#*nesta

oh baby! my thoughts are that if neris happened as a canon divergence and not an alternate universe, the inner circle only let it get so far because they didn't think nesta would (or could) fall in love with eris. they allowed eris to sweep her off to autumn because they felt assured enough in the strength of her mating bond to cassian that it was a failsafe to ensure she would want to return to him (and thus be back under night court control) of her own volition. the intent was for her to serve in some sort of covert spy capacity and engender a sense of trust between the autumn court and the night court, then they would dangle something else in front of eris—someone powerful and pretty and docile—so that he would grow bored of nesta and discard her of his own volition. because the inner circle fundamentally misunderstands both eris and nesta.

but with her time away from the night court feeling like freedom, and with her social skillset put to such empowering use amongst the autumn court nobility, and with eris proving to be so much more complex than the cruel heir the night court paints him as, nesta finds herself certain that she has no interest in serving as rhysand's pawn—that she is happier with eris than she's been since turning fae—that her bond to cassian doesn't feel nearly as strong as this connection she and eris have forged with intention. and with him seeing nesta for all of her truths and appreciating each one, and with her so seamlessly navigating both the autumn court and his life, and with him and his family finally liberated from his father with her help, eris finds that he no longer just wants to use her for her power—that he has finally found someone he can trust to stand by his side—that he absolutely will not be letting her go, though he never had any intentions to. love consumes them.

this was certainly Not a part of the inner circle's plan. now feyre has lost her sister, cassian has lost his mate, and rhysand has lost a weapon—all because nesta had the audacity to make her own choices. i see it becoming incredibly contentious between all of these actors. i also see eris being incredibly smug about it. about being chosen. about taking from the inner circle. about immediately recognizing their game in using nesta as a pawn and coming out the victor. about seeing nesta true, truer than her own family, her own mate. about knowing that they can't do anything now that he's high lord, not even challenge him to a blood duel. after centuries of enduring their judgment and aspersions, he is finally vindicated.

so when the night court delegation comes to autumn under the pretense of ironing out the terms of the alliance between their courts, nesta has to incentivize eris to let her do most of the talking (yes naturally that gets sexual) and to trust her not to be swayed when [insert member of the inner circle] inevitably corners her alone to get her to come back (this is more a product of his deep-seated sense that no one could ever willingly choose him than a condemnation of her loyalty.) i think when the latter happens, he for sure has eyes and ears in that room somewhere, somehow. probably some charmed item from marius. eris is thoroughly warmed by nesta's conviction and loyalty to him, but he is furious about the way they're speaking to her—made even worse by the way that flame kindled to life inside of her begins to gutter over the course of the conversation. he can't keep his distance at that point, and the night court delegation is very promptly disinvited from their stay at the forest house.

of all our canon cast, genia and nesta would easily get along best if given the opportunity to foster a relationship with each other—especially since this would be set after nesta has forged bonds with gwyn and emerie. nesta would immediately see a lot of herself gwyn and emerie in genia. depending on the flavor of neris at hand (i love a neris who are mutually using each other -> hold on . you're more than you seem -> fuckkk i can't just use you anymore because now i love and respect you) nesta is probably feeling at least slightly indignant that she's been the equivalent of sold off as her mother once planned for her, even if she and eris have developed some measure of closeness by the time the marriage actually occurs. i could one millllllion percent see her working through the loss of her own agency via tomas, the cauldron, the house of wind, the marriage, etc. by trying to free genia/abolish sex slavery in autumn. upon her prospective success i'm envisioning a very, very big emotional reckoning for her where she realizes Just Why it mattered so much that genia was freed and living on her own terms.

it would take a hot minute for them to get there though. genia isn't allowed a lot of mobility or even free time away from beron. they’re most likely to encounter each other in eris' kennels—could even see eris being the one to arrange a Chance Meeting because he can't do anything about the system that's in place but nesta, who beron values as an asset as a weapon, sure could cause a fuss and leverage its dismantling as one of the stipulations of her compliance with beron's plans. (which eris will never let come to fruition anyway so win-win.) anywho so they meet at the kennels. genia, as she is with any female she meets, is foremost wary ... and also she is night court racist ... and also she is just a teensy bit human racist ... and she would know that nesta was once a human and hails from the night court—but more than any of that she is so, so desperate for any kind of positive and genuine interaction in the forest house.

i could see them taking each other's measure at first. a little snippy. a little skeptical. definitely like two stray cats penned into the same alley. nesta is so fiercely loyal and feels so much but she's hard to read and defends herself with flippancy; genia is equally loyal and feels equally as much but she's in complete survival mode and can't risk her life by blindly trusting someone, let alone lord eris' new wife. but i could see genia helping nesta acclimate to autumn. nesta's well-equipped to be a lady, but she can't just be well-equipped in autumn. all the ladies are so. nesta has to work twice as hard to overcome the inherent prejudice so many in the high court have for humans and the night court. nesta complains offhandedly one day about some interaction with some courtier. iphigenia offers offhanded but extremely effective insight into how to handle it and come out not only unscathed but on top. this is how their friendship first blossoms.

