#[queue.]

The sheets were wrapped around your body. Joel snoring softly behind you with his arm draped over your waist protectively. The remnants of last night’s sex still clung to you like a second skin, your hair mussed from it and sleep.

You weren’t sure what time it was, but the birds chirping outside made you guess that it was still a bit early. The sun still hung low in the sky, drifting through the curtains and painting the bedroom in soft golden rays. 

Joel shifted behind you, grunting before he peppered kisses along your shoulder. “Mornin’, sweetheart,” his voice is rough from sleep, nearly just a mere rumble rather than words. 

“Morning,” you respond quietly, your voice still a bit gravelly despite being awake for a while. He presses his nose firmly into the back of your neck, like he’s trying to become one with you. It makes you chuckle softly as you bring the arm he has underneath your pillow to wrap around you as well.

He pulls you impossibly close to his chest, breathing in your scent. “You’re clingy this morning,” you lightly tease him. Shivering slightly when he huffs against your skin.

“Don’t wanna get outta bed,” he grunts as he places a leg over your hip to make his point.

You always enjoy mornings like this–wrapped up in the sheets and each other like you both don’t have responsibilities around town. It makes you feel some sort of peace. As much peace as you can get in the new world, that is.

Everyone in Jackson tried their best to live how they did before everything went to shit. It works for a while–when you first settle into town–but then the uneasiness seeps into your bones again. That deep unsettling feeling churning in your stomach, the one that tells you that this solidarity could be stripped away from you at any given moment.

The town isn’t immune to being overrun, just like you aren’t immune to being bitten or shot while out on patrol. But you’ve all learned how to deal with that risk if that’s what keeps you in the little bubble you call home. 

You’re pulled out of your thoughts when Joel’s warm body leaves you. As he sits on the edge of the bed, you turn around to face his back. “Thought you didn’t want to get up?” you ask as you scoot closer, sitting up to wrap your arms around his midsection.

He huffs, rubbing your arms as he looks at you over his shoulder. “I don’t, but I have the first patrol with Tommy today. I wanna shower ‘fore I go.”

If you didn’t know how impatient Tommy could be, you would beg Joel to stay in bed for at least five more minutes. But, duty calls. Placing a kiss against his shoulder, you murmur into his skin, “Be safe, yeah?”

Joel meets your gaze, taking in your look first thing in the morning. The appreciation in his gaze brings a soft smile to your face, and he leans in to press a tender kiss to your lips. “Always,” he murmurs against them before he pulls away.

You reluctantly unwrap yourself from him, letting him get up. His boxers hang low on his hips, tempting you to pull him right back into bed just to have him again. But you don’t. You know how important the daily patrols are to keep the town safe. So, you ignore your selfish desires as you watch him place his watch on the nightstand.

He gives you one last lingering look before he disappears into the connecting bathroom. You listen to him shuffling around before the shower starts. The mattress dips under your weight as you reach for his discarded flannel on the floor to put it on. One by one, you pull each button through their designated loops. Joel’s flannel quite literally swallows you whole, but you’re comfortable in it.

You were grateful for the life you found in Jackson. Everyone might’ve been a little hostile towards you when you first showed up, but they warmed up to you eventually. It felt more like a found family rather than just a community. But the first day you saw Joel?

Well, he felt like home.

Some time goes by. You aren’t sure how long you were staring at the ceiling, but you crane your neck to look at Joel when he opens the bathroom door. He’s already dressed, towel drying his hair as he walks over to you.

“You gon’ get up or just be lazy all day?” he asks you, teasing you lightly.

You huff, kicking him when he gets closer to the bed. His chuckle is warm, wrapping his hand around your ankle to press a chaste kiss against your foot. “I was waiting for you to finish, smartass.”

“Right,” he murmurs with a small nod. It’s then that you finally stand up, standing between his broad frame and the nightstand as you wrap your arms around his neck. His hands immediately find a home on your hips, pulling you close to his body before he leans down to press his lips against yours.

Joel’s love isn’t loud in public, but in private? He can’t stand being away from you for a second. Some part of him is always on your body–his hands, his head, a leg, and other things. He wouldn’t hesitate to protect you in public, though. That possessive side of him bubbling to the surface until he’s had enough. It’s like he becomes an entirely different person.

You pull back slowly, turning around to grab his watch for him. Your hand lingers on the leather, eyes on the broken glass of the watch. He always wore the watch, but you never really looked at it. Turning around to face him, you hold it up in front of him, “I can fix this for you, y’know?”

“What?” He says it like he completely disregarded what you just said, his eyes trained on the item in your hand.

Joel always listens to what you have to say, regardless of the situation, so you repeat yourself slowly. “Your watch, it’s broken. I just said that I can-“

“No,” he cuts you off firmly, taking the watch from your hand, and putting it on.

“Baby-“ You start, but he shakes his head as he cuts you off. 

“I said no.”

