#-pg

And in the end, what’s it all for? To afford a pretty gravestone, that will too; fall to the floor. For a nice message engraved into stone, that will become unseen under plants that have overgrown. We live to be forgotten, that’s all. Failure and achievement means nothing when we are all going to fall. So stress me out to earn that money, tell me what I need to see, make me remember that to be happy, I can’t possibly just be me. So I’ll say hi, good morning and goodbye, but I won’t go out of my way to please you, for who will even remember when we die?

Sitting in class, when the pain hits me is common, my therapist told me to have a thought that calms me down, I have one. So I use it. The thought of death, it’s a nice one. The knowing that it would stop all this painful living is a comfort to me. If I take a deep breath, I can imagine it all.

Falling into the deepest hole, that seems like it doesn’t have an end is the sweetest journey, the silence, the darkness, the harsh wind that sweeps my skin. The beeping of my life monitor, the second of no noise in between the sound reminding me I’m still alive, is good. It gives me the hope I’m over - until it sounds again. The silence and loneliness of death, fills the best of my dreams, the knowing I would escape the chaos and demanding nature of life made me happy. I want to go. It’s too loud here, it’s too messy. It’s time. I fall and fall and fall. I close my eyes and fade away. I become a mere carcass, lying on a bed. Swarms of people surround my body, teardrops hit my skin. But I can’t hear it. I can’t see it. I can’t feel it. For I am gone now.

And then I breathe out and I feel okay again. So I guess, to keep myself alive, I’ll just keep thinking of dying, right up until it happens for real.

My Motorcycle Wake You Up in A.M.? (pacific heights)

Yeah, I’m ‘the motorcycle guy’ that woke everyone up in the north end of the city last night at 3am. Yeah it was 3 am and I punched the throttle on my new 8000cc Harley street bike. It was a little selfish treat to myself for closing a 2 million dollar deal last weak with Bausch & Laum. I ordered the bike and the bike arrived in 8 hrs; I made sure it was the loudest bike on the website available the online tech assured. I might fuck a girl in San Jose on it (the bike)—and that would be really awesome!

I love revving up the engine when I leave the club and letting everyone know I’m alive and every one of the sleeping sheep on whatever night knows it too, that I’m alive. When I ride…some of us are just meant to be loud and proud and be hated. I like the fact people are jealous of me and I’m a jerk to most people who are stupid. It reminds me I’m a fighter by choice, and I like red-hot pussy and great restaurants, and my dog Chipsy, and that’s it. So if I ever break your slumber with my new loud bike and you see me wearing my black helmet, you can be self assured I know I’m better than you, smarter than you and faster than you, and my ignorance to your feelings really is bliss.

-love Manj

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/rnr/XXXXXXXXX.html.

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