reckoning with the fact that as a shame holder i also hold a lot of our internalized biases and judgements and i'm going to be completely honest it doesn't feel great.
like sometimes im being hard on myself and i think something and i startle myself by how much i've absorbed the things i feel so strongly against. i would never tolerate these things being said about anyone else. why do i believe it about myself so easily? if i'm willing to entertain these judgements with myself, am i also going to wield them against others whether i try to or not?
it has me thinking about that one post where it's all "we see it as indulgence when others express the things we suppress in ourselves"
i don't want to be bitter towards others or think poorly of them simply because i'm too much of a coward
it just makes me sad.
