#04052016

And here it goes again. The vicious circle of sadness. You feel down, you try to do something to pick yourself up, you feel a bit better. And then life hits you again. Harder than the last time. You try to fight all the feeling again and again and all over again, each time feel more hopelessly than the last. Each time you die a little bit more inside than the last. 

You try to be strong, as you are too afraid to give up . You try to be strong, as you can not afford to give up. You know how long and how painful it takes to get up again, and you have paid and sacrificed too much to be able to be back on your feet again. 

You are too afraid to give up, as you know what is it like after you have given up. Giving up, you will collapse. Collapsing from all the pain, the thoughts, the fear. Giving up, you are lost. Lost for directions, lost for words, lost for soul. You don’t even know if it’s worth trying. You don’t even know if you can ever get up again. 

The vicious circle of sadness. I haunts you from the very first moment you wake up to the very last second you close your eyes at night. It follows you into your dream. It knocked out your spirit. It destroys you inside and out.

And you know what the worst part is? I believe I deserve all of this. Broken and impotent, I believe I deserve all of this.

sevgi denen duyguyu özledim. ciddi ciddi özledim ya. böyle kıpır kıpır olan bi yüreğim olsa şimdi. miss. sabah uyanma nedenim olurdu. gerçi şimdi de var ama duygusuz kalpsiz kitapları tüketmek için uyanıyorum. meymenetsiz soruları ipe dizmek için uyanıyorum. her uyanışımda ulan gene uyandık ama hayırlısı diyerek güne başlıyorum. deli çağım nelerle uğraşmakla geçiyor, hey gidi. bugün salı, yarın yarın pazartesi, öbürgün pazar...