#;stam

he stays over at the empty enigma sharehouse after he arrives, going through the notes app on his phone, full of potential songs he saved when he was trying to think of a song for his first audition. so many of them required a guitar accompaniment for him to keep true to himself, therefore couldn't make the first cut. i'm so tired ended up being one of the last songs he added to the list, and he settled on it almost immediately which leaves...several other choices. the standout pick is wasteland baby by hozier, but he fells some overwhelming, incapacitating fear when he thinks of actually performing it on stage, in front of the people that he knows will be there.

sungwoon. joohyun. in one room. all he can picture is both of them thinking any love song he performs is about them, and he knows what person every love song he hears is about today, and he can't bear to do that to the other one of them-- that false hope, that surge of emotion for reasons that aren't genuine. maybe it's mainly because he's scared to sing i'm in love, i'm in love with you. he could convince himself it's because he isn't ready for the plunge into the depths that those words are, but it might really be because he's afraid he means it. he's so scared to mean it.

so he leaves wasteland baby on the backburner for a time when he's braver-- a time where he's stronger, and not so weighed down by worry, and searches for his next best option, still sat in the empty enigma living room, staring intently at his phone. last year, he performed a song on his guitar in english, and he doesn't know how he can't do that this time, but it needs an upgrade. he thought of performing one of his own songs at the audition too, but again, wanted to wait for a time when he could marry it to some kind of instrumental, too determined to let their composition shine through too.

that thought still circles in his head: what did he miss about the mgas? and he finally finds his answer. he misses working toward the same dream together-- misses everyone banding together and helping one another despite it being a competition, and the bonds forged under unbearable stress and pressure, lasting relationships, and the experience. the growth. there's a song he wrote for that, not long after the mgas, not long after his mind and heart were dominated by sungwoon's sudden disappearance afterward.

the song: never lose your flames, about his feelings on the show, and his feelings about himself in general, and words he wanted to tell the contestants he shared his time with, among all of the doubt and the criticism. it only seems appropriate to bring out now, if he wants to stand out and show what he thinks he's good at. it's a step up from last year, and it reflects who he is better than anything else he could think of. he needs an acoustic arrangement, and thankfully, he started one back when empty enigma were still preparing for their album, while they were toying with the idea of a secret track-- something soft to contrast the rest of the album. in the end, it didn't make the cut, and daniel wasn't torn up about it; a better song did, and nlyf didn't quite seem to match as well with the rest. maybe it made more sense for daniel to sing it than sungwoon all along. cameo to sing it instead of squall, he means-- yes, of course.

so when woojin asks if he knows what he's performing on the very first day, daniel can honestly say he has something in his mind, and he doubts it'll change. he spends his time divided from the apartment with the guys and his own, finding comfort in working in the presence of his friends, even as they go about their practice individually, and finding solitude in the kind of work that can only really be accomplished alone. he retraces his lyrics, wondering if he should edit anything-- tweaks the arrangement to make sure it shows off his best sides, and will translate well to an audience instead of remaining a song on an album that would never be played live. the more work he puts into the performance, the more convinced he becomes that it's the right choice. not an easily misconstrued love song-- check. a teaser of what to expect on empty enigma's album? check. that's all he really needs.

he helps the others where they need it, playing the parts of his song he's worked through on his guitar in exchange for any help they may need, though naturally they don't need it, aside from kenta with a little korean pronunciation. maybe the others could use the help, and just don't want it from him. it's a disappointing thought, but one he keeps out of mind and doesn't allow it to trouble him too much. how much help could he really offer to kenta and woojin with their dancing, anyway? minhyun is fully capable of preparing himself, proving his slightly unexpected talent on their album and in all of their recent shows. sungwoon on the other hand-- well, daniel is a little afraid to find out what he'll be performing, so maybe it's best that he doesn't. regardless, the more time he spends with them, the more convinced he becomes that they'll all do well, and where he felt fear last year, he now feels excitement.

he trails minhyun and sungwoon into the venue, hovering behind them, like he can prevent some kind of tragedy should the keyboard fall and crush sungwoon beneath it's weight or something. he wrestles back and forth with whether he should offer his own hand to help, and even though minhyun at the least seems entirely capable, he still finds his hand supporting them from the back, and he releases as soon as they find their seat. it's somewhere in the middle of everything, equal parts close and far from the stage, and as he sits, he's satisfied.

it's minhyun, then him, then kenta, the sungwoon, and woojin follows, and this is probably for the best, as much as he desired to sit next to sungwoon. there's some inkling that he might need his space-- time to process, and as much as daniel feels the pull of his company, he wants to give him that, so long as he isn't wrong.

soon, the peace and comfort of the band's familiarity is disrupted, first by the group that sits behind them. he doesn't think much of the male that sits behind him, but the more of his friend group that trails in, the more unsettled he becomes. maybe it's just eunji. last time he saw her, she wasn't happy with him-- closer to livid, more accurately, because she realized he and cameo were in fact the same person. cameo, who flirted at empty enigma's comeback halloween show, too enthusiastically and overbearingly, and daniel, subdued regular of her mother's friendship, always soft-spoken and kind-- two distinctly different sides of the same coin. he doesn't blame her for her feelings, so he doesn't try to talk to her-- doesn't even try to look at her, and instead, faces forward, eyes fixed on the stage, determined not to drift to anywhere he may see her.

thankfully, minhyun's reliable presence beside him brings some comfort, as does kenta's talkative nature, and woojin's predictable safe distance from everything, whose company he still appreciates, and...sungwoon, whatever incomprehensible and powerful something that he is to him. soon they're joined by a stranger who seems immensely friendly-- hyunggu, he introduces himself, and daniel offers him a handshake and a smile, though slightly hesitant, despite his typical reservations of dealing with strangers and the discomfort of who exactly sits behind him.

equal parts thankfully and unfortunately, someone significantly more familiar slides into the seat directly behind him, and as he looks out of instinct, it's joohyun. he smiles upon seeing her on instinct, and she smiles back, and as bad as he should feel having both her and sungwoon in close proximity, in the moment he's just glad he doesn't have to worry about how she's doing by herself. here, he can see her, and proof that she's okay. her injury has been frightening, the termination of her trc contract distressing, and daniel tried to spend as much time with her as he could during her recovery, both so she wouldn't be alone and for his own peace of mind. he knew her tendency to push herself, and yet he...didn't stop her for signing up for the mgas despite likely not being fully recuperated. as much as he fretted over it, for the sake of her safety, he had to admit there was part of him relieved to have her, as horrible as he felt about it. here joohyun was, endangering herself, and here daniel-- someone supposed to take care of her --was, thankful that she was here, and that he didn't have to go through this show without her. somehow it gives him strength.

there's more though, two...vaguely familiar figures joining hyunggu in front of them, and it doesn't take long for daniel to realize who they are, despite not knowing their names, and their appearance is incredibly puzzling to him. he has mixed feelings: one, the guy that punched him in the face last year for no reason, and the other, a guy who got stood up for a date in the cafe daniel works at, then proceeded to dump his entire life story on poor daniel. both were incredibly surreal experiences, and he feels similar seeing them now. the life-story-sharer, who introduces himself as suwoong, swiftly apologizes to daniel for what he did to him upon recognition, and daniel simply smiles reassuringly. "it's alright. at least you got me out of making coffee," and honestly, daniel always appreciates that.

