#(headcanons);

Dear Shay,

I write this letter to the universe, in hopes my words find you, and hug you…. There is so much I want to tell you.

I wrote you a letter when I found out about your passing. I was horrified, and confused. I couldn’t begin to fathom the pain of your loss. I thought of your birds, of your roommate, your friends, and your family, and how hard it must be for them to lose you 😢💔 I was concerned I wasn’t processing it well due to my Autism; we had talked a week prior to your passing, and finding out three days later filled me with dread.

I was afraid you had died a painful death, I didn’t want to know if it was related to our conversation. You told me you were almost done moving into your new apartment; you were so tired, but you sounded so proud 💝 You wanted to celebrate by going to the beach 🏖 I was so happy for you! ❤️‍🩹 You were so ready to start a new chapter of your life, it’s all so unfair!!!!! 😞💔 I was worried about you, wondering what was going through your head when it happened 😰😢💔💔 I cried over you that night, and the morning after.

A few days later a friend told me it was due to Cardiac Arrest. You had moved out on your own, and couldn’t get help when it happened 😞😞💔💔 I was torn by the news, but somehow it comforted me to know it wasn’t a car crash. My feelings were confusing at the time, I was concerned I wasn’t mourning you properly. I couldn’t cry properly for several weeks, I’d just weep a bit in silence and continue with my duties.

I was struggling to process what I was feeling, but it was that week I felt your presence the most. I went out with my peers, lagging behind for privacy, trying to keep myself together while keeping conversation, when there on the parking lot I found a $5 dollar bill. I know it sounds corny, but I just know, I just Know it was you! Like you were trying to tell me “Hey, don’t cry! Look! There’s a dollar!” 😢 It was like you knew I wanted to spend more time with you 🥹❤️‍🩹 I felt so grateful, and validated, so I wrote a second draft of my goodbye letter. I knew I had to finish these drawings.

On the first draft I had promised your memory would live in me. I took the making of these drawings as a way to spend more time with your memory. I’ve been listening to the music you sent me, and watching shows that remind me of you. Someone drew a Fawful in WPlace over my hometown, it put a smile on my face! I took a screenshot, I wanted you to see it.

I rewatched Enter The Florpus to test some TV settings because I remembered you got into Invader Zim through that movie; I thought of you the entire time. Remember when I told you Okarun from DanDaDan reminded me of you? It’s been hard not to think of you when they drop the new episodes every Thursday ❤️‍🩹 That character is as sweet and passionate as you, I always meant the comparison with love.

They released a documentary on the band DEVO last week. I remember you had told me you wanted to check them out, so I subscribed to notifications so I wouldn’t miss the release, and I don’t know if you would have been interested in watching it, but I watched it for you! And let me just tell you that it blew me away. I was astonished, I wasn’t expecting their message to be so intense! Who knew the funny hats and monkey imagery were trying to denounce Imperialist mindset of the American culture and warn us about the inherent violence of conformity! 😧 I have newfound respect for them now. I was checking out their music while working on these drawings.

I felt your presence, but it wasn’t easy. I was terrified of checking social media, afraid the algorithm would show me posts you liked. It was hard to shake it off my mind. It would specially catch me off guard when checking Instagram 😢 Friends would send me memes, and sometimes your icon would pop up. It was painful 😞💔 Instagram sent me this notification two days after finding out about your passing, it felt like it was playing with my feelings 😢💔

I miss seeing your activity pop on Discord. I miss your Instagram stories, and your personal posts talking about your new life 😞 I know we weren’t the closest friends, but you inspired me so much 🥺

On your 20th birthday, you asked people not to make comments about how things would get tougher from there. You wanted to live life with practical optimism, like you didn’t want to worry about things until they happened. I admired you so much for that, I wish I had told you. I guess I was afraid I’d come off as desperate.

I guess us Millennials are to blame for Gen Z’s anxiety. We were very vocal about our disappointment and impending sense of doom. As someone who had spent her early 20’s struggling with recurring S**cidal Thoughts due to depression, the passing of the years felt like an hourglass, reminding me that every year passed was a year wasted. I struggled with them so often, I developed Executive Dysfunction, which affected my art abilities. It took me many years of learning to love myself, but I was able to beat my depression. I know you had ADHD, and the reason you did so much animation was because a drawing wouldn’t feel complete enough for you unless it was elaborate. I always thought of us as the Immovable Object and the Unstoppable Force. I was so embarrassed so I never told you, but I genuinely looked up to you 🥹⭐️ It made me so proud to see you had chosen to prioritize your mental health at such an early age, you inspire me so much. You always encouraged me to try harder, and I’d be afraid I was disappointing you; I still feel it was for the better not to tell you what was going on, I knew it would kill the mood and I wouldn’t get anything done if I did. I can’t emphasize enough how much you inspired me ⭐️

