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    today was suppose to be special.

    it was supposed to be two years.

    two damn years.

    gone to waste.

    but that was before the words that split her whole relationship, causing it to disperse into a million pieces because of the words she had said. the ice princess admits that it’s her fault, but her very pride will be the reason for her downfall. the same habits are ones she’s yet to change fully, pushing others away until the worst comes. when she realises that keeping her mouth shut was better, she’d take that chance and rewind. however, there’s truly no erasing in the collateral damage she’s done.

    there’s no yes or yes, but a no or no on how things seem to be going. sending him that text of ‘it sucks to miss you’, what the hell had she been expecting? there are no more chances to take and grab. life isn’t a video game, instead, she should be focusing on healing her broken heart. healing isn’t that easy as she thought.

    living, breathing, it feels dull without him by her side. she hasn’t been the same since before except still retaining her duties to the trainee life and homework taking up her whole days. soojung’s yet to do anything for herself. so, she takes this opportunity to upload her sad vocal cover despite people already saying she’s so boring. for who she is, always being sad and being told what she felt was wrong.

    music was her way to cope up with the pain that her depression brought her. the video is recording and clearly, her emptiness is conveyed through the camera from the facial expression written on her face, it’s really hard not to hide as if everything’s okay. especially when she takes music as her form of therapy. she can only keep playing to the keys of the piano, moving through each note as she sings the song emotionally.

    she doesn’t care anymore. what people say: boring, bland, plain, always singing ballads. because she’s fully embraced what she’s capable of. there’s the pain in beauty, the sound of her voice is soothing and soft but also indicating her unhappiness. 

    as the song comes down to the end, she stops her fingers from playing on the piano and waves the camera a goodbye then a proper head bow, “thank you for supporting me!” that’s all she can say until she has to go back to sobbing, tears that don’t seem to stop every day at the thought of him.

    it breaks the ice princess.

it’s complicated.

she hasn’t posted a recording in a long time since being she’s signed her name to the music industry to pursue a difficult dream of becoming an idol one day. the truth is, it’s not really her dream but following the footsteps of what her parents wanted her to fulfill. she wishes that she was competent, just good enough to make it through a debut but she knows that she’s never enough. these days, krystal has had immense hardships as she’s separated from sehun. the lonely nights come back once more ( just as she’s thought she’s buried them in a grave ). the same monsters that held her to the point she would shake, cry silently and not scream out a single word with a million thoughts racing in her mind. these problems break her inside as she’s only been trying to run away when things get worse. that’s right, she should’ve expected it. what was her decision? to back off and say words she’s regretting? that’s right. she didn’t back herself up with honesty, just throwing fists by the choice of words that cut like a knife, to him.. the one who’s only ever been there.

and she’s back in her zone, crumbling through the days but music helping her get through the times. singing her heart with covers or her compositions, recording in the studio all day when there’s downtime from training is her medicine to her heartache. it burns so much that it feels like the moment they both agreed on taking a break, a part of her soul was ripped from her heart. in a way, she sees oh sehun as her twin flame. not exactly the same soul but the one who’s able to stitch her heart or break it. she feels so complete with him.. but without him, her world is a void currently. 

the lighting in the room is so dim, but the camera focuses on her features perfectly. she doesn’t care enough to polish her face with makeup as she prefers to go au nautrel themes anyways. from where she’s started, she has realised her so much potential with her voice. the tone might be nasally but not like before, she’s definitely improved. her control is better with her notes, she can run tougher riffs and runs! as the instrumental starts playing, she opens her lips to pour out the pain in her heart. singing, that’s her saviour.

come with me stay the night just say the words but, boy, it don’t feel right what do ya expect me to say? (you know it’s just too little, too late) you take my hand and you say you’ve changed but, boy, you know your begging don't fool me because to you it's just a game

(you know it's just too little, too late) so let me go now 'cause time has made me strong i'm starting to move on i'm gonna say this now your chance has come and gone and you know

the lyrics are slightly different than what she’s going through but she feels empowered through her vocals, showing emotion with her intense vocals and facial expression on the camera as she hits the notes wonderfully. it isn’t getting to the part where she has to do the adlibs and the higher notes, of course. so she’s at a good start with the song. the melody meshes with her soft yet strong tone.

it's just too little, too late a little too long and i can't wait but you know all the right things to say (you know it's just too little, too late) you say you dream of my face but you don't like me you just like the chase to be real it doesn't matter anyway

(you know it's just too little, too late) yeah, yeah, it's just too little, too late, mhm i was young and in love i gave you everything but it wasn't good enough and now you wanna communicate (you know it's just too little, too late) go find someone else in letting you go i'm loving myself you got a problem but don't come asking me for help  'cause you know

they’ve been with one another since their younger age, the ice princess and oh sehun. she’s grown so much with him but there’s still things that they need to work on. truthfully, she admits to this as stubborn and burdensome she may appear to be. there’s still that part of her that has trouble conveying her true colours but not like before, she does vocalise her emotions but it appears to be better when she sings or write through some form of poetry.