in between daniel talking to taeyang-- his gym buddy and guitar collaboration buddy, strangely both in one person --suwoong starts yelling over the row his bandmates are in to talk to eunji, and daniel grows rigid. life senses the opportune opportunity to shit on him, and yugyeom turns around then, with an attempt to...flirt with him? daniel wonders if he remembers what even happened last summer, and decides he must not, given how drunk he seemed that night. he tries to i'm-too-innocent-for-this and i'm-too-oblivious-for-this himself out of this dialogue, because he would like to be excluded from this narrative, especially right in front of the two people he's in love with, and-- wait, what?

it's all incredibly overwhelming, something like sensory overload, the front row too rambunctious and the back row too intimidating, emanating with some sinister energy that makes daniel certain he's being talked about unkindly. his eyes keep wandering to sungwoon, and he never catches him looking his way, and daniel frowns without intending, because he feels like just a look from him would give him some reassurance, though he writes it off as sungwoon feeling similarly to him. understandable. daniel understands all of it, even if he wishes they could be...he doesn't know what he wishes they could be. a little warmer, maybe-- a little closer, a little less like sungwoon feels so far away even when they're separated by mere feet.

joohyun leans forward then, and he feels it before he hears her somehow, her voice a whisper. "it's going to be mga8 by the time this is over," she says, and daniel laughs. "mga10," he corrects her. "you gonna be on that one too?" he almost feels bad, but he plays it off with a cheeky smile as he looks back at her, and she pushes him, so he laughs again, and he feels a little better. he can always count on her to show up at exactly the right time. their entire history is evidence.

suddenly, however, he's distinctly aware of sungwoon's presence, and the air feels heavier, and the ease slowly drains out of him, replaced with that ever well-known feeling of guilt, like a new friend he immediately hit it off with. no, the guilt isn't new. it's a new situation, but this feeling settled in him from somewhere close to the day he was born. he can't do anything without fear of hurting someone. he doesn't want to. he wants so desperately for everyone close to him to be happy; he never wants to be the reason for their pain, but he knows he is. maybe not to joohyun. he still doesn't know what she feels about him, even if she kissed him during the sn project finale. he wrote that off as a brief moment of impulsivity due to excitement, only for the sake of his own sanity. but there's sungwoon, and he knows better than to think he hasn't put him through the wringer-- knows he might still be doing it, even now. he knows that despite all of this, it was sungwoon he confessed to, not joohyun, and after some ruminating, he knows what that means, even if he's afraid to admit it.

finally, the real show begins, and shakes him out of his thoughts, and he's glad to focus on the entrance of the ceos. he's seen this all before, and it doesn't surprise him, but his eyes widen regardless, because he forgot how poised and respectable they look-- like they're shining, and even daniel, with his complete disinterest in idols, can't help but admire them. this ignites a burning desire to impress them, and he hopes at the very least, bringing them an original song will set him apart in their eyes. even more than that, he hopes they don't think his song is absolute garbage. that worry is unfortunately very real. everyone claps, and then the performances begin.

he watches with rapt attention at first, and if he wasn't distinctly aware of the strategically positioned cameras and microphones to catch every reaction of the audience (he was), he is now. he wonders how many of his conversations from earlier will air, and whether they'll paint him as a hero, villain, or some background character this time. the performances are good overall; mnet knew what they were doing when they narrowed down to this number, and then there are some that...are not. maybe they were kept for their personality (daniel can relate) or for humiliation on national television for the country's amusement. then again, maybe some of this audience will rank him among the performances that aren't good. all he can hope is that it's less of them than last year. he thinks it will be.

the longer time goes on, the more he's overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the row in front of them, so he turns his attention to kenta, bundle of energy he is, and he chats with him during breaks as distraction, and then in a low voice during performances, still giving those on stage the proper respect, of course. his eyes keep falling to sungwoon regardless, and he wonders if he's okay. he seems uncharacteristically quiet, but maybe that's just on account of daniel hogging kenta, though unfortunately, he's smart enough to not be fooled by is own excuses. half of him wants to ask him, and he leans forward in his seat to get a better look at his face, and maybe he's about to-- but something holds him back. he just wants to fix this, but knows better than to try now.  are you okay? i love you, you know. i want you to be okay more than anything.

somehow, it's not in regards to his performance that he's at all shaken, and when so jisub calls his name for his performance, he stands with a smile. if he didn't have this subtle, indwelling confidence that surrounded him ever since he settled on this song, it would be kenta's squeeze of his hand, the pat on his back by minhyun, sungwoon's uttered good luck that puts any of his doubts in stage, and he slings his guitar over is shoulder.

everything is a little more intimidating on stage, and he makes the mistake of letting his eye rake across the audience, taking them in. this is the amount of people that will hear his own, personal, pain-stakingly written song. his gaze snaps back to the judges, and another smile blooms on his face when he meets so jisub's eyes. he wonders if so jisub is glad to see him again, after calling him a great contestant last year, even if it was paired with comments about the weakness of is voice. maybe the ceo held some small sliver of faith in him. he doesn't want to disappoint him.

"hi, i'm kang daniel," he greets, smile appearing once again. "you may remember me. if not, hopefully you will from now on," and he leans away from the mic, making final tuning adjustments on his guitar, and he realizes something-- adds: "for good reasons, i hope," and he laughs lightly. "i'll be singing an original song for you today. i hope you like it."

riddle me this, i gotta figure it out are they laughing at me because i'm prone to fear and doubt? am i messed up, am i loud? well, eat my dust, that's all i am a speck out in the crowd

usually daniel is crushed by insecurity. that was him, on this show last season-- in these shoes a year ago, shaking and uncertain. maybe it was his personal life in the past year that he could credit with his growth and new confidence, or perhaps it was this show itself, showing him he could stand on stage in front of a large audience-- as himself, not cameo --that did it. perhaps it was the aftermath, and the threat of his band falling apart that revealed how important music really was to him, and how important the people he made it with were. they're all here too, and he thinks that's why he can stand on stage like he belongs here. his eyes drift to all of them where they're sitting, and his lips curl up in a smile as he sings, before he faces forward again.  

i'm trying to clean up the mess i made but the towel i used to soak up my worry it just went up in flames you see i got a conscience like gasoline i could siphon shit it out, get up and leave but, i fuel the fire with everything they said it's stuck in my mind you're better off dead

he originally wrote this part with criticism from the mgas in mind, but it grew into a different animal-- all of the criticism in his life that built and built until it stitched itself into the fabric of his existence, self-replicating without anyone else's help. he edited the words here in his mga version, necessarily, replacing the previously explicit version with something more family friendly, and it's amazing how comfortable he feels here, behind his guitar, singing his own words. originally, this verse built into the chorus, but for this two minute arrangement, it goes on, building up even more.

feeling like i’m nothing’s something that i’m getting used to trying to devise a plan that’s positively fool proof nobody can see me past these walls that i’ve been building now it’s starting to cave in, but i won’t give up

daniel's fool-proof plan was always cameo, and the escape that he was (is?), and everything he spun to cover him up. he was a mask, and before the mgas, kang daniel never knew music or the stage by himself. the illusion began to shatter, the worlds started to collide, he started to panic, and yet he pressed on on account of some newfound love and purpose he never possessed before. now, he carries cameo with him, but stands on stage as kang daniel, and it's like this that he's the best version of himself. next, the chorus hits, the guitar something close to exploding, and this is the message he wants all of his friends-- everyone in this room-- to know, so he smiles.