I need to say Imposter Syndrome would trouble me in the passing of the weeks. I would question if my intentions with these efforts were good, or if I was even allowed to mourn you since I didn’t know you personally. I’d feel embarrassed to vent to my friends, afraid they’d hate me and think I was doing it for attention, and I’d feel embarrassed at the thought you’d hate me for mopping over your loss and that maybe I was trying to excuse the dark thoughts in my mind. Lucky for me I’m surrounded by friends who are very understanding ❤️‍🩹 I feel very lucky to have them, and….. Well, I don’t know what memory of me you took with you,… if you took any…, but I somehow feel confident you remember me, and that the impression you took of me was a good one 🥺❤️‍🩹 so I want to say Thank You 🫂 I’ve been struggling with health issues I attribute to aging, and been ignoring them due to my depression. A few weeks ago, I woke up to the sound of my heart palpitations. I was concerned because it sounded agitated; I thought maybe it was anxiety from a nightmare, so I did some breathing exercises to calm them down, but it would return to beating hard after they calmed. I remembered you died of Cardiac Arrest and….. I just couldn’t help but think… that maybe… you have been trying to warn me about something all this time 😢🫂

Today marks a month from your passing. It’s been raining for the past couple of days. This last week is the one I’ve cried over you the most 😢 but I’m so glad I waited before posting my goodbyes. On my second draft, I wrote “You haven’t given me the chance to properly miss you”. I feel so proud of myself; I feel like you’ve been with me for the entire process of this month, so I want to end my letter with gratitude ☀️

Thank you for going out of your way to spend some extra time with me 🥹💝 Thank you for sharing your headcanons with me; thank you for telling me about Zeus and Cupid; thank you for sharing your art, and your music, and for being kind enough to partake in small talk with me 🥹 Thank you for sharing your Five Below findings with me! It meant the world to me to see you thought about me 💝 Please send my hugs to your friends and family for me, I’m just a stranger to them, but I feel so much for them 🫂 I can tell your family loved you very much, I can’t even begin to fathom how much Cupid and Zeus must miss you 😞💔

You were funny, and sweet, and you genuinely wanted your favorite fictional characters to be happy. Thank you for being kind to me, and thank you for allowing me in your life ❤️‍🩹 I’ll continue thinking of you when I listen to 80’s Pop, when I see frills and ribbons, when I see characters with spirals in their eyes, when I see a parakeet, when I see crafting supplies, and when I see a weird little guy.

Your memory will be alive in me; thank you for allowing me to be your friend 🥺❤️‍🩹

Rest In Peace, Shay. I miss you so much 🕊

Definitely not.

Today you and Goku planned to hang around the City to change a little. Everything was perfect!! He picked you up at your house and took you on a ride with the Nimbus cloud!! You both enjoyed the ride a lot and the atmosphere was very peaceful. Just how you love it.

You guys went shopping, (you forced him of course, but he actually enjoyed it!!) and even bought him some casual clothes because let's be honest right there he looks damn fine in casual clothes. You did not told him of course...

After you two were satisfied with your shopping, you decided to sit on a bench wondering what you guys will do next.

"So what you wanna do now?" Your relaxed voice startled Goku who seemed lost. Of course you noticed it. Because you're a smart-ass ofc ofc. "Goku you fine?" you asked in a confused tone. He looked alright all this time! Was he faking?? Those insecure thoughts you wanted to forget came back. "Hm? Oh yeah I'm alright! I'm just wondering what we should do next!!" Goku said in his usual happy tone making your worries vanish. He was actually thinking how great you looked in those clothes you bought today and looked further in seeing you in these more. As you both we're thinking what to do next you spotted an Ice cream truck catching your attention. It wasn't that close but it was still on your eyesight. "Oh! There's an ice truck over there!" This has immediately picked Goku's attention as sparkles appeared in his eyes. "Woohhh! Let's check that out Y/n!!" Goku said excited as both of you walk towards the Ice-cream truck and taking your hand in the process making you yelp in surprise and blush a little. But his enthusiasm just made you happier "Alright!! I hope it's not that expensive though and it better be worth it.." You said chuckling "Heheee... It'll be fine I guess~" Goku hummed.

