#*genius

So I was talking to my 9 year old uncle the other day (it's weird, I know) and I showed him picrew I made of myself with this one, and he took my phone from me and made this, telling me the other one didn't look like me at all.

He put me in a suit

He gave me cool piercings

I love my uncle so much XD he knows me so well

Delivering the hit "Drivers License" as her debut and reaching number one at charts in less then ten hours, Isabelle sang the ballad "I don't think I love you anymore" a week later and thrived once again by releasing "Lonely", song written and co-produced by Clay Ok. Isabelle talks the lyric process of the song, what it means to her and the way of success.

Being on my own for a while has helped me look at my life in a different way, I've been watching movies, listening to songs and being with my friends, listening to their stories, and suddenly I'm writing a song about it. I'm inspired by so many things every single day, it's a charm and to finally be able to work with so many more talented people it's been a dream come true not only for my career but also for my personal growth. This particular song came together after I and Clay were talking on the phone... We go back, years, surprisingly it's one of the few friendships in this industry that I've kept for this long and he is the most precious person on earth. We usually talk for hours on the phone whenever we're bored or just want to vent, so we were discussing some things and a few hours later he sends me an audio with a few versions of a song, we call each other again and he just writes Lonely on the spot. He says "I want you to have it", and I'm like "What? Are you serious?", he gave it to me and I thank him by singing it with my whole heart and soul, as I think it's meant to be sing. It feels like therapy for me as I think it feels for him.

I'm slowly killing myself I'm trying so hard at the back of the shelf It's just the same every day I'm writing these songs that will never get play

Many of us idols become really wrapped up in conveying our feelings in the best way possible and the best way to convey feelings is to show the best of ourselves, we want to excel so hard at everything we do because we feel like that's our job and it becomes stressful, 'cause nobody's perfect. We go by day by day as if nothing is going on while crazy things happen to us, we say words like "I'm just tired" "I just need some sleep" and eventually, we ignore that something deeper is going on. I've battled with depression before in my trainee years until my debut and for a little time after that, so it's this lack of energy and feeling low, seeing no point in the things that you're doing because they don't bring you joy anymore. The songs are the way you find to, somehow, talk to somebody?! Even though, you know they are never going public because they are so personal and your only way to vent, really.

But we both, me and Clay, are releasing songs right now so I guess some of them are going to get played.

I get told what's wrong and what's right I don't have a romantic life And everyone's dying, so I keep on trying To make 'em proud before they are gone

Like I said before, it's true we get to be told what to do, where to be, how to act and etc. from the beginning in this industry, because we want to succeed and to succeed we must trust this "formula of success" of mastering perfection. Once we get settled in that platform, only them we can really start baby steps to relax and be really who we want us to be but by then we are so caught up in our own lies that we believe them to be true, we even hold on to them because it's our safety net, it's what protect us. It's a really complicated relationship, one that can be worth it if you have the guide and the strength in your life not to drag you to dark places. I still fail to understand how many idols right now can and are dating, because it's such a busy life that it gets so hard to go out, meet your friends, family so let alone find a partner. And if you do get one, you gotta trust them real hard and they gotta be extremely patient, aware that your reality it's different from other realities and it will change theirs as well. So it can be intimidating to date people outside of the industry circle, 'cause you know you're gonna mess up their life a lot.

We all have people we want to make proud, I have my parents and my little sister that looks up to me a lot and in the begging, they didn't want me to move from Montreal to Seoul 'cause even though I knew korean and had vocal lessons since I was five, my mom was freaking out to send me to another country on my own. But I convinced my dad to convince her, I worked really hard on all my grades, I even saved money for once I got here and eventually, it all worked out for me to come. There were bad days, good days, but my family kept me in place, grounded and I knew I could always come back, but that wasn't a possibility for me 'cause I wanted to make my dreams come true and make them see that it was all worth it. Hopefully, they do now, I mean... I did bring them a house recently, so I don't see any complaints.