if you got the keys, then start the car and drive as far as you can if you got the blood, then you got the heart to give yourself a chance seems like we've been so scarred some people call it art i hope you make peace with your pain and never lose your flames

there are probably countless people in this room that think they don't deserve to be there, just like daniel did last year. even more than that will be beat down and shredded by the pressure and absolute necessity to push forward and remain strong. he wants them to keep going, to give themselves a chance no matter what anyone says-- to take this opportunity in front of them with all of its pain and all of its joy, and make the most of it. don't let it crush you, don't let it take anything from you. we can do this.

the chorus gives way to what is actually his favorite part of the song: a brief break for nothing but his acoustic guitar, something he composed himself without anyone else's help. he steps away from the microphone briefly, to look down at the frets as he strums, and he smiles, genuinely content. he likes singing, but his heart will always be with some kind of guitar more than anything else. nine seconds, and he returns to the microphone.

feeling like i’m nothing’s something that i’m getting used to wanting to fit in, i always wanted to be perfect to you i gotta get up out this bed, if you can see inside my head you understand i got to give up

the words are personal, but also applicable to many, he thinks, so it's both a message to others and himself, with his mother, her oppression, and how much it impacted his entire life in mind. after two months on his own, he's breaking free of it, but sometimes it feels like that isn't the case. at least he doesn't want to give up as badly as he used to-- as much as he wanted to under her rule, even at the time he wrote this song. he used to float by without direction other than what she told him, and now he's so much different. he's grateful. he heads into the pre-chorus, through it, skipping past what was originally a keyboard part written for sungwoon, and then starts the final chorus, taking these final moments to bask in the glow of the stage, unable to fight back the smile on his face.

if you got the keys, then start the car and drive as far as you can if you got the blood, then you got the heart to give yourself a chance seems like we've been so scarred some people call it art i hope you make peace with your pain and never lose your flames

and then it ends, but his grin doesn't, eyes disappearing into crescents, all genuine satisfaction and enjoyment. he keeps a tight grip on his guitar and bows, and is about to head off the stage before he makes a split second decision to lean toward the mic again to chirp a quick, "thank you!" and then he scurries down the steps and back to his seat.

he grins at his friends as they greet him upon his return, and pointedly ignores the fact that sungwoon doesn't. minhyun and kenta perform soon after him, and suddenly the show is a lot more interesting-- not that it wasn't before, of course, it was just, you know..blurry. long. excruciating in an enjoyable way, somehow. he pats minhyun's knee encouragingly when it's his turn, squeezes kenta's shoulder before he leaves to get on stage, and quietly cheers "go kenta, go!" with the most faith in him in the world. he has faith in minhyun too, of course, but anyone that doesn't is just..wrong.

they prove is believing in them isn't misplaced, with minhyun's voice even more striking without the company of heavy drumbeats and crazed guitar riffs backing it. he can dance too, which daniel didn't know, but that isn't a surprise because he didn't know anyone in this band could dance despite half of them listing it as their best skill on their forms. he gives kenta his full attention at first, amazed to see him dance for the first time-- thankful that he gets to be here to see him stand on stage like this, but he soon becomes distinctly aware that nothing separates him and sungwoon now. the desire to reach out to him is like an itch-- to grab his hand, maybe, or to push him into woojin just to mess with them both, or to slide over just so he can be closer to him, like that'll help him get inside his head, but maybe inside his head isn't where he wants to be. maybe he just wants to be with him.

the others return, and so daniel returns to watching the performances, and surprisingly, they pass more quickly now, but he still turns around in his chair to look at joohyun with concern. he knows it can't feel good on an injury to be stuck in these chairs for so long, so he mouths "are you okay?" to her, not wanting it to be caught on one of these dangling microphones should it put her at a disadvantage. she nods to him, and he nods back hesitantly, but it doesn't stop him from checking on her periodically for the rest of the night.

soon, it's sungwoon's turn. hyunbin calls his name and daniel just looks up at him as he rises, dazed, eyes following him as he leaves and makes his way to the stage. he always knew sungwoon belonged on stage, and the spotlight on him reminds daniel of it now, and he can't help but smile. he feels the same as he did last year when sungwoon took to the stage-- so glad he has the chance to show everyone his talent, and that so many others can hear him like he has.

daniel knows the song as soon as it begins, and he's glad sungwoon found it, because the piano intro is meant for him. he doesn't make the connection between the lyrics and their relevancy until sungwoon starts to sing, and his heart immediately turns to some kind of mush that oozes down to his feet. he feels positively sick, but not in a bad way, in a way he could feel for the rest of his life, and he's so overcome by emotion, absolutely overwhelmed and overtaken by it and everything sungwoon is. daniel knows english almost as well as he knows korean, and he knows this song, and he knows what all of this means, and when sungwoon looks him in the eyes-- he wonders if it's the first time he has today --daniel knows what that means, too. he doesn't break eye contact with him, and he feels his gaze in his bones. i need you too, and he thinks he needs sungwoon more than anyone. he needs him more than anyone does; he needs sungwoon more than he needs anyone.

he's swept away in all of it, like it's a tide rolling in, slow in its rising and powerful in its impact. even among it all, he almost wants to sing along. it's just the sungwoon effect. the bridge is softer, but he still feels his heart quiver in his chest, and it all reminds him of what he said the other day: i know i really like you, and that it feels…limitless, like it could be anything, and he feels that infinity, burning straight through him. he could listen to sungwoon sing forever, but in that moment all he wants is for sungwoon to come back. soon it ends, and he does, and he barely gives him a chance to sit down before he's reaching for his hand.

and when sungwoon's fingers curl around his, he's so glad. sungwoon looks at him, and he can't help but smile, even if he meant this as a gesture more serious and sincere. he wants it to mean everything he can say, not only because of the cameras, but because he knows it could never creep its way up from his heart and out of his mouth, at least not yet. it's i understand and thank you, and there's no room for doubting whether this song was about him. he knows it. he still feels it somewhere underneath his skin. it's i love you, i love you, i love you, and when sungwoon squeezes his hand, daniel squeezes back.

there isn't much time to celebrate, however, as katie lee soon reveals. duos. first comes confidence; he trusts in his ability to collaborate. if he did it last year in groups, surely he's better at it now, and working with only one other person will lend itself better to the exchange of ideas. however, his stomach plummets again at the revelation that they will be judged and eliminated by duo, and it only gets worse when his partner is revealed. he'll be weighing down jeon heejin, winner of the vocal category. she's far too good for him, and surely, that much is abundantly clear.

the recording ends, everyone getting up to be on their way, and when everyone stands, daniel's eyes bob around the dispersing crowd and finally land on heejin. he's so overwhelmed by fear-- so immensely intimidated, but still forces himself forward to meet her, and bows to her. "hello heejin-ssi," he greets her, certain it's awkward and stiff. "i'm sorry you're paired with me. i know i'm lacking, but i'll do my best so you aren't weighed down by me too harshly," and he bows again.

that intimidation doesn't go away, especially on their first day of meeting together to discuss songs. he is haunted by a sense of inferiority, and one he's certain is totally justified. heejin is just better than him in every way: more talented, more poised, more certain, more ambitious, more purposeful. he barely knows her, but it's just the feeling he gets, like she is so certain she belongs here and has what it takes to win, and daniel is only familiar with that feeling...once in a blue moon-- certainly not now. he feels like he has no right to contribute anything here, and is perfectly content to let heejin take the reigns and simply try to fill in and pull his own weight. it's only right.