As you both finished taking your orders you've ordered a Strawberry Banana Ice cream, and Goku have taken a Watermelon Grape mix. "What kind of mix is that?.." You said in a disgusted tone questioning the weird Saiyan's choices. "Don't know.... It sounded great!!.." Goku whined sounding disappointed. You hum in happiness as you're very proud of the mix of flavors you've choosen. "Hmmhh!! It's so good!! You should try Strawberry Banana next time!! How does yours taste?" You've asked the Saiyan as he takes a bite of his Ice-cream. "Uhmm.... It's okay... I guess... But Watermelon doesn't taste very well.." Goku said as the disappointment was obvious on his face. "Well it's not like I've warned you-Oh-Hey!!! Give it back!!" Goku has taken your ice cream and took the biggest bite ever leaving you with barely nothing left. "Hmmhh! You're right it tastes amazing!! I'll definitely listen to you next time!!" Goku says with a big smile on his face as you dramatically cry for your ice cream. "How could you.... How could you do this to me..." You dramatically cry as Goku's making fun of you "Heheee... You can take my Ice-cream instead!! It's better than nothing-Ouchh...!! That hurts!!" Goku whined his head hurting making you laugh like an antagonist. "Hahaa!! Deserved!! That's for stealing my Ice-cream you big monkey!!" Goku dramatically acts offended, joining in your little game "Heyyy!! That's not really nice of you you big!.... Big...... Uh.... I don't have any ideas... Ouch!!.." Goku still holds his forehead as the brain freeze just seems to get worse making you laugh. "I guess using your head will just hurt more.. Meh now you know you don't have to steal my food anymore." You said patting his head even if he's taller than you. "Yes yes..." He cried disappointed, as if he wanted to do that again. "Well what do you want to do know?" You've asked Goku before you heard sirens and people screaming immediately catching your attention. Your head turns at the direction the screams and you see a car driving extremely fast as the police chase them. "Damn what kind of people drive this fast?.." Goku asked "Suicidal people I guess." You've replied sarcastically not noticing the doors of the cars opening as it makes it's way behind you. You then fell a hand on your waist and on your mouth pulling you inside. Time went slow for Goku as his eyes widened processing what was happening. But before he could react the car was already far away. "Y/n!!" he has screamed so loud that you heard it, before your vision faded away. He quickly summoned the Nimbus cloud to follow the car.

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You woke up tied up in a chair with a tissue covering your mouth. Your first decision was to look around knowing that struggling was pointless and it would just waste your energy. You seemed to be in a garage that you do not recognize. There are graffiti all around the place and some used dirty furniture. You heard a door opening immediately putting you on guard. What seemed like Gang members went inside, they were 17 they had weapons and seemed easy to fight one by one. But if they were all attacking you you won't stand a chance. Which made you forget the idea of beating them up. But before, you had to find a way of untying yourself. "Oh so that's the chick you've taken? She's smoking hot! We'll have a lot of fine with her.." One of the guys spoke. The way he talkedade your face twist in disgust predicting what's going to happen next. You're mentally preparing yourself to face it. Because you know you won't be able to escape it easily." Wait a second I want to hear her voice.." Another guy spoke. He seemed stronger than the others. So you assumed he was the leader. He removed the tissue covering your mouth and spoke.

"Hello there~ How come we've never seen you around pretty one?.." The leader said in a flirting tone that disgusted you. "Get away from me you pig!!" You replied screaming wanting to let them know that you don't want to do anything with them. The leader only smirked as the other men started to approach you. "And what if I don't?~" He said grabbing your chin and caressing your hair. Leaving you surprised and waiting for the worst. You decided to stay quiet. Knowing screaming will only make thins harder and more painful as tears starts to appear in your eyes. "Awhhh! What a cuite She's already crying !" You've heard a couple men saying in union. "awh... If you cry now how will you act when we'll break you?~" Your eyes widened not wanting that to happen. "N-no... You don't mean..." You say with a shaky voice making the men smile even more. "Hehe.. C'mon guys, let's start the party..." And the last things you've heard was horrible laughs.

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It was horrible. Ohh soo horrible. You were traumatized. To say the least. You didn't even had the energy left to cry. You were undressed only left with your bra and your panties. You wanted to forget everything. You wanted to wake up. You refused to believe it was real. You felt dirty. You still had the sensation of their hands touching everything on your body. You'll always remember how their lips felt on your body... On your face.... On your lips. The sounds of laughter of the men echoed in your ears. It was unbelievable. You'll never forget this day. You wanted to sleep and never wake up again. You closed your eyes. Hoping that the next time you'll open them you'll be in your bed, then spend the day with Goku and everyone else like the usual.

