#!inbox.

뭐효? popular text posts!누구? @kmevnmi​​!상태? not accepting!

         These are words which ache deep down in the midst of his chest ; the smile he has gotten so used to over these years -- impertinent and spirited now erased and exchanged for grimace ... no, he does not like it and it is quite manifest in the way he silently remonstrances to the expression given to him. What ever she has done this time will not (and generally speaking never) make him love her any less -- witnessing a beloved one doubting themselves can bring one's spirit down without any vacillations and he exhales deeply to (as if) emit the frustration which piles up in his failed endeavor to invigorate her spirit. With a frown over his face he whispers   ❛ me too... ❜   and it is barely audible, so hshed that he, himself, can hardly believe he has uttered those words. And there is a moment of silence passing by ; it is brief however ponderous and they cannot help themelves but sink into morbidity which is rather inevitable, if inquired to him. He's toil and repentant for not having the proper skills to make someone feel better in times of despondency -- not physical nor verbal abilities ... only an innocently courteous smile which plasters atop his lips and an earnest pair of eyes to offer solicitude, as much as possible. She is his best friend and seeing her like that is nowhere near to his liking (to say the least) so he chooses to smile towards her for he believes smiles are contagious ... but boy, isn't he wrong at times ----- his naive belief in good and humanitarianism can deeply disappoint sometimes, tragically. There is still a brighter approach in him which does not cease to exist nonetheless of how many times his heart is broken or pride damaged and he chooses to behave accoring to her. Anything -- he will do anything to make her smile once again ... even if his words are mumbled in such a bulky ungraceful way. He only means well.

뭐효? popular text posts!누구? @maesho​!상태? not accepting! 

         Oh no he has done it again --- condescending  glances which aren’t genuine ; he’s only seen aloof and popinjay by expression when he frankly isn’t -- merely, the outlines of his facial features and the smallest of motions he cannot bother to notice upon his face cause him to appear so haughty or grim or exasperated or anything in between or a mixture of all those ... poor boy. Poor man who is seated by his side and now the boy contemplates with a fair amount of culpability whether he had or had not crudely broke down some barriers which he should have not. Excuse his inquisitive nature -- it is a conduct which he cannot predominate (and some times neither does he want to) that his eyes are big for more knowledge, for whichever topic it may be. That, at times, comes with a price of affronting others with his excessive amount of curiosity and seeming too obtrusive to things he should disregard. Forgive the poor boy for the lack of ability to control himself once he's prying -- it may seem impertinent and domineering but he truly means no harm. 

❛ I just... wanted to know what you meant by not being able to remember stuff, man, don't be like this... ❜ The cheeky or teasing or whatever that is smile of his is decreased down to a pair of joined lips in grimace upon realization that he may have got himself in trouble, again, and his eyes move to the floor in front of him meanwhile dire fraughtly onerous silence reigns the air around the two of them, intolerable silence --- it is dolorous to him for the longer it continues the more guilt he's feeling heaving the midst of his chest (yes, he is that sensitive) and that is plainly unpleasant.

뭐효? my muse’s reaction to your muse…!누구? @ofaster!상태? not accepting!

▄ = telling them a joke

뭐효? my muse’s reaction to your muse … (+ for reversed roles)!누구? @08sua​!상태? not accepting!

♬ = singing to them 

뭐효? my muse’s reaction to your muse … (+ for reversed roles)!누구? @eizun!상태? not accepting!