it's just too little, too late a little too long and i can't wait but you know all the right things to say (you know it's just too little, too late)

you say you dream of my face but you don't like me you just like the chase to be real it doesn't matter anyway (you know it's just too little, too late) 

i can love with all of my heart, baby i know i have so much to give (i have so much to give) with a player like you, i don't have a prayer that's no way to live oh, mmm, no it's just too little, too late yeah! 

and her higher notes come natural to her as she’s a light lyric soprano, despite how shrilling they may sound at times. krystal has adjusted to what sounds best and what doesn’t when it comes to her range, she likes to keep it at a calm pace. unfortunately, there were cutscenes where she deleted that provoked her tears but she cut that portion out and re-recorded what wouldn’t make it obvious to the public that she did have a relationship since both in the idol and trainee world, dating is strictly prohibited. but clearly, her sadness is still seen through her distinct eyes.

it's just too little, too late a little too long and i can’t wait but you know all the right things to say (you know it’s just too little, too late) you say you dream of my face but you don’t like me you just like the chase to be real it doesn’t matter anyway (you know it’s just too little, too late)  you know it's just too little, too late (i can't wait, no) 

her falsetto possesses and airy but sweet sound to it, her melisma compliments the sound of the notes as they don’t come off too overwhelming.

it's just too little, too late a little too long and i can’t wait but you know all the right things to say (you know it’s just too little, too late) you say you dream of my face but you don’t like me you just like the chase to be real it doesn’t matter anyway (you know it’s just too little, too late)

when the song ends, the ice princess bows in front of the camera and waves goodbye. the video transitions to a black screen.

        she’s leaving england, moving back to france. the ice princess feels that there’s no need to go at all, she wants to stay. she might’ve been born in france, hailing from that country since she carries half the blood in her, england is where the beginning stood for her in the first place. but to leave home, like this –– is immensely hard. krystal doesn’t know how to tell sehun, leaving him behind with the lack of words –– that could’ve been conveyed properly, she doesn’t have the courage to do so. today was her last day of school, tomorrow will be her flight to bordeaux.

        but silence could sit out for the next couple of years, maybe a line of hatred between her bonds she carries with many people she knows in england. she isn’t a loner here, but she isn’t the most popular girl in town. it’s not like she can ask her father to visit the heart of london directly from nottingham. she’s staying here to see her family, saying her parting words to her father’s side of the family.

        she sits down, somewhere in the middle of the dark at midnight writing her heart out to say ‘i’m sorry, i need to go, this is my goodbye. sincerely krystal.’ through her lines of music. maybe this isn’t the end of her stay in england, she could visit someday.. then again, the mysteries bound to her.

you've got the words to change a nation but you're biting your tongue you've spent a life time stuck in silence afraid you'll say something wrong if no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song? so come, on come on come on, come on you've got a heart as loud as lions so why let your voice be tamed? baby we're a little different there's no need to be ashamed you've got the light to fight the shadows so stop hiding it away come on, come on

        this is a piece she’s going to work on all night, creating the composition from the piano, recording her singing the live version of this for the video document. besides that, she has to showcase her emotions in the video, even through belting out the notes. all she’s thinking about right now is the good times she’s had with all the people she’s known, people who made her grow.

i wanna sing, i wanna shout i wanna scream till the words dry out so put it in all of the papers, i'm not afraid they can read all about it read all about it oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh

        her voice is strong ( that’s how it’s been, even though she has carried a light pitch with her intonation but high notes are her forte ), she’s a good start. singing word by word to figure out how it’s going to sound out if it’s pleasing to the ear or not.

        with singing came emotion, all sorts of emotions that'd amplify the beauty of a song. the lyrics that she wrote came from her heart. but to sing with emotion, she'd have to pour out all of her heart. when she wrote this, she could've felt a pang in her heart. whether if it was the fact that she misses england badly and was lonely residing in france for at least a year or two or because she's missing her friendship with her childhood best friend. even though it was a puppy crush, she'd hold a place for him in her heart.

on a ripped piece of paper i drew everything how i really feel and now it's clear something 'bout you  yeah, you and i were one of a kind but now i know it was all in my mind how could you tear my heart in two? days turn to months and the months turn to years i wonder how different our lives will be 

        people come and go, that's the way life's supposed to be. not all people were meant to stay. she had to part ways away from him. they weren't together and they could never be. she's far too young to get involved in such a thing called relationships. thinking to herself that it'd be best off titled relationshits instead. what she had in mind was singing her heart out, post covers and original compositions here and there on her youtube page. also, there was school. at the end, there wasn't any time open for boys or girls. and it’s not like she hung out with people at school anyways.