Instead what you've heard is an explosion. You slowly opened your eyes, puffed due to the many tears you've cried. But the door was behind you. So you couldn't not see what was happening. And you were too traumatized to move right now. You could just hear muffled voices and screams.

"I'm really mad right now. I'm going to kill you all." You heard a familiar voice say. But you didn't care. "Someone please help !!" You didn't care. You've heard many many pained screams. But you didn't care. You've heard many many sounds of bone breaking and liquids spilling. But you didn't care. You smelled a strong scent of blood. But you didn't care. It last for a very very long time. But then it stopped. You didn't care. You heard footsteps coming towards you. But you didn't care. You felt someone lifting your body but you didn't care. You then fell unconscious. And you didn't care.

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It was unbelievable. Goku was full of blood, holding you on his arms still shocked about what happened. Oh when he saw you undressed on the floor oh how mad he became. Even after taking care of theses rotten garbages do this to you ?? Oh he was so mad. Putting them on their place killing them was not enough. He contacted Bulma that has reunited the dragon balls for a project, and asked if he could have a wish. Bulma accepted. Goku went on her balcony with the Dragon Balls reunited and said, "Show yourself Shenron! And grant my wishes!" the impressive dragon got out of the Dragon balls as the sky darkened. "Express your wishes human." The Dragon said with his deep voice. Goku looked at your unconscious face before granting his wish. "I want Y/n to forget everything that has happened today!! Including everything her body felt!!" Goku exclaimed. "Nothing's easier." Shenron shined and immediately your expression looked more peaceful. Goku felt a wave of relief. As if the weight on his shoulders has been lifted. He sighed happy that you'll remember nothing about this. "You have 2 wishes left. What else do you want?" Goku looked at Shenron who forgot that he was there. "Bulmaaaa!! Come do you wishes I'm done here!!" Goku said hoping on the Nimbus cloud with you in his arms. Bulma ran to the balcony screaming "Goku!! Tell me what happened to Chiya!! And why is she undressed!??" as her tone holds very noticeable worry for her best friend. "It's best to not know!!!" Goku yelled already in the sky. Yet Bulma heard it. She sighed irritated, but if Goku told so maybe it was better to not speak about it.

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You woke up on your couch as the first thing you see was the TV showing a random anime about martial arts. You've noticed a bowl of snacks and pop corn. You realized you were on Goku's lap. You've gave him a confused glare while he was just smiling. "W-what happened? I don't remember anything..." You've switched for a sitting pose but since you were still tired you decided to put your head on Goku's shoulder. "Don't remember? We were shopping but then you felt tired so we've come back to your place. And I waited until you woke up." Goku said with a soft voice that replaced his usual energetic one. Maybe he felt tired too?? "Oh well... I still don't remember anything.. What time is it anyway?" You yawned as Goku looked at the clock. "It's 6:26 PM.. Why?" Goku asked tilting his head. "Wanna go to restaurant? They serve tasty rice!" You' said with a big smile seeing how Goku's eyes sparkled at the mention of rice. "Yess!! Let's go now!!" Goku took your hand and ran towards the exit of your home. You two were already dressed so you didn't mind.

At the restaurant you both ordered a lot of bowls of rice and ramen. Because you two were very hungry. For Goku it was like always. But you've rarely eaten this much, which was one of the many things you noticed was weird this evening. Why did you ate more? Why was Goku calmer? Why did he put a hand on your shoulder or on your waist protectively all the time as if something might happen? Why did he glare at every men near you? "Wahhhhhh!! This was so good!!" Goku exclaimed patting his stomach as you looked at the bowls. He had taken 15 bowls while it's usually 20. It added something on the list of what was weird thus evening. "What do you want to do now?" You asked him expecting him to say that he'll do his usual training of the night. But he replied with something else. "Hmmm what about we watch series and play games?" Goku said leaving you shocked. Okay. What was wrong this evening??! And why did you felt that Goku saved you from something you'd never forget?... You just decided to brush it off and enjoy the evening with him.

(Honorable mention of him hugging you while you were sleeping <33)

WOOOHHHH TTHAT TOOK SO LONG TO FINISH WTH?? But I again had so much fun writing this!!! I totally did not expect to write again so soon but the request seemed so fun I just couldn't ignore it and I definitely did not expected to get one so soon!! But I hope you guys enjoyed!! I'll probably make a request rule soon because there are some things I won't be uncomfortable writing.. Anyways Take care!! <33