#;dating

good news is, though, that like... i’m ready for that next step. planning-wise, relationship-wise. i’m a slow burn and when i date, i usually spend the first year just figuring out if this could be a Long Term Thing or not, and i’m feeling really good about me and krio. i’m kind of launching into my five year plan now, looking at where we might be living in a couple years, who is moving where and when, job outlook, etc etc. good stuff, but heavy stuff, too.

obv no decisions will be made overnight and nobody’s going anywhere for a couple years at least, but i feel a lot more centered having a plan and feeling confident that this is a relationship i want to stick with for the long haul. not that i had doubts, per se, but like i said: slow burn.

i’m the kind of person who would rather be single than in a relationship that doesn’t fit -- i don’t believe in dating just to not be alone for myself (for others, casual dating is totally a thing and i respect that, it’s just not for me), because i’ve been single for years at a time and i was fine with it -- i want a partner and i want the right fit.

people have called me cold because of that, and i suppose that’s fair. i mean, with jen, we came up on that year mark and we just weren’t working, so we talked about it and tried to find a path we could both comfortably be on, but there wasn’t one for us. so, i broke up with her. and yeah, it hurt me, but it was the right thing for me to do for myself -- and she made me feel bad for that, because it wasn’t what she wanted, but that’s just how i am. once i get serious about someone, i’m serious, and i’d rather break up with someone after one year when i know we’re on different life paths than stick it out for five and end up that much more miserable when we cave to the inevitable.

i’ve stuck with a relationship a lot longer than its natural life because i was afraid to let go and i believed we could somehow, someway make it work In The Future, but i don’t do that anymore.

anyway, i know the tone of this is pretty bleak, but it’s actually a really, really good thing. i’m feeling very comfortable and secure and happy in my relationship, and it’s made me reflect on past relationships and just kind of... evaluate where i am, and where i’m going. all good things!

just needed to get my thoughts down a little, i think.