#;broadcasting

“Good evening, Desert Bluffs! Sorry I’m a little late. Most people would say being late is counterproductive. I was late because of some silly little mix-up with the new intern, Carolyn, and our copier. It was so incredibly productive! But Carolyn is going to have to be fired immediately. Actually, it sounds like she is right now! What else would cause that much screaming? We’ve drifted from our topic. If we are late to something because we were busy being productive, does that cancel out the existing lack of productivity? Gosh oh my, what a thoughtful question! But the time it would take to actually think about it could be fatal. On to the news. There’s been a change in our suns, as Ted told me. He doesn’t understand it, just said God came to him and prophecised it. Instead of the constant sunlight we’re used to, with the suns overlapping, they’ve apparently distanced themselves out! Now, between the suns, is about a two hour period of complete darkness! That sounds pretty terrifying, but think about how beautiful it will be! Two sunrises, two sunsets. And of course, our generous and loving parent company, StrexCorp, will be around to assist with the period of darkness and help us cope and make sure nobody tries anything less than appropriate. As for how to fix this? Well, nothing in The Bluffs needs fixed! Research and development has notified me that they will try to reduce this time to, say, twenty minutes, though. And then, oh boy, I am so excited about this, I just can’t help it, really I can’t! We’ll be able to make this time our new chanting break! Isn’t that grand? No more wasting valuable daylight, no more sacrificing productivity. Speaking of, it sounds like Carolyn’s been fired, so I certainly have some things to attend to. As always, until next time, Desert Bluffs. Until next time.”

“Hello, Listeners! It’s Kevin again, as it always is, as it would never be anyone else to deliver sweet news to your sweet ears. Nobody else. Ever. Why, anyone other than me would just sound weird! Weird enough to make you look up from your work. And we can’t have that happening! So here I am, as I always am. Now, an update on the traffic block over by Winter Drive. That’s such cock-eyed name for a street in the desert! It’s a lot of gobbledygook over there, nobody can tell what’s going on! But not to worry, StrexCorp, our wonderful and generous parent company, has dispatched a team to take care of it. Gosh, that’s so helpful of them! So there’s no need to drop that beautiful smile! Keep those choppers bright and visible! More updates to come. Remember that these friends who are stuck in the traffic jam are losing valuable and important work time, so work your hardest to help make up for them! Keep working, and for now, until next time, Desert Bluffs.”

"Iiiiiits lunch time, Desert Bluffs! And you know what that means! Fight through the hunger! Do not let hunger keep you from doing your job. Hunger is the enemy of productivity. But, if you must eat, then eat! Eating is still more productive than keeling over! But make sure to count every minute you spend eating! And then make up for it by going home late or skipping breaks or stop breathing! Breathing can hinder your productivity and is quite time consuming. It's also such an easy way to make up lost time! Wow. How wonderful our bodies are."

“PSA~! Oh, I just love getting these. They’re always done in faded ink and there’s these black smudges and fingerprints! And it’s all crumpled! Like somebody’s absolute last task was to deliver this public service announcement, and something was trying to stop it! Wow, good job, you! Oh, yes! Almost forgot the PSA! Yes, the rumours are true. The sun wasn’t shining as bright as usual today! But! Even a slacking sun is one to appreciate, and look to for guidance. Next time that first sun rises, take a Strex-approved minute to thank the sun and be grateful for it’s warmth and light. Write down the time you spent thanking the sun!”