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It was a Thursday night, the club he worked in being used for the gay community. He was off tonight and wanted to take his girl out for a nice dinner. He had no car, so they met up at the music venue where they had their first date, his mouth twisting up in a smile instantly the moment he saw her look towards him, his then unpierced lips puckering up to blow her a kiss. His warm hands left their protective barrier in his pockets to wrap his arms around Lucy's waist, pulling her into a tight hug, kissing her lips slowly, gently and passionately.

They had already been together for a  few months -- 6 to be exact -- and he was head over heels in love with the girl. No one could tell him otherwise -- he already knew she was his soulmate. His companion for life and his one and only. He never thought he could find another like her, even remotely close to her perfection. He revered her and trusted her, something that was foreign to the boy. He never thought of himself as the romantic type, the type to fall in love too quickly, ending up getting hurt in the long run, but there was nothing more that he wanted other than to confess his true feelings for the girl. That night was tonight. His nerves had already begun to make his hands sweaty and moist, his brow taught with thought at he tried to formulate his words without being obvious.

"Wanna walk?" he asked her, taking hold of her hand to walk her down the snow covered pavement. "Where are we going?" she asked before Vincent could say anything more and he shrugged a shoulder. "To the ends of the earth," he told her with a sly smirk, laughing through his nose before shaking his head. "I thought we could catch a film or go see what's new at the mall. Its open for another three hours. We could always check it out?" he shrugged a shoulder. What he was really planning was taking her to the local carnival that was in town, surprising her with a different kind of date than the typical 'dinner and a movie'. "Sounds good to me," she said with a smile, curling in on Vincent's arm, making his stomach flutter, his cheeks heat up, his heart beat a little faster in his chest.

She had that effect on him -- making him into a complete mess and fabricating him back together all at the same time. She tore his walls down and built bridges in their place, melting wounds back together that had been dug so deep he couldn't even feel them anymore. Lucy was the sun in his sky and the waves to his ocean. He didn't know how he'd gone so long without knowing someone like Luce, her brilliance shinning through in more ways than one.

On the way to the theater, he made a turn at a street opposite from the cinema. "Where are you taking me?" she asked, her blonde brown furrowing over light blue hues, making her forehead crinkle. "Yo'll see," was his simple reply, making his way across the street once more after checking traffic. Hitting the carnival, lights in the sky casting a glow upon Lucy's face that made Vince weak at the knees. She looked like some sort of angel there in the colorful shadows, a small yet devilish grin lighting up her features. "You toss pot!" she laughed before dragging him along the asphalt to the carnival entrance. He paid for admission and tickets for their rides, buying her a soda and a pretzel once in the park.

"Where to first?" he asked his queen, squeezing her hand. "Haunted house?" she suggested. Even though it was late February, the haunted house didn't sound half bad. "We can live like Jack and Sally if we want," he quoted to her rather than giving her a yes or no standard answer. She laughed and playfully rolled her eyes at him before taking him through the various rides at the fair towards the haunted mansion ride waiting in line. He stood behind her, clasping his hands around her waist, kissing her cheek every now and again before they reached the front of the line.

Twenty some odd rides later and they were taking a break on the Farris Wheel, something that scared Vince to no end. He kept his head down on the floor of the gondola, his food tapping nervously each time the boat rocked with the slight movement of the ride. "Bloody fucking hell get me off of this thing," he complained, his heart racing as he gripped Lucy's hand tightly. She laughed at him, making him laugh too, his behaviour slightly pathetic for someone so masculine.

That laugh off hers brought back the knot to his belly, the pounding in his heart and he knew this moment was it time to tell her the truth. "Lucy..." he began, clearing his throat as the machine rose up to stop at the top of the ride. He looked up at her and smiled, giving her a kiss to her lips, his body shaking from fear of heights and fear of his confession. "I love you," he told her after a moment of silence, her brow creasing, silently asking him what he was planning on saying. "I love you more than the breath in my lungs and the smoke that fills my lungs whenever a pop a cigarette into my mouth. I love you like the day breaking over the forest and the birds in the sky. I love you like the sunset and the cemetery we walk in at night, visiting the ghostly haunts there. I love you like no other. You are my everything and I will be with you until the day we part, loving you more and more every day." he stopped then, his rambling accelerating with speeds faster and faster as he continued. He had to take a deep breath and calm himself, exhaling through red lips, puffing out his equally tinged cheeks. "I love you," he said one last time to get it across to her that he was being honest, testing out the waters a little for himself. He liked the sound of it falling out of his mouth and he smiled at the end, shrugging a shoulder.

"Thought you ought to know," he laughed lightly, looking back at the floor of the gondola as the rocky machine started moving again. Lucy stayed silent for a moment, nodding her head. "You know, as much as it pains me to say this," she said rather sarcastically, her elbow nudging him to show that she was only teasing, "But I love you too," she said in a hushed tone, the words bouncing around in his head before he could get his act together and give her a kiss to her cheek. Heart racing he nodded. "Cool," he said, laughing at how awkward he'd gotten over those three little words.

"Cool yourself, ya nutter," she said to him, giving him one final kiss before exiting the gondola, walking to the carousel. "Once last slow one then I want to do some games," Vincent told her, as she ran to jump on a porcelain horse. "Yeah yeah," she responded with a wink. He laughed and joined her on the carousel, holding her hand the whole time.

Ending the night was hard, but leaving her was harder. He said his goodbyes at her front door, kissing her lips as he held both of her ice cold hands in his own, warming them up for the moment before she slipped away into her home.