But can't someone help me? Oh, please, someone help me I don't care, anyone, anything 'Cause I'm so sick of being so lonely Miss all my family I don't care, anyone, anything 'Cause I'm so sick of being so lonely

For us, this is is so heartbreaking not only to admit it but to also hear it out loud every time. 'Cause it's the truth we keep trying to avoid. I remember our phone call that day so vividly, it was about ten o'clock for me in South Korea and two in the afternoon for him in Seattle, it's pretty much a good few hours we have to chat and we were, completely, lost in thought thinking about the past after talking about how we were on life now. Looking back made me stop on my tracks and say "We were so lonely" and we laughed, teared up a little bit because that's how our friendship came to be. At that time talking about our hometowns, family and everything we used to be before we were idols was our comfort, that's how we found each other and the fact that we changed but still stayed that tied to our roots, truly, it's probably one of the reasons why we're so lonely and depressed. It's not like I regret anything though, I do wish I spent less time being so miserable and focused on the late present because that would make me realize a lot more quickly, I would've avoided some pains along the way but I don't think I should've... If that even makes any sense. We also came to a thought like "Why didn't we ask for help?" and truly, we just didn't know how for the lack of better words. I also suspect the fact that Clay already had this song written somewhere and he just finished after our conversation, which puts things in the exact perspective of how it truly felt for him. I say, with my full heart, that it's an honor to sing this song not only because it means a lot to my dear friend but also because I can relate to it. I must've cried in the studio recording it a bit, just because it opened so many wounds I had and memories, feelings I tried to bury, and also because I was grateful for not being in that place anymore. We had it done and recorded in like two or three takes, 'cause I wanted it to feel as raw and emotional as possible and I think we've done a great job with it.

I'm spending more than I earn Drink all the time to forget I'm not her 'Cause I go to parties sometimes And I'll kiss a boy and pretend for the night

There is this thing called the impostor syndrome in which people feel less of themselves like they are not who they are supposed to be and not really who they are, going through life like it's not truly theirs; I think this part speaks a lot to it. I also used to spend a lot of money on unnecessary luxury items just because I felt like I had to have them maybe because everyone else had it, or because I just... could. And it's crazy how it's super crazy, we were stupid kids entrusted with so many responsibilities. I definitely didn't feel like investing or actually using my money for good deeds until last year, don't think I didn't want to I just feel motivated to work on it even though I knew I should. And the parties... They are so many things to attend to, people to meet and it can become hazy like you're floating from one thing to another again and again. You have to be really aware of yourself, your space, and your own people not to get crazy with all of it. Most idols are just pretending to be alright and put together, that's what I've come to believe; probably because I am an introvert who takes anti-depressants.

'Cause I don't know much about me I'm still ashamed of who I used to be So I try way too hard, but I still miss the mark to fit in Fit in, woah

Like I was just saying, underdogs. I think it's funny that I forgot to mention that Clay wrote that but he also found his boyfriend at a party, so it can happen, you can be struck by lightning even though you're hiding in a corner sulking at your demons and that's why I still haven't given up on love. I'm definitely still figuring out a lot about me and lately, I feel like I've been doing it all at once and it's been crazy, but I'm loving it. I've known for a fact now that I can hold a grudge, that I love to go out with my friends for drinks, I love to meet new people and I hate receiving flowers as a gift, but I love to walk around parks and read the news through Twitter on my phone every morning. I'm not close to ever being perfect but I also don't think I would want to be because I'm pretty cool the way I am and it's being such a fun ride to get to know this me that I want to be. When it comes fitting in I know now that I found my crowd, I love being a Miss U, I love working with the people I work with now and I adore my friends, everything seems right so I can't help but be proud of myself for finally stepping out of my comfort zone and doing these things I never thought I could because I was just too damn shy and insecure.

I don't care, anyone, anything 'Cause I'm so sick of being so lonely

If you ever feel lonely, it's okay to cry and sulk about it but it's also important that you ask for help, write about it, sing about it, talk to your friends or someone that feels close to you that you feel safe with. It can and most times it feels like it's going to last an eternity and that's not true, you can ask for help and that's not gonna make you weak or less of a human being. Everyone deserves to be taken care of and we all have our struggles even if we don't show them. I also think it's crucial that we are in an era that people are usually nice but also truly judgmental, so please be kind because everyone it's fighting something that you might not know about. For me, this song speaks to this message that mental health it's valuable, essential and we all feel shitty, but that we don't have to feel lonely forever when we have people that care about us.

