#01232021

Today marks one week of life outside my body for baby pepper! (Are we going with that nickname? Idk. Time will tell).

I cannot believe one week ago today I was laboring with this little guy. Still, in my mind, it’s unreal and surreal and crazy... it’s all the things. The past week has been really hard and really wonderful. Breastfeeding is not as easy as one might think, but I’m getting better at it, and so is he. We went back to the pediatrician for the second check-up yesterday and I’m so relieved that he’s starting to gain weight back. Gotta keep it going.

I’ve had a number of meltdowns over the past week, sometimes I have no idea why, even, except for perhaps hormones. The post-birth hormones are a total dick, am I right? Luckily I seem to be balancing out a little — at least for the current moment. 😆 B has been home from work and will be for a while, and thank the good lord for that. He’s been my absolute rock. He gives me total support, patience, and love, never has gotten impatient with me even when I would have myself. I didn’t think I could love him more and yet, here we are. He’s an incredible husband and dad.

Callie and Casper are MEGA curious about the baby. When we brought him home they freaked out and I kept them totally separate for a few days, but now the cats will do a quick drive by sniffing of his head now and again. They’ve got their eye on him for sure.

I’ve not been focusing on dieting or weight loss or what I eat AT ALL yet, because there’s enough going on aside from that and I need a grace period. I have, however, eaten both an Italian and a turkey sub and they have been glorious. Cold cuts, how I’ve missed you so.

I’ve stepped on the scale just to see what’s up a few times and to my surprise I’ve lost over 20 lbs from my pre-delivery weight. To make some quick notes...

Pre-pregnancy weight (April/May ‘20): 215

Full term pregnancy weight (1/14/21): 240

Current weight (1/23/21): 218.4

https://www.etsy.com/listing/933983702/gray-bun-die-cut-vinyl-sticker?ref=shop_home_active_1&frs=1

Reblog this post for a chance to win a free Gray-Bun sticker. I will randomly select five people after 1/29. I will only be able to ship in the US though.

Long time no atm selfie. This is me rn, being a potato with lots of furrrrrrrrrr.

Seriously, at this point, hindi ko na alam kung saan papunta buhay ko... Or I am comparing again myself to others...

Bumili kami ng lupa kahapon sa may Rizal area, haha gustong gusto na talaga magpagawa mga kapatid ko.  Well, matataas naman sahod nila, compare sa akin... I’m just thinking kung kaya ko kaya magkasahod din ng malaki.  I once worked in a nightshift employer, at ambaba pa ng bigay kainis.  Hindi ko alam pero gusto kong magkawork ng permanent, na hindi macocompromise stock market ko, youtube, at blogging (kahit wala pa akong nasisimulan XD).  Gusto ko lang makapagbigay din ng magandang buhay sa pamilya ko at sa magiging pamilya ko.  Ewan, bakit hindi pa binibigay sa’kin, siguro kasi mali pa motive ko, or hindi para sa akin?  I don’t think the Lord wanted me to become poor.  Maybe kulang lang ako sa dasal (well, kulang naman talaga, echos ka pa Jhoem)

Naglaro din kami ng Among us ni Crush at ng isa pa naming common friend XD  Hehe, naasar ata si crush biglang umalis XD  Kasi inaasar ako ng friend namin na umamin na, ako naman si simpleng paramdam... Ayun, alis server XD

heart attack - one direction; 12:29 am 

((yes nasa 1d phase na naman ata ako!! HAHAHA))

surprisingly, medyo inaantok na ako at this time kahit na technically ang aga pa!! bat feel ko late na kjssjhj 

andito na naman ako sa phase ng buhay ko na sobrang gutom lagi :(( feel ko talaga sa hormones to during my period!! huhuhu i wanna eat a lot talaga, may donuts pa ako tas may chips na ina-eye since last week and i can;t eat them since i’m still on IF!!! HUHU idk when will i end it!! :(( siguro pagbalik na ng campus pero tbh i am so sick of it na :(( i think i’m going thru another quarantine fatigue huhu i am starting to get sad and sick of everything again hay ganto ba talaga pag wala akong ginagawa/ i’m not working towards something hdkjsjks 

anyways, 

it’s the time of the sem again na grades are out and honestly i don’t wanna revel in it!!! alam ko na pinagtrabahuhan ko lahat this sem, beyond my capabilities pa minsan, pero ayun, hirap lang pag madami kang nakikita sa main twt na nagtutweet ng grades nila, di ko alam bat sobrang obsess ako sa grades ko lagi it isn’t good for me!!!! alam ko masaya naman ako basta mameet ko yung goal kong either us/cs consistently every sem, and everyone deserves grades that they work hard for :(( ang sakit lang na unfair talaga minsan and baka i expect a lot from myself and my profs!! pero story’s not fucking over!! until it’s over!! ayoko na muna tignan and compute overall gwa ko until it’s done, and wish ko lang talaga siguro maka-magna!! pero okay lang naman kung hindi!! 

it will pass, it will pass, it will pass. 

you shouldn’t revel in it so much since it still isn’t the end!!

i have to repeat myself these kasi this isn’t the end pa naman!! i have a lot of sems pa na makakapagbawi and will dictate my faith, for now i know na in myself i always give the best in everything that i do (well minsan it’s sickening na i have to give my best!! i need to learn to pace myself din) pero yun!! this will pass and days will pass din!! tas laban uli!! all i need to do now is rest well and prepare for the next sem :( the last sem hopefully na remote-learning setup 

it feels nice din to write this out kasi it gaves me some space in my mind also!!!PUTANGINA LANG TALAGA NI Z/AR//CO KASI I EXPECTED KAHIT 1/1.25 lang!!!! pero ayun deep inside :(( alam kong mababa lang din talaga makukuha ko :(( like a part of me thinks na medyo mababa ako kasi kahit na maganda ung grp namin :( shitty lang talaga si zarco as a prof

dapat talaga di na lang tayo nag eexpect at all :( tinabraho ko pa naman maging class beadle hay putangina talaga sad reax, pero ok lang makakamove on din ako!! sts na lang hay no expectations na!! pero sana highest gwa this sem huhuhu *fingers crossed* 

ayun :((( i’ll give it a week talaga!! lalo na ung frustrations ko over profs, di naman yun worth it, and di naman talaga me sobrang naiinggit sa mga clout-worthy grades!! kasi i know what i did was enough :(( nakakainis lang talaga ung profs na parang di nila nakita yun and kahit unting compassion lang to curve wala para sa kanila hay sad!! i learned na better if no expectations talaga masyado, pero don’t forget to laban pa rin lalo na pag alam kong worthy naman ung efforts na binigay ko ng higher na grades!!

congratulations for finishing the sem!! first sem in BA!! i love you and proud of you!! fact pa lang na you’re out of LOA na tas striving for your highest GWA so far is an achievement in itself!!! i love you and thank you so much!! it’s okay to be sad over the little things, pero u should note na more on comparison talaga yun from other’s progress and struggles, you don’t always have to be the highest all the time!! and these wouldn’t matter so much!! just do what you can and enjoy everything more!! technically it’s still my 3rd sem and i have a lot of sems to go pa!! dami pa time to eventually bawi (hopefully with less pressure!!)