"I love you," He reminded her before letting her slip past the door to her home. "Yeah, I love you, too." she said, her sarcastic demeanor dropping for a moment to be honest and serious with him.

"I really do." she told him before a final kiss goodnight. She closed the door but opened it as Vince was on his way home, calling him back. He came with a jog, running his hand through dark strands of hair, looking up at her silhouetted figure. "How about you stay with me tonight?" She asked. He didn't hesitate before walking into her home, taking her back to her bedroom where they both lost their virginity to one another. He didn't regret telling her he loved her, for it was true. From that moment on they were inseparable even more so than the were already.

She left the house to catch the bus just as her parents were leaving for work. Finding an empty seat, a few snickers issued from the kids behind her. "And what are you supposed to be? Other than a complete nutter?" the most popular girl in school asked Alice, making the red head roll her eyes. "We're having a competition in my class today," she said, keeping a smile on her face. She wouldn't ever give in to the bullying she got, however much she did get for having gay fathers, for having bright orange hair, for having insanely good manners. She wasn't like the other kids in school and she knew it. Her uniqueness, her fathers has told her, scared the other girls and boys of her age.

The girl laughed at her, the posse behind her laughing along as well. "Please, the only thing you'll win is the dunce cap." Alice huffed and crossed her arms in front of her chest with a shrug. Saying nothing, the other girl continued to bash on the eleven year old until a girl in front of Alice turned, looking up over her seat. "Listen, I don't really care how much you girls dislike her costume," she said pointing to Alice. "We all know you'll be looking like slags tonight anyway."

Alice couldn't help but laugh, the other girls gasping. "You better watch your mouth, freak. I'll alert t he bus driver of what you just called us," one of the posse members finally spoke up. The girl in front of Alice shrugged. "Do it, see if I care." Her apathy made Alice laugh once more. "Hey scoot over will ya?" the apathetic one asked Alice, and she complied, moving over in her seat, picking up her backpack and putting it on her lap.

"Don't pay any mind to them," the girl nodded in the direction of the popular crowd. "They haven't got half the brains you do," she said with a smile. Alie found herself blushing a rosy red, cheeks feeling like a furnace, heart beating a little faster as she laughed nervously, her teeth peaking out from behind her lips to bit the soft black painted curves. "I'm Sarah, Sarah Lane," she introduced herself, smiling warmly to her partner. "Alice. Alice Knight," the girl responded, nodding her head.

"I know. You're in my class." Sarah laughed and shrugged a shoulder. "Course, I'm new." Alice felt a little embarrassed not knowing Sarah, though Sarah knew her. She rationalised that she was absent the day Sarah was introduced to the class. Her accent was different that Alice's and it was apparent now that she wasn't from here. "Well thank you for sticking up for me, not many people would have done that." she said, laughing lightly once more."It's not a problem, they're rather annoying, don'tcha think?" Sarah rolled her eyes. It was at that moment Alice could see the shine in her new acquaintance's green eyes, the hues bright compared to her black hair, long and curly, flowing over her shoulders like a dark waterfall in the forest at night. Sarah was beautiful, even for her young age, and Alice was taken aback by it.

Swallowing thickly, Alice glanced at her outfit. She was dressed as a skeleton, her slender body making a perfect silhouette for the bones on her leggings and dress. She looked so frail, yet was so strong, verbally and mentally, that Alice was instantly attracted to the girl. Never before had she been so overcome with the feeling of contentment and anxiety, heart still racing. The smell coming off of of the other girl was intoxicating, the flowery scent reminding Alice of roses mixed with mint. It was lovely and she felt a knot form in the pit of her stomach.

"You're right, complete tossers," she finally answered with a smile, showing her crooked teeth. She had a crush on the girl sitting beside her, the only crush she could ever remember having. She blushed once more, the flames returning to her porcelain face. How could have the attraction been so sudden? Alice had never felt something so strongly before and here she was, flabbergasted over a girl she just met. It was all very silly really, but it didn't matter. Alice was enveloped in that minty rose smell, her luscious black hair and the curves of her all ready maturing body had drawn Alice in, never to spit her back out.

They walked to class that day together, sitting by one another and sharing cupcakes the professor had brought for the Halloween party. The walked to class together for the rest of that year, holding hands as they did so. Alice didn't ever ask if the girl liked her in return or if they were a couple. She never wanted to ruin something that was ever so great in her life.

Part One

Looking back on the choice to get out of the house and do a photo shoot, Alice was pleased with herself. It wasn’t every day she got to use her photography skills for something other than shooting live performances of Bring Me the Horizon. Working with this new band would give her the new experiences and she couldn’t wait to get out and to the studio. On their off day, the Motionless in White boys requested that she take some promotional shots, and she quickly jumped at the opportunity.

Part Two

Equipment set up, lights flicked on in the small photography studio she’d rented for the day. She normally shot out of her home, but she wanted the experience of working in a professional environment. A smile overtook her face as she checked her aperture settings, used a light meter to test the rooms lighting, and took a few self-portraits to make sure her camera was in working condition. Sitting at the front desk, she sighed and waited for her clients to walk in, fashionably late in their goth garb, their makeup pre-done for the shooting. “Welcome,” she said with a smile to the first one who approached her, the man introducing himself as Ricky.

