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A convo I had with my best friend
Me: do you think I am a top or a bottom
Her: bottom
Me: why thoo???
Her: you like tall muscular women that could crush you with their thighs
Me: what about men…?
Her: you like Bucky Barnes
Me: f*ckkk…
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Deeds: [is playing some guitar] oh I still had a booger on my finger
me: [says nothing]
Deeds: I think it fell into my guitar [starts trying to look inside for it]
me: [just fucking loses it]
My doctor, who is a redhead: Are we worried about bleeding a lot? I know we redheads tend to bleed more.
Me, who is not a redhead:.... Not really concerned about the bleeding.
Me, internally: your eyesight is another story.
.
My coworker after telling her that story: That's wild. It's so obvious that you're not a redhead
Me: I know right, I could not be more obviously brunette.
Her: Brunette?? Girl you're blond.
Me:.... No? I am not?
.
My other coworker after I told them both what the doctor said and what our other coworker said about me being blond: You're like a really dirty blond.
Me:
Some conversations I had with my friend today:
'How dare you insult my lord and saviour Charlie Christ!?'
'charlie Christ ?!?'
'yeah how do you think Jesus Christ got pregnant??'
And
'good luck lil buddy'
'me talking to my penis every day before jorking it'
gaslighting em about math
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
My Aunts: What do you mean you don't know who Benson Boon is!?!? His songs are everywhere! Like, if you've opened Instagram at all in the past year or so, you've heard at least one of his songs!
Me: ...my Instagram features poledancing archers and swordfighting tutorials. I have no clue who you're talking about.
My Aunts: Oh come on! He's even on the radio!
Me: ...yeah, I don't listen to the radio, I listen to musicals based on Greek mythology on Spotify.
my coworker told me that sometimes I ‘smile like a haunted doll’