"do you...have any ideas?" he asks, hesitantly, quietly, after some time spent in daniel's living room, heejin on his couch and him on the floor, perhaps a physical symbol of the difference in standing he sees between them. they're both on their phones, searching for songs, and he looks up at her, barely able to meet her gaze, and as silly as it is, he's apparently utterly terrified of his duo partner. it's not just that; it mainly stems from his mortification at the prospect-- no, inevitability-- that he will weigh her down, even to the point of eliminating her with all of her talent and all of her potential. without his negative influence, she could win. he doesn't want to stop her. for now, it paralyzes him, and all he can hope is that the further this week progresses, the more that fact will drive him.

heejin shares her thoughts with him, and he nods along. "any of that sounds good," he says, resigned to do whatever heejin chooses. "whatever you want to do the most," and he's so willing. he doesn't even want to share his opinions, he's so certain heejin knows better than he ever could. yet heejin says what about you? and daniel pauses. he could just say nothing yet, but he doesn't want to be that partner that makes heejin do all of the work, even for as little as he's against it.

truthfully, he does have an idea. there was a song he covered last year by a group composed of both guys and girls, and his mind drifts to it now that they could benefit from something like it. he doesn't know any of their songs other than hola hola, though, and can't remember the group's name anymore. "maybe," he admits after his silence. "but i'm not quite sure yet. let me check something...but you can keep looking! i don't know if it's even a good idea," and he searches hola hola kpop and finds it, and finds the group too. "something by kard?" he voices, but always with trepidation. "i did a kard song last year with the team i was leader for," and he almost adds and we won, but he doesn't want to brag in front of someone who has more of a right to. to his utter shock, heejin responds positively, and apparently she knows and likes the group. "we can do whatever song you like most," he adds, quickly, already embarrassed for suggesting something at all.

he looks through more of their songs, ultimately ambivalent, and heejin brings up don't recall, so he listens, and he likes it too, at least as much as he can like an idol song. "can you play any instruments?" he asks, suddenly, and maybe he'll regret it later, but now, an idea churns in his head, and it's something he might be confident in. he quickly adds an addendum: "i don't remember if you already played instruments on the show so far, sorry," and the last thing he wants is for heejin to think she's forgettable. but heejin says guitar, and daniel grins: "me too! i play bass in my band, though." then he moves up to the couch, fear suddenly outweighed by his growing excitement.

then, he explains his thoughts: all of the the instruments he can replace all of the song's synths and synthetic basslines with, each part, explains that he wants to avoid dancing, that they can make a band version with just the two of them, if heejin is willing to play guitar and she says it's different, and that she likes it, and that she's willing to do it. "then let's get to it," heejin adds. "last time i did this my team won. let's do it," daniel says with a grin, sure enough of himself with an idea he actually has faith in.

maybe he has more to offer than he thought.

he warms up to heejin more and more as their week goes on-- feels like he rises to her level more and more too, though what they bring to the table is entirely different. he likes it better that way; they compliment each other like this, and if he dares, he thinks their performance will be a strong one-- that they might even be able to win, combining both the things that helped daniel pull out a win last time.

they stand in a recording studio now, heejin tagging along despite daniel recording all of the parts for their instrumental himself. (it might be boring for you but if you want, you can come? we can record the guitar parts too if you want, but they'd be cooler if we do them fully live and  we have to do what will make our performance the best. let me come. we can get in more practice this way, too.)

maybe recording the keyboard and drums is hubris on daniel's part, but he's determined to give them the fullest sound they can, and if he wants to claim instruments as his best skill, he better know his way around these, too. he'd rather real drums, but he's resigned to a drum machine this time, and he's picked enough of the keyboard up from sungwoon that he believes he can play the melody for it he has in mind. it's nothing too complicated, and if he can't trust in his skills here, he can't trust in them anywhere.

he shows heejin the basics of the recording equipment so she can work it for him when he's in the booth. ("i guess it's not so boring after all. i'm putting you to work," he laughs, and heejin does too, but she seems like the type to always want to be working on something, so he's more glad than anything.)

he plays through the keyboard parts experimentally in the booth first, making sure they match what's in his head (and the notes he scrawled out on a piece of paper when he first thought of it to make sure he didn't forget), and then he gives heejin a thumbs up-- the signal for them to start.

they practice after that, with their instrumental and without it, rehearsal after rehearsal. (do you have an electric guitar? and no, just acoustic and you can use mine.)

under different circumstances-- a daniel of six months ago -- might develop a crush on heejin by the end of the week, but he's matured since the start of this year. in reality, by the end of the week, all he has is an immense amount of respect for her, and the unbreakable desire not to let her down.

they walk into the venue together, and his eyes rake over the smaller amount of chairs, always diminishing, always unsettling. he feels almost naked beside heejin instead of the empty enigma members, and when they sit down in their assigned seats, he searches for them on instinct. he sees minhyun and sungwoon in his row, not so far from him, but far enough that he feels their absence-- too far to talk to in between performances like he usually would. he still leans forward in his chair, looking over at them, and he waves until he gets their attention, only to wave more with a big smile on his face. it's all he really wants to do-- all he can do from his position, but he hopes they know he's supporting them, just like he knows they are for him. he stares across the stage, and he can't even see kenta and woojin. his eyebrows knit together in concern, but he knows they're out there, and he looks forward to when he'll see them all on stage even more.

he doesn't know what any of them are performing this week; he's spent an uncharacteristically small amount of time with his bandmates for this round, most of his time divided between heejin and playing his bass part and running his lines over and over again in his own apartment, and decompressing, and trying to balance work and school on top of it all, even with the classes here and there he's starting to skip and the fewer shifts he's picking up. he could keep up with it all when it was just him, but with someone else's fate in his hands, his desperation grew, as did his drive to practice-- and sacrifice for it.

sitting beside heejin now, her company is appreciated, and not something he fears anymore. now, they're comfortable with each other, and maybe at least something approaching friends. sitting beside her, he doesn't quite feel like he belongs there, but that he's not so out of place-- maybe not the partner she deserves, but a worthy one, regardless. over the past week, he contributed as much as he could-- far more than he thought heejin would allow, and he's grateful or that. he's given it everything he has, and now it's just time to translate that to the stage.

despite unfamiliar circumstances, daniel feels a strange lack of nerves, perhaps the most comfortable and settled in of any rounds so far, and it's probably due to the amp and bass propped up against his chair, one hand steadying his guitar. there are only 20 performances this time around, so daniel has no trouble paying attention, and finds the duos more engaging than watching everyone perform on their own-- fascinated by two totally different performers finding a way to merge their talents in a week's time. he and heejin sit in a comfortable silence, only minimally awkward; daniel wasn't usually the one in empty enigma to initiate conversation during the filming of the show, always more in his element listening and observing than talking, though the difference between the two wasn't so substantial with friends. here, with heejin, she isn't so familiar. still, he looks over at her frequently, wordlessly checking on her, offering a close-lipped smile every time they make eye contact-- silent reassurance, though heejin probably doesn't need it. she's at home on stage, maybe more than anyone else in this room. she just belongs there.

