#*clyde

tags: established relationship, Boyfriends Doing Stupid Shit, craig and those guys

warnings: (brief mentions of) minor injury

word count: 1403 (oops)

a/n: i’m honestly so so sorry for how late this is AHHHHHH!! i started it nearly a month ago and have been too preoccupied to finish it until today, i hope it doesn’t disappoint!!

[ao3 link]

—-

It all started when Clyde stumbled through the crowded hallways with Token in tow, their hands clasped tightly together, before barraging into the first empty classroom they could find. Clyde was panting heavily as he shoved the door closed behind them. Token was just confused.

“Dude, what the hell is going on?”

Clyde, still panting, turned to him with wide eyes and a panicked expression. “Craig is in,” a wheeze, “detention for three hours,” another wheeze, “this afternoon.”

Token frowned. “That’s, like, routine for him. What’s the hassle?”

The varsity-clad boy leant on the nearest counter, taking a moment to try to catch his breath and wipe the sweat off his brows before elaborating, “The new planetarium in Denver is opening later and, whooh, the first thirty to enter get, ah, premium membership, so they can, like, phew, enter free of charge and bring friends for free and get discounts at the shops and shit.”

“Oh,” Token replied quietly. While not particularly within his or Clyde’s own spheres of interest he could already picture Craig crossing the days off his calendar in anticipation for it, but if he was being kept at school for dete– “Oh, shit.”

“Exactly.”

“Why’d he go and get himself in detention then, that fucking dumbass?!” Token demanded, although now that he thought about it he didn’t think he could remember Craig receiving any punishments from neither school nor family within the last month. “Like what happened?”

“He overturned Cartman’s lunchtray on his head yesterday. Someone said it was ‘cos Cartman was slingshotting fries at Tweek, someone else said that Cartman had stolen Craig’s own money to buy that lunch, someone else said that Cartman had threatened to poison Stripe. I don’t know, dude, the story changes each time. But the point stands: he’s being kept at school until six and the planetarium opens at four.”

Token scrunched his face with his thumb and fingers into a deeper frown. God-fucking-dammit, Craig, what happened to your restraint?

“Which is why I have a plan to get him out!” said Clyde.

Token looked at him skeptically. “What’s the agenda?”

“What?”

“Why do you care so much about this?”

“He’s my best friend!”

“I’m right here, fucker.”

“Boyfriends can’t and don’t count.”

Token rolled his eyes. “So what’s your oh-so-genius plan?”

“Basically, we’ll pay Stan to dress up as Craig, right, and we’ll tell him to wait in the toilets until Craig comes. Meanwhile, Craig will ask Mr Mackey if he can go piss and Mr Mackey will wait outside. Inside, Stan will be hiding in one of the cubicles and they’ll swap, so then Craig stays hiding in a cubicle while Stan goes with Mackey back to detention. Then we all get the fuck out and get Craig to Denver.”

“Do you take constructive criticism?” asked Token, mentally listing all the factors that could go wrong, Stan and Craig looking nothing alike apart from their hair and Stan’s potential unwillingness to help being a couple of them.

“Nope!” Clyde responded way too happily.

“This is without a doubt the stupidest plan you’ve ever had,” said Token, shaking his head. “I’m in.”

[3:11] Token: r u sure craig knows what 2 do

[3:12] Clyde: yes

[3:12] Token: and that stan knows what hes getting into

[3:13] Clyde: duh

At last, Token thought to himself, only two more minutes until Craig’s gonna ask for the toilet. But the purple-clad boy was getting impatient, from his high view of the bathroom beyond the iron grate he could see Stan checking his watch every few minutes and fiddling with his new royal blue chullo, and Clyde was barely communicating. Token still didn’t understand why his boyfriend insisted that they both be present for the break-out when neither of them were really necessary, but then again he could understand wanting to watch it all unfold from the safety of their well-hidden but chilly ventilation shafts.

After what seemed like an age in itself, a new text finally pinged through, shortly followed by more:

[3:15] Clyde: okay he just asked

[3:15] Clyde: lmao mackey’s pissed off that he didn’t go before it started

[3:15] Clyde: wait

[3:15] Clyde: fuck

[3:15] Clyde: hes really pissed man

[3:15] Clyde: he might not let him go

[3:15] Token: UH

[3:16] Token: WHAT

[3:16] Clyde: oh thank god theyre going

[3:16] Token: i hate u sm

[3:16] Clyde: okay theyre gone b on the lookout

Just then, the bathroom door opened with a shriek and in walked Craig. His eyes drifted up to the shaft and met with Token’s, who gave him a thumbs-up. Craig did not respond, and instead approached Stan’s cubicle. They swapped places once both were in, Craig sitting on the toilet with his feet off the ground and Stan tracing Craig’s steps out of the bathroom. Mr Mackey’s voice warbled through the door, “Y’alright in there? Don’t take too long, m’kay.”