will it be fine? even though i know you won't be mine for you fill up my days i could never forget your face will it be fine? will i ever get you out my mind? like a fool i believed you and i would last and stay no it's not fine ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay no it's not fine 

        but with krystal, she'd always been forgettable. her father and mother left her ( but they're not the ones to blame ), still she's standing as a lone wolf in such a big house left to her by her father that her step-mother ( who she calls evil wicked witch of the west ) took over. there's nothing special about her personality or her looks but she's at least confidence in her vocal prowess.

        she can't blame her childhood friend, sehun, if he's forgotten about her at all. or even namely, jihoon.

with my hair tied up in a braid i'm cleaning up from the mess we made and trying to look for something new but sometimes i just get this feeling i can never leave it too far behind i try to move and forget you days turn to months and the months turned to years i never thought that you would forget me

will it be fine? even though i know you won't be mine for you fill up my days i could never forget your face will it be fine? will i ever get you out my mind? like a fool i believed you and i would last and stay no it's not fine ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay no it's not fine 

        growing up with someone and spending most of your days with them leaves a huge impact. soojung decided to make the choice by shoving people away. so, that they wouldn't need to care about her. why should they? because she's only a burden. she's never stopped thinking of herself this way because she knows damn well, she's a lost cause. 

the jokes and the laughs all the good and the bad and they think that i'm fine but i'm cold inside and paralysed now i'm walking ahead moving on is what i said even though it hurts to do it on my own and that last goodbye looking back like it was just last night but wherever you go i hope you find the right  

        the memories never seem to leave her mind in spite the long duration. visiting england isn't enough, she hasn't seen sehun in such a long time. she's thought about it but she's already pushed him too far away, off the edge. she muses to herself before she goes to sleep, almost every night about how she left him with a cold goodbye. no, it wasn't even a goodbye. she told him that she didn't want to be friends with him and that he didn't mean jack shit when that wasn't the case in reality. 

will it be fine? even though i know you won't be mine for you fill up my days i could never forget your face no it's not fine forever you'll be on my mind i'm a fool i shoulda known you and i would end this way no it's not fine ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay no it's not fine

                two in the morning, her eyelids are shutting on her but she chooses to continue this recording. this was a cover she thought about doing for quite some time now. however, she’s been dragged in with her university and trainee priorities. still, she doesn’t have much free time in the world. not when she’s either studying or dancing and singing in the practise rooms. she’s grateful for the remaining time she has on the weekends to sleep or  practise her vocal prowess to her likings ( even though she did that like everyday ).

                it seems as if she misses the golden days when she used to post up her covers and originals. covers are okay but not for her musical arrangements. she’ll deal with it momentarily but hopes inside that one day, she’ll be able to show the world again about her dedication to songwriting/composing.

                she’s never watched glee before but she felt the need to cover this song—for all those who felt like they weren’t enough ( for not passing their audition or casting ) even though they’ve tried their hardest. through the tears and blood, the sweat that trips on fatigued bodies, she hoped for those to achieve their dreams one day.

                the instrumental plays and she intends to sing this with her heart.

what have i done? i wish i could run, away from this ship going under just trying to help out everyone else now i feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders

                one more month and it’ll be the anniversary that she’s been with sphere for a year. time flew by so fast as if it was nothing, but to her it meant everything. some could say she was young, achieving a lot but still, she wasn’t sure if she was close to debut or anything. the stars still seemed so far.

what can you do when your good isn't good enough and all that you touch tumbles down? 'cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things i just wanna fix it somehow but how many times will it take? oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right, to get it right?

can i start again, with my fate again? 'cause i can't go back and endure this i just have to stay and face my mistakes, but if i get stronger and wiser, i'll get through this

                she makes sure to relax her larynx when belting out the notes. staying in tune with the song, to the melody and getting the feel of it. broadcasting emotions was important in singing too aside from technique. the ice princess has recalled the time that she’s been rejected by kt and royal. she’s been down that road of indecisiveness and rejection. yeah, it sucks and hurts like hell.

what can you do when you're good isn't good enough? and all that you touch tumbles down? 'cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things i just wanna fix it somehow but how many times will it take? oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?

                the song’s ending soon. she wraps it up by hitting the adlibs and high notes. that’s always been her forte. but she could tell that her vocals have improved since then. all thanks to the training.

so i throw up my fists, throw a punch in the air and accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair yeah, i'll send down a wish and i'll send up a prayer and finally someone will see how much i care

what can you do when you're good isn't good enough? and all that you touch tumbles down? my best intentions keep making a mess of things i just wanna fix it somehow but how many times will it take? oh, how many times will it take to get it right, to get it right?