there's part of him that wants to reach out for her hand and hold it, like this is some habit and tradition of his mga5 experience-- like he doesn't feel completely rooted and prepared without such, but he doesn't think they're close enough for that, so he resists. instead, his fingers drum against his knee, not exactly out of unease, but a certain restlessness and eagerness to take to the stage, something running through his blood similar to the way it does before he takes the stage as cameo-- that same excitement, that energy, that undeniable pull to the stage and buzzing in his nerve endings.

the judges call their name, and daniel looks over at heejin with a blooming grin. "let's do this," he says, and he slings his bass over his shoulder, and it brings that familiar feeling of comfort-- affinity, like he's only one step short of being at home on this stage, too.

they stand on stage, both with two different electric guitars, and daniel bows to the audience, then to the judges. heejin introduces herself first, and daniel follows soon after her: "kang daniel," and it falls to him to introduce their performance, too. "we'll be performing don't recall by kard, but a little differently."

they circle back to the center of the stage, set up their instruments, and then they're ready to play. daniel adjusts his microphone, then he nods, a signal to start their instrumental. his hands fall back to his bass, like they're meant to be there. begin.

heejin starts the performance off as they should: with the sheer power of her voice. daniel is there too from the beginning, in the background-- the bassline, and there's nowhere else he'd rather be.

heejin finishes off the first verse, and then it's his turn, opening up the prechorus, singing.

don’t look at me like that don’t push me away no more i gave you all my love love all of my love love never want to let you go

truthfully, the lyrics were far from the reason he wanted to go with this song-- a complete non-factor, actually, but for this performance, he thinks the feeling is more important than the meaning anyway. it needs to come across as cool and powerful, and a little bit groovy, with the emotional expression taking a backseat to the attitude.

he only gets a beat to breathe, their pre-chorus cut in half for the purpose of their performance, not a pre-chorus for them so much as an interlude. instead of the chorus, it leads into his one and only rap verse. he glances sideways at heejin beside him, then steps a little closer to his mic, gaze shifting to challenge the lens of the camera.

loneliness lingers on my skin gives me shudders, blame it on our neglect guilt follows me like a shadow decal uh comania, my price to pay for all the stupidity in my past tangled like a ball of thread, pointless living in the faded memory, miserable i hope that i hope you hear my monologue it’s not showmanship, it’s true

he doesn't worry too much about coming across as particularly emotionally tortured, more like coming across a little smooth and dark, but he doesn't even really worry about it; in reality, he trusts in his ability to do so much. sometimes, when he steps on stage-- if he lets it happen-- it's like a switch flips. the bass is a direct line to cameo-- makes him easier to awaken and channel when daniel is so in his element, so all of those learned skills come through: the flirtation, the boldness, the bravado, and he puts it through a filter for this performance. this is another side of himself too, and one he's glad to split between rapping and singing, indicative of his intention to carry every skill he picks up here with him, and to add them to his pool to draw upon later.

regardless, the rap isn't so hard for him to relate to. he knows guilt, and mistakes so etched into his heart it's like a decal. he thinks of all the people he's hurt despite his good intentions, whether he needs to or not-- of the mistakes he's made with them, of yujin, of ricky, of eunji, and all the others he feels nothing but a step away from hurting too. maybe having cameo as a disguise discounts any words coming from daniel now, but he still wants them heard-- still means them, especially his apologies-- and he wants everyone to hear this song, too.

then it's his turn to sing again, that same pat of the pre-chorus, now supported by heejin's spotless harmonies, and he looks to her as he sings.

don’t look at me like that don’t push me away no more i gave you all my love love all of my love love never want to let you go

it ends off on a rap, and it finally guides them to the chorus this time, voices melding into harmonies once again.

don’t recall when we were good together haunts me like a ghost like there will be no tomorrow heart pounding moments no no no no no don’t mean a thing anymore stop, i don’t recall

his fingers flit over the frets of his bass as he sings, an unusually complicated bass part to supplement an already dynamic chorus-- just as he intended with his arrangement, though it will likely be drowned out by their voices. in the end, he intends for that, too, even as the bass takes a bit of a front seat compared to heejin's guitar for now. it's a fair tradeoff, because heejin's voice drives this chorus, and the performance as a whole. daniel is and always has been just along for the ride with her, doing everything he can to make her sound as good as she deserves.

next comes the bridge, and a series of adlibs, and now, heejin's guitar is in charge.

don’t mean a thing anymore stop, i don’t recall

it's something of the song's peak-- a pinnacle, and the most difficult vocal work daniel does all song. he meets heejin's gaze for it, temporarily turning away from their audience to find assurance in her eyes. it's the part he practiced most on his own and with her, running over it time and time again to ensure their seamless harmony, asking for heejin's advice every time he fell flat, and it all comes to a head in this moment, where for a moment, he has dreams of meeting her-- of rising to the challenge of matching her, and he's there, and he does, and heejin's impeccable voice makes up for where his lacks as they layer over each other.

more adlibs, and they repeat the song again, but this time, daniel can relax into it knowing the most difficult part of it is over. he leans in, and reminds himself to enjoy this-- that he may not get to stand on stage like this again at all, let alone with his bass, and relishes in how lucky he is, and how grateful he is that heejin gave him the opportunity to perform with her this way.

he sings his final solo parts of the song, and even then, it's not really solo, because as he does, heejin, for lack of a better term, absolutely goes off.

you don’t mean it i know know know know know know say you don’t mean those words baby i can’t let you go can’t let you go no no no

it's a suitable end to the song, and they finish with that familiar, final hook.

don’t mean a thing anymore stop, i don’t recall

his hand rests on the neck of his bass, even as he bows and makes his way off stage with heejin, their amps in tow, a brief struggle to get back down the stairs and to their seats, but when they do sit down, it's with the feeling that he's really shown everything he can.

"how do you feel after filming for this episode?"

well it's not really over, is it, considering he's still in this interview? that's not the point though; he knows. "tired," he admits, and he laughs. "i think my performance wore me out. it was way more adrenaline than i expected, and more...active? i didn't think i would be running all over the stage like that, and i've done similar for longer at empty enigma shows, but something about all of it together, and the preparation leading up to it, and watching everyone's performances was a lot. i know this is only the start though, so if i make it further, i'll have to do better."

"how do you think your performance went?"

"i had fun," he says first with a grin, and he wants to say that's what's most important, but in this competition, he knows better. it's important, nonetheless. beyond that...? "i know i'm lacking when it comes to rap. i'm lacking in a lot of things, and i knew i had to make up for that by doing something that showed off what i think i'm best at, and that's writing lyrics. i think i showed off a unique performance, and some people will like that, and some people won't..." his voice trails off. that's not even touching on the fact that his lyrics will probably be controversial. "i tried to have fun with it, even though i don't believe a lot of what i rapped. i felt like if i was going to rap, i needed to do it with confidence, otherwise i was better off not doing it at all. i think my breathing could've been better, and that my tone and...dynamics could be better? but i think i could've done worse, and i hope it was an engaging performance, at least. if it made people feel something, i think i did what i came here to do." a pause, and a troubled expression. "i just hope i didn't upset anyone too much?" but he ends up smiling. "i guess i have to deal wit the consequences if i want to write a rap like that, huh?"

"why did you choose rapping over singing?"

ah yes, that question. he should've seen it coming, and really, he did. maybe they overheard is comment to sungwoon when he was questioned the same last week. "i didn't think i could compete wit the singers," he says simply. "it's not that i thought i could really compete with the rappers either, but i thought with less of them, i might have a better chance. at the very least, i could show off a skill i haven't brought to the stage yet on the mgas, which was appealing. i got eliminated last year during the round where all we had to do was show our best skills, because it was clear how weak my singing was compared to the others. i've improved, but i know that could still happen again, and i...don't want it to. if i'm going to get eliminated this round, i want it to be differently, and to know i showed everything i could before i left." it's always a common theme: showing everything he can, because nothing is guaranteed.