Stan simply opened the door and walked out without a word, following Mr Mackey down the corridor. Once the door swung shut with another squeak, Token mouthed a silent “yes” to himself while Craig smirked from his cubicle hideout.

But then the texts started to ring through.

[3:21] Clyde: UH

[3:21] Clyde: TOKE

[3:21] Clyde: GET CRAIG OUT OF THERE

[3:21] Token: what’s going on??

[3:22] Clyde: MACKEY KNOWS

Token just about caught himself from yelling in frustration. He didn’t bother to read the rest, instead he started mouthing at Craig “GO! GO!” while waving in the direction of the door. Craig frowned at him, to which he waved and pointed more urgently. But still Craig did nothing.

“You absolute dumbass,” muttered Token as he pushed at the vent grate. It swung up and open, but not quickly or quietly enough for his liking. He squeezed through and jumped down to the tiled floor just as a new text pinged through.

[3:23] Clyde: FUCKING RUN MAN I CAN SEE HIM WALKING DOWN THE HALLWAY

Token threw open the cubicle door to see Craig’s bemused face. “Fucking run, dude! Mackey’s coming!” Finally catching onto the urgency of the situation Craig followed him out of the door, both of them wincing at its piercing screech. They turned the corner just as they heard stomps from the hallway, before a booming “Craig! I know you’re hidin’ in that bathroom, m’kay, and you better come out if you don’t wan’ detention for a week!”

How he hadn’t heard their footsteps, Token had no idea, but he felt no inclination to complain as they turned another corne-

“Look at him go,” whispered Clyde, watching as Craig gazed up at the constellations splattered across the skies displayed above. The theatre was packed but silent if not for the occasional rattle of a crisp packet, all completely captivated as meteors shot across inky darkness, satellites and moons alike danced around lonely planets, stars blinked down at them as if they themselves were the quiet watchers.

Well, all but Token. He was looking, but not above.

It didn’t take for Clyde to notice. “Dude, that’s gay.”

“The pot calling the kettle black.”

“What? I’m not black…”

Token had to roll his eyes at Clyde’s legitimate look of confusion. “It’s an expression, dumba-.”

“Will you asshats shut the hell up?”

Craig was already halfway to the gift shop by the time Token and Clyde dawdled out of the theatre.

Token grabbed his boyfriend’s arm, stopping him in his path. “Two questions: one, are you sure you don’t need, like, a hospital or something? You can barely walk.”

Clyde rolled his eyes. “I mean, I did bust a ventilation shaft in the ceiling and fall like ten feet to the floor right on my ankle right as you guys were rounding the corner.” He took one look at Token’s bemused expression. “I’m fine, man, it’s all good.” He took the taller boy’s hand and they continued their easy pace to the shops and exit area, clasped hands swinging between them.

Token wasn’t finished. “Two, why did you do it?”

“Well.”

“Clyde.”

“You know how premium members can get discounts for all the shops and bring friends for free and shit?”

Token nodded.

“Well…” Clyde tailed off. As he pointed to the new planetarium’s only restaurant, the words Taco Bell proudly emblazoned over the entrance.

—-

for those whose requests i haven’t completed yet: i’m sorry, a bunch of stuff (mostly family drama) has been happening in my personal life leaving me feeling incapacitated in basically all ways. i shall get to them, it may just take a bit of time!!

(keep in mind these are just my personal interpretations and no one is obliged to 100% agree)

tweek: anxious scared coffee boy who just needs a helping hand sometimes, although until craig he never got it

craig: seemingly apathetic tough guy but in reality a loving caring space boy deep down

token: chilled out all-rounder (sports, academia, performance/dramatic arts, he seems to have it all), but knows when to put his foot down (like in With Apologies to Jesse Jackson)

clyde: (secretly insecure and emotional) goofball of a fuckboy

jimmy: creative comedian

timmy: among the smartest of the group

stan: cynical clone of his father (except smarter), both in his tendencies/habits and also his relationship

kyle: hard-working and intelligent but hotheaded angry young lad

cartman: manipulative racist misogynist homophobic anti-semitic selfish hotheaded you-name-it douchebag (basically the sort of person no reasonable human being would want to be)

kenny: sex-crazed but very resilient and selfless

butters: entirely too innocent to be around stan and those guys and somewhat ignorant, easily manipulated and doesn’t always have much backbone (but he has his moments)

and wendy cus i love her: opinionated and slightly hot-heated but let’s-get-down-to-business natural leader