✶. absolutely enthralled by gay clubs and lesbian bars. you ever seen but i'm a cheerleader? she's megan walking into the cocksucker the first time she slips into the club, id clenched in hand and so grateful that her sharp cheekbones make her look old enough that she doesn't get carded at the bar. (cait who can hold her liquor annoyingly well... she's totally obnoxious about it too.)

✶. thinking about meeting her there, buying her a drink and cooing are you sure you're old enough to be here? just to watch her cheeks flush ruddy. (i don't think she'd have alcohol flush syndrome.. but it would be fun teasing her about it.) or maybe it's your first time at the club as well, and you huddle up in a corner booth and giggle at the drunken dancers, getting progressively tipsier before she eventually propositions you.

("so.. how about my place?" she's significantly less subtle when she's drunk—there's no sly grin on her face or soft coaxing. but it's irritatingly charming, and you're tipsy, so you'll give her a pass. "you're so drunk." you laugh, giggling against her jaw. why you're smushed into the center of the booth when there's four feet of space on either side of you is unclear. but you're both very, very tipsy, and it's hot enough in here that sitting next to each other isn't a bother. "so are you." she accuses, and then falls back into her pleas. "come home with me." "very romantic, cait." "is that a yes?" "...whatever, yeah.")

✶. very giggly, very soft first time—because you're drunk and she's drunk and she won't stop waxing poetically about how pretty you are or about how your arms or stomach or thighs look so beautiful contrasting against her navy sheets. know she's sucking bruises purple and blue onto your skin (working extra hard if you're dark-skinned and they don't show up as well...) and getting so embarrassed about it in the morning. yup yes yay!

✶. and if i say she's addicted to candy crush... needs reading glasses but usually wears contacts. so in the morning she looks so scrumptious with the frames perched low on her nose but delicious! and tasty! are coming out of her phone's tinny speakers. smacking her blindly when it's too early and you're still buried in your pillow, telling her to turn that shit down.

✶. she's absolutely the type of girl that people take videos and pictures of on the subway. tall, with a perfect ponytail and a killer outfit. goes viral every time and becomes a little bit of an internet phenomenon.. she starts an instagram to post random shit like her paper target after she's done at the shooting range (almost perfect, of course) or the sunset from your apartment and she's just flooded with followers. ends up turning off her comments because of it.

Let's touch on these points together. Why didn't Pomni shoot herself? Because everyone thought she was going to - even Jax. He watched her every movement. From her reaction to what he had to say down to her turning around and looking at the gun, mildly lifting it. His eyes looked at her, and then the gun. That's why he doubled down and rectified that she "couldn't just take a joke" because he didn't want her to shoot herself; especially over a guy like him.

But it wasn't a joke to Pomni. That was fucked up and it hurt. It's subtle; you can see the moment that hurt turned into anger instead.

So why didn't she shoot Jax or herself? She had every justification under her belt to do it, to react in anger and show him his just comeuppance. So, why didn't she?

I'll tell you why. Because the guns weren't meant for that. They were meant to be used to have fun and let loose. Even Jax preached that to her, himself; because she didn't want to shoot and hurt her friends. But none of this is real, right? She was under the impression that him helping her grow more confidence was for them to have fun together, essentially LARP and play characters together. He can be the "funny" archetype and she can be the "evil" archetype. All for the sake of having fun.

But she didn't realize that Jax BELIEVED that that's all he was. That he wasn't a human like them, just some cartoon character. She initially thought he was playing a role for the sake of having fun together; that's why him saying he's "the funny one" stuck so heavily with her throughout the episode. Because she got to see for herself that he WASN'T - he wasn't just some hollow shell with no substance underneath. She saw him, for him; firsthand, she got to see through his charade and she wasn't going to believe it or allow him to believe it either. She learned a lot about him that adventure and he never once denied it, just brushed it off.

If she was going to shoot him, it was supposed to be on mutual terms to have fun as friends. NOT based on his own agenda to confirm his own insecurities to himself that he was some irredeemable monster inside that everyone hated. Just some throwaway character that nobody cared about. And this is also when she realizes that shooting herself wouldn't have had any lasting impression on him, to get him to realize. It would only prove his own point. So, she needed to drive home a point that would stick with him.

Anger was a good enough motivator; because she cared about him, she saw him as her friend and even though he hurt her, she KNEW he didn't mean it. He was deflecting, pushing her away, saying anything to make her see him in a negative light. And it frustrated the hell out of her. Because he's NOT THE FUNNY ONE. He's not just some archetype to slap on himself and wear it proud like a badge. He was a human, he was a person before whatever got him to this point. And what better than to get him to come to terms with that other than beating his ass about it?

She never once said she was doing this for anything. She wanted to prove a point. That point was: that he still, through everything, had humanity under the mask he had so held up tight to his face. And that point at the end of the day was for him to come to terms with that and realize that he's real. That's he's human just like she is. It takes a human with emotions to care. Pomni half expected him to fight back - come on, you're the funny one, after all! Wouldn't it be funny to fight her back? But he didn't. He didn't and he realized that. And her point was proven without her having to say a word. His whole ruse was shattered. This "cartoon villain" he wanted to be so badly.

And that's why he had to double down verbally and mention "you think I didn't fight you back was because I secretly CARE about you?" Exactly that. She didn't say that. You did. Because you do. She just needed to knock some sense into you for you to get it through your head.