Part Three

Snap, snap, snap, of the camera and she was well on her way to finishing the shoot. “Just a few more...” she said, her accent thick and she mumbled. Squinting her eye, she looked through the lens of the camera, getting a close up of all the members individually. “Thanks boys, I’ll have these ready in a few days, but if you want to look at them on my computer, I can go ahead and show ya,” she smiled and tossed her white hair over her shoulder, sitting at the front desk to turn on the Mac sitting at the front. With that on she started to upload photos, clicking them open and scrolling through, the men all crowding around her to see the shots they liked, the ones they didn’t, and the ones that made them look tougher than usual.

Part Four

The first boy she met stuck around behind as the others went off to get lunch, his long, dark hair almost matching hers in length. She smiled at him, shutting off the light fixtures and packing up her lenses and camera body. “Anything else I can do for you, Ricky?” she asked crouching over her camera bag as she packed her supplies. “Think I could take a few more photos of you?” she asked, blushing that she had been so forward. “I was hoping you’d ask,” he stated with a devilish grin, lending a hand to help her back onto her feet. She twisted on her heels and frolicked back to turn on the lights. “This one can be for free,” she winked biting her lip ring with a twisted grin.

Part Five

Stripping his clothes one by one, the photos got more and more risqué, his toned and thin body glowing in the bright lights of the studio. “I know this might be a little odd,” she stated as she positioned his body with one hand behind his head, one hip slightly cocked to accentuate his figure, “but would you like to come back to my flat? I have a mini-studio in there we can work with…” Ricky, without a word slipped back into his pants and his shirt, looking at her with a cocky smile upon his tender lips. “What are we waiting for?”

Part Six

“No no, sort of like this,” Alice instructed, her hands moving to run through her hair as she fixed his position. “You look just like a male model dressed like this,” she said, biting her lip as her eyes traveled over the distance of his torso, down past his hips. His boxers clung to his frame lightly, the black paint he had over his arms chipping a bit. In her opinion it made him look more rugged. “There,” she said, finally satisfied with his stance, taking a few shots of his bare body. She showed him the shots off her camera before he pushed the camera aside, pulling her in close to his body. Hands on her hips, Ricky made her face him, a finger tipping up her chin to lock eyes. “I’d rather use you as my subject,” he stated, his voice a low drawl, American accent making her melt. “Would you?” she asked, her lips ghosting over his, her lip ring dragging over the pink flesh of his pout. With a nod, he picked the camera back up and pulled back, peeling his body away from hers to look through the eye piece. “Just like that,” he said as she posed, her body making an ‘s’ shape, hips out and shoulders cocked, hair pulled over to one side of her body.

Part Seven

Looking over at the clock to read the time, Vincent sat up in the bed he shared with Colten for the last night in the States before leaving to visit back home for a while. It was a crappy way to spend the night, to say the least; lack of sleep from the past few nights had worn him out, and yet he still couldn't find the power to konk out for more than an hour or two at a time. He missed the warmth of a body next to him, this limbs reaching out finding something he hadn't expected. Though the body sharing the room with him was warm and caring, kind and devoted, it wasn't his body. It was misery wrapped up in a flesh package. It was settlement. The taste was bitter in his mouth.

Sitting up, the Brit took his pack of cigarettes of the night stand and swung his legs over the edge of his bed, lighting his lighter with a flick of his thumb, the end of the cancer stick igniting with an inhale, lungs inflating with the smoke, a calming sensation washing over his wracked system. He never expected it to be this hard. Luckily he could actually breakdown, what, with Colten sleeping beside him and all. He wasn't one to crack in front of someone, the fabric of his being held together by only a thread. He was hollow, he was a shadow. He wished going back in time was possible, however, that wasn't the case. This wasn't a fairy tale and things wouldn't end according to plan. This was life, and he had to deal with his choices.

He flicked the end of his cigarette into an ash tray at the corner of the night stand, his lips parting slightly to let the smoke out of his lips slowly, the white puff taking over his pale pink pout.

Thinking, always thinking.

Destroying, breaking himself down into nothingness.

This was the nightly rounds, sex with Colten, a shower, in bed until the sun came up, thinking of nothing other than his mistakes. This relationship was a mistake, his actions were mistakes, his existence was a mistake. And of course, who had he to blame other than himself?

The man shook his head, disgruntled by his own being. He stood, pacing the room as he took another drag from the filtered end of his smoke. Hands running through his hair, his eyelids drooping over his hues. He ached, and not in a good way, his body exhausted from lack of sleep. He couldn't take this anymore, needing to drown it out with something, something more than just the usual 10 cigarettes before a sleeping pill. Something more physical.

Crouching down to pick out his little baggie of white powder out of his black duffel bag, he opened the Ziplock, taking out a card from his wallet from the pants that were tossed on the floor, littering the small room and making it a mess.

Cocaine was now his drug of choice, for obvious reasons, and Colten never denied him the quick fix, knowing somehow the high made things so much better for him, made the tole a little easier to take.

Lining up the white powder on the night stand, 3 lines angled themselves towards the twenty-two year old, the straws from the other night resting on hand. He quickly inhaled, shaking his head from the burn he felt, his nose running just a bit. He wiped it with the back of his hand before diving into the next line, snorting that one and the last in two quick shots, the rush to his head making him smile, forgetting all his troubles just as quickly as that. A few hits and he was off into another realm. And that's how he liked it. His dreams were better this way, he slept better this way. He was better this way.

Even if there was one crucial piece missing.