(side note: eris is grateful because nesta is unyielding and he knows better than to outright correct or steer her if he actually wants her to do something—but neither can he manipulate her because she's too savvy for that. she has to actually just . want to do something for him to get her to do it. so how nice for another female to offer her aid.)

anyway it's stolen little moments like this over weeks if not months until genia feels comfortable enough with nesta to trust her, which fully solidifies nesta's loyalty to her. that had, of course, already been building because nesta is deeply empathetic, but nesta knows how hard it must be for iphigenia to trust anyone, knowing firsthand now how vicious the internal politics of the forest house are. the fact that iphigenia lets her in is like. okay. so now i'm in your corner forever. i'm going to protect you like i couldn't protect my sisters or the friends i had to leave behind. they probably hatch some sort of plot together to sneak iphigenia away. fake her death. frame emile probably. when iphigenia is assured of an option other than fawn, she's going to take it. she'll fight or flee with the best of em. she'll do whatever it takes to survive. and doesn't that remind nesta archeron of just so many someones?

once genia is gone from autumn though, i think she's gone from nesta's life completely unless nesta specifically seeks her out. genia doesn't want to be reminded of what happened to her. genia doesn't want to champion others who suffer under this system; she isn't like them—she was different, she was special, she wasn't a whore, she wasn't, she wasn't, she wasn't. so no way in hell is she venturing back into autumn. unfortunately even just speaking to nesta would remind her far too much of being a sex slave. it would take some major healing for genia to be able to be true friends with nesta after escaping without taking psychic damage. ideally, eris forces arranges for tamlin to take genia in, knowing they'll mutually give each other purpose and remind each other of what life can be again and that spring will flourish for it—but just as likely is genia taking refuge with the band of exiles, in which case her journey is much less optimized.

warnings for discussion of suicide, suicidality, and grief

oh man what a great question—i've pondered this pretty extensively before (because i am of course at my core normal) and i think responses would change depending on whether nesta succeeded in this or not. *honestly probably even where/when it happened would impact it too.

if she’s successful, i think this destroys the inner circle. i could see elain fracturing completely. in her mind it would be a lot of: our relationship was once so close and ended so fraught with no chance now for repair, i let our hostilities fester, i didn't intercede even though i saw how she was being treated, etc. whatever sanity she was regaining probably flees her. if it returns, her hostility towards the ic would be untenable; she would need to be removed from them or i think she would consider following. feyre... well! feyre eventually dies without nesta around to wield the harp. but in the immediate aftermath or if some other hail mary spares her pregnancy, i could see this going one of two ways, depending on what facets of feyre's characterization are focused on—either her own self-blame gets projected onto rhysand and she thinks, i never would have done this to nesta before; why did i do this to her now? and blames rhysand/the ic to spare herself OR she melds even further into rhys and the ic: we never could have known it was this bad, we were only trying to help, we never would have if we knew, etc. amren would be cold to the point of callousness but only to hide her own hurt, and that would alienate feyre/elain. mor i could see being solemn but level-headed about this, basically a voice of reason type, also alienating feyre/elain. azriel would recede internally, potentially isolate elsewhere away from the ic, and would accept much of the blame as his own as someone who was meant to be guarding and tangentially rehabilitating her. cassian is crashing the everloving fuck out for sure. picturing a moment of shock where he's cradling her obviously dead body trying desperately to shake her back into life. then a lot of verbal blame of rhysand, maybe even azriel, but only because he has been cleaved through with his own guilt and the loss of his mate. would be incredibly narratively fulfilling if he took to booze, gambling, neglected his duties, frequented all the seedy places nesta had been, lived in her old apartment, etc. the valkyries good god. emerie and gwyn would be so blindingly rageful towards the ic as a whole—you all did this to her, you abandoned her, you saw her suffering and made it worse, you should have given her to us, you should have let us keep her safe, etc. they would refuse to let anyone in the ic eschew blame. i think feyre would grow to hate them for speaking her own feelings to her so plainly.