"any thoughts on the performances?"

"the empty enigma members did well," he begins with a grin, and although he means it, he's pretty sure that's not why they're asking, and not what they want to hear. "i'll talk about someone else, i promise," he assures. "i liked yena's performance," he says. "i don't think she's the strongest singer, but she was still compelling regardless, and when i watched her, i thought 'i hope i can do that too.' it was inspiring in a way. "hyunggu's mashup performance was...interesting," and he laughs. "i'm not entirely sure how to feel about it, but i think he did a good job. he showed his versatility too, so i respect him for that." on the other hand, there were the more unfortunate performances, or one he can think of in particular. "i think joohyun's was the most painful to watch, if only because i know she's capable of better than that. i wanted her to show off her skills."

"you were grimacing watching joohyun before she even stumbled. why is that?"

this catches him off guard. he falls silent for a moment, and deliberates over how to answer. he could say something about not liking the performance, but he probably already ruined that opportunity for himself, even if he wanted to go down that route. his real options were to say something about how hard the routine looked, and claim to be worried for her-- not a lie, really --or to admit the truth, and leak something he wasn't sure joohyun wanted to risk being aired for all of south korea to see. in the end, he knows joohyun wouldn't want him to lie for him, and also knows this might not be aired. aside from that, tiger jk knows about her injury, which means the other judges likely do as well. "joohyun is injured, actually," he admits, voice quiet, eyes downcast, not settled on the camera. he still isn't sure if it's the right decision. "so i was worried for her while i was watching. i wanted her to make it through safely so badly, and i'm glad worse didn't happen but it's still...a shame."

"how are you feeling about the upcoming results?"

he holds his breath as the top three are called, hoping (regrettably not praying; he should've) to hear the name of someone in empty enigma-- for one of them to finally be acknowledged for their efforts, but there's nothing. instead, he's surprised to hear that everyone called as part of the top three are performances he was silently critical of, and this comes with the sinking reminder that he really doesn't know anything at all. he is still an outlier in this industry, still so clueless and unadjusted, so misguided and...delusional. maybe he let one performance he was proud of get to his head, and suddenly, all of his confidence is gone.

he looks over at heejin, and he wants to say something comforting, but he can't find his voice, so he looks away again, staring at some point between his feet and the stage. he just doesn't want to send heejin home, and he doesn't want to see sungwoon go home either. he can make peace with everything else. he thinks he can. the first duo eliminated is no real blow to him, nor no real surprise to him either. he's sad to see jinyoung go, but jeonghan on the other hand...comes as a relief. he won't have to see him and his eyes boring into him any longer. he can accept the second as well, even though he wanted success for jackson, both of them returning from the first season of the mgas. (part of his feelings with moonbok resurface. who is he, to earn a position while they don't? he feels less of it thanks to heejin-- knows she deserves to stay, even if he doesn't.)

the third elimination is the kicker. his heart sinks, even though he felt this coming on. aside from the gutting that minhyun's elimination is, he's also confused. minhyun and yuqi's performance was probably daniel's favorite, and yet...? his earlier crisis is amplified; he's forced to reassess everything he thought he knew in this competition, and forced to confront the reality that empty enigma will not be getting signed together, and boy, daniel has always hated confrontation.

yet katie lee sparks that hope back up in him, only for daniel to snuff it out as soon as it appears, only so he isn't disappointed a second time. it's not for lack of faith in minhyun's ability to return to them, but for the need to prepare for the worst, and accept the current result. there are many people in this competition better than daniel, and some of them even better than his friends, if daniel is objective, and if today has proven anything, it's that his eye for talent is practically nonexistent. the judges' agenda vastly differs from his own, and he'd do well to only expect as much going forward.

he still stands when it's all over, and bows to heejin. aside from the difficult elimination results, it'll be difficult to part from her as well-- strange to fill his time practicing with someone else after the routines they've established. "i'm sure you'll do well next round. i already know you'll be top three. i'll be cheering for you."

then, he finds himself at minhyun's side, easily. he pulls him into a hug once everyone else is finished fussing over him, and stays there for a moment. "you did well," he mutters. "thank you for coming with me." he doesn't think he could've done this without all of empty enigma behind him-- all of them with him, and he knows he wouldn't want to even if he could. it took him a while to get used to minhyun on stage, and it took watching him here to realize he belongs there. he hopes minhyun realizes that now, too. if this is the end, daniel will miss seeing him there week by week, but he hopes there's more for them-- that this is a see you back on stage again soon.

he pulls away from the hug, hands still gripping minhyun's arms, and he grins at him. "do your best."

hyojin finds him soon after, and when the dust from the rest of it clears, he's really happy to be paired with him. hyojin is someone he already knows, albeit not very well; he has the unique experience of knowing how he is on stage too-- a rarity for daniel, aside from his bandmates and anyone he shared a stage with on the mgas. he isn't one to perform with others often, always one to keep to himself, though there have been a few times with close friends. even then, it's not really...out in public, like their spontaneous street performance of fear was. he still doesn't know what possessed him to offer to rap back then, other than to get more practice, but now, he thinks it might've just been fate, or at risk of sounding like a biblethumper, divine intervention. the holy spirit, or something. either way, he's positively sure crossing paths with hyojin again here is meant to be, and he intends to make the most of it.

he takes hyojin's extended hand and shakes it, firmly at first, and then a few times after, just to properly convey his excitement, grin wide. "we do! i had a feeling we would," and his smile becomes more mischievous. "let's do well!"

working with hyojin has none of the intimidation working with heejin did, and none of the safety net, either. with it is a desperation to do better. it's not that hyojin isn't talented, it's just that the judges haven't acknowledged either of them yet, and it leads daniel to believe they're fighting for mere survival more than a spot in the top three. it doesn't sit well with him, resigning to that much, but he doesn't want to set his expectations too high, especially with minhyun's elimination and his confidence in his knowledge here taking a hit.

with hyojin, he feels less fear in giving out suggestions, though he thinks both of them are similar, and it leaves some awkward moments that daniel finds something close to comical. he's sure they'll get used to each other in time; he likes hyojin, and he's excited to work with him.

but none of daniel's suggestions quite feel right. they either focus too much on himself or on hyojin, and there are too many options, like he's dug himself into a hole by refusing to pick between singing and rap. he's immensely indecisive, but he tries to paint it as a strength to hyojin even though it's likely very clear he's metaphorically pulling his hair out. hyojin still kindly offers his input, gently, and daniel grows to appreciate his insight and company even more. if there's one thing that's certain, it's their strength in instruments, and daniel finds comfort in this shared boon. it seems only fitting to make use of it. they play chords together, as if that'll bring some idea to mind, but even if it doesn't, daniel finds it reassuring-- good bonding, building of much needed team synergy going forward.

but really, when he's honest, there is something he's wanted to do from the start, he just hasn't mentioned it because he doesn't know how to get it done in actuality during this timeframe. still, it's where his heart and thoughts always end up, so he expresses it, knowing hyojin will gently turn it down if he thinks it's too difficult or unrealistic. "what about a mashup?" he says, and hyojin likes it, and daniel's expression brightens. "really?" and hyojin agrees, and daniel doesn't know what he did to earn two partners saying yes to his ideas in a row. he only hopes they'll pay off like they did last year.

