#+penguin

Scarecrow: *enters a gala*

Bruce: Dr Crane, I didn't know you were coming to this 😊.

Scarecrow: Bruce, is that Selina Kyle over there? Is she your date?

Bruce:

Scarecrow: Bruce, we spoke about this. You need to work on yourself before committing to any sort of relationship. If I don't get thrown into Arkham, I'm free next Tuesday at 11. I'll have Bernice call you.

Bruce: Thanks, doc ☺️

Poison Ivy: I'm going to engulf this city in the green, Mother Earth will have her fill today.

Bruce: *waving at Ivy from the window of his office at Wayne Enterprises, grinning and pointing to his recyclable hemp tote*

Poison Ivy: Wayne Enterprises will be spared because of its conservation work.

Penguin: *sat in the club with Bruce Waynes' head on his lap after passing out at the Iceberg Lounge*

Bruce: Hi, Mr Freeze?

Mr Freeze: Uh, yeah

Bruce: I know you got something going on here and I love that for you but could I, like, bring the kids down? My youngest has never been skating before.

Mr Freeze:

Mr Freeze: My Nora loves to skate. You know what, if Batman doesn't show up, knock yourself out.

Joker: *striding down the street about to cause shennigans*

Bruce: *just walking past him while everybody is running and screaming*

Joker, who knows full fucking well that he's Batman but he respects Bruce's effort for the bit: *tips imaginary hat*

Bruce, wandering into a hostage situation in the court house: I'm here to pay bail for one of my kids, does anyone know which desk I should go to?

Two Face: Desk Seven, Bruce. It's always Desk 7. We go through this very goddamn time.

Bruce: Are you mad at me, Harvey 🥺? Did I interrupt something?

Two Face, holding gun to a judge's head: No, Bruce. Not at all. Just been a rough day. Why don't you just run along? Give the kids my love, yes? Let him through, boys.