fuck you em, you fucking suck, how dare you make me think about this, i'm getting a fucking divorce
in which a joke about our fucking twitter icons turned into me talking about what would happen if zevran and ruive met and then i FUCKING DIED!! IM DEAD!!!
em: also. in this dm it looks like ruive is fucking looking up at zev and it's terrible
mir: i just had a heart attack thinking about that oh mf cukin. heck. theyw ould look up to him tho... i just broke my own heart so hard
em: No.. no shut UP
mir: i'm in critical condition i can't believe i hadn't thought abt what would happen if they met him and esp if they found out.... his... hlep
they meet him in the typical like "fight first ask questions later" way and they just know that leliana trusts him so they're like "k cool"
em: dont do this???? talking to zev abt warden hahahahha im cry
[whispers] n o
mir: and then when they've won he just gets up smiling and covered in blood but looking very alive and winks at leliana
and he's just like "not as young and beautiful as we used to be, eh? or at least, not as young, we are still both very beautiful"
em: flirts to the bitter end
mir: "ah but where are my manners! your young companion here is this 'herald of andraste', yes? honoured to meet you, im sure. my name is zevran arainai"
and like they get acquainted and ruive is charmed from the get go and he makes leliana smile and brings out this whole new side of her and
and they like. wait a bit before they do but finally as they're back in camp, ruive interrupts and is just. "i'm sorry but, where did the two of you meet, exactly? you've known each other a long time?"
zevran smiles and he's just. had the strangest look
ruive can't shake the impression that he's trying to look like. through them. like it's just his eyes but he can't stop staring, and, well
at first they were just kind of like. they're used to staring at this point. but usually people stare at them, then their hand, then stop
but like they get the impression that he's really not looking at them at all and that he also doesn't realize he's doing it
em:
f uck
mir: either way, he finally stops, for a moment, when they ask him where he'd met leliana. he's been laughing for hours, but... somehow...
somehow it's the first moment he's looked truly happy? ruive can't make sense of him at all, but they want to try,
"let's see... it was... almost twelve years ago? has it really been so long..." he trails off, only for a moment, but long enough that
ruive notices leliana move to interject, but he keeps going before she can, though they have time to trade quick reassuring smiles
"we met in the company of the hero of ferelden. i'm sure you'll have heard of them, and likely from better storytellers than myself"
em: my heart is in my throat
mir: ruive's eyes go wide bc you know, this is their hero, their legend, the one they played at being when they were a kid and emulate now,
and they just "YOU knew warden mahariel? you were one of their companions? with leliana and king alistair & morrigan?" their face lights up
and it's been twelve years but something about them, about ruive, their earnestness maybe, their hope, tenacity, their wry wit, who knows,
maybe just their tanned skin and their red hair and their bright eyes, green and full of wonder and youth, or maybe the way they fight,
their hands on their bow like the grip is part of their body, the way all dalish hunters are, the way that estel was, creators, why now,
em: whines
mir: zevran can't stop his voice from cracking as he looks down into the fire and just says "yes. i knew estel. for as long as i could."
and ruive, for all their reckless nature, knows better than to ask anymore, just to wait, to let him say or not say. it's not their place.
but after a moment he looks up and smiles again. "it's alright to ask, da'len," he tells them, and they're startled at his use of the word
but he says it in a rough, strange way, like it tastes strange in his mouth, and they know he doesn't use elvhen words very often
and something about him makes them want to be brave. "were you... i'm sorry, i don't know how to ask. did you... did you love them?"
em: oh
mir: "more than the moon loves the stars or the sunset loves the horizon," he tells them. "do not be sorry to have asked. it is good to say."
after that they mostly sit in silence and let him talk. leliana seems warmer and younger, listening to him, sometimes adding her own parts
em: "it is good to say" my darling heart. and just. them having the chance to reflect in a way that brings them back to life almost.