He sighed and settled back into bed, moving close to Colten, nibbling at his earlobe. "Colten," he mumbled, licking the shell of his ear before biting it again, the younger Mabbitt sibling opening an eye as he wore a smile on his lips. "What do you say to sucking me off?" Vincent asked, whispering the question into his ear. Immediately the other boy was up and nodding, a hint of sleep still in his caramel eyes.

Vincent smiled, laying on his back to pull the other in for a gentle kiss, his head buzzing with slow thoughts, his body wavering in and out of time. "that's my good lad," he cooed, eyes closing as he sunk into a sea of blankets and pleasure, his lips falling prey to his teeth as he held back a groan as Colten's lips parted over his shaft.

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Drifting off to sleep, his mind kept moving at a quick rate, thoughts never ceasing to give him a break for just one night. Nightmares plagued him, and once more, he was up every hour on the hour, calling for the man that would never be there, not ever again.

Falling in and out of consciousness, he continued his trailing dreams, one after another hitting him even her with an ache in his chest, another memory of something from his past, something that he could have easily prevented.

Although she tried her best that she was having a hard time sleeping, Mike and Devin were catching on. It wasn’t always her intention to stay up late, but she had no other choice. The nightmares were getting worse as the pregnancy progressed and her new found friendship with Tony Lavato wasn’t helping her either. Ever since she met him, the visions in her head plagued her like death, constantly making her feel anxiety and fear settling in the pit of her stomach. Her body was weighted down by frustration and worry, her main concern being what this all could do to her growing child. She herself wasn’t even healthy. What effect could this have on something without a defense mechanism?  She was used to the nightmares and the lack of sleep, the baby wasn’t. It needed so much more than she was giving it.

The guilt started to sink into her heart once more, making it ache. She cared a great deal about this child, though it wasn’t hers, and she wanted the best for it. With recent events tormenting her, Devin’s return to her life making it all the more complex, she felt like crouching down right there on the bathroom floor and crying to herself. All of this was so stressful for the young Alice; she didn’t know what she could do to make any of it easier for her. Looking into the mirror again, she sighed, pouting her lip. Turning on the sink water, she tested the temperature with her fingers, waiting until it was warm enough to splash her face with.

Nightly routines always made her feel a little more comfortable, especially in a house that wasn’t hers with all the drama that surrounded her life. A nightly face was just what she needed to feel more at home, calmer, and more collected. Picking out the soap from the shower, she lathered it in her hands before rubbing it over her porcelain skin, washing away any hint of makeup she could find. Cupping her hands, she gathered water in her palms and smoothed it over her face to wash off the soap before shutting off the faucet, reaching blindly for a towel to dry herself with. After stumbling over her own feet, she came across a hand towel and finished cleaning her face.

She looked in the mirror again to make sure she had every last spot of soap removed, the towel drying her hands as she did so. She tugged open the medicine cabinet against the wall, looking for her mask. Thirty minutes of that a night kept her skin soft and healthy with a natural glow that she loved. Although she wasn’t the biggest fan of herself, she could always be proud of her flawless completion.

Smoothing the cream over her face, she left circles open for her lips and her eyes, the thick substance coating her evenly. She sat on the toilet, lid closed and legs crossed as she took her book from the back of the structure, flipping open to the page she tagged. The thirty minutes passed by quickly, her attention totally engrossed in the book Mike had picked up for her at the bookstore the other night – World War Z. She checked the time, a clock hanging in the bathroom on the opposite wall from where she sat. The mask had settled on a little longer than the time prescribed, but she didn’t mind. It hadn’t started burning her skin yet. She laughed lightly at the fact that her healthy glow could have been turned into a disaster. Maybe then she could look like the zombies which she loved. For the first time that night, she wore a smile as she checked herself out in the mirror, looking down at her stomach.

This was becoming a nightly thing, her belly catching her attention more often than not. Though anyone she asked would tell her no, she could tell she was pregnant, her small body deforming itself to accompany her mutated alien. Turning the water back on, she washed the mask off her face, feeling rejuvenated and fresh from the treatment. Wiping her face once more with the hand towel, she retired to her bed, flopping down on her back. She took off her shorts and tossed them aside to the floor, bringing the blankets up over her body to snuggle with herself. This was becoming a nightly thing as well, her heartache from not having Harper here with her making her curl in on herself. Alice tucked her head away in the soft sheets of the bed, closing her eyes as she settled into her slumber.

Any other night would have been fine, however this was ending badly. Not only had she seen Harper and had been given the cold shoulder for what seemed like the hundredth time just that week, she had slipped and fallen, making her worry about her baby. She lay in bed, hands on her stomach as she watched a television show that was burry. She wondered for a brief moment why she couldn’t see the screen before Tony popped in her room, smiling as he brought her a platter of food. He said nothing, but sat on her bed to give her the food, the silver plate decorated with fruits and waffles, toast and strips of vegetarian bacon.

“Thank you,” she said to her companion, her mouth watering from the delicious spread in front of her. She was in a state of contentment until Tony left the room, bringing in someone else with him when he returned. The unknown man was thick and burly, his beard long and curly as his hair flowed down to his shoulders. Alice cocked her head to the side in concern, not knowing who Tony was bringing in for her.

“You’re coming with me,” the burly man said, his voice deep and thick with an accent she didn’t recognize. She was tugged out of bed by her arm, the grip on her making her groan in pain as she fought against the man. Tony stood by, a remorseful look to his features, the pout of his lips quivering slightly. Her bows furrowed as she was pulled out of the room and thrown into a cage, much like an animal pin, though built for her height. She screamed to be let out, though her voice was soft as she tried to make as much noise a she could, her movements slow and deliberate as she attempted to move quickly, her body betraying itself.