You blink in surprise, taken aback by his tone, and the way he just brushed you off. “Okay, well, you don’t have to have that tone with me, Joel. I just offered-“

He drops his hands, shaking his head as he stares down at his feet. “I don’t need it,” he pauses, finally meeting your gaze as his jaw ticks. Joel has been a quiet man the entire time you’ve known him, but he’s never had a short temper with you. He always talked things out before it got that far.

This was different—unfamiliar. You didn’t know how to handle the situation. So you stood there, mirroring the exasperated expression on his face with your arms crossed over your chest. Something awfully close to regret flashes across his face when he notices your shift, but it’s gone as quickly as it appears.

“I’m gonna be late,” he mutters under his breath before he walks out of the bedroom.

You don’t follow him, but you see him freeze in the doorway out of the corner of your eye, like he’s debating whether to apologize while kissing you senseless or not. Begrudgingly, he walks away and heads downstairs. He hesitated, and still left you. He went against his own morals over a watch.

The day goes by slowly. Joel didn’t come back home after his patrol, and you buried yourself in work around town. It was the beginning of spring, crops were starting to grow back from the harsh winter, so you helped out in the greenhouse. The silence in there eased your mind as much as it could. But even the silence was driving you insane. A million thoughts were racing through your mind.

Why did Joel react like that?

What did you do wrong?

Did you cross a line?

Are you the problem?

Your mind is your worst enemy today. Blaming yourself for Joel’s sudden outburst at you. It made you feel small–insecure even. Were you the problem? Going over the conversation in your mind over and over, you couldn’t pinpoint anything you did wrong. Yet, Joel still yelled at you.

The hair at the nape of your neck sticks to you like a second skin from the damp air–warm and humid that makes you feel icky. The familiar smell of wet earth filling your nostrils as you handle a stubborn weed with a little too much force. You tug harder as your thoughts continue to eat at you.

You’re the problem.

Joel never loved you.

He just wanted a good fuck.

He’ll leave you the first chance he gets.

Until, the weed finally gives way, sending a mound of dirt flying towards your thighs. Tears brim your eyes as you double over from your place on the floor. The greenhouse is relatively empty right now, so you can spiral in peace. As much peace as you can get in a time like this.

Joel is just a man. You shouldn’t let his words affect you this way. But it hurts more coming from someone you love. Someone you trusted and thought would never raise their voice at you, because that’s what he made you believe. It felt ridiculous–tearing up over a man when there are bigger things to worry about on this godforsaken planet. But your insecurities were fueling the fire and making things worse.

After cleaning everything up, you decided to call it a day before sunset. Your head was pounding from the unshed tears–you refused to be the sob story of the day by crying over the vegetables. 

The silence of the house engulfs you as you walk through the threshold. Ellie was out with Dina and Jesse, and you still had no idea where Joel was as your body gravitated towards the bedroom upstairs. You needed to lie down, clear your head before you talked to Joel–whenever he would show up again.

You change into something more comfortable before you slip into bed, the mattress dipping under your weight as your head hits the pillow. Sleep takes you rather quickly, easing your racing mind for the time being.

Hours go by, and the darkness of sleep fades away slowly as the mattress shifts behind you. The sheets being lifted before a familiar warm body hesitantly lies down next to you. You can hear his breathing as he stares at the back of your head. He must be under the impression that you’re still asleep, because he doesn’t say anything for a while.

You appreciated the silence that Joel gave you sometimes, but during a fight, you dreaded it. The two of you have only been together for almost a year, and during times like these, the both of you learned new things about each other. What makes the other one tick, which words hurt the most, what makes them fall apart in your arms, but clearly this was something you didn’t know. 

“I had a daughter,” Joel speaks up, unsure whether he was talking to a sleeping you or not. You’ve never heard his voice sound so small and fragile, like he wasn’t sure if he should be telling you this in the first place.

“Sarah–she was 14 when the world ended,” he sighs out, swallowing his pride to keep going–to open up and let you in. “She… died the night things got bad,” you hear him shift, holding up his arm to look at his watch. “My watch is one of the only things I got left of her, and it’s… it’s stopped at her time of death.”

A harsh lump in your throat forms at his words, feeling extremely wretched at the implication. Of course, he had a logical explanation for why he was so hostile to you this morning, but your brain made you believe that it was your fault.

Hesitantly, you turn over to face him, already finding him looking back at you. “I’m sorry,” you softly whisper, watching him shake his head.

“No, I’m sorry, baby. Sorry for pushin’ you away like that.” You can see his hand itching to reach out to pull you closer, so you take matters into your own hands, moving closer to him. He wraps his arms protectively around you, burying his nose in your hair to breathe in the familiar scent of you that he missed all day.

The two of you lay in silence for a long while, the steady thump thump of his heartbeat under your ear soothing you. His hand is absentmindedly running through your hair, soothing himself and you. “I don’t wanna lose you,” he whispers against your temple, the vulnerability in his voice evident. 

You raise your head to look at him, gently cupping his cheek, “You’re not gonna lose me, honey.” The pad of your thumb grazes his scruff, making sure he understands you. 

