Morning! I read your Demo and very much enjoyed it. And hopefully I can say this in a positive way because it is positive! You actually do immutable story points pretty well! Its a difficult trick to pull off in IFs. Harder than I think most readers realize because the author is trying to tell a story but the readers want to feel like they can really interact with it too. The best example was the Doe Scene. MC was gonna end up getting their own place, the story demanded it (I assume), but resisting Doe allowed for some interesting and rewarding character building opportunities. So though one could argue in the end that the decision to make a deal with her was sort of moot it feels like it will pay off in the future how you handled it. I think the build up scene to the Car Ride in the Fog could use a little tweaking for MCs that believed them right off the bat (like if they believed them why bother trying to go on a car ride to escape? They are satisfied with the proof they've seen so far.) But the rest was handled very well as well and how an inevitable conclusion is handled by the MC continues to build their character.
Sorry for the wall of text but Thank You for sharing your fascinating story and I look forward to more.
Thank you so much for the message!
This is very comforting to read, in all honesty. The balance between player choice and plot is one I'm still trying to really feel out. I want players to feel like they get to decide where the story goes and what their character does--it's interactive fiction, after all. But at the same time, the plot does have to plot.
Like you suspected, the house is plot-relevant. I needed to get the MC there, one way or another. I'm glad the Doe scene worked for you! I'm quite proud of it. I really wanted to try and build a scenario where the player still feels like they have some control, even if the outcome is 'set'. Whether that be negotiating the deal or refusing and having ~something happen~
I also agree with the build up to the car ride, ngl. It's one of those things that is on my list for either my 'second draft' of the story, or for revisiting if the mood ever strikes to clean up some of the earlier parts. I don't want to rewrite before the story is finished, but that entire scene could really be improved by going at it with believer MCs a little more in mind.
At the end of the day I know that it's impossible to make everything work for every reader. There will be portions of the story that just...have to happen, and it really made me smile that you think I've done the majority of them well!
I'm trying, haha.