“Let me go, please,” she pleaded, falling to her knees as a sharp lashing came at her suddenly bare back. The pain overtook her body, and she started to cry, blood, hot and thick, running down her spine, dousing her in red. The senseless beating continues, the whip ripping open her back as she screamed in pain. Nothing was coming out of her no matter how much she tried, her aching body trembling as she took the beating.

There was nothing she could do, her lifeless body curling in on itself as the burly man entered the cage, his pants dropping to the floor.

She awoke with tears in her eyes, the pain from the dream making her cry out for Mike, sobbing into her pillows.

“MIKE,” she screamed now, the fear crippling her to the core. Rushing in in just his boxers, Mike ran a hand though his hair before sitting with Alice on the bed. “What’s wrong?” he asked, concern fluctuating his tone.

Unable to speak right away, she simply shook her head and crawled into his lap, crying into his bare shoulder. He cooed into her ear that everything was going to be okay, his arms wrapping around her slender body as she found her voice and poured out her dream, gasping for breath between each sentence.

She heard someone come out from the abandoned house that she was staying in along with her other nomads. Turning around she covered her face with her hand, shading her eyes from the sun that blurred her blue hues. Craig had walked out into the warm air of the summer sun and joined the girl on the front lawn. He smiled at her and looked down at her stomach, which had started protruding from her clothes. He had lost his daughter in the war against the zombies; she couldn't imagine that kind of loss. That was the reason she tried to keep herself alive, tried to keep the fathers of her baby alive and well. She had a legacy to carry on and she wouldn't give up for anything. 

Craig's eyes looked away for a moment before focusing back on her belly, a far off look to his orbs as his hands jutted out to touch her tummy. She smiled and watched as his fatherly instincts took over, his hands rubbing along the fabric of her shirt. "I'm sorry you lost your baby," she said. They had grown close since the apocalypse, their love for zombies bringing them together. He knew more about the pregnancy than she did, having one of his own prior. They bonded over that and their love for the undead, becoming a tight knit portion of their little unit. She smiled at him and offered a little hug, kissing his cheek lightly to pass on her condolences. 

Just then Elekra Evans had walked out and joined the pair, sitting on Alice's other side. "How are you?" the purple haired girl asked, smiling at the two of them. 

Alice was first to answer. "I'm alive," she joked and rolled her eyes, sticking her tongue between her teeth. She laughed lightly and stood up, walking towards the house. "I have to use the restroom. Pregnancy makes me pee like Sea Biscuit." she winked and walked through the house, walking in on the other nomads of the group, Mike, Devin, Josh, and Harper making a plan of where to move next. "Here is good, for a few days at least," Alice chimed in before she ran up the steps to use the restroom. Luckily in these homes the water was still turned on. Everyone had passed too quickly to alter the function of the utilities. 

Walking back down the stairs, she found Harper alone, looking over a map. She walked over to him to sit next to him, though he wanted nothing at all to do with her. She still loved him more than anyone else in the world, her heart beating faster just at the thought of the boy. "Hey," she said to him before he looked at her, then her stomach, getting to his feet and leaving her there on the couch on her own. She sighed and got off the couch, walking back outside where the rest of the crew were going over the plan for the next few days. From what she got, coming in late to the conversation, they were staying here for a few days before taking off. They all needed proper relaxation and rest before traveling again, most of them not having slept in two days. 

"Sounds good to everyone?" Mike asked, looking to Alice first, then Devin, then the rest of the group. There was a silence before a nodding of heads from Craig and Elektra. They all wanted sleep in a comfortable setting more than anything. Alice was last to shake her head yes and walked back inside with the rest of the members of her tribe. Fighting for the rooms came next. There were four in the house, so some would have to share. She didn't mind bunking with a certain someone, however, that same someone wasn't about to share a room with her; she was pregnant after all. 

____________________________________________

Sitting alone in her room that night, she took out her tattered old journal and opened to the first blank page. She'd lucked out and got a room to herself, and even though she wished to room with Mike, Devin had claimed that before she was even a thought. Elektra had stopped by earlier that night and had crashed out before returning to her room for the night. Alice didn't mind. She was just a night owl and would stay up for a while longer before she could reach the state of peace Elektra was experiencing. She took out a pen from her bag, uncapped it and started chewing on the tip, wondering where she should start on her entry for that evening. She tried to write nightly, to document her adventures of this zombie apocalypse. She hummed to herself, crossing her legs before she set her journal on her leg, scribbling out that days events. 

1 September, 2013

Though today was taxing, it came out good in the end. We are staying somewhere in Southern California and we still have all seven members of our alliance.

I think Devin might be getting sick, despite my best efforts to keep him safe. Mike is trying his best, too, to keep his love alive, to keep him well and happy. He brings so much to this group. His optimism and his sarcasm are some things I couldn't do without. I need the comic relief he brings to the table. Plus, he's the father of my child. I wouldn't know what to do without him. Though he isn't as skilled as, say, Mike, he does bring a lot to the table and centers the group around his plans. He's not an individualist, he's very group orientated and has the heart to keep us together even though some of us -- Harper, mainly -- don't seem to want anything to do with this world, these people. Devin isn't like that. And I thank him for that. Even if it's not vocally. 