I think it's about it. God, I was so nerdy about it!! I'm sorry, I didn't know I could talk so much about a song but I couldn't help myself, it's really meaningful and I didn't wanna leave any part behind. I hope I made Clay justice though if he ever watches this. Thank you so much for listening to me talk about "Lonely" and I hope I can sing many more great and valid songs to you guys, just not as sad, I can't promise it it's just a wish though. Maybe the next one will be about a breakup, hopefully, who knows?!

“Clay Ok’s “shut up” is his debut solo after many years devoted to K-pop group MAY-B, leaving fans gasping for more with his honest lyrics and meaningful music video. His solo career started with a bang, the song peaked number nine on Billboard charts and has already surpassed seventeen million listens on streaming platforms in a matter of two months.”

I think it’s an important song not only for me, but for the people who care about me too. I’ve been looking forward to dissect this song in place other than my own mind because it’s been catching dust on iPhone notes, strange to think it’s out still... I can’t get over it. 

I cannot hold my tongue, you give me much to say I'm sweating bullets, nervous that you'll push away And when your eyes catch mine I know I talk too much So give me your two lips And baby, I'll shut up

This verse it’s the key of the song, however it was the last one I wrote because despite what I sing here I’m very quiet and that’s pretty obvious. I tend to not be so open, but I noticed that when I’m with people I feel comfortable or when I’m interested in something I can be annoying. So it’s me noticing that this person makes me open in a way of hoping they’ll kiss me, ‘cause that’s the ideal way of ending any tension, right?! 

Lying on the beach, the middle of December I'm thinking you're too cool to even remember My face, my hair, my eyes, my lips, and my name, hmm

This person is really something else, they’re and I’m average next to them. That’s another reason why I feel like talking, explaining myself, doing things that I’m not used to because I want them to remember me and the things that make me who I am even if I’m not being my most self. 

Lighting up that clove, your confidence is what I want I say a lot, I'm loud 'cause maybe you're the one Your hair, your eyes, your lips, and your name, hmm, baby

We all want to be noticed, I never think I did until I became a treinee. Suddenly I wanted to work hard as everyone there because I wanted to feel validated by my seniors, my mentors and the people that trusted me and counted on me, also it became something to prove to myself: That I could do it. Feeling loved it’s really good and I’ll never forget that feeling, I want to give it three times back and my music it’s the only way to do it. I’ll keep putting songs out whenever because it’s my calling and I love writing. Sorry, I got too caught up on emotions here. I’ll promise to try being confident for as long as I can ‘cause I know how now.

You dress in all black, the middle of the summer You're smoother than you think You rock that Alex Turner Your style, your arms, wrapped in leather Makes me want you forever

*chuckles a lot* Oh this. Oh, boy. I saw a tweet, okay? I saw a damn tweet saying “oh my god Clay has a type” and... Okay. First thing’s first: Who never felt for Alex Turner? And also, is it wrong? I’m not embarrassed about it, honestly, is just funny how everyone it’s now taking interest in my love life and of course it’s my fault because I’m singing it but hey... What else can I say? I fell in love, he’s handsome and I’m probably gonna keep being this cheesy so I look forward to all your tweets in the future.

But I cannot break this habit, pure anxiety Stuck here searching for some words that you might need Maybe you don't need them It's not what we're about And maybe I'll just slow it down

If you do find a place, a person or whatever that you seek for you and they accept you not only for who you are but also for what you love, then you should never give it up. I don’t think I write songs to be clear about things in my life, I write to take them off my chest and say what I might never be able to put into words if they aren’t sang? Does that make sense? With music I can open my heart more and I want to keep away all this anxiety, insecurity and just let them overflow all over me and whoever wants to listen to them. I just hope it finds their heart as it did mine, I think that’s it. I think that’s the meaning of the music as well, I’m just hoping that I can fit into this person and this relationship.

I cannot hold my tongue, you give me much to say I'm sweating bullets, nervous that you'll push away And when your eyes catch mine I know I talk too much So give me your two lips And baby, I'll shut up

It’s both about anxiety of a new relationship, of getting to know someone, of hoping they remember you and also everything new that you start in your life. You don’t want to keep quiet about them, about whatever it is and what it feels to you but it’s good, when you’re together you want to kiss them, you want time to stop. I started writing this song a few years ago, picked it back last year and realized it was something I wanted to put out on my own. And it was a difficult process, but I’m very glad it happened. So like I said, means a lot to me.