meta: feelings regarding relationships ( & parts of the past which may shape said feelings )
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Ahnel is neither averse nor attracted ( what comes, comes ; fate they not believe in, only histories of the PAST, circumstances of the PRESENT, and unknowns of the FUTURE ) Ā to the idea of forming a bond with anyone. They merely find it very unlikely to happen ; they are all too aware on their tendency to keep their distances at all possible costs. Yet it does not mean that they will object should the CHANCE come for them to form a camaraderie with someone, human or other. Even by then they will keep the second person at armās length, not trusting them enough to tell too much or to engage in any form of physical contact, the latter requiring a substantial amount of TRUST ( going too close -- eyes and voice nearly seething: a silent and deadly WARNING ) to even be allowable.Ā
They do not dwell too much on the thought of bonding with anyone, as they expect to spend the rest of their life, their ETERNAL life ā to be on their own, surviving and learning as they are of this moment ( the inevitable TEDIUM of solitude may come, not that they feel inclined to sate their want for endless excitement ). Definitely, others may find it lonely. But with the life they once had continuing to be shrouded and buried deep within their mind, they BELIEVE that this is only but how life is, and that forming bonds is merely but an option, not a NECESSITY.Ā
There is, even if they have forgotten, a relationship in the past they shared with SOMEONE, one COMPLICATED and hard to describe with one word ( neither a loved nor despised one, neither friend nor lover, neither enemy nor family ). Whether it was healthy or toxic is up to an outsider to INTERPRET. This relationship, may or may not be, a FACTOR in why they hold a dislike for physical contact. No such thing as sexual abuse was involved, for the effect that caused such behavior was more EMOTIONAL than anything else. Yet how they currently view relationships is, with no uncertainty, of their own thinking.
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57: Do you think itās silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?
To be honest, yes. I understand when someone becomes depressed for a while, because that is what almost anyone would do. And that would drive them to do a lot of reckless things, either with words or with actions. But no matter the kind of relationship, I donāt think that the end of it is something worth killing yourself for.Ā
65: Would you consider yourself a ācuddlerā?
I canāt really say since Iām not yet in a relationship, but Iām certain that Iām not against cuddling itself.Ā
1: Origins! How did you come up with the concept for your OC?
Well, it may not make sense, but when I was in a phase where I could gush about nothing but the Dragon Age games, the thought of having dragons actually be the central point of the plot struck me. At first, I intended it to be a mix of humanoid beasts or hybrids of different species, and I originally made Ahnel a basilisk lizard, though dragons just win. I also switched back and forth on whether or not to make Ahnel a boy or a girl, but then I realized that there are very few fictional agender characters, and I wanted to try that out, so I gave Ahnel such a gender.Ā
The strange part is that Ahnel is character that I have developed the most, even though theyāre only the tritagonist at best, because it was so interesting how they simultaneously play and defy the usual tropes ( thatās just my opinion ). I wonāt lie, Fenris from Dragon Age 2 played a vital role in inspiring Ahnel ( and if you know Fenrisā backstory, youāll get what I mean ), but I can assure you that Ahnel is not a copycat of him, and I made sure that their character would deviate from him.Ā
5: Were you nervous about putting your OC out there? How long did it take before you decided to play your OC here on Tumblr.
Of course I was nervous ; it was the first time I would be roleplaying, so I didnāt want to try it out then end up failing big time because everyone hated my OC ( and you know how critical many can be ). It took me even a month to ponder before I decided to brace it. Though Iām quite glad I did.Ā
7: What does your OC look for in a friend? Do they value friendship a lot?
Mainly, there is the willingness to converse with them, honesty, being logical, and not minding it when they ask a lot of questions. Ahnel may have learned a lot with just theirĀ EYES AND EARSĀ ( no voice unheard, no sight unseen ; overseeing walls and grounds ), but if one is willing to tell them all they want to know about the WORLD without any ulterior motive, itāll make it a lot easier for them to consider someone as a friend. As well-spoken as they are ( elegance with each letter ; SILK AND STEEL ), Ahnel never had a friend and is used to being either looked at strange, hunted, or simply treated like theyāre there, if one makes an effort to approach them and not the other way around, it will capture their INTEREST.