happily instead of steeped in sorrow
mir: and so they hear all the parts of the story that will never make it into all the legends and the ballads
em: they're at peace now. and being able to share their memories with someone who Knew
mir: it's hours and a few skins of wine before zevran admits that his strange look is because ruive looks just like estel in so many ways
and they understand, almost at once, the odd looks sometimes cast by leliana, or the way king alistair faltered for a moment at redcliffe
it's the same sort of understanding they had when they first met hawke, of all the easy fondness varric had for them, despite his distance
but of course, this is even more
after a time zevran asks them "so, my young hero, i know it is unlikely to have been so lucky in love as my estel was, but what of you?"
they tell him, after a momentary exchange of permissive glances with leliana of course, about josephine
em: oh my god. antivans out the ears
mir: zevran insists on meeting her, of course, and leliana is just like. oh maker i've been trying to keep them from each other for years
em: im l aughing
mir: zevran just. tells them. to remember that life is unknown. only love and death are certain. make sure to know them both with intimacy.
and never to let your heart grow cold and bitter, nor your hope to die. there's an odd glimmer in his eyes on that one,
and ruive doesn't understand that he had a double meaning, that the glimmer was bc it was a ill humoured joke - estel, of course, means hope
when they finish the mission that brought them together, zevran swears a sort of fealty to them, to be there if they ever have need
to let him guide them in any way he can, or to support them if they need that instead, and they accept gladly, but don't understand why
it's not because they were particularly impressive or because they remind him of estel only, surely? zevran doesn't seem the type
so they ask leliana why she thinks he placed his loyalty in them so quickly, and she sort of. hesitates and then says. she has an idea. but.
"is it just because i remind him of... of warden mahariel? surely that's not enough alone?" and leliana sighs and says "you know, i'm not sure it is entirely my place to tell, nor to know what zevran is thinking, thank the maker for that, i'll be honest, but… i suspect he sees both pieces of estel and himself in you, and a sort of... missed opportunity. a second chance, if you follow my thinking"
and ruive's just like "you know i'm really not sure i do" and leliana sighs and just says "i've said enough, why don't you ask him yourself?
so. next time they see him. they do and he's like "well what did dear leliana tell you" and so he tells him. and he laughs
and he's like "she never misses anything, does she? well, some things, you would be surprised, but... this time, she is right. you know i had quite hoped to avoid this conversation? i had hoped you would be so used to declarations of followers by now you would not ask. and yet, here we are.
no, don't apologize, i did say you could ask whatever you wished, were it in my power to grant an answer. and my embarrassment is common enough, so it would be foolish to call it a reason to keep an answer from you. no, leliana is right. a "missed opportunity", as she so tactfully phrased things, is precisely what i see. you are... a little older than we may have had, but…”
he trails off and ruive takes just a minute on the up take before their eyes sort of widen incredulously and they're like. omg
and as if to prove that his call is totally bang on here, they both spend the next several minutes completely unable to talk to each other
bc they both definitely can only be in either "way too intense, even light stuff" mode or "everything is a joke, even horrible things" mode
em: oh. my god i didnt even. i didnt think abotu that either and now......... shit
mir: so they go back to just. chatting and easy stories and stuff and ruive just like. has no idea how to actually react to this but like
to be fair neither does zevran. ruive had thought since they'd met that he saw estel when he looked at them and that was why he looked odd
but it's not estel he's seeing. it's what they might have had together if estel had lived. he's seeing the kids he didn't get to raise.
ruive notes to be cautious around introducing him to their brother, should it ever happen. their blond brother. with the dark vallaslin.
em: oh. shit
wtf babe im about to cry
mir: i mean if zev met tintalle first he probably wouldn't have seen so much resemblance, but meeting him after knowing ruive, he would for sure
and like. ruive is very much a black sheep in their family, so while zevran would be fond of tintalle, he wouldn't have seen the same thing
em: yeah, ic an see that
mir: au where estel doesn't die and ruive is literally zev and estel's kid
im going to pass out
em: BYE
