inevitably you will then think back about the nights you used to lie awake in bed, butterflies in your stomach fantasizing about this new guy you met, that you hardly knew by then, imagining how he *could* be, on all the fun dates you would go, the sweet things he'd say to you and the fancy restaurant you'd visit for dinner.

you'd think about the beautiful dresses you would pick out for the occasion and didn't think you'd have to tell him what to wear or that he would maybe out of laziness just show up with jogging pants. you didn't think about all the times the dishes might pile up in the sink or the random socks lying around or eventually having to scrub off the shit stains he leaves on the toilet because he can't even manage to clean up after himself.

and he might tell you that this is just because he has gotten comfortable with you and this has nothing to do with him taking you for granted but I'm telling you that he just doesn't care.

i am tired of hearing work colleagues and friends talk about what they do for their men and laughing about it because it's so normalized that they don't second guess it. I don't wanna hear about how you have to cut up vegetables so small that you can mix it in his spaghetti sauce so he doesn't notice because he refuses to eat those and otherwise wouldn't get his necessary vitamins, i am tired of them talking about how their men fail to complete daily task and give the mental load to their girlfriends/wives and they try to talk it into something positive like: He just told me to manage his [feel free to insert anything here] and I agreed - like at least i can do it how I want it to be done and don't have to second-check after he completes the task. Like... in some kind of way I feel more relieved because when I do it myself I know it's gonna turn out the way it should! " (weaponized incompetence much?)

"I'm bad at communicating my feelings-" learn it then.

"I constantly lose friends because I don't keep up with them-" make an effort.

"I just have terrible emotional regulation-" self-reflect. Get better.

"Sorry I'm always late-" improve your time management strategies.

"Everytime I meet this person they make me feel awful-" don't meet them anymore. I know it's hard, do it anyway.

"My relationship with my partner is suffering because I never talk to them about what I need and want-" they can't read your mind. Learn to talk.

If you are an adult, you can learn how to handle your own feelings. Sit down, write it down, self-reflect, make strategies. Seek change. Better yourself.

Weaponized emotional incompetence, where you expect people around you to handle your issues without ever trying to change, isn't the way to go. You have agency, use it.