Mike... well he's one of the strongest members here. He doesn't take any one's bullshit, he's always on the prowl. He hunts, he fights off the sickness that comes round us. He is the reason I'm alive. I've learned to follow his instruction, learned to walk in his footsteps. Without him, I don't think any of us would be around. The zombies would have gotten us by now. His contribution to his pact is something I am thankful day after day. Not everyone is as lucky as I am. I have both fathers of my child and my baby is growing and healthy as it can be. As far as I know anyway. Mike has been great to me, very kind. He even found a wheel barrow to cart me around in when i get tired of walking and my ankles have swell to the breaking point. Its so sweet of him.

I really am growing on Craig I think, though he is thinking of other things when we talk. I know he's missing his family and his sanity. He breaks down more than any of us even if he does it when we aren't watching. His anxiety is getting the better of him and I worry he isn't going to make it another week here. Other than Mike though, he is my closest friend in out tribe and I don't want to see him go. He brings so much wisdom to the table; there is so much to learn from him. I've only reached the tip of the iceberg with Craig, and I want to know more. He is so wise and so smart. Losing him to himself would be one of the worst things I would witness, even out here in the wilderness with disease ruining our lives. Self-destruction is not as pretty as some may thing. 

Elektra is my girl! She's so kind and genuine. We have little sleepovers some nights, like tonight, where we bond as girls. Being the only females here, we have to stick together and make the best of what we have. She's become a great companion to have, though I don't think she's going to make it much longer. She's a bit stubborn some times and doesn't always listen to what Mike has to say. She's going to end up getting herself sick, and that's something I'm dreading. However, she does have excellent intuition, her senses coming in handy when we have no clue whether we are safe or not. Its like she's a bloodhound and can smell danger from miles away. She's saved us all on more than one occasion and I love her for it. 

The quiet one of the group is Josh. He keeps to himself and to Devin, his one and only friend from his band still living. They came in to this group together, Devin clinging to the only friend other than Mike. I can't really say anything about Josh, for I don't know him. I've never even talked to him before. He doesn't talk to me and I don't take to him, but he follows Mike's lead so he's a keeper. Anyone who follows Mike is a smart one. Josh is hiding a talent from us, I'm just not sure what it is. He is in full survival mode, just doing what is needed to make it out of this alive, and who can blame him. I think he is detaching himself from everyone because he doesn't want to hurt when anyone else leaves due to the zombies. He's smarter than I would have given him credit for. 

Harper, however is another story. Yes, he is amazing and he is great and he is smart and is handy with any sort of weapon you can give him, but he doesn't talk to me much anymore. Ever since I got pregnant. I chose to keep him safe from the disease, just like Mike and Devin, because I love him. I don't know why I do, for he can be a complete arse. There is just something about him that draws me towards him. I can't get enough of him, even when his attitude overrides his kind and gentle behaviour. I'm hoping that when this baby gets out of my stomach, he'll come back around. I know he doesn't like babies or pregnancy. Maybe its best that I just leave him be. Maybe I should get over it and let my heart find someone else that can care for me the way I need to be cared for. I know that easier to write out than its easier to do. Who knows how we'll end up, but for now, that's on the back-burner. We need to stay alive, not in love. 

Looks like its time for me to pass out. I know that this is one of the only nights I'll have to really rest. Might as well use it to my best advantage. 

She closed her book and placed it and the pen back in her knapsack. She laid back in the double bed and looked over to Elektra's sleeping form, smiling at her friend. She curled up to the woman and cuddled her, cradling her stomach in her hands. 

Weeks later, she took out her journal again and started writing viciously. 

21 September, 2013

Electra is gone. We had nothing left to do other than leave her behind once she got sick. We are running on no sleep, no food, no nothing. We are falling apart. 

Devin is sicker than ever, he's on his last legs. Craig is losing his mind do to the anxiety attacks. Mike is the only one who is sane enough around here to keep his head on his shoulders. I don't think we are making it much longer. Its only been 20 days since we started this alliance and we've got almost nothing left. Josh and Mike have formed a team, hunting and cooking together, making the meat they catch edible for the rest of us. 

My friend is gone. I miss her too much for words. I think I might have to hang myself before the end of this. There is no hope for us. I'm scared I will be too sick to do anything in the coming days. I've been feeling ill and hanging around Devin isn't making it any better. 

Mike has to carry me in his wheel barrow more often than not, and he's getting tired from it, I can tell. 

I'm not making it much farther, I don't think. We have a lot of positivist running through our unit, but I'm lagging. I think its best if I just fall behind and stay there. I don't want to being the rest of the troupe down with me. 

For the most part we are staying strong and trudging though. I just hope the rest of us live to tell the tale. 

The counter parts took their respective seats next to one another, Jared's hands holding hers in his lap, knees touching, their bodies shifted inward towards one another. Alice, though a somewhat naive girl, was still bright, keeping her wits about her tonight; eyes moving from Jared’s beautiful face around the small apartment room, making sure nothing looked out of the ordinary before she gave herself away. Tonight was the night, and Jared had to keep things sober this time around.

She let out a soft sigh and looked down at her legs, showing in the soft light of the loft, her shorts hugging her legs tightly. “I’ve got eyes in the back of my head,” she said, her heart aching as she did so, though she told herself not to cry. At all costs, Alice. You mustn’t cry. Jared’s head cocked to the side, his innocence showing for just a moment before he let go of her hands, obviously offended. “I know where you’re going with this, and I’m not surprised. You take me for a fool, and maybe you’re right. If… if I were wiser I would not have let myself come here tonight,” she continued, her voice shaking, as she felt the familiar lump in her throat. No, Alice, do not cry.