He leans into your touch automatically, looking up at you with those chocolate brown eyes that tell you more than he will ever mutter. It makes your breath hitch–seeing the overwhelming amount of love and longing in them. Like he’s desperate for you to see just how much he needs you by his side.

“I need you,” he murmurs, placing kisses against the palm of your hand. “Need you to stay right here.” You don’t protest when he pulls you down to press his lips to yours. Needing that connection just as badly as him. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” you murmur against his lips, and you mean it.

Masterlist

🏷️: @bemyluvr , @mcthsman , @cherrycokeispunk , @kirsteng42 , @kokoluwie , @reedispunk , @rosharanfiction , @missladym1981 , @bratfrag , @harriedandharassed , @madpanda75 , @kokoluwie , @shadowqueen2024 , @the-sophverse , @time-for-my-weekly-spanking , @cuteanimalmama , @picketniffler

lmk if you want to be tagged or removed!

Joel Miller

Tuck You In -> @ess-evo

Summary: You and Joel have a dirty nighttime routine (Minors DNI)

Strawberry creampie -> @littledes1re

Summary: You’re cramping, cranky, and just needed to grab a few things. Joel’s mouth had other plans. What starts as a simple ride to the store turns into a slow spiral of sleazy muttering, tuna-fueled rage, and unsolicited period advice. You’re in pain. He’s insufferable. And somehow, you still end up in his van—a heat pad, a stolen shirt, and Joel’s version of comfort waiting in the back. (Minors DNI)

I'm sick, and I'm tired too -> @hauntedinkk

Summary: You’re horny but too tired and sick for actual sex, so your husband puts the toy the two of you bought as a gag to real use. (Minors DNI)

Winter-kissed -> @aurorawritestoescape

Summary: Joel returns home from patrol and you help him get warm with your body. (Minors DNI)

Salt Air -> @mcthsman

Summary: The trip was booked about a year before your relationship fell apart: Five days in a seaside town in Brasil, an unrefundable romantic getaway with all of the honeymoon perks that turns into a nightmare after six-months of not talking to each other: Your relationship ended quietly, and what was once heartbreak has since turned into resement. To you it's torture, spending those hot summer days next to the man who you once loved so dearly. To Joel, it's one last chance at winning you back. (Minors DNI)

Room 301 -> @milla-frenchy

Summary: Joel finds out that babysitting isn't your only student job (Minors DNI)

Joel Drabble -> @time-for-my-weekly-spanking

Summary: Imagine Joel has sensitive nipples (Minors DNI)

A week of little beans -> @poorsoulofmine

Summary: Joel panics over his baby girl's tiny sneeze.

Miss honey -> @millermouth

Summary: Jackson’s kindergarten teacher sure is sweet. Beloved by the community and gentle with the children, its no far feat for everyone to fall in love with her. Even big, bad, scary Joel Miller.

Tattoo Artist Joel -> @the-sophverse

Summary: Joel as a tattoo artist. (Slight smut -> MDNI)

Javier Pena

When He Needs Me -> @pascalispunkczechia

Summary: She drags Javi into the bathroom for “just reassurance,” which turns into something feral. Domestic fluff but make it horny, healing, and slightly unhinged. (Minors DNI)

Make me Forget -> @the-sophverse

Summary: When things go wrong, Javier comes to you, and the mask of the man who was once tough and fearless starts to break, revealing the broken pieces under the surface. You help him forget things, but what happens in the morning when both of your emotions get a bit messy? (Minors DNI)

Here cums the Bride -> @hauntedinkk

Summary: yours and Javi's wedding night (Minors DNI)

Club 8 -> @milla-frenchy

Summary: after you give some information to a DEA agent, he and his coworker come to the brothel you work at, Club 8

Frankie Morales

My Little Love -> @cozymochaa

Summary: it was foolish of you to think that you and Frankie would have a relationship out of a fairytale. he was in the military and you were a nurse. two jobs that took all of your time from each other. how would you work through it?

Harry Castillo

La Dolce Vita -> @cozymochaa

Summary: a year after heartbreak for both you and Harry, the two of you find love in the most unexpected place. thing is, Harry is one of your closest friend's brother-in-law. will you still act on it?

The Ex Education -> @missadangel (catching up on the series)

Summary: Born and raised on the Upper East Side — mother’s an actress, stepfather runs an empire that’s suddenly “under review,” and your brother’s the reason you have gray hair. You married perfection in your 20s Years after your picture-perfect marriage went up in smoke, you left New York to “heal.” Now you’re back, in your 30s — and saw your ex-husband on the cover of TIME. Wow. He got richer, your family’s going down, and somehow, you ended up working for him. Cried? Yes. Bad idea? Definitely. What could possibly go wrong?

Dieter Bravo

Laid Over -> @bergamote-catsandbooks

Summary: Your New Year vacation with Dieter falls through when your flight is cancelled. But maybe you can turn the whole thing around with the handsome guy you meet at the airport bar. (Minors DNI) (Dieter x f!reader x Joel Miller)

Clint Flood

Under you -> @cozymochaa

Summary: Clint loves when you're on top (Minors DNI)

Dark (k)night -> @the-sophverse