now if she isn't successful! that's where i think things get a little dicier. the cleanest emotional response is that i think emerie and gwyn take nesta away somewhere and refuse to let anyone in the ic anywhere near her—and i think nesta lets them be her harbor and her refuge and her shield. she wants to live so desperately; she just couldn't handle the reality of her life anymore. lying down in their softness and their care would be as a sort of heaven. she might wonder if she really had died in those bleary moments after. even hearing them arguing fiercely and venomously at the front door with one or more of the ic, they are as angels to her. the only place she feels loved anymore. if she lives, i think feyre leans on rhysand for emotional support; she's scared for her sister—maybe even reckoning with what she might have done if she stayed with tamlin—and rhysand is her own refuge. without an overt consequence, it's easier to contend with the guilt and not see rhysand/the ic poorer for their roles in it. elain i could see this actually snapping her back into life. that moment of fear that nesta was dead like an adrenaline rush that brings her back to present—that forces her to realize she needs to make a change or a choice so that she doesn't lose nesta/make her own attempt. amren, mor, and azriel respond similarly imo. i could see emerie and gwyn perhaps being a bit more sympathetic towards azriel and letting him in to see nesta since they all had a relationship and azriel was more of a bystander. not without blame but a softer, more sorrowful sort of blame. could see a moment where emerie or gwyn are lashing at azriel, fists on the chest sort of beat, and as azriel is letting it happen because he feels deserving of it, they just kind of crumple into his chest, i was so scared, i am so scared, i don't know how to help her. cue azriel with a short reassurance that puts them immediately at ease: you are here for her where we were not. you are doing all you can. cassian i would Love to see going down the same crashout path, just even more belligerently because he's being kept from his mate and that's his fault his fault his fault but he needs to see her and he needs to make amends and he knows now what he pushed her to and and and— cue gwyn/emerie/maybe even nesta closing the door in his drunken face.

i think they have a lot more grace for both of them! one thing all of the ic keeps coming back to when justifying their treatment of nesta and elain is that they were feyre’s older sisters and they never did anything to take care of her / offset the burden placed on her to provide for the family. but with toddler!archeron in play — both nesta and elain did pull their weight, at least while he was alive. and if they didn’t in the aftermath of his death, the ic would be more willing to excuse it as grief instead of condemn it as a moral failing.

like this kind of blatant trauma would prompt the ic to view nesta and elain more as one of their own off the bat. in canon, they all bond over the fact that they have endured hardship in their past that they can point to and say look, this was unfair. i was not a perfect person in the aftermath, but i was surviving, and i am trying to do better now. they would be more willing to view nesta’s meanness and drinking as a parallel to something they went through in their own lore, a hurdle to overcome to get to a place of healing.

because the main issue the ic has with nesta and elain, especially initially, is that they can’t empathize with them not taking action while enduring hardship. by sitting by and letting feyre care for the family, nesta and elain position themselves as diametrically opposed to the like … Pick Yourself Up By Your Boostraps ethos of the ic. plus a lot of nesta and elain’s trauma is more internal? than feyre’s? and occurs over the course of their adolescence. plus nesta especially keeps hers close to her chest. so the ic is unwilling and / or unable to understand it.

Nesta's plan to push her father now involves starving a 2 year old which she absolutely would not want. They in general need more attention and care so someone would have to entertain them too, who do you think would do it most of the time? I also think Nesta would teach this child to read (or ask Papa to), do you think Feyre would have joined in to learn even just by hanging around? (And just how would the different characters treat that child in the series)

my god. i knew being the parentified eldest sister of four much younger siblings would pay off someday. i just didn’t expect it to be so soon

nesta — i think nesta is the one to take on the brunt of the mothering role for sure. in canon, there was some ability for her to rationalize feyre fending for the family — feyre was always more adventurous, more capable, (seemed like) more of a loner. feyre was young, but she did not depend on nesta the way a toddler would have no choice but to. so nesta, i think, kind of becomes almost a rosalie hale type character. she focuses entirely on the toddler, more than even her other sisters. she probably does her best to get coin however she can to provide for toddler!archeron and give them a normal life. definitely does her best to try to marry into a wealthy family. (if you want to get crunchy, i do think this — eventually, after exhausting other avenues — looks like her selling her body. not saying a word of it to anyone. cleaning herself completely and covering the bruises before she comes home. but they all know. there are few other ways for them to make money.) she is the one doing the feedings and the changings and the instructing and the etiquette, like her mother would have expected — but not like her mother would have implemented. and, naturally, i do think nesta resents this with a vicious, violent, burning anger down to her core. she would never take that out on toddler!archeron. again, she cannot be her mother. but oh baby. if she resented her father’s incompetence in canon, the addition of a toddler would make their relationship unrecoverable. there would be no undercurrents of please daddy take care of us, take care of me, don’t you love us enough to try? she would just absolutely fucking despise the man for his failings.