this mutual agreement doesn't mean it's easy, because now is the matter of which songs to use, and daniel asks hyojin if he can speak english. daniel hasn't sung in english yet this season aside from his very first audition, and it seems like a side of himself he needs to show. hyojin, however, does not know english, and seems set on a kpop song, so...a dilemma, but one daniel solves without too much trouble. they're doing a mashup, right? so why not both?

they hit the ground running after that, and choose to split themselves, daniel searching for popular english songs that he'd like to include, and hyojin doing the same for kpop. when they come back together again, they settle on a key to transpose them all into, and throw out the ones that won't fit. they'll alternate between kpop and english, they decide, like it's a battle to see which one will turn out superior in the end, but they'll swap sides at the very end, evidence that all music should be enjoyed, regardless of language.

that's the concept, anyway. daniel doesn't know if it will translate well to the stage, but he hopes so, and as he and hyojin work on the instrumental to layer the chosen songs over, and settle the order, he's excited to bring it there.

the week's episode airs, and all of daniel's excitement and confidence wavers once again. youngjae's comment breaks him down-- makes him think about his own incompetence and his motives and everything he put off thinking about. of course it would come up. it makes sense, but somehow he hoped he could slip by without ever having to deal with it. a repeat. is this performance a repeat too? they plan to use their instruments, so maybe so. the mashup is different, though, and he hopes it's interesting enough to make anyone sharing youngjae's sentiments second-guess them.

so he does the only thing he can: pushes onward, and decides if he's going to go out for being repetitive, or a one trick pony, or there for the wrong reasons, it'll be doing what he wants to do. he's honest with hyojin about his troubles regardless, in case hyojin has his own doubts, though he's sure to skate around the details about why empty enigma are there. it's just that repeating becomes a theme-- repeating performances, repeating all of the negative comments in his head, repeating practice over and over. hyojin wants to do this just as much as daniel does, though however, so daniel vows to do his best. he's spent his entire life making his choices based on what others want for him, and their opinions, and this time...he doesn't want to care. this time, he'll show his true self, and give it everything he has, as he's done this entire season.

among it all, hyojin wants them to come up with a team name, and historically, daniel has been bad with this. both his first collaboration this season and last season didn't have a team name at all. still, he throws out some lackluster suggestions, hoping to god that hyojin will take this responsibility from him, and eventually, he does. "i don't know what boys over flowers is," he admits with a laugh, though maybe he heard his little sister talking about it. still, when he suggests f2, he likes it. "f2 is a chord!" and he grins. "it has two different meanings. i like that." they come up with an intro then, and daniel humorously cringes at hyojin's suggestion for it, but lets him have it. it's not so bad. "what if we play the f2 chord during it?" daniel adds, determined for both meanings to come across, and hyojin agrees. daniel perks up. not so bad at all.

he finds himself back in a familiar recording booth, and as before, he's willing to teach hyojin anything he wants to know about recording that he doesn't know already. by now, conversation flows easily, and he feels as confident in their budding friendship as he does their performance (which admittedly, still has it's lacking moments; that applies to both.) daniel records a little a little background bass, and gets the drum machine set for its appropriate parts, and hyojin records the driving snap beat for the earl parts. they decide to record a version of the full instrumental too, just in case. daniel makes sure hyojin's settings are the best they can be on all of the equipment when it's time for him to play the keyboard, and then records the acoustic guitar himself. all that's left is the finishing touches-- turning up the levels that are too quiet, and turning down the ones that dominate the track, and any final tiny instrument parts, and then all that's left to do is practice-- and then kill it, of course.

it's a familiar routine by now, and as such, the decreasing number of chairs doesn't shake daniel as much as it did before. it's still noticeable, however, and still a reminder that he's survived above so many others; he's both honored and confused. he knows he hasn't earned his place yet, but he hopes after today, he'll be one step closer.

he's equal parts terrified and in awe that minho is so close to him, and he stares longer than he should. he's sure to bow to him, multiple times, as he feels is appropriate, before they sit down. daniel is delighted to find sungwoon not so far away from him either, and in a verging on foolish act of bravery only sungwoon could inspire, leans forward and waves to him when he catches his gaze, even with eunji in between them, still unsure of where they stand. he always wishes sungwoon was closer, but if waving at him before performances begin must become a tradition, so be it. hyunggu takes a seat next to him too, and he's an extremely familiar face by now, so much so that daniel finds it easy to give him a smile and chat with him while everyone is getting settled when he isn't doing so with hyojin. even when performances begin, he does the same, splitting his attention between hyojin and hyunggu, this time happily caught between two (friends?) willing to converse to fill the transitions between performances. daniel is sure to only comment on anything if he has something positive to say, mindful of both his manners and likelihood to get evil edited given any out of place remark.

and boy, does he have a lot to say about minho, quelled into silence by the sheer power of all of his performances, as always. for a moment after they finish, his smile disappears, jaw clenched, expression equal parts subtle worry and underlying determination, but soon he smiles again, even if it's not entirely wholehearted. "tough act to follow," he admits to hyojin with a laugh, sounding free of nerves even though he's far from it. "we can do it," he decides, just as much for his own resolve as his partner's, and he pats hyojin on the back before they gather their instruments and take to the stage.

they set up at a slant, angled to face each other just enough to not alienate the audience or judges, a microphone stand each in front of them though they considered a single one to really drive home the sing-off aspect. instead, they opted for guaranteed sound quality, and so here they are, ready, standing in front of the judges. he says "f2!" along with hyojin, and plays the chord on his guitar with a big grin and slightly dramatic flair. "you're excited to see what we'll do next, right? i'm #5017, kang daniel!" and hyojin finishes off with his cheesy, albeit appropriate introduction. all that's left is to return to their spots, and he gives hyojin a single nod of assurance before they begin.

it starts off with about four measures of a guitar intro, courtesy of daniel, and he's in his element-- playing guitar as an accompaniment to a powerful voice, hyojin starting them off with boy with luv. daniel's contribution comes next, along with the introduction of their first simple beat.

thought i'd end up with sean but he wasn't a match wrote some songs about ricky now i listen and laugh

he could've changed the names in thank you next, maybe pulling a taylor swift and calling out his exes and the mess of his past relationships that he was still thankful for. in the end, he'd have to change all the lyrics to get the names to fit, so he decided to go with the original. part of his reasoning is that line about ricky, considering...he kissed a guy named ricky at the beginning of this year, and the aftermath has been...complicated, or at least it is in his head. he doesn't consider him and ricky anything close to exes, but it was...something, regardless, and he owes ricky the respect of not writing it off as much as he's inclined to. he doubts ricky will appreciate this reference, if he hears it, but daniel couldn't help but appreciate a good irony (coincidence) and couldn't resist including it. besides, thank you next is an iconic enough song to end up on this list without any reasoning, and he has written a song about ricky. maybe eventually they'll be able to listen and laugh. he sings the familiar "ohs" of boy in luv to finish out his verse.

they switch back to hyojin, singing a brief snippet of kill this love, previous beat replaced by that driving snap, and the ball is back in daniel's court all too quickly, with the return of the previous beat, and those intertwining ohs once again.