Looking up at Jared, she could see all the memories of the summer they spent together, all the times she could remember and some that she couldn’t. She knew his secret now and yet… yet she still wanted to be around him, be with him on more than a sexual level. Of all the times they were to have sex, she couldn’t remember a single one. Only adding to her anxiety, she looked back at her legs, ashamed that she had even come here. She had to free herself from the man, had to for her own good, before they actually started a relationship. And that thought alone made her want to cave in on herself, made it harder to breathe.

His hands, once warm, were now cold, pushing her away. Standing up he looked down at her, hurt and something on the side of amazement in his features. “You know nothing,” he whispered to her, malice and hatred in every syllable. Although she was speaking the truth, he would deny every statement; that was just his nature.

Here she was watching the summer from his eyes fade away with the winter, the changing of the times changing her as well. She wouldn’t stand for this sort of treatment ever again, not from the likes of any man or woman. She was a person and she mattered. As much as she could talk down on herself, she meant something in the grand scheme of things and she wasn’t about to let Jared steal her memory again. There was too much of that going on in her life for her to tolerate. She had this huge hole in her heart from her past trauma that she thought Jared would fill, but for some reason, he just wouldn’t fit.

Aching from her heart to her stomach, the pain moved to her very core, making her whimper out in agony before she looked up at the man she so desperately loved, but never could be with. Not on these terms.

“Alice,” he began, calmer now, looking down into her blue hues, the placidness in his frame replaced with utter regret and sorrow. He dropped to his knees and held his head in his hands, shaking it back and forth for a moment before he could face her again. “Lust can give a man so many regrets,” he defended himself, looking from his hands to her eyes once more, the pout of her lips trembling with heartache and want, the freedom she clung to making this harder as the time dragged on, the clock on the wall ticking loudly in the silence shared between the pair. She shook her head, unwilling to let herself back out of this, not again. She couldn’t be with him anymore. This was the end.

“I guess your love was only as safe as the promise you made,” she huffed, standing firm in her conviction. “You never loved me. You only wanted to take what wasn’t yours and make me out to be a fool. I’m not falling for your tricks anymore.” It was now that she let her true emotions show, the tears lining down her cheeks, make up streaking down her porcelain features.

“Alice, please,” Jared begged, taking her hands back in his own, red lips kissing over her knuckles. She shook her head although he wasn’t looking to see the reaction. “Please, it was just a one-time thing… I… well, you know how I feel.” He said, still unable to say those three words that would have tricked her once more.

“You are the storm, the wind and the waves; you break me in two and toss me away.” She sobbed, her voice cracking numerous times, stopping before her next statement to collect and regain her composure. “I fell apart, Jared. I fell apart when I fell for you, and you took advantage of that!” She tossed his hands aside, licking her dry and cracking curves as she wiped the mascara and eyeliner off her cheeks. “How can I float above the water that fills my lungs?” She asked him, not expecting an answer.

He looked up at her, tears in his eyes as well before she stood to leave his house, plans of going to a rundown hotel for the night as it was all she could afford.

“Lucy Hale, please? She was admitted here last night. I know I’m not her family, but I’m her boyfriend. I just really need to see her.” The girl was in critical condition in the ICU, and that thought alone was enough to make Vince hate himself even more for getting her nearly killed. The nurse pouted slightly, her white name tag reading Melinda in black uppercase lettering. “Please, Melinda.” He said, using her name to gain her compassion and catch her attention. “She’s hurt because of me,” he explained to her, having no trouble in taking the blame for his mistakes. The weight of the situation bore on his shoulders enough to crush him mentally and physically. She could see it in his eyes, spirits down and his body weary from lack of sleep the past few nights. The young lady sighed again and nodded her head, writing something on a Post-It note, talking loud enough so the other nurse at the front desk could hear.

“I’m sorry I can’t help you. Only family members are allowed in the ICU,” she spoke, a helpful smile on her lips as she handed the note over to him, tapping it with her pen. “I’m sorry, sir,” she said before looking back at her computer to finish a case she was working on. With a grateful smile and a tip of his head, he walked off; looking at the note once he was out of the view of the other nurse, much older and stiffer than the younger. He knew she would have never given him a chance like Melinda had, and for that, he was eternally in her debt. Looking over the directions, a little map drawn on the yellow note, he followed them into the ICU, looking for the bed with his blonde girlfriend.

Tubes were connected to her arms and her nose, down her throat and in her chest, sucking out all the blood and extra liquid that was filling her lungs. The bullet holes were covered by a chest wrapping, the girl’s mother slumped over in the chair next to the bed, a light snore leaving her mouth, hanging agape from the angle of her slouch. Vincent smiled and exhaled a breath he hadn’t known he was holding in, his eyes now transitioning to the empty chair on the other side of Lucy’s bed. He took it, scooting the legs across the tiled floor, making as little noise as he could to position himself close to his girl. He took her hand, holding it close to his chest as he leaned over to kiss her forehead. “I’m so sorry,” he told her sleeping form, looking over her stuttering chest, her gasp for air leaving her body shaking in pain and strife. Once more, he was to blame. If he wasn’t in the arms race, this would never have happened and the girl could have continued on with her brain tumor, getting treatments and getting taken care of; now she was unable to fight, unable to combat anything. She was dying, and he knew it. If not from the tumor, from the gunshots. He started to cry, his nose running from his buildup of tears streaming down his face. “You’re sick like this winter, and I just made it so much worse,” he sighed, using the back of his tattooed hand to clean up his face, eyes already blood shot from his heavy sobs.

