*not an angel

the nickname makes him freeze, his breath caught in his throat. it felt nice. he can even say that he had missed hearing it. he couldn’t believe that there had been a brief moment where he had feared he would never hear it again - feared he would lose angel altogether. it was one of the many possibilities he had been scared to even think of let alone consider. sehun could feel the relief wash over him. angel calling him by the nickname she had given him from all those years ago can only mean good news. he couldn’t help but mirror the small smile she gives him, but he also couldn’t shake off the awkward feeling that’s slowly creeping up his skin. he turns to look at where chanhee was last standing, mentally screaming when he catches a glimpse of the older male’s form retreating somewhere in the kitchen.

food my ass!

“yeah, uhm, long day,” he replies, nodding his head and scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. sehun knew the words were nothing but mere observations, a simple comment, but he couldn’t help but look back at the last conversation they had. maybe he’s being bitter, but it had been one of the things that engraved itself in his brain. he had deleted them when he chose to finally step back. he couldn’t let himself be hurt more than he already is. but still, the memories still stings. hurts.

sehun clears his throat. “your room?” he asks dumbly, eyeing the couch. “uhm, we can wait for hyung on the couch?” because he’s really not ready to be entirely alone with her yet. maybe someone should slap some sense into him but what if… what if her smiles aren’t real? what if she’s just acting because chanhee is here? that she doesn’t really have a choice but be kind because he’s already there? the thought hurts. “that’s… that’s nice to hear. I’m glad you’re doing better,” he says and he’s genuinely glad to hear that. he remembers the many moments she’s nearly given up on everything. hearing her say she’s still giving it her best warms his heart. he’s glad. heartbreak or not, he’ll always be proud of her achievements.

why couldn’t you be the same with me?

“things are good. I’m not an expert, but we’re told we’re doing good for a rookie group,” he smiles. “if anything, practice is extra hard. it’s probably why most of us are so good at sleepwalking now.” he laughs. “i miss everyone, though. we’re in the same building but sometimes i feel detached and so far away from everyone. it’s weird.”

        oh hell, this is some plan that chanhee was conspiring for such a long time to put in perfect timing. surely, he’s probably going to his room to play video games with his old friends in france right after he made himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. so basic. she might be at the university or sphere building for most of her days, but she grew up with him. angel knows her brother far too well that him being dodgy isn’t new at all. it’s his way of evading confrontations since he didn’t do so well in that department, neither did she too. she’s developed in many ways, realising that the certain reactions she gave were classified as childish, but angel’s matured throughout the past few months she hasn’t spoken to him.

        “training is always like that.” she gives another small smile but it fades quickly, replacing it with a curious look on her face as she pushes herself to touch up on her confidence, her chocolate orbs staring at the other then breaking away as she didn’t want to make him any more uncomfortable than he probably is. in spite of the distance that came between the two, she still feels so close to him that she can see can still see through him. she’d recall to the time he received an injury, tending to his needs as angel couldn’t leave him alone. the memories are still there, but it’s better to leave them untouched, silently lingering at the back of her mind. “i don’t think he’s going to come back… to be honest with you.” she doesn’t speak in a monotone speech as much.

        you were better off without me. i held you back. but wasn’t it just the same as pushing you away..? i’m sorry. if i could tell it you right now, i would promise not to do the same but that isn’t enough for you, i know.

        “i’m glad that you’re doing good! keep up that same energy!” she isn’t forcing herself to sound overly eager, but she tugs her lips into a smile, hinting proudness, and happiness for him. what a rare sight to experience form angel, rarely did she show this side of her but she’s been vocalizing how she feels with her facial expressions, she’s been practicing methods to help her be more ‘expressive’. “but wherever you’d like to chill, make yourself at home.” she shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly, stressing over a small situation is too much.

        no matter what, she’ll always care even at the worst but it shows in her eyes that she’s concerned with his well-being, “please be sure to take care of yourself though..” she pauses, eyebrows knitted together in concern but she glances over at the clock, turning her face slightly but she’s sure it’s obvious to him. “i feel that… i get what you mean.” she’s been doing a better job at sympathizing, “i missed you, hunnie.” she couldn’t forget to tell him.

        i missed you so much that it hurts.

mark quietly spoons some food into his mouth, only to choke a second time when she tells him that she in fact, not new.

oh man, this was gonna be awkward.

he coughs to the side, careful not to actually cough on the nice girl who took time out of her day to sit next to him. he doesn’t hear her speak until she introduces herself as angel, which is a really beautiful name. he was sure he would have received a nice name like that if he had turned out to be a girl- or maybe something a little bit more openly christian. his parents were devote, after all.

but three years?! she was his senior! he whipped around, shock on his face before he scrambled to stand up out of his chair and bow low to her, hands placed on his stomach immediately.

“o-oh my god i am so sorry sunbaenim i-i’m new so i really didn’t know you’ve been training way longer than i have! i’m so sorry!”

      the ice princess cannot go around pointing fingers when her presence was something she didn't expose as much to other trainees. all because she was one to keep to herself.

      not many know her name because she wasn’t too friendly, to begin with.

      smiling isn’t exactly her thing but she wants to reassure the kid somehow that she isn’t pissed off, she can’t go on the wrong side about this. a smile? a grin? what is it? but the look on her face is so blank, “it’s okay. don’t worry about it.” she’s glad that he isn’t walking away because it seems most are intimidated by her company.