elain — with the addition of toddler!archeron, i don’t think elain and nesta are nearly as close as they are in canon. nesta’s protective drive probably encompasses only the baby. (rosalie core!) it’s all she would have the mental capacity for. so i could see elain filling that real stereotypical middle child role. not close to her older sister, who is busy bringing in coin and raising a baby; not close to her younger sister, who is busy bringing in food. lonelier by far than in canon. she is definitely the sister they try the hardest to marry off — herself still pretty and soft and lovely and unsullied, and best able to bring in a handsome dowry. or whatever a handsome dowry is in their town. she still fills the one of us must remain gentle and normal in this harsh world role. but she is probably forced to help with the cooking and also watching toddler!archeron while nesta is out. i could see her being the one to play and console toddler!archeron more than nesta or feyre. again, nesta just — she does not have the fucking capacity. she is stretched to her limit, always. she will never be mean to toddler!archeron, but sometimes the constant screaming and attention-seeking and dress-pulling and diaper-changing just gets to be too much. elain can always tell when nesta begins fraying around the edges. nesta’s eyes go a little too wide and her breath gets a little too quick and she looks at their father like she could crush his windpipe beneath her thumbs. so elain steps in then to help, and she lets the small, tearful half-frown of thanks nesta throws her before bustling off to their bedroom balm her soul.

feyre — toddler!archeron really challenges feyre’s characterization the most i’d say. in the books, she is always the most compassionate to papa archeron, having seen what happened to him firsthand. i think having a sibling this much younger around would completely change that. in canon, she saw her older sisters as capable of helping and just outright choosing not to. if only they helped, their survival would not all fall on her. but a toddler is not capable. a toddler cannot chop the wood or come hunting with her. a toddler would force young feyre to see how their father failed her and her siblings — especially with nesta now doing so much to care for the toddler, which unintentionally extends out to the rest of the family as well. there’s still that element of nesta and elain not really taking care of feyre directly, which she would lament, but i could see toddler!archeron bringing nesta and feyre together in a coparenting role. there would be more respect between them — in a heightened way elain brings them together in canon. and yes, i do think she hangs around for lessons! at a certain point, i think nesta even notices feyre doing this and begins to put two and two together. or snaps at feyre to stop hovering, then sees feyre blushing deeply and puts it together then. what’s fun is having toddler archeron around doesn’t change what she would do in canon though. she would still hunt the wolf for her family. she would still skin it — probably to keep the baby warm. she would still sacrifice herself to the fae to keep them safe, and she would probably feel better doing it knowing that nesta, at least, would be there to bring in coin.

warning for discussion and analysis of suicidality

ooooo i really do think it could go a number of ways here. the first thing that came to mind is the bond betraying nesta in that moment—a sharp surge of relief that has cassian turning to see her losing her footing, a dull thud of disappointment when he catches her, then absolute silence. maybe even just a look in her eyes afterwards, or a twist of her mouth, or a listless apathy, not against the pain of her injury but the fact that no end came to how she’s feeling. they obviously aren’t communicating well at this point, so i think cassian’s impotence in not being able to help her and fear for her actual life now would bring him to a place of anger. the ic’s whole thing is that they can lash and equalize against each other and still love each other through it and know the goodness still remains within. they give grace to each other for their anger because they understand it in each other. but here with nesta it would be so jarring. what the hell were you thinking, stepping so close to the edge? as his trembling hands are bandaging her. maybe nesta snaps back, defensive, scared of her own feelings and her own relief as well. this would give cassian some hope. worse—maybe she doesn’t snap back. maybe she just mumbles out an, i wasn’t. and cassian continues to lash to try to get her to lash back. no, you damn sure weren’t. either way i think nesta feels incredibly lonely and unseen. in the aftermath, i think cassian hovers like a motherfucker, probably tells azriel what he suspects in a really cagey, strained way so that azriel knows not to leave her alone when cassian has to be away. maybe azriel tries to offer some sagacity to nesta that she sees through immediately as cassian talking about what happened to azriel even though they haven’t even done that. probably a lot of stilted conversation between nessian until nesta accuses cassian of talking about her without any clue how she actually feels, then cassian snapping and saying it plain—you wanted to. i felt it. tell me you didn’t. not quite an accusation but a plea for him to be wrong. nesta i think could respond in a lot of ways from there!