#*feelings

The people who made me food are not going to shout at me for grabbing the food I ordered. WHY MUST I BE LIKE THIS??

i just. i want keefe to think of fitz every time he sees a lakeshore. 

every time he sees the sun over the calm water. i want keefe to be unable to escape all the days the two of them would spend splashing around and laughing in everglen’s lake as kids. i want him to remember days spent finding cool rocks, and seeing who could dive deeper than the other, and that one time fitz threw biana in the lake because siblings will be siblings, and all the splashing matches, and the times where keefe would pretend to be a fish - in water and out of water - just to see fitz laugh, and the evenings where they’d just float on their backs and listen to the birds chirp and chat idly. i want keefe to be able to shove the aching absence of all of that aside until he sees a still lake surrounded by trees, and then i want it to bubble up until he has to turn away, run away. because keefe can’t forget about how the lake was always still until they’d jump in, and fitz isn’t there to jump in with him anymore, so there’s no use in jumping at all.

i want fitz to think of keefe every time he sees a seashore. 

every time he watches a wave collide with the sand, whether it be gentle or pounding. i want him to think about all the times that keefe asked about surfing after fitz slipped up and mentioned that humans have ocean sports like surfing, all the pleading puppy eyes keefe shot him, because he wanted to try it someday. i want fitz to think about how keefe would talk about diving to see the ocean fish and the ocean rocks, and how close he used to hold the idea to his heart, even though he never admitted it to keefe. i want fitz to remember how he was the one who taught keefe how to swim, and how keefe was so proud of becoming a stronger swimmer in the long run, and wondering if it helps keefe out in the waves. i want him to remember all the times that keefe drew him out of academia hell and into the lake to wind down, all the times that he looked at keefe in the lake and knew he was special enough that he’d remember little moments like those far into the future. and then i want fitz to remember that he’s staring at an ocean, and the ocean’s just for keefe, because it’s always crashing into the shore and only keefe is brave enough to embrace that. 

companies and new signed artists are popping up everywhere, and mainstream artists are leaving or changing companies all the time, there are very few crew activities (e.g., a d.o.g album was promised for this year). everyone seems to be just fighting for themselves.

dingo always promotes the same mainstream artists. i don’t even know what’s happening on smtm, you don’t even notice it’s ongoing. anyone with many followers just posts ads for products in their posts, and stories are full of food or really just empty?

there are some releases, most by small artists, but nothing excites me anymore, it’s all kind of eeh the old album was better. it’s like nobody wants to do trap anymore, but they don’t know what to do instead and release stuff that just sounds like whatever and chaotic (maybe it’s just me??).