If Ahnel does make a FRIEND, they will value it, but the concept is quite a fleeting matter to them. They know that even friendship itself is a double-edged sword, either because it attracts DANGER, or because one of them bears sinister intentions. Ahnel will not think much of friendship ( SURVIVAL over sentimentality ; a must, the one absolute ), yet they will not cast such things aside if they established a RELATIONSHIP with someone else.Ā
16: What are concepts they value? Virtues? What do they look down upon?
They lack MORALITY ( forever they shall be neutral ; neutrality ā more of a savior than good ever would be ), yet Ahnel appreciates the virtue of honesty above all other virtues ; kindness meant little to them, compassion was partly foreign to their being. While they do not despise lies, it comes as refreshing to them when one speaks their opinions, albeit carefully ( on thin ice, on thorned grounds ).Ā Ahnel also greatly values LOGIC AND REASON, while understanding that emotions can be powerful and even overtake all thought ( intelligence, only but a secondary achievement ). With this, they are not particularly fond of PETTINESS. Vengeance and the like are something they do not mind, so as long as there is an explanation behind them, perhaps even just because. Yet the inability to cast aside something insignificant and nurturing it until it becomes oneās downfall is DISTASTEFUL to their eyes.Ā
17: Do they have any guilty pleasures? They embarrassed about them? Do they flaunt them?
Ahnel has absolutely NO OPINION about sex, only viewing it from a scientistās point of view ( to sate the soul, to bring forth another life ), therefore they have none. Even in their canon, when they are in a relationship with Caene ( of heavens and STORMS, of ICE and fury ; he melts what encases their soul ), the both of them rarely ever do it, since unlike humans, it is not inherent in their biological make-up to feel intense sexual urges every now and then. If it comes to the non-sexual guilty pleasures, there is also none that they have. For all their knowledge, they are still DETACHED from humanity and society itself ( danger : imminent and present among or even far from the masses ).Ā
At best, what can come close to a guilty pleasure is their strange sadistic streak, as they only feel the exhilaration during the bloodshed they create, and then feeling pure emptiness ( heart not beating ; a fun game ended too quickly ). At times, they accept it as it is, and other times, they are left with CONFUSIONĀ ( all of a questionable nature, lacking an answer that they crave ).Ā
2. When they have a crush on someone, how do they let them know?
Ahnel would not let the other know , simply because they do not know how. They are not even certain if what they are feeling is a crush, or if it is but a strong albeit platonic ADMIRATION for said person. However, whether they are aware or not, there is a SIGN that will indicate their growing feelings : they will allow themselves to be physically CLOSER with the other ( not in the intimate or sensual sense ).Ā
When interacting with anyone that is not an ANIMAL ( mortals are to be kept at armsā length ), they will maintain a certain distance of four to five feet ( they will not mind either if others inch even closer, as long as they do not TOUCH them ). But unconsciously ( perhaps even not ), they will be at best only TWO FEET apart should they talk to the other. It may take a long while until they are willing to touch / let themselves be touched, yet it is already a big STEP.
A more subtle sign is that their speech will sound a little less formal, and the intonations become slightly more expressive. Their voice, by default, is breathy and gentle ( aloof yet interested ). More emotions ( unrestrained, unaware ) will lace into their voice once they feel that kind of AFFECTION for someone.Ā
30. Would they leave the person they love if it meant saving their life/giving them a better chance at life?
Oh they would. Without a second thought, they would. For them ( their well-being above all other ā such is the norm ), the ONE who managed to show them the capability to truly care for another than themselves, has complete importance. Their view on love is NAIVE ( humans are monsters and monsters are human ), hence the love they always provide is a love MOST SELFLESS ( yours and yours truly ; no such need to be mine ). Hence it hurts not if they need to separate ; if they love someone, it is not the existence of the relationship, but the otherās SAFETY that means most. Sufficient reason is needed to sway them, however Ahnel is sensible enough to evaluate with a clear mind ( the HEART slowly weighs heavier ).Ā
