#04172019

04.17.2019 hyojong_1994 Instagram Update

Somebody called me an asshole

And I don’t know if it’s true

It seemed to everyone else they only speak the truth.

I lie and I cheat and waste my days away

I never once thought “Maybe I can change.”

I only ever changed once long ago.

It was the catalyst for hate I had for the world.

There’s never been a day where I wasn’t so mean

Even if I tried to it never succeeds.

Everything I say and everything I do,

It all contradicts what I think of myself

That I’m not wrong and everyone else is at fault.

I want to call you a liar, say that you’re wrong

But something inside keeps me from shouting along

To the never ending hatred I have for myself.

Maybe you’re right and the evil is me.

The pain that has spread comes from within

And the hate that I feel is deserved in the end.

Never in my life has it seemed to me,

That the asshole isn’t you.

Today was a very tiring day. On this day we finally went back home after the 3 day seminar workshop on bfar. Every thing is going smooth, until my mother made it a very twisted day.

This night my mother said to me that my father was here the day I went on bfar. He is trying to ask if he can stay in our house. I am super surprised. Well, I never expected that day to come. But I admit I am not ready to meet him again. I do feel sad for him, really. He got a lot of courage to go here and try to connect with us again. I think it is very hurtful for his part, that everything is not what it was. We change, everyone, everybody.

I am very sorry for him not welcome anymore in our house. Because 8 years passed when he left us. I still consider him as my father, yet I am not ready for this. Well, I want to thank him for trying. Atleast I know that he still care for us. Maybe in other time. Maybe when everything is fine. Maybe everything will be alright for a new journey.

the loving daughter,

Yeeey.

Okay lang ganun din naman matulog o hindi same same same pa din.

Same old shit.

So anyway, ano ba.

Ano ba isusulat ko dito bukod sa pagiging malungkot ko.

Ahh ayun nagkita kami nung bestfriend ko kakababa lang nya ng barko nung 15.

Namiss ko si Lyyylllleeeeee. Kahit sobrang gago nito. Yung mga opinions nya.. deep convos.. hahaha gago nakakamiss sya. He’s like my brother. Kami yung tipong sobrang platonic. Hmm for example Calaguas trip 2017. Tangina sabay kami naliligo. Yep. Barenaked. Wala kaming pake. Ganyan levels kami. Hahahahahaha.

We can talk about anything. He knows me more than my other friends. He knows me deep down to my core.

And I couldn’t hide secrets from him.

And he made me realize things based on our talk last night.. things that I couldn’t even admit to myself.

Haaaaay.

Patricia Louise Rodriguez, why are you like this?

What have you done to yourself?

Why did you let yourself feel that way?