Lucy’s mother stirred, shifting her position in the chair in which she sat, closing her mouth with a few hums and smacks from her lips. Vincent sucked up his pain, tucking it back inside his chest so no one would have to see him break. He was Lucy’s rock, yet here he was, crumbling.

A nurse walked in then to check vitals, the nightly rounds; every hour on the hour. Vincent sat back and cleared his throat of the lump that was still developing back there, watching the nurse take Lucy’s signs and noting them down on the chart in her room. A sad pout appeared on the nurse’s full lips, about to leave the room before Vince called her back.

“Excuse me,” he called, voice cracking from the holding back of tears. “Is there any way I can get myself to see one of her doctors. I’m her brother,” he lied, looking over towards Luce’s mum. She was out cold. “I’ve been working all day, found out late that Lucy was in here, and I don’t want to wake Mum and have her crush me for waking her from slumber.” He thought that was a good enough reasoning to let him speak to a doctor; he just wanted to know her prognosis, know how she was doing without either her mother or Lucy herself knowing he had been there. That would have plagued them both. Neither knew quite what happened the night of the shooting, but he was certain they knew it was at his expense. He needed to see a doctor, and soon.

The nurse nodded and he let out a sigh of relief, relaxing a bit in his chair as the nurse left, calling in a doctor that showed up in less than five minutes. “Hi, I’m Vincent,” he introduced himself, shaking the doctor’s hand as a greeting. “I’m just wondering how she’s doing.”

“Good to meet you, Vincent, I’m Sarah. You can call me that,” she smiled, and picked up the clipboard at the foot of Lucy’s bed, looking over the stats and the counts of her blood cells. She sighed, and placed the board back. He could tell there was something in Sarah’s mind that she was battling with. There had to be nothing worse than delivering bad news.

“I’m sorry to say that she’s got two days. Just two. The tumor in her brain is growing as her body weakens from addressing the shots in her torso.” Sarah looked up into Vincent’s eyes to see how he was taking this blow. Not well.

“I’m sorry,” she said, placing her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. “To finish, we are trying to save her. She’s a fighter; I know that from her records. However, the bullet wounds will kill her before the tumor does.” Dropping her hand, she walked over to the side of the bed, looking at Lucy’s heart monitor, the green beeping line jumping here and there as her heart struggled to keep her alive.

“Thank you,” Vincent finally spoke up, slouching back in his chair, looking over to Lucy, her blonde hair flowing around her like some fairytale princess. In his eyes, that’s exactly what she was: his princess. Tears flowed uncontrollably now, the doctor leaving him to weep in peace.

“Two more days, just two more,” he cried aloud to her, his head dropping on her chest. “I’ll stay with you until your time is up, I promise I’m not leaving you,” he managed to choke out through broken sobs, his chest heaving with the pain and guilt he felt.

She was dying, and he was to blame.

_________________________________________________________

One more day, just one more.

He stayed up all night long just to make sure she was alright, not passing until her time was up. A few times Lucy had awoken to see the pathetically weak version of Vincent, guilt ridden, eyes puffy and red from his constant crying. He was worse off than Lucy’s mother, though she seemed to already be in the advanced stages of grief. Perhaps it was because she knew from the day Luce got the tumor she was as good as gone. She had already grieved. Already cried. Already come to terms with losing the only child she had. The thought alone made Vincent’s heart ache harder, his breath constricting in his lungs, throat shrinking up as he gasped for air.

He had been forgiven. By both Lucy and her mother. He did nothing wrong in their eyes; he simply tried to save his girlfriend. That was true, but they didn’t know the half of it. He was in a game he could never win and the game-masters took away the one thing they knew would hurt him the most – the love of his life.  However, he apologized each time Lucy awoke.

“You’ve gone mad,” she mumbled with a faint smirk one of the times she was lucid enough to speak, moving her hand weakly to grasp his.

“Don’t you say that I’ve gone crazy,” he told her. “I may have lost my mind, but I’ve still got you.”

He excused himself to the bathroom, taking his hourly break to cry alone. She wouldn’t be one of those to see him crack. Not again. After his heart shattered for the hundredth time, he looked into the mirror of the restroom, blinking repeatedly to get the redness away from his eyes before returning to Lucy’s bedside. It was there that he sighed, opening his mouth to let his shaky breath leave his pout. “Love is not for me,” he said to himself, taking a vow to never love someone the way he loved Lucy. For their sake more so than his own. He couldn’t lose another the way he was losing her; he just couldn’t. He wouldn’t make it through another loss like this.

That night it was Lucy’s turn to stay awake, making sure Vincent didn’t stray too far. Even though the doctors and her mother hadn’t spoken of her impending doom, she had a feeling she was leaving this world and departing for another. She constantly told her boy that she loved him and wouldn’t want to spend this time with anyone else other than him. Each time it got a little harder to hear, but he took it, the words like daggers, cutting him deep. But he took the cutting edge, just like she was taking her death, like a pro. He smiled to her and gave her a kiss on her lips. “I love you,” he whispered back to her before she closed her eyes, coughing lightly. She turned her head to cough into her pillow blood stains over the white fabric.