      “no need for formalities. you can just call me angel if you’d like. ne vous inquiétez pas, je suis française.” [don’t worry about it, i’m french.] the french slips out of her mouth with ease, still fluent in the language and accent with smooth precision. “no need to apologise. not a big deal at all.”

The comment from the other was short and terminating. She felt that conversations about others weren’t the way to go. Not that she ever talked about people, it was mostly what went through her mind. It was obvious that things would stay the same. ‘maybe she’s poor’…Hwayoung grimaced at the comment, knowing well that it wasn’t long that she was in that position and that she wasn’t well off enough to make that kind of comment. That made her avoid further comment and in turn, made her glad that Angel steered away the conversation.

However, the more the other girl talked, the more intrigued she was. Hwayoung wasn’t sure if she should ask for more details. Though, she was surprised that a trainee was openly admitting to having a love life. She was flattered to have someone’s trust and something inside her woke up happily. There was an interest that dance in her head at the information, she was burning to say something. She was starting to appreciate Angel in her life, though. So, she shuts down the part of her that wanted to talk about this information and stored it away instead. Depending on how the friendship went, she could use that later.

“I can’t imagine that someone who looks like you would have a difficult love life.” She says, quietly so only Angel could hear her. Just in case anyone was eavesdropping on their conversation. Boys did indeed suck-which is why Hwayoung had no interest in them but she wasn’t going to admit it. “is it an old boyfriend that you got in contact with? Is he also a trainee?” she asks curiously.  

        angel didn’t bother enough to pursue topics in consideration of others life as she’s been there done that. hell, she’d been in the same spot before but can’t care enough to empathize with that. though there are judgmental tones to her when she’s in for it but these days, her concerns involve training and trying to get through school. she’s been a perfectionist since youth, clinging on to the overachiever side but never retained a social life.

        hwayoung’s company is refreshing. it’s nice getting to know her.

        her name’s written on the devil’s contract, along with it came with rules to follow along with but she’s chosen her battles and the ones she knows she can trust. angel’s been guarded for too long, it was about time she broke her barriers and formed new friendships. expressing her emotions with warmth doesn’t come out right for her, whether if it’s through conversations or facial gestures. to her, she just looked awkward and it didn’t feel right. dating is banned and it probably isn’t wise to tell this gossip to anyone but angel doesn’t have many people in her life.

soft. 

that’s probably the first word that came to mind when he actually met her. angel is soft. suits her name just as well too— soft as angel wings, as feathers. but it reminds him of one more thing, that she’s like a bird in that aspect. flies off when frightened and he’s glad she doesn’t feel that flight or fight instinct around him. that she can talk to him and speak even a little bit of her truth, her personal truth, instead of keeping it to herself at all times. 

“smile like what?” he asks with a chuckle. to him, he’d call it smiling, no, grinning like an idiot— they do say ignorance is bliss, so wouldn’t smiling like an idiot go with it? that can’t be right… but minho is concerned as she explains, wonders just what she thinks when people smile and if she thinks it just doesn’t work for her, doesn’t suit her. it must be sad feeling that way, that you can’t smile the way someone else is, or if you think you can’t smile at all. 

“you don’t have to like everyone, angel.” it’s a weird truth but he does feel that way. “being friendly with someone isn’t the same as liking them. i dunno, i think there’s so many people in the world that being somewhere at the same time, in the same place… if you could make friends with the people around you, that’d be nice but it doesn’t have to mean you open up to everyone.” this isn’t a topic he usually treads into it; it’s tricky for him. “ya’no, everyone smiles for their own reasons. what makes you smile? don’t think about other people. just think about you. why do you smile?” 

      there are figures in her life that she doesn’t resort to pushing away ( for once ) , not when she dotes on to these souls especially. she needs guidance, whether she wants to admit it upfront or not is entirely up to her. staying in her shell to protect herself from others that don’t hold any relevance to her life in general. but, she’s making gradual progress as she’s opening up to those she trusts.

      she's not the kind of person that's up for smiles or goofy grins unless a given reason but the conversations are natural with mason. she doesn’t feel like she’s forcing herself at all. “like how.. you smile on stage, smile at people.. being friendly?” she furrows her eyebrows, shrugging. socialising is hard, so it seems. “the best way i can explain it is, is there anything that during hard times, you smile through it all?” the words are at the tip of her tongue but she couldn’t explain how she feels too well when it comes to verbal statements, she’d show that side of her more through her music.

      “but.. i’m too cold? from what they say. then again, they don’t matter to me.” the words still do pinch a bit sometimes but she’d already grown to the fact that her reputation is the ice princess. right when she’s being asked the source of her smiles, she isn’t quite sure.. “hmm...” she hums softly, contemplating on the reasons. “friends.. i have here. only like a couple though. my cute fluffy dog makes me smile, i guess that counts?”