oh oh oh oh the club isn't the best place to find a lover so the bar is where i go me and my friends at the table doing shots drinking fast and then we talk slow

daniel didn't choose these songs based on lyrical content for the most part, just the ones he liked, and ones he thought were popular, since hyojin was worried about them suffering for choosing more unknown songs. however, he still feels he can relate in this, an ode to empty enigma (though squall at least has certainly found lovers in clubs) and the countless times they've gone out to get drinks, or followed up shows with them, all fond memories.

after the slow the beat becomes the same, and drops out in what is one of daniel's proudest moments of the production. he leans into it, and lit eads the into dalla dalla, and a harder drum beat, still layered over the snapping. now, he lends his voice to harmonize with hyojin's for the first time, the first evidence of their kpop and english pop worlds colliding, as they're meant to.

the beat builds up and drops down, beat more pressing, heavier bassline, and daniel steps up to deliver his most challenging vocal part, which might be his favorite of the performance, though he loves everything left until the end:

versace on the floor ooh take it off for me, for me, for me, for me now, girl versace on the floor

it's risky in so many ways-- more provocative than daniel typical tries, testing his range more than daniel typically attempts, but if he wants to improve he can't play it safe. he needs to push his boundaries, and prove he's capable of more than anyone has seen from him week after week, and this is new. even with all the practice he put in for this part alone, he isn't perfect; his voice never is, but it's good enough-- no cracks, no glaring mistakes. (maybe this choice wasn't just based on liking the song, but a lyrical one too-- brief glimpse of bravado, cameo making an appearance, trusty as always, and he does his best to sell it. he's had practice in that too.)

the beat drops again, layered over hyojin's keyboard, getting the chance to really shine, and they go into a song daniel liked even before this competition: rooftop. he nearly rapped his first audition to this song, and admittedly didn't know much of the other songs hyojin chose before he gave him a much needed kpop crash course. he harmonizes again happily, and it shows on his face.

there's a twist this time, however, and instead of flipping back to an english song, it's daniel carrying them into fancy with the help of hyojin's harmony on that first fancy.

fancy you, who cares if who likes first

it's a short line, simple because they wanted an ode to tooice's recent release, which daniel now knows was very popular. he likes singing it, but more importantly, he likes what it leads up to: chandelier, hyojin's killing part. his vocals are spectacular, never the same, totally unique (but legitimately. no lies nor memes detected.)

they end off with another harmony, voices blending together in their final note, and when they're finished, in that beat of silence before the clapping comes, daniel looks at hyojin and grins.

still, he stands behind the microphone, feeling extremely bare without a guitar, and grips it because he doesn’t know what else to do with his hands. “do you want to start or should i?” he asks, and since the beginning is the rapper’s part, it’s deemed his. he waits for a moment, takes in the crowd, and feels that familiar fear, just like the song says, but he starts anyway, and he's glad he can sing too.

when i turned around i saw that i came farther than i thought i was alone and i suddenly got afraid when i saw myself i didn’t know i was exhausted i was lonely and i suddenly got afraid

he almost chose this song for his mga performance because honestly, he relates to it. he didn't realize how far he came until the arrival of the fifth season of the mgas made him look back at last summer's daniel, completely different than he is now. even though daniel was the one that had to make this progress, thankfully, he didn't do it alone; he had his friends beside him, and relied on them every step of the way, and could even credit him for some of this progress. still, he's been through so much in recent months. when he sees himself-- when he really sits down to think about it, he didn't know he was exhausted. he's recovering now, with his own apartment, and empty enigma's album released-- a month of peace before life ramped up again.

you’re doing a good job when i get confused, i tell myself that and just go be yourself, know yourself i practiced about several thousand times being in despair once or twice is child’s play now opportunities are always ways to get up from moments of crisis, you know going on a trip to heaven? hurry and pack your carrier

to really capture this emotion, he needs to travel back to that summer of the fourth season of the mgas. even if he went on with sungwoon, he went through so much of it without him-- alone. no, maybe he doesn't need to venture that far. maybe it's just him, crushed under the iron fist of his mother, and if not that, crushed underneath the weight of his own lies. he ran and ran from his reality, believing if he kept cameo separate from daniel everything would be okay, but he ended up not even knowing himself, and how could he be someone he didn't know? he spent all day at work and at school and cramming his schedule full of studying, and crammed the band into the rest of his time, a necessary escape, like lungs for him to breathe, the only cure for this despair.

don’t stop, there’s still a lot to do look at the photo of your parents, providing for you you’re the mirror to your younger siblings, you’re the star of your family only when you cut back on your sleep, can they peacefully sleep hey you idiot, don’t make it obvious be strong, i know you’re lonely but you need to get through it, are you crying? be a man stop crying and take responsibility once more

this part stings. maybe he winces as he raps it, if only because it's so far from the truth. maybe it didn't have to be. maybe, if he did what his mother wanted, and stayed picture perfect, never straying from her wishes-- studying economics and becoming a successful business man, six figure salary, happy, conservative family-- he would be the star of his own. no, that's his brother, already vastly out of daniel's league, impossible to keep up with. instead, here daniel was, pursuing music, disappointing them. his mother made that much clear. but he had to get through it; he had to be strong, and he is now.

he pauses, and lets his partner sing, looking over at him with a close-lipped smile, nodding along. it's only then that daniel realizes he doesn't even know his name. after, then. it’s also then that he realizes he recognizes his voice, and if he recognizes his voice and face, he puts two and two together. mgas. soon, it's his turn to rap again, and he only ever practiced this song within the two minute timeframe, he realizes. nerves creep up in his stomach. he can do this, right? sure. sure he can.

i used to say this like a habit that i always believe in myself that i have no worthy opponent but enemy was in my mirror maybe i lost my reasoning in this continued fight i killed myself, even my mom is careful with me

this part doesn't require much reaching. daniel never believed in himself; he found everyone a worthy opponent, or someone that could easily defeat him. he's still unlearning that-- still outgrowing it. his mom isn't as much careful with him as he is careless with him, tossing him aside, but he thinks he'd rather this than what he had before.

receiving the interest of the public living inside a cctv i only crazily dug one well but i was afraid that could become my grave

he enjoyed his life of obscurity. it's strange to think that he'll appear on a tv screen again, but he's doing it because he wants to-- he wants more support and attention for empty enigma-- wants the others to show off their talents. soon, they'll be receiving the interest of the public, and he hopes it won't become their grave.

dad, if you’re looking at me, tell me the answer i’m too young and soft to become an adult i still don’t know how it hurts too much to just crash into things now i know, it’s too late to foolishly whip there are still too many unhealed wounds

he still does feel too young and soft, like a kid, tossed out of his house and forced to grow up on his own now, but he's doing it, even if he's crashing into things-- even if it hurts. growing pains. they'll be for the best in the end, or he hopes so, even if deep down, it takes his soul too long to recover.

his newfound friend sings next, and daniel realizes with slow-sinking dread that he doesn't know the bridge. he only bothered learning the first and second verses, trying to decide which he actually wanted to perform, and never got that far.

"i don't know this part," he admits into the microphone, nervous laugh bubbling up, instinctively choosing to laugh at himself instead of be embarrassed. he looks over at the one that invited him up here for guidance, or some sign that he's incredibly disappointed, but doesn't quite find it. he keeps the smile on his face, still trying to play this off, and chooses to clap along to the beat for the part he doesn't know, until it finally fades into the next singing part. he smiles, looking over at the singer, cheering him on.