☾ = being found shirtless

          Woah – what a sight. Now, don’t get him wrong, he isn’t repelled because Heejun’s body is something to be ashamed of (quite the contrary, he would never admit for it is too strange to utter words like those) he is repelled because thinking of another male or seeing them half naked (yes, topless included) is disgusting to him. It is feasible that he had been influenced by his father’s religious views a little too much because with the education he’s received, the male gender is utterly abhorred and revolting when it comes to fondness or attraction. Is he homophobic? Yes, most likely yes ... to an extent that even just his friend changing his shirt in front of his causes him uncomfortable shivers down his spine, tingles his entire limbs and rises the urge in him to vomit (well, not precisely) the more he ponders about it. It is peculiar and the sensation is indeed horrid -- manifest in the frown which instantly is worn upon his expression, previously imperturbable now affronted. There is nothing wrong with the deed and he is aware it was done innocently, without any intentions on causing him such abominable sensations however being the youngster who he is Jinhong now begins over-thinking (a concept he’s yet to figure how to dismiss of his natural conduct) about how appalling two guys together -- romantically, yes -- genuinely is ... his friend is nowhere near behaving in such a way towards him or even developing feelings towards the male gender ... but what if this is a test sent from god himself to see if Jinhong can deal with such situations? Or... what if Heejun has got a secret motive to this and the boy is about to experience something absolutely horrible?! Oh god ... now he is just thinking complete nonesense. Hurriedly, he brushes these farcical notions away from his anserine mindset and endeavors to recover some dignity by averting the conversation (which ceased to continue as the older of the two went to his bedroom to grab a new shirt, not to build a scheme to torture our youngster) towards the movie that they had planned on watching.  

뭐효? my muse’s reaction to your muse … (+ for reversed roles)!누구? @pxtcher​!상태? not accepting!

▄ = telling them a joke

뭐효? my muse’s reaction to your muse … ( + for reversed roles )!누구? @ofaster​​!상태? not accepting!

♣ = discovering them crying 

           Boys don’t cry – we are often taught so as children ; men, they should be strong in all senses and tears rolling down one’s cheek is a sign for vulnerability thereof, being thinskinned, defenseless means being weak. Men are not weak. But he, merely a boy … lost in disquiet that will not ever let him rest and frankly speaking he knows nothing other than this pertubation that haunts him ever since the first conscious memory of himself – he’s hidden behind lusciousness and smiles that are mostly half-hearted (not always) albeit it comes to a point in each boy’s life when he breaks down underneath the pressure and immense duress and allows the influx of warm tears stream down his cheeks infinitly. He’s sobbing silently and it is ugly – uglier than ever expected ; he isn’t graceful like seen in movies, a sad little boy prettily shedding a few drops from the corner of his eyes. The facade he’s put to himself is filled with some sense of rancour or repel or repugnance… anything along these lines for if he were to witness his expression only fulsomeness would fill him, execrating himself even more than he does these moments. Yes, it is possible. 

It does not take much to make him wail (a sensitive little pansy) — he does not need a significant or mighty reason to weep but when he does it so clandestinely being discovered can startle and afflict him to such an extent that the look he gives her once their gazes encounter is more piteous than anything. His eyebrows are furrowed with such intense dolor that it seems as if his entire would just dropped atop his lean shoulders and he’s clueless, perishable, anguished to the bone for something to grip onto – but it is not the case. His lips are crooked lugubriously, almost poetically they part in his inaudible weeps and tremble with each inhale of oxygen; thick air strangled in the midst of his throat by saliva. His breath hitches and he senses the exact moment his heart errupts from his chest – an expression of dread and mortification never to be forgotten. Boys don’t cry is a motto he’s spent his entire life worshipping and now in his weakest moment … ah, he’s caught —– stop crying, stop crying, stop crying! —– the most dolorous moment is now when he wanted to be surrounded with nothing but solitude instead of getting demeaned by being caught redhanded in what seems to be one of his frail moments. He’s ungainly, snot wiped with the base of his hand … how lovely, he’s poignant and morbid and grimace filled that it is the most despicable one can witness as of today. Yes, this is how low he views himself – this is how appalling the sensation he experiences these moments is. A wild storm in the midst of his chest… to an extent that it aches the influx of tears terrifies him.   He takes a hand to wipe them in his forearm, the t-shirt he chose to wear that day is short sleeved and rather large, yet not enough to wipe his tears. No tissues needed ; he’s got himself set with his hands endeavoring in the most strenuous way possible to erase marks of crying yet in vain —– the tears have left translucent routes downwards his cheeks to the lips, and redolenting scarlet tones and moist corners, salt is the taste which dominates them.       ❛ —– d-don’t look at me like that … ❜   Pitiably, he endeavors once again to wipe his tears and the tone of his voice is choked, hushed, almost quivering because he lacks valour for eye contact.