had actually forbidden Lemony to contact Beatrice while he was on the run:

You must not communicate with B. at all, not even by telegram or carrier pigeon.[The un-Authorized Autobiography, p.97]

As my pursuers scurriedaround the party, trying to guess which guest was me, I slipped out to theveranda and gave her the message I’d been trying to give her for fifteen longand lonely years. “Beatrice,” I cried, just as the scorpions spottedme, “Count Olaf is–”[The Austere Academy, Chapter Eleven]